[P] every little thing you want nobody to know - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] every little thing you want nobody to know (/showthread.php?tid=21193) |
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every little thing you want nobody to know - Kaj - 10-17-2015 KAJ the aurelight Everything was going wrong. His heart ached nearly as much as his leg, his shoulder, the creak of his bones and the scar on his foreleg. He was not old, so why did he feel it? The years had not treated him well, but he was still breathing, didn't that count for something? Was he really meant to still be alive, Fate's plans laid out unseen before him, or was he just too stubborn and desperate to die? What favors would blossom from the corpse of his passing? He found himself wondering far too often what the sweet embrace of death would feel like, the depression that had fallen upon him after he lost his leg's mobility haunting him. Kaj knew he should speak to someone about it, perhaps seek out Resplendence, but he could not bear the sight of her tears when he told her that sometimes he thought his death would be more beneficial in the grand scheme of the world than sorrowful. He missed the times of old, the old Edge and her members haunting his dreams. Mirage, whose guidance he could always rely upon. Kahlua, before the world - him, he had done that to her, by coming into her life, infecting her with his presence, his curse - had killed her smile. Destrier, when they were still friends, still brothers. Quilyan, as well. Evangeline and Alysanne, for how much they hated him now for making one of the hardest decisions of his life for the sake of his family. Maskan, the mentor he'd always relied upon and looked up to. His heart cried for Rishima's wisdom, her motherly, loving patience. He missed them, missed them all so much it felt like he was dying inside. Where were they now? Gone. He had failed them, all of them, and he stood in the empty meadow with its brittle grasses and the hot sun on his back, staring in the direction of the Edge lands. Wings drooped low, primaries resting carelessly upon the ground. Defeated. Tears rolled slowly, unchecked, from hollow eyes that saw only memories instead of the land before him. "I'm so sorry," he choked helplessly, words soft, tone broken. "Your faith was misplaced. I've failed you. And I'm so sorry." His throat choked closed, and he wished he had the strength to fall to the earth, but his legs simply wouldn't move. Watching the west, knowing that nobody would come looking for him. Nearly all his friends were gone, and his lack of purpose had left him stranded in the middle of an ocean with no desire to swim.
We watched the rockets kiss the sky
Image CreditI saw the flames go out in your eyes @Arah RE: every little thing you want nobody to know - Arah - 10-18-2015
@Kaj RE: every little thing you want nobody to know - Kaj - 10-19-2015 KAJ the aurelight He's not left alone for long. In some way he considers it odd, if only because, if he felt so alone surely that meant he was? A backwards sort of logic, but one that had proven flawed rather quickly. He had no companion to alert him to her approach, the only sound that captured his attention the groaning, rustling sound of foliage being violently displaced. Followed almost immediately by a voice, one that spoke a singular syllable. His name. For a half-second he couldn't place the voice, and just fervently prayed that they'd go away. He couldn't let anyone see him like this, couldn't let them question his power, his status. He was nothing without his title, a broken fool of a puppet, and he knew it. Kaj couldn't let that be taken from him, not when it would leave him broken so far down that he could never rise again. Would rather die than have that stripped from him. Until, he does remember. It's a faded, dust-covered memory, but it clears as it comes to the surface. A dark night and a bright moon, brokenhearted words and an ivory smile that spoke of understanding. They'd sought solace together beneath the boughs, as lost as the other, holding onto one another because they had nothing else to keep them afloat. A wet laugh came from his throat as he turned to face her, something lost on his face as he tried to cling to the amusement. "Arah," rolled off his tongue familiarly. "Why is it we are always in these states when we meet?" It came out cloaked in a discordant mix of hysterical hilarity and sinking despair. Without thinking he turned and wobbled towards her, left leg lurching, uncomfortably stiff after not moving for well over an hour. Well, that was one way to tell her what was wrong, he thought cynically. His muzzle dipped towards her, needing to touch, needing to cling to her as they were drowning together. Watching the tears slip down her own face, feeling their parallels on his own. What had they ever done to deserve this kind of ending? Were they fated to always meeting in some deplorable state of sorrow and grief? "Can I just - ?" voice broke off, cracking pitifully, one wing opening in clear sign that he wanted to clasp her to his side. While he could not hide in her frame the same way, he could at least offer her the warmth and comfort of his touch, and perhaps they could find a little bit of solace together. Two broken creatures trying to fit their shards together to form some semblance of normal.
We watched the rockets kiss the sky
Image Credit
I saw the flames go out in your eyes |