[P] this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) (/showthread.php?tid=19464) |
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this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Lakota - 05-17-2015
belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.
"It hurts," she gasps, throat tight as the words crawl their way through the channels of her throat, leaving trails of fire in their wake. Why she says it aloud is beyond her, because the only one around to listen is Aodaun. It seemed it had been that way for seasons. Ever since the end of the murders, Ktulu had disappeared and not returned. Lakota had seen only brief glimpses of her mate, generally at her sister's or Archibald's side rather than the Poisoner's. She had tried to keep a brave face, to explain away why her mate was suddenly withdrawn and nonexistent, to reason that it wasn't the foal in her belly that had driven her beloved away. But with prolonged time alone and no real friends to rely upon, the dark thoughts inevitably crowded into her head. She couldn't ignore them, and they hurt her more than the baby kicking ever could. Aodaun whined softly at her distress, pressing up against her prone belly both for warmth and protection. Lakota was sprawled on her side, Gods knew where, her stomach cramping around the foal's growing body. She was going to give birth soon, she'd been religiously counting the weeks with eager excitement that had dwindled over time as Ktulu seemed to draw further and further out of her grasping, desperate reach. In fact she was a little overdue, and the foal inside her was far from happy with that development, battering her insides with fierce little hooves. It hurt, but what really hurt her more than the physical pain (which she had been raised to handle with ease) was the fact that she was alone in it. Groaning, cheeks obnoxiously damp with emotional, hormonal tears, Lakota spasmed weakly and lay limp against the grass for the momentary reprieve. It would start up again in time, but she prayed that her child had fallen to sleep and would therefore cease its torture. She loved the little thing already, so intensely it hurt, but her life seemed to suddenly be in shambles. Where was Ktulu? Aodaun whined at her side, rubbing his furred cheek across the swollen side of his bonded. Lakota had always been frail, delicately boned and small. Alleo was considerably larger than her, and even Hana had been taller and thicker. The pregnancy wasn't easy on her slight frame, but she soldiered through it stubbornly. Nothing would keep her from her baby. "I don't want to be alone," she mourned, hiccupping through her tears. Lakota despised being so hormonal, and was in a way grateful for Ktulu's absence - at least she wasn't capable of throwing her tempest moods in the mare's face, as Aodaun had been forced to deal with. I'm here, he crooned, wishing he understood what had driven Ktulu away. He could only run interference for so long before Lakota's fears consumed her. She needed her mate, her brother, Archibald, somebody. But she felt so alone.
Lakota the Poisoner kaydeniro | larfsalot on deviantart RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Ktulu - 05-17-2015
RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Lakota - 05-17-2015
belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.
Time ticked on, quiet and insistent, taking reign over all the troubles Lakota faced. The only comfort it gave to her was that as it moved onward, her baby stilled and quieted, slipping off to sleep or some other form of consciousness that Lakota couldn't understand. She took the reprieve for what it was, sinking into the grass with a muffled sobbing sigh of gratitude and relief. For a mare whose emotions were generally cut off and reserved, even to herself, the hormones she was experiencing were difficult and a little horrible for her. Lakota hated them, hated how they made her feel, how out of control she felt. But as she listlessly moved her nearest eye to the swollen shades of sapphire and black she could see in her peripherals, she smiled, watery but sincere. "Ti amo, bambino," she whispered into the emerald blades that tickled her lips. No matter what her child put her through, both in her belly and while it grew, that statement would forever remain unchanged. Even if Ktulu never came back. Even if Lakota was exiled to live alone in the wilds with her foal. Even if she had to lose everything to raise the little life inside her. She would never give up, never stop loving that beautiful baby. Her heart swelled, and to her despair she began to cry anew. Quietly, so as not to wake the child and set it about kicking and cramping her sore body once more. Soft rustling met her ears, and she glanced tiredly down at Aodaun who was already steadfastly gazing in that direction. Her snowy prince had far better ears than she, and never failed to alert her when somebody approached. Why had he not done so? Before any sense of curiosity or betrayal could take root, Lakota's eyes moved back towards the source of the noise, falling upon an unmistakable shape. Her heart panged and trembled simultaneously to see the familiar pale face of her beloved approaching - an odd angle, but she could never mistake her mate, no matter what state she was in. Her name fell from those lips, and an errant tear slipped free as she blinked. Moments later Ktulu was beside her, lips against her ear. Lakota didn't have the strength to get up after the beating her foal had given her, but she glared weakly nonetheless. "Where have you been?" she croaked, only for her anger to switch almost immediately to despair. "What did I do? What happened?" then devolved into concern, trying to lift her head pitifully to check over her mate. "Are you okay?" Her hormones were out of control, all over the place, no matter how she tried to reign them in. With a tired moan she lifted herself to place her legs beneath her, if only to face Ktulu better. She was tired, but she'd always find energy and time for her mate.
