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[JUDGED] Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Printable Version

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Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Gaucho - 01-01-2015


GAUCHO
And I'd bring you further roses but it does you no good
Continuing from Grounds for Divorce


Gaucho didn't move as Buce's hooves rose off of the sand, pawing at the air just in front of his face. This was largely due to the fact that he could not see the black and gold stallion's movements, although he could certainly feel them. As Mara retracted into his antlers he felt the slice of hooves cut through the air, throwing a gentle puff of air towards his face. Regardless of Buce's proximity and antics, the Wildfire was sure that he wouldn't attack. He would be a fool to think that mere sightlessness would enable such a lack of respect as to actually attack him in this state.

Still ... Buce had agreed to a rematch ...

In his antlers, Mara was not quite so complacent. FORWARDDSSSSS she violently hissed in Gaucho's mind, mentally and physically urging him towards the black. Having wanted to spar once more in this state while he was here, Gaucho's body immediately complied. He knew roughly where Buce was based on Mara's last mental projection of him just before his rear. Given that Gaucho hadn't seen the sands shift beneath his hooves, he assumed he was still in more or less the same spot.

Gaucho's ears flattened against his skull as his large hindquarters tensed, thrusting the dun forward. He meant to ram his left shoulder into Buce's own left, given that they had been more or less facing each other only moments ago. Regardless of whether or not he could see his opponent, his body would be every bit as deadly should his attacks strike. As his body shoved left, he leaned downwards slightly, trying to drag his spikes along Buce's left shoulder if indeed that was where he hit (if he did hit at all).

While this was occurring, Mara, a rather haughty and prideful creature (she was female after all), took the opportunity to strike as well. She would not be content to simply be Gaucho's eyes this spar. Not when her presence had so obviously been disrespected. As Gaucho's hulking form was brought closer to Bucephalus, she struck. Her steely body, still holding onto Gaucho's antlers with the end of her tail, lunged towards Buce as it had only moments prior, instigating his rear. Her fangs glistened as venom dripped from them. She meant to bite the left side of Buce's neck, injecting her venom into his system and slowing his movements. If her poison worked, she could keep him grounded, or so she thought. Bucephalus was quite large. It was entirely possible she could only slow, but not fully bar him from taking to the air. But she would try, dammit. No one flailed their hooves in her face and got away with it.

Gaucho had only lunged forward. Rather than continuing to run past his Chancellor, his large black lips parted revealing oddly white teeth which snapped at the air. Gaucho lowered his black nose to try and find feathers, muscle, or skin to tear and pull at. Buce's wing joint was his target, but he was biting rather blindly, given that Mara's mind was much more focused on biting Buce than helpfully projecting his position into Gaucho's mind. But it was fine, Bucephalus was rather large, providing Gaucho's haphazard attacks a large target area to try and hit.



Setting is in the arena on the Island. It's just after midday, so plenty of light.

WC: 556
Attack: 1/3
Defense: 0/1
Teaching Notes: None yet!

Summary: Gaucho lunges forward and tries to ram his left shoulder into Buce's left, leaning downwards slightly to scrape him with his bone spikes. At the same time Mara tries to bite Buce's neck using her paralyzing magic. Then Gaucho tries to bite at Buce's left wing.



Table style by Tamme! Image Credits



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Bucephalus - 01-02-2015


When his hooves hit the ground, the last thing Bucephalus expected was for the dun to charge him. So when that mass of brown and black hurtled towards him, Buce did what any sane man would do. He jerked his head back and flared his wings to rear up and shy away, but by the time his forehooves left the ground again the Wildfire was upon him.

Pain tore through his shoulder as flesh was ripped by the jagged spikes. Oh shit. That hurt. Gritting his teeth Buce leaned with Gaucho, turning his body to follow the dun's momentum so he could avoid ripping open the wound further, a pained whistle slipping past his lips. Ears pinned back against tangled locks as legs lashed out towards Gaucho, hooves eager to hit any part of him they were able to. His shoulder cried out in protest at the movements, the spikes digging in deeper but Bucephalus braced himself against the pain, determined to get his pound of flesh from Gaucho. He would not loose so horribly this time. Of that he was determined. He jerked his head to the side to try and bite at Gaucho's neck while his collar still bound them together, and the movement was just in time.

