Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +---- Forum: Battle Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=64) +---- Thread: Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] (/showthread.php?tid=24515) |
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Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] - Seanan - 07-12-2016 Seanan cocked his head curiously at the painted stud, a glint of mischief in his eyes. The dim light filtering throug the red wood bathed them both in shadow. It dyed the white stallion until he could almost have been made of the queer light, a figment rather than a truly material creature. One of his ears swivelled to track Ashamin, listening. The other lolled almost lazily, pointlessly. His skin still jumped and trembled every time a drop of rain worked it's way through the dense leaves. "I'd be curious to see what you know" The trees were close here- his speed would earn him no advantages. The smaller stud would likely have an easier time of it. Seanan's eyes roved over the muscles beneath the paint spattered coat. Strenght such as that was absent in his own rangy, gaunt form. Not that such things had ever stopped him before. Likewise, they would not stop him now. He was almost reluctant to key himself back up though. His eyes drifted right, then left. Beyond the non-chalance he portrayed, he could still feel the closeness of the trees and the borderline edge of panic. His heart began to speed. The occassional impact of a water droplet provided a jarring counterpoint that made his skin tingle and his teeth clench. The blood stained, red-eyed creature swept his gaze back to Ashamin. Mischief danced there, a hint of wicked laughter that didn't quite reach his lips. It was all the answer he gave the Clovenheart before he was in motion. Hemmed in as they were by trees, he didn't have room to gain any kind of momentum. He couldn't dart in and out to try and keep his distance as was normally his way. The leaf litter was slick with rain and mud, his hooves so packed with it they felt heavy. All at once he was aware of every part of his body like he rarely was outside of a fight. He could feel the weight of the water that soaked his thin mane and tail and every hair on his body. The mud that caked his legs and splattered on his belly where the rain had been unable to sluice it away. It would not really hinder him, but the treacherous footing would. Instead of fighting the slick ground, he slewed his hinds around, using the slick ground to help complete the pivot. His hooves dug into the wet ground and his back arched like an enraged cut as both of his hind hooves shot out a bit high, roughly where he thought the other stallion's head might be. Truthfully he wasn't trying to hit him- his hooves carried with them a load of leaf litter and mud, flung free by the violence of the movement. It was this he hoped would hit, either startling or perhaps momentarily blinding the Clovenheart. OOC: For @Ashamin Words: 485/800 Attacks 1/3 Def: 0/1 Continued from Red Rain RUn Setting: Blood Falls, during a rain storm, in a dark, dense part of the woods. Magic/companions is your choice, I don't care (and don't have any, XD). Ashamin will be providing teaching notes I think. RE: Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] - Ashamin - 07-18-2016
PC: 1/3 WC: 798/800 (Down from 913 ;-;) Note: Confirming that I will be providing teaching notes. Magic used: :: [ Magic: LightxSpark (U) | Able to share and alter the heartbeats of others to feel and influence their emotions. ] :: [ Restrictions | Lasts one post in battle and requires permission outside of battle; can cause discomfort by influencing the electrical pulses to their heart. ] » Lochan's Dark Mist: Can summon thick mists that can cloud emotions and thoughts of their opponent Teaching Notes I'm going to start off by saying that this was an awesome post! Since you didn't take damage but just attacked there's also less to comment on, but I'm sure in your next post I can talk about that some and you will have more notes from me. + Environment: AWESOME job mentioning this! A lot of people forget to describe or consider their surroundings, but I really felt grounded in the scene and you also used it when Seanan was thinking pre-attack and while he was attacking. This is something you should continue to utilize, especially in a fight like this where the setting is something that will interfere with your characters movements and possibly hinder them. + Breed/stat differences: You did a great job of taking into account the different builds that Seanan and Ashamin have and working that into how you should attack or defend/what general stance you should take in this fight. They are very differently shaped stallions, and fighting polar opposites can be fun but also challenging, because it means you and your opponent both have obvious weak points where the others are strong. Well handled! - Directionals/positioning: Don't forget to include these when describing your attack. They will make it infinitely easier for your opponent to figure out where they should take damage, how they should avoid it, etc. If you don't include these then your opponent has to try and make them up, which puts them in the awkward position of assuming your character is maybe somewhere that they aren't in order to take damage. Plus it takes control away from you! As is I didn't know which way Seanan was pivoting, which made things tougher. - Emotion: I felt at times that Seanan's emotion or at least thoughts were missing. I wanted to know more of his internality and thought process throughout your post, and you had plenty of words left in your wordcount to make this happen. Not really a hard minus, just something to think about for future posts! Sometimes emotion can fall by the wayside towards the wordcount finishline but when you have extra words, make sure you use them if you need to (for emotion, clarity, whatever) ~ Previous experience: This isn't a plus or minus, just a suggestion. Something that judges really like to see is that you and/or your character is thinking about previous fights and comparing those situations to the current one, since practice makes perfect! Seanan has had a few fights onsite already so you're in luck and have material to draw from, but he can also be thinking about how fighting may (or may not) tie in with his history! RE: Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] - Seanan - 07-20-2016 