Lakota the Poisoner kaydeniro | larfsalot on deviantart RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Ktulu - 05-18-2015
RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Lakota - 05-18-2015
belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.
No matter how angry she was, how hurt and distressed and confused, Lakota knew her mate. She could never hope to deny her, to not promise to at least listen to her, because it had caused them both pain in the past. Stubborn though they both were, they had made a promise to one another to try, and to hear the desperation in her beloved's voice gave Lakota pause if nothing else. It was followed by pleas and affirmations, ones that would have to be reinforced later but which she took at face value if only for the moment. "Okay," she murmured, because it was all she could manage at the moment. She couldn't claim to understand, but if Ktulu regretted what she had done...Lakota did not have the heart to purposefully try and make her feel worse. They could sort through how they both felt later, even if it killed them. Aodaun brushed his nose against Eytan's thick neck, grunting his simultaneous hello and approval at how they both crowded against Lakota's pregnant belly. Finally his family was being mended, and he watched on, a careful guardian. Attentive. Eytan and Aodaun had always been integral in the relationship between the mares, it was only fitting they bore witness to the reunion of the two broken, weathered hearts once more. Lakota had no trouble obeying Ktulu's desperate pleas, sinking into her mate's touch with a quiet groan. Her body was a tender fruit too often bruised in her pregnancy, and she'd gone full seasons without the touch of her beloved's skin. Even as her heart ached alongside her body, she pressed her muzzle to Ktulu's pulse and drank in the fact that she was there. Everything broken could be fixed so long as Ktulu was there beside her. The Poisoner shuffled closer, Ktulu's neck warm against her skin, chasing away the autumn chill. "Always," she whispered in return. Whatever you want, I will give it to you. Whatever you seek, I shall find it for you. Any harm that awaits you I shall shield you from it. Always. Asking to hold Lakota was so minor in comparison to the vows Lakota would have no qualms fulfilling, but she fell into her embrace with equal measures of desperation. It had been so long. A croak came from her beloved, and Lakota turned her tired head to kiss away each tear she came across. If she could not physically bear the burden of her love's sorrow, she could offer her companionship and presence to anchor her to the world. Hototo. A name Lakota knew, a blurry face but one she was aware belonged in part to Ktulu. Wasn't Hototo her son? Affirmation came wrapped in a veil of splitting sorrow and loss. Lakota's heart seized in her chest, the mere notion of losing a child like a dagger to the throat. No matter how tired she was, Lakota shuffled further to her knees to drag Ktulu to her, squeezing her tight as if she could somehow keep together the broken pieces that was her beloved by stubborn touch alone. "Oh Gods," she choked, feeling grief strangling her in sympathetic reaction to Ktulu's devastating loss. "Ktulu I..." how could she even word how she felt? It wasn't her place to feel the loss and yet she did, because her heart was intrinsically tied forever to Ktulu's. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, holding ever tighter as if that could somehow make the words hold more weight than she could give them verbally. There was nothing she could offer, nothing she could promise that could take away that kind of pain and suffering, that could mend the broken pieces Ktulu had become. "I don't know..." was all that verbally could be conveyed, signifying her loss of direction, her helplessness. "I'm sorry." Asking if she could do anything was useless, the only healing that could be done was bringing Hototo back, and that was not within Lakota's power. "What happened?" it was quiet, tentative. "You don't have to say. But I don't know how to heal this, I don't know how to help you. Ktulu I love you, I'm so sorry, I wish -" there was something I could do. I wish I could bring him back for you.
Lakota the Poisoner kaydeniro | larfsalot on deviantart RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Archibald - 05-18-2015 The Dauntless stood in the shadows and watched. He did not want to be detected by the mares just yet, but Loretta had brought him to this place. Her nose was keen and she had sensed Lakota around. When the stallion and his bitch arrived, however, surprise took them. Archibald did not know that the Poisoner was pregnant, and by the looks of it she was ready to burst. Anger bubbled in his chest. She had been at his side in the invasion to fight knowing there was a child in danger. The stallion grit his teeth and set his jaw, taking all of his strength to stand composed and not descend on the mares, guns blazing, with words of anger and lashing.