Mara's long body lashed out, and the black felt the air whip past his ear from her strike. He quickly turned his focus from Gaucho's neck to his serpent, head twisting and teeth snapping towards Mara. He tried to bite her, to grab her so he could pull her from her perch atop Gaucho's head. She, not Ampere, was Gaucho's mortal flaw in this fight. And he intended to do everything in his power to remove the companion from play.

But as he lunged for Mara there was an odd sort of tugging sensation on his wing, and he instinctively jerked it back, letting out a squeal as feathers tore from where Gaucho's teeth had grabbed the arc of his wing rather than the joint. The most sensitive place on his wings aside from the primaries themselves. The pain made his eyes water, and he blinked the tears away, an expression of pure fury on his face.

Oh HELL no.

The black whirled like a dervish away from Gaucho, not caring if he had managed to tear Mara away from Gaucho's antlers or not. His ears flattened and eyes burning as he bounded forward, long legs eating up the ground as his wings pumped to get his body airborne. Buce's shoulder cried in agony at the rough, jarring motions, but the black gritted his teeth and rode the waves of pain, his mind, his will, focused solely for now on getting this battle into the sky. Once airborne, he wheeled in a circle, gaze locked on Gaucho. This fight he would keep in the air, pit wings against wings. Liquid heat dripped down his shoulder, pain like fire seeping through his shoulder, his wing and his leg. But his anger overrode it.

One does not simply rip out the Morningstar's feathers. Hell to the fucking no. Bucephalus had every intention of tearing out Gaucho's feathers as he flew until the brute could no longer fly and fell to the ground in defeat. Blood boiled and sang, body trembled with a growing fury that wiped his mind clear. Morrigan was forgotten. His sins, his troubles, his worries, his masks. Gone. Every cell in his body was preparing for this fight, dealing with the damage he already took and preparing plans of attack.

The Morningstar against The Wildfire. Oh what a glorious song it would have made had Bucephalus given a rat's ass.

Word Count: 611 Tags: @[Gaucho]
CREDITS
Jello88.deviantart.com | Chunga-Stock.deviantart.com | Tumana-Strock.deviantart.com | XResch.deviantart.com | cooltext.com | Made by euphoraxio.deviantart.com | Table by Linds |



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Gaucho - 01-02-2015


GAUCHO
And I'd bring you further roses but it does you no good

Colliding against an invisible opponent was surreal and strange. The Wildfire didn't care for it at all. Suddenly in what appeared to just be the arena his body was halted by warm flesh, his spikes disappearing inside some unseen substance. Gaucho heard a cry of pain escape his Chancellor and knew that he had indeed hit his mark. Mara was far too busy exacting her revenge to project the image of Buce to Gaucho, but the sign of blood hanging in midair told him his aim was more or less true. Besides, the muscle and bone formation digging into his shoulder felt enough like a shoulder that Gaucho thought he knew roughly where he stood in relation to the black.

Just as the mental picture of Buce's shoulder against his own began to form he felt it pull away. Gaucho assumed the Morningstar had retreated backwards from him until he felt his hooves thud heavily against his left shoulder and chest. Pain flared outwards as Buce's hooves dragged themselves down his muscular chest, pounding more than once on their way back to the ground. Gaucho felt his muscles stiffen and contract painfully beneath his blue-striped markings. A snarl parted his black lips as he inhaled a sharp hiss, grunting as he exhaled it. He felt the ghost of teeth on his neck as well. Perhaps it was sweat building up or simply poor aim, but the bite didn't penetrate. Gaucho felt the buzz of Buce's lips but nothing more.

Vaguely he could feel Mara back in his antlers. Her body was like a streak of silver as it blurred from his skull towards Bucephalus and then back again. The golden-spotted idiot had pulled his head back just in time to miss the snap of her fangs. In his mind Gaucho could feel her seething, but chose to ignore it. EYESSSS he reminded her furiously as his teeth tore feathers out of Buce's wing. If he were less focused and more of an asshole he might have pointed out how both of his attacks had hit, and he was fighting blind. She couldn't even manage to hit the thick neck of the black stallion. However, Gaucho was much more concerned with the shifting sands beneath him - the only indication of where Buce was - and spitting the Chancellor's feathers from his mouth.

