[JUDGED] and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Printable Version +- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com) +-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11) +---- Forum: Battle Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=64) +---- Thread: [JUDGED] and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] (/showthread.php?tid=26912) |
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and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Reichenbach - 03-24-2017
RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Pippigrin - 03-25-2017
T Since his battle with the great behemoth Volterra, their Sultan and King, Pippigrin felt reasonably equipped for his next battle, for now, under his belt he possessed the knowledge passed to him by the great words of a most seasoned warrior, one who had seen more battle than all the hobbits from Over-The-Hill combined three times over. All ten hands of Pippin had made it up the dune, one of the tallest on their island, and he gazed with reverence over the brilliant sunrise of coruscating, gem-like sand specks and orphic, watercolour sky. To Pippigrin who had regularly seen sunrises over water in his childhood, it was the treeless, snowless mountains composed only of sand that truly completed this masterpiece of a landscape, and with the wind lapping at each of his feathers, it only felt even more surreal. Hobbits weren’t usually the kind to stop and admire landscapes or art; they weren’t exactly the dreaming nor bohemian kind. If they ever did dream, it was usually about a sweet mouthful of perfect meadow grass or something entirely food related - only ever dreaming in black and white, the greyest, most dull dreams and hopes. Pippin, though; he dreamed in colour. In every colour of the sunset he currently stood at the foot of, a speck in the eye of a merciless golden sun. In all the colours of the forest, the mountain and dales, the seaside too. It was then that he caught the sight of a figure approaching, one lit magnificently by a shimmer of newborn sun. It was the great, tall stag known to him as Mister Reichenbach - another warrior in the ranks. The largest of grins appeared on the halfling’s face, his sand-swept fetlocks pressing into the giving ground below. There was something terribly urgent about Mr. Reich’s pace, in fact, he ran quite quickly in Pip’s direction, or so the boy deduced. Was he not going to slow down and say his hellos? not even a good morning? Hm. Tearing his eyes from the approaching bay, who he could only assume was only on his way past, Pip gave the slightest of sighs. He would have liked to have stopped for a chat, even if it was quick. What came next was a blur, the kind that could only be described as a flash or a whistle of wind, and before he knew it, he was being knocked and dragged under the jaws and hooves of the bay gent. Having reached for his rump, it seemed Reichenbach had caught more than he’d bargained for when the back end of the halfling was swept upward, sending the little brute into the ground with a hard crash and THWACK of bone-against-bone. It took a few long moments for the little beast to come to terms with what had actually happened, though all judgement was clouded by the remarkable pain stemming from his rump. A meaty, raw, gaping wound now collected sand as he lay sprawling in the dirt, startled and gasping. “I thought-“ The little colt gasped, clambering up onto both front hooves, dragging his back end along the sand momentarily “I thought you were my friend!?” He spoke to the bay, eyebrows furrowed with anger and rock-hard betrayal. Clearly, he had not heard Reichenbach when he cheered about sparring. Finally on all four feet, Pippigrin gave a gruff snort; one of anguish and fury. “I thought you were my friend!” He boomed once more, a tear or two now beginning to well in his eyes as the vicious pain built in his hind end. Taking a number of limping steps forward, Pippin found that it restricted his movement quite terribly and caused him to hobble; that leg would be useless for the remainder of the fight. So, he would rely on the pair of limbs that he owned and Reichenbach did not; his two stone-coloured pennons. Beating them with all the force he could muster, Pippin allowed his wings to carry him up and away from Reichenbach, only to turn upon the aiding wind currents and direct his flight right in the direction of the bay stag, crown bowed and at the ready for what he hoped to be one impressive swoop. Two dagger-like horns pointed in the direction of his so-called friend, Pippin attempted to ram the stag from above with the propulsion and force of wind and gravity on his side.
