[P] champagne, cocaine, gasoline - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +--- Thread: [P] champagne, cocaine, gasoline (/showthread.php?tid=24566) |
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champagne, cocaine, gasoline - Volterra - 07-16-2016
Set directly after this! Eris I figured I'd give you some notes on your closing defence here :D @Orithia Spelling/grammar/prose - As in the rest of the fight, your writing was perfect in this. The likes of 'In days forward, the mare may not think at all, she may lay dead upon the earth, finally broken at the behest of a towering, unnamed demon who had demanded the price of her treachery be paid in blood.' was just amazing. I know I've harped on about it all fight, but you did a really good job, and had the fight been judged I'm pretty sure you'd have whooped my ass in this section! Great job :) Emotion - PERFECT SO PERFECT Ori gives me all the feels and I'm not even ashamed #orithiaislife Attacks - N/A Damage taken - I was a bit confused about where she took the attacks. You say her forelegs were sheared (which I can definitely picture, if she took the full force of the kick to them - that could even have caused a break in her cannon bones), but then say that she's taken the damage to her ribs too? I can't see how his kick could hit her forelegs whilst she's rearing (which would be in front of her) AND her ribs (on the side of her) at the same time. You did much better taking the amount of damage this time, though - as I said in the cbox, I wish I'd known that you didn't fully understand the dice system, so I could have helped in my notes D: But you still did a great job! Vol rolled a 5, which is pretty heavy damage from a character with his high damage stat. Broken/cracked ribs is pretty much what I'd have taken from this sort of attack too, and you did well describing the implication of such an injury. That's definitely a good thing - if this injury had occured during the first round of the fight, you'd have earned points in the rubric for mentioning your injuries and how they affect you. So this was fab! :D Defence wise, this was definitely your strongest post, I felt. It was just the small confusion of you taking damage to your forelegs AND sides, which could have seen you marked down for realism. Other - I loved that you mentioned the trees restricting her and preventing some of her movements - although the closing defence isn't actually counted into your score as far as I know, it's good to keep up good practices like these. RE: champagne, cocaine, gasoline - Orithia - 07-21-2016
Her sides heaved as the pain crept it's way along her body, it was as if her bones were on fire, each breath stinging as she breathed smoke and blood. She watched him wearily, head low and eyes glinting with defiance as his gruff voice fills the rapidly cooling air. It's all Orithia can do to not bear her teeth at him, to snap that if he so much as touched her again, so much as thought of defiling her with his primitive body that she would see him skinned alive. The rage was a living thing, breathing deeply where she could not, rushing through her body and giving her strength where she had none. Yet, the rage was not aimed at the stallion for his victory, no, it was aimed at the lust in his eyes. It was aimed at the very notion that she would ever bend to a stallion again. Yet, as she watched, the violence seemed to drain from the brute, leaving behind self assurance and a sort of brutal beauty that the pale woman could not deny. He spoke once more, offering her escort and the promise of safe arrival within the Egde's borders, within Tembovu's borders. The majority of the mare wanted only to hiss and shake her head, refuse any offer borne of pity or otherwise from this great behemoth, but, though she was loath to admit it, the pegasus warrior was all but crippled from her injuries; she didn't have much of a choice but to accept the offer. It felt as if it had taken the very cosmos to move from her place pressed against the tree, her entire body burning and stinging and screaming at her to stop stop stop moving. Gritting her teeth and taking as deep of a breath as she could manage, Orithia stepped forward, toward the still-nameless victor and nodded. "I must warn you," her voice was rough and wheezy, the pain of speaking nearly washing away all other senses, "Though I am a warrior of the World's Edge, I do not know how you will be received. It is clear..." She paused, forced to catch her breath in shallow gasps and blood flecked sighs, "...Clear that I am injured, I do not wish harm upon you from my brethren but I cannot control their reactions." Only a half-lie, she thought to herself; she wouldn't have minded all that much if the skull-faced rogue wandered home with a few more bruises courtesy of the World's Edge. Hobbling slowly closer, wings beginning to droop, Orithia stood beside the towering figure of the stallion and carefully, painfully, lifted her right wing, a silent request for the male to assist her in walking. "I am Orithia, and I will admit, I am grateful for the opportunity to spar such a skilled opponent. You did well." Though the words tasted bitter upon her tongue, the woman gave credit where credit was due. @Volterra Snow - shhheeewwwwt! I knew I explained it funny. So I pictured it as she was rearing up as he was kicking out so as she was pulling up, his hooves were scraping off all that skin, then the brunt of the kick went to the ribs along her sternum. like, her underside ribcage. not on the outside, yanno? RE: champagne, cocaine, gasoline - Volterra - 07-23-2016
Ahh yeah that makes a bit more sense now you've explained it like that! Just try to make sure you get that amount of detail in the post as well :) @Orithia RE: champagne, cocaine, gasoline - Orithia - 07-23-2016 Relief flashed across her features as the stallion accepted her silent plea, his muscular bulk welcome against her bruised skin. Though it took a bit of adjusting on her end, Orithia at last found a position against the brute where the pain proved manageable. Eyelids dropped slightly, gratefulness at the support he offered filling her belly. The journey would remain slow, she knew; even with the behemoth's assistance, she was forced to hobble. As the pair moved forward, Orithia took careful inventory of her injuries, brow creasing as she did so. The ribs along the underside of her chest were, at the very least, fractured. Along with the severe bruising to the muscles at her chest and the points of her shoulders, the pale mare could feel acutely the painful scraped along the lower portions of her front legs. She winced with every step, doing her best to keep her breathing even as Volterra spoke. The defeated lass managed a nod at Volterra's smooth dismissal of her concerns, reinforcing her confidence in his abilities to defend himself. A faint smile graced blood flecked lips at the brute's complement and subsequent question. It took a moment for the injured woman to retain enough oxygen to reply, her voice a fraction stronger than it had been without her adversary's support, "I admit, if it were a signature move, I would be long dead. Not many stallions take as kindly to an attempted castration as you, Volterra." She cast a wry glance toward him, surprising herself with how easily she had slipped into comfortable conversation with one that she had been battling mere moments ago. A wheezing laugh was pushed from between her coral stained lips, eyes dimming briefly as pain lanced through her ribcage. "It was borne of desperation and a savagery I've learned to hold within me. Savage histories make for savage futures." OOC- done from mobile, sorry for lack of coding❤️ @Volterra RE: champagne, cocaine, gasoline - Volterra - 07-24-2016
@Orithia |