Gaucho could hear the sound of Buce's hooves as they danced upon the sands, as well as the unfurling of his wings. The down strokes caused the sands to shift and rise into the air as the black picked up enough speed to become airborne. Gaucho's black ears tried to follow Buce's movements - but the heavy feathering of his wings made them beat nearly soundlessly the farther away he moved. EYESSS he demanded of Mara once again, not being able to discern the position of his Chancellor based on his shadow below, moving ambiguously across the sands.

Through Mara's vision he watched the black sail over head. If Buce was trying to pull him into the air where he would have the upper hand, he would be sorely disappointed. Gaucho was no idiot. However if Buce wanted a partner in the skies, Gaucho could arrange that...

Snorting, he commanded Mara to bite his ear gently. The one bead of blood she drew released the magic bound within his soul. Fire poured from his antlers in the shape of two dragon's (roughly the size of a horse each). Their flaming bodies crackled and burned brightly as they soared towards Bucephalus. They swerved away from each other meaning to attack him straight on - each aimed at one of his shoulders.

Gaucho took the opportunity to take to the air himself, hoping his flaming creatures would provide enough of a distraction that he could rise without injury from his opponent.

He couldn't place just what sort of opponent Buce was generally. During their last spar the black had been full of taunts, bringing up his relations with Ampere to try and infuriate Gaucho and egg him on. Now however his Chancellor was silent, save for his hiss of pain. This had been his idea, hadn't it? So why the silence? Unless it was perhaps so that Gaucho couldn't follow the sound of his voice.

Buce was either much stupider than Gaucho gave him credit for ... or more clever.

It was dangerous not knowing which.





Setting is in the arena on the Island. It's just after midday, so plenty of light.

WC: 736
Attack: 2/3
Defense: 0/1

Summary: Buce's hooves scrape down Gaucho's left shoulder/chest. His bite doesn't injure Gaucho. In response, Gaucho sends 2 fire dragon's to attack Buce while he becomes airborne.

Teaching Notes:

SPELLING YOU GOOBER. I make spelling mistakes in ALL of my posts - even when I try not to. But it'll just keep deducting marks if you don't watch out.

Timeline of attacks: What I do when I spar is usually write down what my opponent does so that I have it clear in my mind. Here's how Gaucho's attack went:

Time T1: Lunges forward towards Buce
T2: Shoulder slam, Mara bites
T3: Gaucho bites

Here's how you responded

T1: Buce reacts to Gaucho's shove, Buce's head goes up as he rears.
T2: Buce tries to hit Gaucho with his front legs and bites at his neck
T3: Buce stops biting Gaucho to try and snap at Mara
T4: Buce reacts to Gaucho's bite

So time wise, Gaucho only does a few things. He lunges forward with his shoulder and Mara snaps outwards. Then Gaucho bites at Buce. Maybe like... 5 seconds worth of time? However Buce rears, flails his hooves, tries to bite, snaps at Mara, and THEN gets bit by Gaucho. So not only is his timing completely off for Mara but you're stretching out the time that actually occurred.

Make sure you watch that! Because it makes it super awkward as a judge to read it because it feels super disjointed, but it also makes it hard for your opponent because you're fitting in more attacks than realistically you have time for.



I loved that Buce is getting so angry, especially about his feathers being torn out. It's so great and seems like exactly something his character would do. Although I'm missing all of his taunts!! No, "Wtf dude a little warning would be nice" or "WATCH THE FEATHERS ASSHOLE."

Also where's Buce's alter ego?




Table style by Tamme! Image Credits



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Bucephalus - 01-05-2015

Bucephalus watched Gaucho with sharp eyes, a fury in their depths and a snarl on his lips. Anger, hot and thick, boiled in his chest, burned in his stomach. He had been grounded after Morrigan had tore his feathers out. He would never forget the humiliation of having to walk home, of remaining on the earth. So when Gaucho tore at his feathers, Bucephalus about lost it, only managing a sliver of control.

And that's when he took over.

The silence was shattered by Altan's gleeful laughter, and when the black looked down at Gaucho, fury replaced by mirth, it was just in time to see the fire dragons come hurtling at him. Quickly he tucked his wings, dropping beneath the fire, but the flames licked across his back, and he snapped his wings back out, teeth gritted. Oh that had hurt hurt HURT. Damn fire and damn burns and damn COLD AIR ON SAID BURNS. "Oy! Don't you know it's impolite to send fiery demons of hell at people?" He called out, flashing the Wildfire a wicked grin before quickly climbing altitude to try and keep above the dun.

