HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun
[P] Heavy - Printable Version

+- HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun (http://helovia.com)
+-- Forum: Out of Character (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=1)
+--- Forum: Archives (http://helovia.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11)
+--- Thread: [P] Heavy (/showthread.php?tid=27040)



Heavy - Glacia - 04-06-2017

Glacia

Shit. SHIT SHIT SHIT

Why can't fun just always be fun?! For some damned reason it always, and I mean always seemed to result in something. I could feel it, the missing of my normal heat cycle, and the slight roundness I had gained in the coming weeks. My mood was ever changing, but thankfully it wasn't erratic was the first time. But I still knew. I was late. Too late. Sometimes that stuff was late, but never was it this late.

Also I was sooooooo hungry. As I marched past the green scrubs it took all I had to not just stop and pig out. I was on a mission, and that mission was find Rikyn, and tell him everything. In truth maybe I was angry. I wasn't sure if at him or me. Mostly myself. But him too! He should have had enough sense to not fuck a friend!

And fear. So much fear. What if I lost this one too? What if when it all came, they where like Vidar? Lifeless? Could I live through that again? I would never touch another man again if that happened. I would become celibate. A fucking priest. Marry myself to duty of the gods. Something like that. I would consider myself barren, except for Kvasir. Wherever he was. I had heard from some of a young colt who matched his description. I just hoped he was okay. He was always independent. Like I was when I was younger. But I wasn't as scary as my mother. I was as militaristic as her. At all, actually.

The whole march (Because I was definitely not taking a leisurely slow) up here I had felt such a ramge of emotions. Anger, Fear... Hope? Still my stomach flipped, flopped, and curled. If horses could puke I would be dry heaving on my way here, because I would have run out of things to puke up. Even though I wanted to eat. It was all so confusing.

Pregnancy was confusing.

I knew I was getting very close, and I closed my eyes, trying so hard to not think of all this. I knew him. I had known him my whole life. Rhoa... Rhoa had been different. I didn't know what I felt for the dark brooding man. Childish crush? But Rikyn was so much different. He was the only friend I had. Or closest to one that I had. I didn't want to lose him. I took a sharp, deep breath, and opened my eyes. Courage. Because he deserved to know. He was responsible as well. I emerged to see the entrance. It looked different. And I missed it. My heart ached for the snow covered mountains... For the glacial conditions that where my namesake.

"RIKYN! SON OF THE ENGINEER AND THE GILDED TONG-..." My throat seized, choking the words from my mouth. My courage. It had dwindled and failed when I needed it. "I need you.." The only thing to come out. Whispered. I couldn't make it any louder. I just hoped he had heard my call, even if it had been cut short.


"Talk."
@Rikyn

image | bckg



RE: Heavy - Rikyn - 04-06-2017

I'm all you ever wanted


Duir finds her before I do.

At first, it’s her shouting that draws his attention, his antlered head lifting from where he’d been grazing, near the fore of the valley. Finding the mono-chromatic mare not far into the threshold of the Basin no sooner than he starts to look, the buck notices, aside from her shouting, of course, that she seems clearly upset about something; from her body language to the tone of her voice, the compassionate stag is entirely sure that she needs help, and that it’s, of course, my fault.

Hey, you, Glacia’s here, he projects to me, through our bond. Lifting my head and looking clear across the valley, I set out at a canter, not quite as concerned as Duir thinks I should be. Hurry up, he insists, earning an audible groan from me, as I ease my gait into a gallop, from my distant location, she use your whole name.

Approaching, wondering all the while what it is, my buck’s green eyes are curious, his ears lifting to catch the quietly muttered words falling after her shouts. Perhaps only a deer might hear such a small utterance, he thinks proudly of himself, approaching her without fear, his gaze soft with worry, reaching out touch her with his nose, while they wait for me to arrive.

As I thunder into view, eyes narrowing to better glimpse the two of them, her pretty as she always is, but her head is hanging too low for it to be a good sort of visit, and the gestures my companion is making towards her are the sort he gives those he’s consoling. Feeling my gut tighten up some seconds before my chest follows suit, I come to a stop wondering if she’s hurt, or if someone else has died.

I only wonder for a moment; I’m not stupid, after all. There is only one reason a girl shows up upset this many months after what she and I had done, the last I’d seen her. I know how nature works.

"Shit," I murmur to myself, mostly, because a lot of emotions suddenly hit me like a thousand tons of snow, thundering down a mountain face: worry, excitement, and absolute terror. At first, I want to run away. I almost don’t manage to keep my hooves beneath me, or to close the final distance between us…

"Hey," I say, first, when I do; meeting her eyes, I smile, meekly, wondering if maybe I should have found her before now, or if she’s angry, because I hadn’t, "it’s, uh. It’s good to see you. Especially here, of all places."

Pausing for a second, taking it all in, wondering when the last time I had seen her here was, I decide it doesn’t really matter.

