[JUDGED] We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +---- Forum: Battle Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=64) +---- Thread: [JUDGED] We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] (/showthread.php?tid=16412) |
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We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - Thranduil - 11-25-2014
RE: We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - Tandavi - 11-30-2014 The cave is alive with soft sounds and echoes, an inconsistent drip, drop and the whispers of life unhappy to be disturbed. Little light permeates the murky gloom. Crystalline formations jut from walls like so many spears, crash through the ground as nails struck by the hammer of the gods. She skirts around them on nimble limbs, wary of their jagged ends, their deceptive beauty. She follows the path devotedly, for it is the only thing which seems somewhat certain in this new, uncertain world. Grey hooves clip gently at smooth, slate stone, occasionally ploping into a shallow puddle, or squelching against surfaces unsavory and soft. She opts not to look closely at ground, the same way she has avoided the infinitely dark ceiling. The copper child has learned that some questions are best left unasked, as much as it pains her not to know what trials lie in store. No, not copper- today the girl is black and white, garbed in the colors of a dairy cow, a comical charade on her narrow form. The white dye she wears as a base clots her hair; the black runs thick in rivulets down the lines of her narrow frame. Most bizarre is the rubber udder strapped beneath her hips. She finds it aggravating, a damper on her already dour mood; there is nothing pleasant to be found in this situation, she thinks, except that when this will be done it will all finally be over. No more boxes, no more caves; when this fight is done she'll at last go home, and never again sign herself up for something so stupid, so stressful and strange. She hears her opponent before she sees him, pauses at the sound of his hooves on stone. The girl did not think him to be so close, though the echoes of the cave make pinpointing his exact location impossible. Wary, she peers into the dark, willing some light to bounce back from his coat. Caution and readiness tenses her muscles, frustration and fear bites down on her teeth. Fire child is unsure what to expect, but she is certain that whatever it is, it will leave her displeased. When he does appear, it is in a flurry of darkness and abrupt motion, too fast and too sudden for her to do anything but gasp. Misguidedly she looks first to her left, but sound is deceptive under the ground, and she turns right too late. She sees very little of him, not enough to gather that they are roughly the same height, though he is older and thicker set; not enough to begin to understand his costume, what the mixture of ribbon and wood might in fact represent; no, she sees only enough to notice his entourage, and to cry out in foolish, helpless surprise, before the weight of him plows into her right side. It doesn't help that the bats see fit to circle her head and cut off her view. It doesn't help that her limbs are too long and the ground too slick for her to have any chance of maintaining her footing. The force of him knockes the wind from her lungs. She stumbles to the left, blind, angry, gasping from pain, and her flank catches fatefully upon a crystalline spire, tearing a cruel gash upon her right side, leaving her bleeding and nearly broken from shame. This isn't the way things were supposed to go. Nothing has been this bad, not before now. The bats leave scratches upon gold-slashed cheeks, which sting as the paint seeps mercilessly beneath her skin. Battered and in shock, the child of fire considers giving up. What's the point, after all, if she's come so far only to be beaten so quickly, without even a chance? She wants to surrender; she wants to flee. She wants to be a coward. She knows she is not. With a throat-wrenching scream the girl arcs left, pulling toward her assailant and away from the crystal, reaching around with bared, pearly teeth, a frustrated snarl marring her pretty face. She snaps first to bite at his face, then pulls forth Roskuld's magic, feeling it rise at the back of her throat and sending it out in an electric bolt, a blast of raw power aimlessly aimed toward the opposing beast. The flash of lightning briefly and blindingly illuminates the entire cave, sending the bats into a flurry of frenzied activity and flight. She blinks hard against it, panting as the magic fades and she is left gasping for air, ribs aching and flank burning, hoping she has earned herself time to regroup. Her ace played, she has no idea what the next step will be, but knows she must somehow escape here alive. @[Thranduil] | 1/2 | 796 Struck by Thranduil and staggers back & to the left. Hits a crystal, deeply cutting her flank. Also swarmed by bats. Bites at Thran and uses Roskuld's lightning magic to try and zap him. RE: We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - Thranduil - 12-03-2014