Attack; 1/3
Words; 798 (on pages) Summary; Pippin doesn't know that Reich is just sparring lmfao and thinks hes attacking him for real because the injury is so bad. Takes reichs attack to the rump and is knocked over upon impact. He then proceeds to fly upwards and zoom around on the wind current, using that as an aid to help him swoop with his horns lowered in the direction of Reich with the aim of ramming him. Damage; - 6; a nasty, muscle deep wound to his nearside hind, high up on his rump. restricting his movement and bleeding lots. ISHY of thq, art; araxel. RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Reichenbach - 03-27-2017
RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Pippigrin - 04-01-2017
T But again, the hobbit was sloppy. Only another wingbeat past and he was snatched once more from the air - Mr. Volterra had warned against such antics only days before. Though this time it seemed his opponent lacked in skill and precision like their Sultan had, his teeth only managing to rake against the side of his neck, clearing the area of hair and leaving a bruise for later it would seem. Today Pippigrin would not be grounded so easily, not even by another blow of those ferocious teeth. SWOOSH! Another hammer of his wings was enough to save him from the ground, from yet another vicious attack, even as blood continued to run down his rump and trickle into his tail. Taking his recovered flight to the right of his mongrel rival, Pippin forced himself to hide a great whince, a squeak of pain as he angled his hips for landing. So much damage, so much pain, and just from one nasty bite. He's be sure to seek out the physicians about this one - it was perhaps the worst wound he had ever sustained. Just that thought alone was enough to cause a tear to wriggle from the corner of his eye, his front feet touching the ground, soon followed by his wounded hind end. Glazed, teary eyes found their way to his attacker, though would not dare to look into the silver irises he possessed fr fear of seeing a true monster. Pippigrin held dearly onto the sliver of hope that this was all just a misunderstanding. Perhaps it was a game, or just a really horrible joke! His own gaze of silver and stone sweeping over his rival, Pippigrin noted quickly how he might go about his next attack. Being less than half the size of his opponent's came with great difficulty, especially when it came to planning attacks around simply not getting stomped on. Now standing but a small number of feet away from the great bay, the warrior gave a mighty snort through his nares (the kind you might expect to hear from a charging bull) and flared his wings in an attempt to use both his pennons and the wind's current to help support his bleeding, throbbing rump. It would be no easy battle having been so hideously wounded so early on, though luckily he had placed himself close enough for his next attack that he hoped he would not strain himself too terribly. Instead of using his hind legs to launch off, the halfling instead stepped forth off of his front legs and allowed his back end to follow, beating his wings to give power from behind as he began his charge. Turning further to his right, Pippigrin aimed himself directly in front of Reichenbach's offside hind leg; a slightly inconvenient location for his opponent, somewhat unreachable by most as long as the boy were to keep his pace up, though were the stag to turn or stop, a great kick or stomp would be easily served Pippin's way. Now reaching up wich his own pair of teeth, Pippigrin aimed his jaws at one of the weakest place on his opponent's body; the flank. Mouth open wide, hooves trodding in the sand beside the victim, Pippigrin attempted to fix his mouth right around the weak, sensitive skin of Reich's right flank, trying his hardest to reach high up above and clamp his teeth upon it and wrench it down. That would be sure to send him howling.