Altan, for the moment, was free. And in battle. What more could he want? He threw his laughter to the air, to the wind and to the sky. His gaze flickered to Gaucho, and with another laugh he tucked wing and dove, aiming for Gaucho's head. But it was a feint, a false move, and he opened a wing enough to swerve away from Gaucho before they could collide, hopefully flying above him and his broad wings. No, his target was simpler. An eye for an eye so to speak.

As he went to fly past Gaucho, he would lash out with all four hooves trying to hit Gaucho's back, his wings folding to help add to the force. If it worked, he'd pretty much use his Sultan, his leader as a springboard to propel him back into the air, away from the dun and hopefully leaving a couple nice Altan-sized hoofprints on his back. Consider it a present.

A grin still on his face, Altan twisted in the air, wings working furiously as he tried to keep behind Gaucho, but out of range of the dun's hooves. Theoretically, Gaucho couldn't use that flaming-arc without risking hitting himself... unless he was immune. Problematic. But, nothing he wasn't prepared for. His shoulder and back protested, wept at the strain of flight, but he soothed himself with gentle words. There would be time to curl up in a ball and throw a hissy fit about the loss of his feathers(truly, that irked him most) later. For now, the game. And oh was he a late player.


Attack: 2/3
Summary: He folds his wings and drops down to avoid the dragons, but they manage to burn him across his back. He flies up, then dives down to try and hit Gaucho's back with all four hooves and hopefully using him to launch himself back to the air. Then he turns and tries to fly behind Gaucho out of the range of his hooves and hopefully his magic.

Word Count: 454 Tags: @[Gaucho]
CREDITS
Jello88.deviantart.com | Chunga-Stock.deviantart.com | Tumana-Strock.deviantart.com | XResch.deviantart.com | cooltext.com | Made by euphoraxio.deviantart.com | Table by Linds |



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Gaucho - 01-06-2015


GAUCHO
And I'd bring you further roses but it does you no good

Gaucho can hear Buce's words and so doesn't need Mara's sight to know that his attack has hit. A broad grin parts the Wildfire's lips as his Chancellor hints at the sarcastic personality that he normally displays. "Not demons of hell-" Gaucho shouted back, allowing the breeze to carry his voice. "-demons of Gaucho!"

Without Mara this battle would have ended long ago - possibly before it began. All he could see without her assistance was Buce's vague shadow upon the ground, and the way the sunlight seemed to filter through something above him every now and then. He could hear the wind whistle past, and also hear when it was disturbed but the sound was too faint and too fleeting to be of any real use. Perhaps if he remained in this nearly-blind state long enough his ears would serve him better. For now, he relied heavily on his companion to keep him apprised of the situation as it unfolded.

As Bucephalus dove - as seen through the eyes of the snake - Gaucho surged forward. His chest muscles felt better after having received a brief reprieve as Buce danced with Gaucho's fire creations, and did not scream as much as a lesser warrior's might have.

Pain was a friend. One that Gaucho flew with often.

While Buce's size and endurance would surely be to his advantage, Gaucho's speed was unfettered by his bulk. The dun was agile and fast despite his mammoth size. So if Buce's plan was to dive down from the skies, Gaucho would ensure the ground was the only target he would find. Gaucho's wings snapped to his flanks and released another arc of fire. However this one was not directed at his opponent - rather Gaucho wanted to hoard the heat that the fire produced to further increase his speed. Using the warmer air beneath him, Gaucho surged forward, blackened wings pumping at his sides. He heard Bucephalus cut somewhere behind him, although without sight and with the wind rushing in his ears he couldn't tell by how much.

But it was as his old war master used to say: off by an inch, off by a mile.

The flurry of wings behind him was a give away that Bucephalus was in pursuit. Still, Mara's onyx gaze peered at him through Gaucho's antlers, projecting the image into her bonded's mind. It appeared as though the stallion was merely coasting by using the decreased push of the wind caused by Gaucho's large body. Why would he linger? Surely he hadn't forgotten the dragons that just attacked him. Gaucho was more than capable of creating more - and those creations did not require any specific directionality of their conjurer in order to hit successfully. He wasn't hiding back there, was he? By now he had to know that Mara's aid provided ample sight - Gaucho knew exactly where he was. So what was the point of this?