RE: We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - Tandavi - 12-06-2014 For a moment the world vanishes. In the wake of her magic all that remains is a blinding darkness and a sinking guilt. In her confusion and rage she forgot her code, but now it returns to her with the weight of her convictions, burning brighter than the leftover remnants of power and searing hotter than the electricity she just breathed into life. She had promised, had sworn she would not sink so low, would not strike another with the strength they did not wield; she had vowed to fight with honor and integrity, yet how strong were her pretty words when fear and anger infiltrated her heart? She shakes with shame and agony. Black lashes flutter against light spots and tears. She wishes she could disappear, could run and forget she had ever signed up for this stupid tournament. Has she truly come so far, only to fall in the final round? Her body does not stop to consider the moral consequences of what she's done, adrenaline fueling long limbs forward and left. She is nearly parallel to where her strangely garbed opponent had just stood when his hooves soar past her inky nose. She feels the air of him, hears his movement; it's the only thing that warns her to halt, for she is still largely blinded from her electric surge. Iron hooves tear into damp, uncertain ground, pulling her to an abrupt and painful halt; she gasps in pain, staggering as the tear in her flank burns in protest, crying out as her aching ribs sear beneath the inhalation. She is lucky, she knows, to have avoided his strike, but she does not feel fortunate. She wishes his hooves connected with her flesh. Maybe that pain would detract from the weight of her shame. Onyx eyes finally adjust to the light just as the bats flee the foe's bi-horned head, and for the first time the girl gets a good look at her assailant. In another situation she might have been struck by how similar they are; though she is thinner, copper and not gold, she can see the sunlight shade of his coat in the light cast by her amulet, and the strands of silver hair which drift down his neck are not unlike the girl's own. The two swords he bears look viciously sharp, and for a moment she thinks maybe it's okay, maybe she can forgive herself for striking with her magic- but no, he did not use his advantage. Her behavior is still dishonorable, her actions still unforgivable. Still, it is a battle, and she faces a strange and wooden-backed foe. Even in her guilt she knows she cannot grow complacent. Uncertain of anything, too sore to rear, the girl lunges forward to where her opponent's left side should be, or was, or maybe had never been- she isn't really sure. The movement tears open the gash in her side and she stumbles again as her right hind twists and gives way, her lunge now an aimless forward and downward surge of sinew and bone. Blindly she bites where she thinks his stomach might be, snarling as she kicks a small unseen crystal, blinking as paint seeps into her eyes. In the dark, a chip of her right fore bounces away. Her right hind pastern aches dimly, but nothing compares to the pain in her flank. It is not her day, and her heart is not in it. In the darkness her guilt takes form, and before she can move to strike again a dark shape flings itself toward her face. The bat's teeth glitter in the light she wears; she ducks soon enough to save her nose, but cries out as fangs latch onto a golden ear, tearing away a penny-sized chunk of sensitive skin as she thrashes, attempting to dislodge the beast. It stings, burns; the paint which leaks into it does not help, just as it did not help the gash on her side. Her costume has been only hindrance, no help. She doesn't even know where her udders have gone, only that they fell off at some point in the fight. Agony fills her. She does not want to fight anymore. Tandavi is done with this battle; all she desires is to go home. @[Thranduil] | 2/2 | 717 Avoids Thran's rear, but stumbles and tears open her flank further. Lunges at Thran but stumbles and hurts herself more; tries to bite his belly. Mildly twists her right hind pastern and chips her hoof on a crystal. Bat bites her ear, takes out a small chunk of it. Tandavi is unhappy. RE: We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - Thranduil - 12-09-2014
RE: We're All A Little Batty [Graveyard vs. Tandavi] - NPC - 12-15-2014 By my verdict: TIE is the winner!