Attack; 2/3
Words; 669 Summary; attempts to bite reichs flank! Damage; 6; a nasty, muscle deep wound to his nearside hind, high up on his rump. restricting his movement and bleeding lots. 1; skin graze + big bruise to his neck ISHY of thq, art; araxel. RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Reichenbach - 04-04-2017
RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Pippigrin - 04-06-2017
L So it was with calculation that the hobbit flayed his wings once more against the flesh of his attacker, not minding one ounce if they became dressed in the bloody mess from the stallion’s flank. Flaring his wings outwards in an attempt to halt himself, allowing the bay brute to pass him by, Pippin was caught off-guard by the splitting pain in his loins. The injury sustained at the very beginning of the fight was one he would not recover from without the Sun Physician’s interference, this much he knew, though, he was also unsure if continuing the fight was even an option given the possibilities of a fracture or worse. The blood had begun to cake and dry, leaving smears of orange sand and gore upon his rump; a most gruesome wound indeed. Mind soon drifting to the peculiar amulet he had strung upon his horns, Pippigrin shook it down the length of his horn and plucked it out of place, clasping the strange jewel between his teeth. How does this work again? It appeared he didn't need an instruction manual because without a second to pass the amulet began to leak a vibrant fluid and fill the hobbit’s wounds. It was as he stood in contemplation over the wound, fearful and furious over its devastating impact on his body, yet another punch was thrown his way. The stag having pivoted in front of him came roaring over, hooves pinned straight and aiming for his shoulder. A gasp was all that left Pippigrin’s maw at first, his legs attempting to shuffle through the pain of his rump, though it was, for the most part, in vain. “AAH!” The plate-sized hooves of the bay beast crashed down upon the hobbit with so much force that Pippin’s own hooves buckled under their weight. For but a moment the halfling fell, the force and weight too much for his shaken and beaten body to bare, a loud and abrupt cry escaping his maw. Aside from the panic and turmoil, the blood and the ineffable amounts of pain, Pippigrin could only think of one thing; ‘I thought you were my friend…’ The hobbit, so little and small, was just about ready to give up. His legs were failing, his wings and fleeting heart too, and while it had only been a small number of seconds that he lay battered in the dust, time had stood almost completely still for him. Though still... the blood of a warrior coursed through him, through each of his little veins. A warrior's spirit was the kind that could never be dampened. A hoof plucked out from under his heaving chest and gathered grasp upon the ground, followed by another, then another. He would finish this fight, he would not back down. Launching himself upwards back onto his feet, Pippigrin grunted against the indescribable pain he now felt from both his hind end and his shoulder, though, with the adrenaline taking over, the spirit of all guardians and warriors before him filling his blood stream, the pain only dulled. The Guardian felt as though he was stronger, healed in some respects, albeit held together by the thinnest of strings. It was enough though - it was all he would need to see this fight through to the end. “I thought you were my friend” The hobbit croaked a final time, pale eyes lifting to those of his betrayer. The strength that had built within him, a charging force of adrenaline and spirit, now waned; he had such a limited window it seemed before he would become a crumpled heap of limbs in the sand. Without anything else to say to the man, Pippigrin bowed his crown and gathered his strength. Wings flaring for support and balance, rallying the wind to his side and plunging right through the enduring pain, the hobbit began to charge. With his crown aimed directly at Reichenbach’s chest, he gave one final scream of urgency and demand as he attempted to throw his two horns into the man who had attacked him in the hopes he would surely regret ever doing it.
Attack; 3/3
Words; 799 Summary; PIPPIGRIN USES HIS KAOS AMULET! then gets smacked down by reich, then jumps up and runs after him screaming haha and attmepts to ram him in the chest! Damage; 6; a nasty, muscle deep wound to his nearside hind, high up on his rump. restricting his movement and bleeding lots. 1; skin graze + big bruise to his neck 5; a huge bone-deep bruise to his shoulder 27 HP, but USES KAOS AMULET so 31 hp WELL DONE LINDSAY! <3 now u just need to do your closing defence and it's judging time! ISHY of thq, art; araxel. RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Reichenbach - 04-07-2017
RE: and there's blood in my teeth [reich x pip] - Official - 05-14-2017 By my verdict: Reichenbach is the winner!