Was he perhaps trying to taunt Gaucho into using force that didn't require his magic to scald his opponent? The idea crossed Gaucho's mind, and then his lips in the form of a smile. Buce had dared Gaucho into the skies - perhaps he was now daring Gaucho as well. But just like before, his Chancellor would be disappointed by the Sultan's lack of weakness even when disadvantaged.

Fire bloomed under Gaucho's wings as he flew, arcing downwards. Yet the Wildfire twisted his left wing up as soon as the fire had left, so that the upward force caused by the heat interacted with only his right. The dun leaned away from the pressure to the left, allowing the heat as well as the rotation of his body to pivot him in the air, as he leaned slightly backwards moving in a half-circle. His left wing snapped down as the motion completed a rotation, to stall himself once his body had rotated 180 degrees, yet he did not lean forward. Gaucho was a large creature, but his magic aided in his speed, as did the massive black wings that sprouted from his shoulders. Now almost in an aerial rear, all four of Gaucho's limbs lashed out towards the oncoming MorningStar. He sought to strike shoulder, or perhaps the broad flank of his Chancellor should he have tried to turn as well once he realized what the Wildfire meant to do.

Gaucho's wings fanned towards the direction his Chancellor had been coming from, trying to stabilize the Wildfire against reciprocated attacks. Gaucho's antlered skull was twisted backwards, so that flying appendages or teeth would not find his sensitive nose piercing or ears.




Setting is in the arena on the Island. It's just after midday, so plenty of light.

WC: 765
Attack: 3/3
Defense: 0/1

Summary: Gaucho uses his magic to aid him in flying out of the way of Buce's dive. He then uses his magic to help spin him around in the air, by pulling one wing up, and leaning to the opposite side to spin. He then kicks with all of his legs trying to hit whatever part of Buce is closest.

Teaching Notes:

I know who Altan is now, but last time we sparred and he came out I had no idea what was happening. And I know a few people have mentioned things like "Does Buce have a companion?" "Whose Altan?" So given that this is judged I think you need to introduce his alter-ego a big more, or things get hella confusing.

But I liked the dialogue! I also like the feel of this post way more - it felt more like Buce. Of course your characters can be angry when they want (and even if they don't have reason to be) but your previous post was lacking motivation for me. Here, I am right in the groove with his mind (I think) and loving it!

Okay! A few things to work on! These are going to be two points about realism.

The first is damage. 8.5 points is ... not huge but it isn't minor. All you said was that he grit his teeth and that it hurt. Later when he's flying you mention that it hurts then too, but there's no actual description. Where do the dragon's burn him specifically? How bad are the wounds? Can you smell burning hair? etc. Saying that 'it hurt' isn't going to be enough when the point of a spar is to describe what is actually happening. A big part of that is taking injury. Given that you had more words to use, it may hurt you later.

The second has to do with Buce's attack. When flying if he wants to land on Gaucho's back (given that he isn't small), that has the potential to cause SERIOUS injury. This is a friendly spar but the move you just described could break Gaucho's back. That's another thing to consider once you get more experience with sparring is not just realistic attacks, but also realistically held back attacks. Gaucho is never going to go for attacks that will break bones, but you'd better believe if I was in a challenge that's exactly how I'd be describing them. So, if you want to use attacks like this that have potentially very serious ramifications you might want to include something about how he's only doing it to show his Sultan that he's capable of more, but can also exercise restraint, or something like that.

Your next round: You rolled a critical miss. you need to think about how to write this so you don't lose realism points. So when you roll a miss it's basically like your character misses so spectacularly that they hurt themselves. ("Bucephalus is confused. Bucephalus hurt himself in his confusion!" - pokemon ref ftw).

Spelling and grammar greatly improved this post. A+ ! BUT USE YOUR WORD COUNT. Like you said that the air was cold on his burns, but it's a birdsong afternoon. Why is it cold? Is there suddenly a cold breeze? Is it because of how fast he's flying?