Instead, Archibald waited in silence until the rush of anger had cooled in his chest. Finally, the beast stepped forth towards the mares. "Lakota, Ktulu," He said, lowering his head towards the women. He moved to touch Lakota's cheek, her wet cheek, to place a butterfly kiss of familiarity on her face. Golden eyes, impassive and hard, swept over her swollen belly before he moved his muzzle to touch Ktulu's cheek in turn. Loretta quietly lay in the distance, chin on her paws. She was not meant to be a part of this meeting, but she would not leave. This was her family, too.
Images of Circe's body--swollen and recently pregnant--swarmed Archibald's mind. Flashes of his daughter being taken by the harpy bitch, his sons and him racing after her, dragonfire igniting the sky. All of it made Archibald's heart beat fast, but on the surface he was stony and cold. Flashes of Hototo being struck down flashed just after, the look on Ktulu's face when she watched her son leave this world burning his retinas. He knew that pain all too well, and he did not wish to relive it, but he would take it on a thousand times over just to release Ktulu from its bonds. "It is okay," I am here he wanted to add, but did not understand why. This was not his child--neither of these mares were his mate--but even so, a hard, gripping sense of paternity of this unborn child and some responsibility for these mares gripped his chest. archibald & loretta
And I was made of wood and stone and won't diminish or bend RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Ktulu - 06-01-2015
RE: this pain only reminds me (I'm still alive) - Lakota - 06-10-2015
belladonna, in italian a beautiful lady; in english a deadly poison.
"Okay," she whispered, sinking complacently back into her beloved's hold. Such a simplistic request, but one that clearly held weight and value beyond measure to Ktulu in that long, taffy moment of pain and suffering. So though it was awkward to hold her belly at such an angle, she pressed her face into the soft skin of her mate's hide, hugging her back just as desperately as she could manage. The moment stretched on, her words failing her, her natural desire to comfort faltering and stumbling hesitantly. What could she say in the face of such suffering? It was unfair to both of them, but Lakota gave as much as she could while she tried to imagine a proper response. Was there even one? Words where whispered, faint and whittling away into nothingness, into the dark space between her tresses. Held in her skin like starlight, like secrets and sin. But starlight had become sin in those tremulous words, and Lakota hated the Bitch On High ever more for that awareness. She'd never liked the solitary Goddess, not after her first quest, no matter how similar their natures. For queens and villains did not take kindly to those of similar stations, after all. And what made it so much worse was that they could do nothing. There was no revenge to be taken, no pound of flesh to be taken, no life claimed in retribution. For they were mortal, and she a goddess they had never asked for, who did not deserve their love nor their fealty. "I'm sorry," was all she could numbly repeat once more. For what could she say? She could not promise anything against a being too old, too powerful for Lakota to conquer. There was nothing Lakota could give her. Comfort, perhaps, in the form of false and hollow words. But it was an empty, aching sort of comfort. Lakota was blind to the fact that Ktulu wanted that, could not see why anyone would desire such falseness. "It will never be okay, not really," she murmured mournfully, pressing her cheek into Ktulu's warmth. "But it will get better," kissed her lips, transferred into her mate's skin as they moved against her hide. "He loved you so much, and you have to try and heal, if only for his sake," Lakota breathed, tentative, not sure how much was too much when it came to bringing Hototo's name into the equation. "But I'll be here every step," was vowed on quiet, insistent breath. Her body was tired and her words murmured, but it did nothing to quell her passion and love in spirit. Tired eyes glanced up at the vocalizing of her name, and they softened with grief and comfort in turn to see Archibald standing as a stone guardian above them. "Archibald," she cooed tiredly in response, eyes fluttering to a close as his muzzle kissed her cheek. She hadn't seen him since the invasion, hadn't seen anyone aside from her brother who had promptly vanished directly after. To know he was there, that he was well, it was all she could ask for. And she would never seek to turn him away, he was as part of the family as Ktulu and the little foal inside her belly. Odd to others, perhaps, but they'd never understand the kind of bond Lakota held with the last remaining members of the Grey. Lifting her head weakly as he spoke the mare managed a watery smile. The dam was not very resilient in the face of her already hormonal emotions, and tears slipped from her lashes unbidden. "Thank you," she choked, incapable of detailing exactly what her gratitude was based on. For being here. For always being here. For your support, your shoulder, your friendship. Though a dark whisper in her mind could not help but cruelly laugh at her love. He is not here for you, you idiot, he's here for Ktulu. Just like everyone else. But he was there nonetheless, and Lakota would soak in his presence while she could.
Lakota the Poisoner kaydeniro | larfsalot on deviantart |