Reichenbach Realism [+2] You have a good mind for proper attack and injury, but you could benefit from more detail and explanation. For instance, it was difficult for me to understand how he’d grab Pippigrin out of the air, given that Pippigrin was swooping in for an attack so would have been moving very quickly, a dangerous place to stick your face. The additional detail could be used with describing surroundings and how they affect you, as well as the breed/stat differences between you and your opponent - especially given their massive differences. You gave a nod or two here and there, but nothing substantial so I was always left wanting more and it was difficult to fully visualize the pair of them dueling due to this lack of detail. Emotion [+1] Overall I didn’t feel a strong connection with Reichenbach during the fight. You would skim over his emotions, and mentioned how he’s quick to anger, but I never really felt it from him. Your posts focused mainly on action, and I would have liked more explanation for his reactions to the action and the motive for them! Prose [+2] Your posts were very easy to read and had excellent flow! A wider vocabulary and more time spent on imagery would help make this even more excellent. Readability [+2.5] Overall your posts were very understandable and lacking errors, though I did find this table hard to read due to text size and the thin font. P2: “...of Pippins horns…” (Pippin’s) “...tunnelled into the flesh....” (tunneled) P3: “...little hobbits short shoulder…” (hobbit’s) Finally tally: 38.5+(7.5*2)= 53.5 HP *******************************************
Pippigrin Realism [+1] I liked your attacks and you followed the damage rolls well, though some of your injuries could use more description to put detail to the pain being felt. For instance I was initially confused by how your rump was lifted up by a bite in the first post, and in your third post aside from being knocked to the ground I couldn’t tell what had been injured that was causing the blood and pain you were referring to. Your defenses could use greater explanation as well, because I didn’t fully get how Pippigrin wasn’t pulled out of the sky by Reichenbach, especially since his bit did get you - I didn’t imagine he could pull you out anyway given your momentum, but if he grazed off your neck that probably would have caused you to tumble, especially given you’d be so close to the ground in order to have hit him mid-air anyway. More explanation to breed and surroundings would also help bring this more to life! I especially expected this given how small Pippigrin is, but it seemed like it was barely mentioned. I really liked how you incorporated your rank magic though. There were a few instances where you had mild powerplay and timing that was off. P2: “...his teeth clenching and feathers splaying over the sweaty hide of his opponent.” (PP, Reich never mentioned this in his prior post) “Another wingbeat and each feather had drummed upon the traitors sheer skin, his horns bruising his nearside soulder and sending him off his feet.” (PP, Reich never mentioned feathers on him or being off his feet) P3: “..the hobbit flayed his wings once more against the flesh of his attacker…” (PP, Reich gets to decide if you wings touch him or not) “ Flaring his wings outwards in an attempt to halt himself, allowing the bay brute to pass him by, Pippin was caught off-guard by the splitting pain in his loins.” (Timing, you moved in on Reich in your last post to bite him and he took your bite and wrote as quickly turning around to assault you with his hooves. However you write this as if they pass by each other and you’ve the time to use your amulet, even mentioning standing and contemplating in another line before reacting to Reichenbach’s attack, which reads very slow and out of place compared to the timing Reichenbach set up in his prior post.) Emotion [+2] I really enjoyed Pippigrin’s upset response to this whole fight, being confused about their friendship and the start of the fight. I could definitely have used more feelings though, as this was strongest in your first and third post only, and for the most part was still overshadowed by action. Prose [+2] I really enjoyed your wide vocabulary and some of the great imagery you set. At times however your flow was a bit choppy. Readability [+2] A lot of these mistakes were minor, but heavily detracted from the posts due to the sheer amount of them. P1: “...gem-like sand specks and orphic, watercolour sky.” (not sure what orphic is, it just says ‘relating to orpheus’ on Google so I’m not sure how that fits). “Pippin, though; he dreamed in colour.” (Pippin though, he dreamed in colour. Semi-colon doesn’t work with that sentence.) P2: “The sucess of his...” (success) “Take that! was…” (should put the Tale that! In quotes to support the fact it’s a thought and the was being lowercase.) “...kept all noice to…” (noise) “...generally the halfling kept all noice to a complete minimum for now and prove his actions could be mightier than words.” (this reads weird) “Another wingbeat and…” (wing beat or wing-beat) “...upon the traitors sheer skin…” (traitor’s) “...his nearside soulder and…” (near side) “...his nearside soulder and…” (shoulder) “...his horns bruising his nearside soulder and sending him off his feet.” (losing track of who is what with all the his/hims, use names!) “...it was at contender.” (a) “...a great whince…” (wince) “He's be sure to seek out…” (he’d) “...possessed fr fear…” (for) “His own gaze of silver and stone sweeping over his rival, Pippigrin noted quickly…” (tense change) “Being less than half the size of his opponent's came…” (opponents) “Now reaching up wich his own…” (with) “...one of the weakest place on his…” (places) Finally tally: 31+(7*2)= 45 HP |