Table style by Tamme! Image Credits



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Bucephalus - 01-08-2015


Demons of Gaucho? Did the Wildfire just crack a joke?! The surprise at the joke was enough to distract Altan in his dive, and he missed the dun. No matter. Or, it wasn't until while he pursued the Sultan, something went 'pop' in his wing. That didn't sound good. His left wing began screaming in protest, each pump carrying a new pain, a fresh spear through his nerves. Pain was not new to him, but he never seem to get used to it.

It felt like he was flying through mud, or at least half of him was. So when Gaucho twisted in the air, using his fire, Altan hardly had time to react before hooves found his chest, his wings, his legs. It felt like each hit was a small boulder against already tender skin, and muscle tore when one hoof found his left shoulder. With a squeal he lashed out, trying to hit Gaucho with everything left in his body. His white-dipped legs lashed out to try and hit Gaucho's belly and legs, his teeth snapping to try and grab as much flesh in a bite as he could.

But his wings, his energy, was spent. With a faint groan the black folded his wings and dropped towards the ground, wings unfurling before he could hit the earth. But his left wing buckled, and Altan landed hard, nearly falling on his face and only barely managing to catch himself before he could fall. His legs trembled, ears pinned back. He had taken a worse beating when Gaucho was blind rather than when he could see! It made bile rise in his throat, and even his good-humored nature soured under the defeat.

However, what concerned him most was his wing. His entire left shoulder wept blood, and folding his wing nearly tore a yell from him. Okay, yeah, let's avoid that. Altan ran his lips carefully over the jagged holes in his shoulder, flinching at the pain before moving onto his wing, mouthing the flesh until he found where his wing had 'popped'. His shoulder joint. Go figure. Nostalgia, oh sweet painful nostalgia.

He avoided looking at Gaucho, grinding his teeth. He was more than out of practice. He was weak. The black honestly wouldn't be surprised to turn and see disappointment etched on the Sultan's face. "You certainly put me through the ringer this time." He said, finally turning to face Gaucho, a bitter tilt to his tone. "Even handicapped i can't seem to take you on." He offered a wry, dry smile before it fell.

A thought tugged at his mind, an idea. Twice Gaucho had bested him, and magic had held a large part in doing so. Maybe it was time the Morningstar sought out magic of his own. It was an...intriguing idea.

Attack: 3/3
Summary: He takes damage when his wing joint pops, straining itself. When Gaucho turns to face him in the air he meets him head-on, snapping out his hooves and biting at him to try and get a few more licks in before he folds his wings and drops down to the ground.

Word Count: 468 Tags: @[Gaucho]
CREDITS
Jello88.deviantart.com | Chunga-Stock.deviantart.com | Tumana-Strock.deviantart.com | XResch.deviantart.com | cooltext.com | Made by euphoraxio.deviantart.com | Table by Linds |



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Gaucho - 01-09-2015


GAUCHO
And I'd bring you further roses but it does you no good


Gaucho felt his large hooves collide with some part of Buce. During his fiery spin his mental connection with Mara had become disconnected - the warrior wasn't able to mentally multitask at the best of times, much less in the middle of an attack. While he wasn't confident that his hooves had struck any one particular area, that they hit at all was a success.

Sightless, the dun couldn't see the retaliated efforts of his opponent and Chancellor, although he assumed that there were some as he felt a hoof slam painlessly against his own. Grinning, the dun pumped his wings a few times sending his body backwards. Mara hissed gently, pushing her vision into his thoughts revealing that the Morningstar had dropped from their current altitude. Lowering his head so that Mara could see, she projected an image of Buce landing once again in the sandy arena.

"Done already?" Gaucho called as his large body gently glided towards where he saw Buce's shadow linger upon the sands. The tone of his voice was mysterious. Disappointed? Judgmental? Amused? The Chancellor had failed him twice now. Or had he?

Gaucho could sense emotion in the Morningstar's voice, but he ignored it, chalking it up to the injuries that Buce recently sustained. The Sultan's antlered crown swayed as a grin parted his dark lips.

Even handicapped I can't seem to take you on.

No. That was the point. Was Buce truly surprised? Did he think it was Gaucho's silver tongue that landed him as the Sultan of the Throat? He hadn't earned all of his scars by being foolish - and the number he had given far outweighed the number that marred his skin. If nothing else, Gaucho was a warrior. It was a trait he would never lose, one that he would never let diminish, even without his sight.