The Clovenheart was closer than he had thought. He feels his hooves strike flesh and a glance cast over his shoulder suprises him- he sees the white rolling eyes and wonders if perhaps he misinterpreted the question. Certainly the hit was hard, but was it really so shocking? He hesitates as his hooves splash back to the ground and he takes a few quick steps, curving around a near tree trunk to try and come back around to face the other stallion. This is a queer and awkward way to fight. He doesn't like it. Between the closeness of the trees and the fact that his heart isn't truly in the spar, there is something wrong about this. His body is still weary and twitchy from flailing and panic of earlier. This is not a playful bout on an open, sunny field. This is not some kind of primal, heated combat. It is just..... something. It feels almost like a farce. He is not, truly, comitted. He flinches back from the dark mist, eyes narrowed and concerned. The great heart within his chest already pounds with the adrenaline of battle (even one he doesn't really believe in) but as the mist begins to curl the muscle jumps. Wind explosively leaves his lungs as his heart leaps like a wild thing against his ribs, as though he has been fleeing for his life from something. He draws in his breath and the next time he exhales it's a sharp, angry snort. He charges through the ashen drops of rain, hooves sliding and scrambling in the mud. He breathes hard, head low as he fights through it to bear down on the painted stallion. The muscles in his chest sieze and he does not lash out with his teeth as he normally would, too busy trying to breathe and steady his wildly racing heart. Instead he curves his head to the side and tries to thrust his shoulder at the small stallion's face, recalling a moment of another stormy battle in which he chose to close. Attempting to close the distance between them, he strikes down with his hooves hard, striking to skin down the cannon bones as he's done once before. He does not try and foul himself by aiming for the injured leg- he is not actually trying to do damage and leave the other crippled, but he is not unfamiliar with magic now and he knows his body well enough to think that perhaps this is something of the kind. There is a cold finger of fear now, icy up his spine. He has seen horses die when their hearts burst. Blood pouring from nostrils and eyes and ears. It is a painful fate that he knows could be his and he strikes for the Clovenheart to break the grip of his magic. He does not like that another could control his body. His lips curl in an ugly grimace and whatever humor and mischief had been present in his expression is gone. OOC:// Words: 514 Attacks 2/3 Defense 0/1 Oookay. So... I have no idea what Lochan was trying to do with his magic? I'm not really sure I took damage/what not appropriately, buuut yeah. Dealing with magic is still sort of a struggle for me XD RE: Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] - Ashamin - 07-26-2016
PC: 2/3 WC: 789/800 Magic used: Rakt » Starpast: Can conjure 2 small ethereal figures of the past that can charge itself and it's bond-mate, giving energy to move slightly faster temporarily Teaching Notes -Directionals: I still didn't know which way Seanan was moving. Though he threw his shoulder at Ashamin's face, I don't know if he used his left or right shoulder and if he was angling from either direction. +Damage: I think you did a good job with damage by not taking too much or too little and describing it well. You also clearly researched the effects that this magic might have (or knew something about it already) which is smart, because it means your post was able to be well informed which is something judges always love to see. Keep up the good work! You didn't take the dark mists into account I know in part because you were confused by them, but you also didn't need to given the low roll and the fact that the situation provided by Ashamin's magic already afforded you the opportunity to take damage. +Inner Thought: Great improvement here, I felt like this post included more of Seanan's opinions while staying true to the aspect of his character that isn't overly emotional (like some Ashamins I know :P.) His interiority was present throughout and really livened up the read, particularly when he was thinking about his past experiences with burst hearts and his overall opinion about magic. -Attack Description: I felt sort of lost here, in part because of the lack of directionals but also because some of the descriptions for your attack seemed too brief to cover the topic. For example, you say that he thrusts his shoulder forward to close the distance and then brings down his hooves to strike, but I wasn't even aware of them being up in the first place. This makes me wonder if Seanan was rearing, which I hadn't thought of before. Since Seanan is taller than Ashamin he wouldn't need to pull himself up very much to shove his shoulder forward, so he might not necessarily have his hooves high enough off the ground (at least not how I envision it now.) But with a bit more description this would become more clear and as a result I could have an easier time writing my response, and the judges will thank you for your clarity. Another thing is be careful to always use words like try and attempt--though Seanan "attempted" to close the gap, when you write about him bringing his hooves down to strike the cannon bone you wrote about it as if it was something that definitely happened, which verges on powerplay and could be easily fixed with some extra language. ~If you aren't sure: Next time just ask! If something is unclear about my post then that's my fault, and you shouldn't have to suffer for it. If judges agree I was unclear I will lose points, but if they don't and your response doesn't make sense to them you could stand to lose points too! I'm always available on skype to chat about well, anything, but in this case feel free to ask me about the magic I used. ~Details of your opponent: Sometimes a quick read over the opponent's profile can teach you a lot, so keep this in mind! Ashamin's passive magic, for example, slowly heals him. When he gets cut, electricity bursts from any broken bones, muscle, or skin, which is something Seanan would likely notice and respond to. RE: Beneath the Bleeding Sky [Ashamin vs Seanan] - Blu - 08-17-2016 Time limit exceeded, defaults to Ashamin. Ashamin earns 0.5 VP +2 EXP for 2 teaching posts. |