[P] we're all meant to fade. - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] we're all meant to fade. (/showthread.php?tid=14750) |
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we're all meant to fade. - Amara - 07-04-2014 i won't be saved
i am a wandering, quiet soul. what a pathetic, mindless being i have become. sameira follows me, my only friend. sia has betrayed me, called me a monster— told me i was the reason she desired death. i have spent several days weeping over this matter, unable to return to the falls in this condition. but here i was, circling above the falls with tears staining my cheeks. i was almost two and still crying like a little baby. oh what would mommy think of me now? i take a look around, making sure she wasn't present. she would just make the situation worse, screaming out about how i was guilty for her death i was the reason she was dead, the things she normally screamed about. i tilt my wings downwards, dipping downwards, spiraling down to the earth below. grey hooves collide with precious earth, pressing into the firm ground, my weight causing the earth to dip inward. i stand straight, shaking off my wings and trotting forward from the momentum of the landing. sameira catches up to me, her long, lithe legs carrying her forward with speed, her slender body moving towards me with such great speeds, i thought she would pass by me without a second glance. her eyes are flickering with gentle flames, burning brightly against the dark of night. "put yourself out you look like a bonfire!" at least i look alive— i look at sameira, eyes narrowed. "what does that mean?" she flicks back her ears and rolls her dual-colored eyes, grunting. you look like death. have you seen yourself lately? i shake my head, tucking in my wings and walking forward. i glance around, amber eyes flickering about in the dark. "seele?" i call, looking for her. it had been ages since i had seen her, and i missed her. she was kind to me, she took me in when i was but an innocent child. our relationship has been strained, for the last i talked to her was long, long ago. walking along, sameira pads quietly beside me. her long, lanky legs and slender body flickering with embers, eyes burning with amber and blue flames. she blinks, and her flames waver for a moment. i find seele for you. she jumps forward, beginning to run with great speed, brows narrowed. i stand in wait in the moonlight, waiting for sameira to reappear with seele at her side. seele <3 • notes RE: we're all meant to fade. - Seele - 07-05-2014
RE: we're all meant to fade. - Amara - 07-06-2014 i won't be saved
sameira informs me through our mental bond, piping up excitedly. i see an image of the mare, my body tensing before i hear the thundering steps of sameira, followed by those graceful steps belonging to the mare who took me in when i was but a child. my eyes flutter open and i see her, a smile creeping across my face. this was the mare who became a mother to me, the mare who took me under her wing, who showed me the wonders of the world. i look up to her, even though i have not seen her for months, she is still a role model to me. as she walks closer, i force back the tears that are gathering. "seele..." i murmur, feeling her pale muzzle touch my shoulder as she mentions me surviving the darkness. i look at her and frown. "i— not really.." the scar on my face begins to tingle slightly and tears fall down my cheeks. "i remember everything— it was like i wasn't myself— like i was someone else, watching someone who looks like me attack innocents. innocents.." i choke on my words, looking down. i had attacked innocent souls, souls who didn't deserve to be injured. i look up at seele, lip quivering. "i was afraid maybe that whoever was in control was going to attack you— or the asylum." my voice fades out over time, my voice already soft. sameira has sat down next to me, ears held back and her head hanging. she knows what i had done, all of that rage that was inside of me at that time was also shared with her. she had told me of it after she reunited with me. hearing her babble about it— it was awful. the way she told me of these emotions were weaker than what i had been feeling, but still quite extreme for a being of her size (actually she isn't all that much smaller than me). i look at seele, feeling as though i had failed her. i had become a monster, i had hurt innocents, i killed, i maimed, i terrified. my best friend wanted to die because of me, she said i was the reason, i was the cause of her suffering. i don't make eye contact with seele, i simply look at her as a whole, at her dark body, her red markings, her glass hooves and horn, but not her eyes. i was simply shedding tears, not full on sobbing, but if i were to look into those yellow eyes of hers, i surely would begin to. seele <3 • notes RE: we're all meant to fade. - Seele - 07-09-2014
RE: we're all meant to fade. - Amara - 08-01-2014 i won't be saved
with my voice betraying me i open my maw to tell seele that i am so terribly sorry, but all that is given is a little croak as my tears fall. my body is shaking as memories of a dark time flickers before my eyes, my knees beginning to tremble as i bring in a painful breath, one that feels like someone has impaled my lungs bringing pain to my chest with each breath. i feel seele's warm skin touch my cheek, wiping away the stream of tears. i like the feeling, it brings me somewhere closer to getting out of this pit of horrors, but i'm still six feet under waiting to be rescued. as seele draws herself away, i look down upon her with a gentle, stupid looking little smile that is all i can muster. i don't know why i smile, maybe because i want her to believe i'm okay, or am recovering from these horrors that i had to face. but really i don't think i'll ever be okay, never again will my childish innocence surface and appear before anyone. never will these memories of hatred, these feelings of pure rage and uncontrollable desires leave me. i will be forever haunted by this time in my life, and now all i want is to erase these memories, leave a blank spot there instead. i fall forward, no longer able to bury my face into seele's chest, or scamper along by her side and tuck myself away behind her rump. i was too tall now, too old and mature for such silly things. the world was no longer as big as it used to be, but it was so much scarier than before. there were monsters out there, monsters who took on different forms. some come without being noticed, others barge in and ruin everything while others simply slip in quietly before making everything blow up in your face. "please don't feel that it was your fault seele —" i murmur, my head hanging low as i take a look at her with a pain shooting through my breast, a spark of emotional hurt jolting from my heart. maybe it was her fault, maybe it was mine, maybe it really was sikeax's fault for making me into a monster. whomever's fault it is, it doesn't matter anymore. "i don't know how i'll be able to become stronger. i was born to be weak, to be damaged and helpless. how can i heal wounds that were meant to remain open?" more pain running through the length of my body, my heart throbbing as the thought of mama laying in a pool of her own blood crosses my mind. it was all my fault that she was dead, and there was no way i was going to ever close up this wound. all i want was to have my childhood back, to be a young, carefree child that hid behind the legs of a mare whom she had accepted as her dam, hiding from the rest of the world. she had been seele's shadow for most of her life, but here she is now, stepping out into the light and letting it wash over her. it hurt, blistering her skin and burning her flesh, leaving but charred bones and painful memories. her life has just been one mess up after another, really it was just one big mess up within itself. she hated that. so here i am, with the light bathing me, making my flesh bubble and my knees tremble. the tears returned, falling upon the green grasses of the falls, i look into seele's golden eyes, finding reassurance there in her gaze. "i may not be help in the battle field, but maybe i can be of help in the shadows —" i offer up, looking at seele with some faint flicker of hope. surely i would be no help in a spar or challenge against anyone, but maybe i'd do better on the sidelines collecting information. "although spars would still be good so i'm not completely defenseless." i murmur, looking down at my hooves for a moment before raising my gaze back to seele's face, painted in white with crimson accenting her radiant yellow eyes. tags • notes RE: we're all meant to fade. - Seele - 08-11-2014
@[Amara] |