[JUDGED] Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +---- Forum: Battle Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=64) +---- Thread: [JUDGED] Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] (/showthread.php?tid=14276) |
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Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Torleik - 06-01-2014
RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Liit - 06-01-2014 every day the gods are flipping coins She was uncertain about what it was that had kept her in the Basin once she had stepped into it. Perhaps it was the promise of being able to live comfortably in the midst of a herd that promised to be ignorant of whatever lies she had been fed since she was a child, or maybe she had simply grown a little lonely in her wanderings. Whatever it was that pulled her in a little deeper was seemingly irrelevant now, as she had started taking steps towards becoming a more important chess piece in the cooler sector of Helovia, and with that came different sorts of responsibilities. On top of being needed to be helpful and being willing to learn more at the hands of others, it was understood that there would come a time when she needed to protect herself. As she wandered in the direction of the field that she had been told to meet the stallion in, she pondered over just what was likely to swoop down on the Basin during her stay there, and whether there were unpleasant wheels in motion or not. It seemed as though she had gotten a little lost in thought and had managed to find herself before the bearded stallion shortly after the mid-morning sun had risen. Liit isn’t entirely sure what to think of learning how to defend herself as she had lived a very passive, peaceful life right up until this moment. The acknowledgement of her timeliness is appreciated, and she gives Torleik a small nod in greeting before they get down to business. The pale mare understands everything that the stallion explains, quickly becoming aware to the sort of desperation that seemed to come hand in hand with battles and invasions, and just how impertinent that it was that she stay on her feet during such situations. Now, as the real lesson begins, Liit heeds the stallion’s guiding words, and starts to correct her stance. Ensuring that her hooves had a sturdy footing on the grassy ground beneath her, she lowers herself a little bit. It almost felt similar to being ready to bolt or take off in any random direction, and for a second she is grateful to be able to position herself in a way that she was accustomed to. When Torleik tells her to attack him, she feels a rock drop in her stomach and she stares at him for a moment, completely uncertain of how she was to attack him. “I’ve… Never attacked anyone before.” She thought she sounded foolish, admitting that she had never participated in a physical struggle before and that she had never had to defend herself. Taking a moment to process just what to do, she tries to remember what she had seen other horses do in her herd, and how they had gone about striking out at each other. With a quick, forward burst she starts her attack. It is a clumsy movement, not as fine-tuned or carefully calculated as it should be, but it is an attack nonetheless. As she pushes forwards, she rises up as high as she can on her hind legs before reaching out with her hooves in the direction of the stallion’s chest. The stallion was much taller than herself, and perhaps it would be dumb luck if her beginner’s attack had managed to strike against his breast at all. She wasn’t entirely certain how this would end, and if she would receive more tough lessons than the sort of soft-handed guidance she was used to. RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Torleik - 06-04-2014
RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Liit - 06-07-2014 every day the gods are flipping coins She is thankful that the stallion seems to understand her apprehension in attacking him, and had noted prior to her striking out that he had explained why it was important for her to grow more accustomed to lashing out at someone. Liit saw the logic in needing to know how the turns of battle went, and now saw the benefit in learning more about fighting in order to better defend herself. When she darted forwards, she found more speed than she was aware she was capable of. In the past, she had used her agile skills in order to flee from threats or other horses, finding that it was easier to turn on her heels and run than to stay and fight. Surprise found her eyes when her hooves met with the meaty part of the stallion’s breast as he shifted to the right. Finding her footing once more as she dropped down from her rear, she turns her head about, ready to swing her hips away in hopes of facing him once more. He praises her, and she is thankful, though somewhat off guard. Liit knew little of how quickly battles can transpire, and soon found the stallion dipping his head and throwing his body towards her shoulder. Before she has time to smile in appreciation of his observation of his quickness, she is off. With a loud, sharp, squeal, she finds herself in the fleeing position once more, darting forwards as quickly as she can. While the stallions pointed horns did not find the meaty flesh of her shoulder, she had bolted far enough forwards that his broad face found purchase on her flank, just past her belly. The force was enough to shove her off balance, preventing her from getting away and making her hooves dig into the soft dirt beneath her, leaving divots in the earth. It was instinct that told her what to do next; strike out and get away. Now she does the only thing she can think to do, which is lash out with her heels. Still moving, she throws her weight forwards and kicks out sharply with her heels in the direction of where she assumed the stallion’s head would be. She hoped to still be quick, but she could already feel the stiffening of her thigh muscles surrounding the area of impact where Torleik had hit her, and hoped that it would not slow her so much as to ruin the only thing she thought she had going for her. word count: 419 / 2/3 RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Official - 07-03-2014 Liit has earned 0.5 VP, however incomplete judging may be requested, which might change the outcome. RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Official - 07-05-2014 Spar is continuing, 0,5VP has been deducted from Liit. RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Torleik - 08-17-2014
RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Official - 09-08-2014 Default win to Torleik since Liit hasn't logged in since July. Torleik wins 0.5 VP but can request judging to earn full VP. (So keep this up for a bit) RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - RedGod - 09-14-2014 I would like to request this battle be judged for the opportunity to earn full VP. Thanks! RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Official - 09-14-2014 By my verdict: TORLEIK is the winner!
LIIT Realism [+3.5] You have a great grasp on the attacks, defenses, injuries, and timing. I would have liked to see more mention of the surroundings, although I know they were basic ones, and an inclusion of which side she is in relation to her opponent and what side she’s attacking on - this was left very open in the first post. Otherwise great use of breed references, especially in the first post. Emotion [+2] I loved reading her hesitation and worry all throughout. Prose [+4] Each post had great flow and style. Readability [0] Everything was readable, especially in the first post, but in the second post there were some errors that came up which brought your overall score down “Liit knew little of how quickly battles can transpire, and soon found the stallion dipping his head...“ - tense change “Before she has time to smile in appreciation of his observation of his quickness…” - her quickness, not his “While the stallions pointed...” - stallion’s, with an apostrophe Finally tally: 42+(9.5*2)= 61 HP *******************************************
TORLEIK Realism [+4] All your attacks, defenses, injuries, and timing was great! I would have liked to see more mention of the scenery, although I know it was a pretty basic one, that means it should have applied good footing which could have been worked in to make it more realistic. I liked the inclusion of breed differences throughout and how there was motive for each attack Torleik carried out. Emotion [+2] I enjoyed seeing the fatherly, teacher side of Torleik and how he struggled to control himself when her moves would at times surprise his warrior side. Prose [+4] Well written all throughout with nice flow and style. Readability [+3] Everything was readable and held good grammar and typing. Finally tally: 47.5+(13*2)= 73.5 HP RE: Head up, stance low, eyes sharp [Training Spar - Liit] - Official - 09-14-2014 Torleik wins the full 1 VP |