THRANDUIL Realism [+3.5] Your costume was well described and you mentioned it in each post, although I was hoping to see a bit more movement hindrance from the shell, or perhaps vision hindrance with the eye mask. You did a great job with the bats and the surroundings, but I would have liked to see some breed references as well. Your injuries were described well and followed the damage appropriately and all your attacks and defenses made sense. You edited your last post which isn’t allowed so some points were docked there. Overall you are a great fighter and definitely have an eye for describing realism. Emotion [+2] I definitely felt some emotion, especially in your second post, but I was really hoping to see more of Thranduil’s personality shine through, I know he’s not lacking in that department. Prose [+4] You have really lovely writing and set up for your posts with flow. Readability [+1.5] Although your posts were easy to read, you had a lot of typos sprinkled throughout which occurred frequently enough it was a bit distracting. Post 1: “He saw not bulges…” (no) “...the gold had not time for that anyway.” (no) “...chirps row louder.” (grow) “Why go out for supper with delivery guy was already here.” (not sure what this was supposed to say…) “...not moved, his opponent’s right side.” (to his) “... but from being out of control that caused his continued attack. “ (awkward wording). Post 2: “Then their gone.” (they’re). “...the roar of the bats above screaming in at his…” (basts above, scraming). “..with earth eyes flashing in a sharpness, lifts his front half up and away.” (weird wording). “...level the bat seize their supper once more….” (bats). Finally tally: 46+(11*2)= 68 HP *******************************************
TANDAVI Realism [+4] I thought you did a great job with your costume and especially having the paint make your wound sting, although I would have liked to see more hindrance from the udder and more mention in the second post - it felt like an afterthought in the second post. You had great scenery and I really liked how you used it to injure yourself. You also played on the bats really well. You mentioned breed in both posts, but didn’t really bring it into anything as far as why an attack succeeded or not, why an attack was made etc. Good injury descriptions and relation to damage. Where was her companion in this?? Overall I thought you had awesome realism and did especially well with your surroundings. Emotion [+3] Tandavi had a lot of strong emotions through each post, it really made her come alive for me, especially when she shot off the magic. Prose [+4.5] Your writing was just beautiful in each post, it really captivated me. Readability [+2.5] Your posts were very easy to read, just a couple typos in the first one. Post 1 “...to look closely at ground” (the ground). “..force of him knockes the wind...” (knocks). “...raw power aimlessly aimed toward…” (oxymoron!) Finally tally: 40+(14*2)= 68 HP By my verdict: TANDAVI is the winner!
THRANDUIL Realism [+3] :: Lowering his twin horned head the gold came at the creature’s right. Try to come at her right. Don’t be so decisive. :: Great job remembering the scenery and using it in post 1. :: Really creative way to take the damage in your closing post, I wish you would have described the damage more. Emotion [+2] :: His interaction and thoughts on his costume were great throughout, I really appreciated what was going on with him. Prose [+2] :: running like a x over his back and under his barrel. An x. :: The only none spear tipped space was the path he found himself on non spear tipped space, I think you meant. :: Frustrated he could not more with silence the gold picked up the pace, Move :: Still the gold had not time for that anyway. No time :: the fluttering and high chirps row louder. Grow :: The could smell the sweat and breath of creatures They :: Why go out for supper with delivery guy was already here. When :: Then their gone. They’re Readability [+2] Your prose is not necessarily wrong, but sometimes difficult to read as a flowing unit, primarily due to your chosen style of writing. I think it compliments Thranduil nicely, but sometimes interrupts the flow of your words. Finally tally: 46+(9*2)= 64HP *******************************************
TANDAVI Realism [+3.5] :: Great job working in character comparison and remembering the scenery in post 1. :: I don’t think you needed to take more damage in post 1, but I wish you would have described what you took a little more. :: I see you described the first damage quite a bit more in your second post. Good job distinguishing what was old injury from new, and where the damage was coming from. Emotion [+2] :: Awesome in post 1. I was instantly drawn into Tandavi’s character and really felt what she was going through as she went through the cave. For a moment I felt like she really went from 0 to 60 in no time flat, regarding the depth and strength of her emotion, but if you were taking the graveyard competition as one continuous event in her history, I can see how her emotions would have been well-frayed already. :: Good work continuing into the second post, the part about her fighting with integrity was just lovely. Prose [+4] :: Your writing was beautiful throughout- easy to read, flowed well, edited nicely, and just seems to have a knack for drawing you in. Well done! Readability [+3] :: No concerns or comments Finally tally: 40+(12.5*2)= 65HP |