"That the point." Gaucho replied, blind gaze rising to the sky, snorting softly. "Get cleaned up. We go to Falls soon." He advised, continuing their previous conversation as if nothing had happened.

Gaucho's dark tail swayed in what little breeze there was. The muscles in his chest had relaxed considerably, and no longer pounded against his thoughts. He stretched his neck upwards, pulling at the muscles to try and further loosen them, before grunting with content.

His Chancellor had only hit him once. But then, Bucephalus had never professed to wanting to be a warrior again. He had started as a crafter ... perhaps that was a position he would one day return to.






Setting is in the arena on the Island. It's just after midday, so plenty of light.

WC: 419
Attack: 3/3
Defense: 1/1

Summary: As Buce's attack misses Gaucho takes no damage. He returns to the ground.


Teaching Notes:

Ahhh a critical miss. Those suck. The hard part isn't the damage - that's already fairly minor, but you really need to write it out. You might lose points on realism here - I mean, so he missed Gaucho, okay. So ? What caused his shoulder to pop? Did he twist? Did he try and correct and go after Gaucho again? It doesn't seem like there's any good explanation for what just happened - and even if that was the case (like, random shoulder injury) Buce doesn't seemed surprised. He's just like "oh sure. it hurts. boo"

Your attacks have gotten way clearer, which I'm super happy about. I don't have to flail to understand what's going on anymore. A+ !

I SUPER like that you tie this into his quest for magic. That's really great writing, because I can see their next spar being super interesting if they both have magic.

Y U NO CAPITALIZE YOUR 'i''S ?!?!?! CHECK YO SPELLING.

I think the things you need to work on in spars are realism, timing, and emotion. A lot of the realism mistakes you're making I think just come from being new to sparring. Reading old spars (anything Boom (Kri) wrote, anything Neo/Tamme/Blu wrote will be amazing for strategy and realistic attacks/defenses) will be super helpful. In terms of timing, that's just another practice thing, although I think you did better here than last time. As for emotion, I really think it comes down to word count. I keep mentioning it, but I don't see your posts getting longer so maybe you're just discounting this advice. I don't know. But I can almost guarantee that it isn't your stats that are going to hold you back, it's the writing. I think there's a lot going on in your head that isn't translating into your spar posts. Like the judges have no idea who Altan is, and they aren't going to go searching. Anything you want them to know, you need to write about it here and now.

My suggestion is to read the spar and then think about it a bit. I usually read one, make sure I understand the attacks, and then think of all the ways I could respond and think of the pro's and con's of each/attack defense. THEN I sit down to write once I have a clear idea of what's happening. Or sometimes I'll write the beginning of the post (my response to the attack) and then think about it for a bit if I'm not motivated to finish all at once.



Table style by Tamme! Image Credits



RE: Doubt comes in on sticks | Bucephalus - Official - 01-10-2015

By my verdict: GAUCHO is the winner!

GAUCHO
Realism [+4]
You really did stellar in this fight. The only thing that really brought your score down was that you didn’t respond to Buce’s attack at Mara in his first post, when he tried to bite her and pull her out of Gaucho’s antlers. Otherwise all of your attacks and defenses and timing were on point, and I especially enjoyed you using your fire magic in creative ways to help you, using Mara as your eyes but not over using her so at some times Gaucho was still blind, and also using the scenery to help you understand where Buce was when the sand would move. I also liked your speed reference! Great job!


Emotion [+2]
I got a good amount of emotion from you in this fight, but I think you were focusing a lot more of your words and time on realism, and this fight wasn’t really an emotionally charged one for Gaucho.


Prose [+4]
Beautiful writing.


Readability [+3]
Easy to read. No grammar issues that stood out to me,


Finally tally: 74+(13*2)= 100 HP

*******************************************

BUCEPHALUS
Realism [-2]
You have some good attack choices, but I think you need to work on your timing and your injury descriptions to help bring the realism more into place. For instance, in your first post the rearing at Gaucho’s attack, and how you explain it’s a normal reaction to shy away, all make sense and are great. Then you go and do something completely opposite, which is be stabbed by Gaucho’s spike necklace, and rather than move away from it (a normal and expected reaction) you stay with it - this could have been realistic to me if you had convinced me with your writing. Did Buce stay with it because he knew it’d give him a better opportunity to attack? Was he trying to show off for Gaucho? Was this how he was trained/has he experienced something like this before that taught him to go beyond his base instinct to run away from pain/pressure?? Much less be stabbed, go with it, AND use your front legs to attack your opponent which are tied to the shoulder, thus creating more pain and injury. That just wasn’t realistic to me. I’m also not sure how the spikes his Buce’s shoulder if he reared up and the shoulder was Gaucho’s original aim - if Buce reared that means the shoulders should have struck lower.

