"Am I to blame?" I ask to the wind and earth as I stand before the broken and blackened shrines. It is dark and the world is at sleep, but somehow, I can not rest. I can not breathe or think or even force my heart to beat blood through my veins. I am about to loose the battle for my own body and I am scared of what will happen next. Will my mind shrivel up and die or will I be a prisoner held behind iron bars? The future is too clouded and dark for me to tell, so I share my fears to the wind and anyone who may listen:

"Should I have let him live and kept my wings or would it not matter in the end? He is too strong, too powerful for me to fight on my own, but I am alone. I've killed the ones I grew up with and kept the ones who now hold my heart at bay. What else can I do? I am not fit for love or affection or even a second glance. I am a monster.."

The swirl of black and brown grinds to a halt and for a moment, my eyes appear to be as dark as the night around. I try to feel something - anything - but as usual, I find nothing. I have only my words to show the world how I really feel and sometimes, even words are not enough. It dawns on me then, the truth behind my actions and coldness.

"No. I am not a monster. I am scared and alone and I hurt. It hurts so bad! And I don't want to die! I am too young, too unloved to face oblivion and the eternal darkness. When my day comes, I want to look back at the days I walked on this earth and think 'Damn, I lived a good life'.. But I can not say that right now, not without lying."

And then there is silence. It is not long, but it's necessary. I try to find other words to speak, but my mind is blank and I am left with only one more thing to say.

"I'll never stop trying."

So I stand there, as a peasant before gods, both lighter and heavier by the words I found the courage to speak. I stand there as a shadow of what I could be, but never will. I am who I am.


OOC: Just felt like throwing out some of Windy's deepest thoughts to lighten (or darken) his mind :) Yay for personal problems!