Continuing with your first post, I’m not sure how you were able to turn your head to bite Gaucho, and that caused Mara to miss. She was aiming for his neck, not his head, and with his rear and following fo Gaucho’s momentum, he made himself less able to evade her. You also never fully say when his rear ends, so that was confusing to me. I did however like your attempt to bite Mara, especially your reasoning being that it was Gaucho’s weakness, although I’m sad to see this was not your continued motivation throughout the fight. I also appreciated that you continually brought up your shoulder pain in this post, though I would have liked to see it in the other posts as well.

Moving onto your second post, diving under the flaming dragons is plausible, but given that fire/heated air causes things to rise, I was looking for some explanation of how that didn’t happen for him - you wrote it as if in just the right time to dodge them Buce dove, which to me meant he was too close to them to really dive, their heat would have affected him - granted Buce tucked his wings to dive, but I wanted more of that description for realism sake. Additionally the burns Buce received were not well described as an injury, just that they hurt. Because Gaucho only rolled a damage of 1, Buce really should have just gotten singed hair, not a burn, however it was hard for me to tell if you took appropriate damage since it was so vague. Again, these burn injuries didn’t seem to hinder you much through the rest of the fight, when an injury to your back would have affected your every movement.

Finally, your third post, I really didn’t get a sense of a critical miss. You said you missed, and you had your shoulder pop, but there was no emotion about it (not scored here, just saying), and it didn’t seem like the injury occurred because of the miss. In fact I don’t really understand what a popped shoulder even means, how much it hurts (because he was still flying), and how he even got it. A critical miss damage can easily be explained that because your attack did not land, your momentum carried you too far since you were expecting resistance, causing an over exertion and strain. I’m also not sure timing wise that Gaucho’s joke could have been the cause of him missing, because the joke happened so far back. Furthermore, the next injuries he receives from Gaucho, are too severe for the 3 damage that Gaucho rolled, mainly the pulled muscle that occurs, not to mention a kick shouldn’t in and of itself cause a pulled muscle, it’d cause bruising, swelling, maybe cut the skin, maybe further injure a spot already injured etc.

I’m glad to see your exhaustion, but it came really abruptly, especially given Buce’s endurance is higher than Gaucho’s. I would have liked to see more size and stat differences taken into account, and though the air doesn’t offer much for scenery, at least mention it (I did like the cold wind making his burn hurt more though). As a final note too, horse’s cannot vomit, so the bile in Buce’s throat isn’t realistic.

Overall you have some great potential, just a little rough around the edges, but practice makes perfect!


Emotion [+1]
I was really expecting more emotion from Buce, especially given how he kept missing and was struggling so much against a blind opponent. I enjoyed the anger over the feather thing, but in comparison the other posts felt very forced with emotion and I was often told how Buce felt rather than shown. I’m also only somewhat familiar with Altan, so I would have liked more explanation of that, and if it is an inner voice or an alter ego, he didn’t appear very different from Buce. You also didn’t seem to have him “leave” at the end of your third post, but it felt very much like Buce was back.


Prose [+2.5]
You have writing that reads nicely, however your sentences could be choppy and at times so could the thoughts/themes throughout the post.


Readability [+1.5]
Although your posts were understandable and you usually explained your character in relation to your opponent, there were some distracting grammar issues, mainly with your sentence structure choices.

P1:
“He would not loose so horribly this time.” (lose)
“ He would not loose so horribly this time. Of that he was determined. “ (....time, of that…)
“...lashed out, and the black felt the…” (don’t need comma there)
“.... this fight. And he….” (...fight, and he…)
“...his wing and his leg. But his anger overrode it.” (...leg, but…)

P2:
“Problematic. But, nothing he wasn't prepared for.” (problematic, but….)

P3:
“...never seem to get used to it.” (seemed)


Finally tally: 25.5+(3*2)= 31.5 HP