"Are you okay?"



Я
what the other boys all promised

Image by VeerDesigns@DA - Code by Me

@Glacia


RE: Heavy - Glacia - 04-07-2017

Glacia

I was definitely not kept waiting by any manner. The quiet steps of the cyndyr draw my attention. I know him, and a soft smile lifts my features as he approaches. His nose reaches out and I reach mine to his. "Hello, Duir."

He stays with me while I wait, and I am happy to have the company. Duir is a calming presence as I wait for the young stallion to appear. I assumed that Duir had let Rikyn know that I was here. My head was drooped and looking away when Rikyn appeared. It lifted at the sounds of his thundering hooves. For a moment I looked at him while he looked at me. He mutters something, and my eyes drift over him noting that he looked tense, but he shuts the gap between us anyway.

"Hey," He says, and he smiles a charming, yet weak, smile at me. His eyes are on mine, and I can't help but wonder what he's thinking. Does he know? Is he scared? Is he nearly as scared as me? Is he angry? He didn't seem angry. And I felt mine dissipate. I was just so terrified. Hell, I was so lost in my own thoughts I almost missed what he said. "What? Oh. Yes. It's just as beautiful as the day I left." Sheepishly I look away, letting an awkward silence fall between us. Panic set in, squeezing my heart, threatening to crush it.

"Are you okay?"

I look back at him, and my body mindlessly moves so my chest is against his, and my neck and head against his warm side. I want to cry, but I'm forcing myself to hold it down. It's taking every last bit of me. "I'm petrified Rikyn. I..." I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "Your going to be a father. Which, I'm not sure if you figured out yet or not but I don't want the same thing to happen as last time. It-it-i-" I press harder against him, My breathing starting to become more erratic. It takes me a some moments to calm myself once more. "It would kill me to lose another." I breath a deep sigh, closing my eyes. "And before you ask, I am sure it is yours. Your the only one since Rhoa."

"Talk."
@Rikyn

image | bckg



RE: Heavy - Rikyn - 04-10-2017

I'm all you ever wanted


A small, peculiar noise (a deer’s hello) is offered to Glacia in response, though he is otherwise silent, even when I make it to the both of them.

She doesn’t promptly start yelling, which is a good sign. She does seem somewhat despondent, though, seeming to look out at the valley as she claims it’s as beautiful as it had been. Like mountains ever change, I think, not like life does, my guts twisting up inside of me with a dark worry, the foreboding image of her profile against the distant stone.

"You are too, you know," beautiful, that is, but the words die in my throat, strangled by immature embarrassment at such sentimental, sappy bullshit. It’s not how I was raised, to have these feelings twisting up inside of me, when I look at her, or the other girls who have drawn the attention of the boy inside myself who once dreamed of being a knight, a man worthy of their notice.

Sure, I’m a Lord now, and, sure, I know her in ways she knows me which are intimate and personal, but it doesn’t mean I’ve let her inside, or she me; it doesn’t mean I’m ready for this, for us. It doesn’t mean, when she turns her eyes back to me, that I know how to deal with the flip my belly makes at the sight of the fear in her gaze as she rushes towards me.

Slowly, I fold my neck down over her shoulders, eyes wide with my own private terror, carefully hidden behind her back. Absently, my lips find her mane, the dark strands which grow thick and unruly from the rise of her whither, but its for me, not her, because what she says…

"It’s going to be okay," I assure myself, her, the air, as I close my eyes, and do my best to swallow down my immediate fear, and instinct to pull away, and flee (anywhere but here, really), "you’re older now, better prepared…"

"And before you ask, I am sure it is yours. You’re the only one since Rhoa."

I do pull back, this time, stepping a full pace away, to look at her with a quite serious expression.

"Why would I have asked?" I emotionally, and perhaps naively, demand, disliking the connotations that she’s either a slut, or that I’m the sort of dick who thinks the girls he sleeps with are, "I like you, Glacia. I wouldn’t… I don’t think of you that way."

The level of personal that this has suddenly reached is grossly uncomfortable, and it’s written all over my face, and the furrow of my brow over my impassioned golden eyes. Inhaling, a slight shudder reverberating through the sound due the sheer volume of restrained emotion within me, I fumble about for words that don’t leave me open, vulnerable for her to hurt me later on, when she leaves.

Reaching out to touch her face, I try to meet her gaze as I pull back.

"Come be with me, here. Come home," I assure her, insist, implore, "the healers will tend to you, and I can watch over…"

Fuck. Why can’t I say it? Just say it! Our child, two simple words…

Pussy, Duir taunts.

"You," you, you and our child; so I can be there, in all the ways no one was for me; it’s too much, so I just get frustrated, and petulant instead, a storm brewing in my gaze the more I pack down behind my guise of having this all together, "I’m Lord now, so they have to do what I say. Let me take care of you, Glacia."

[ OOC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ]
Я
what the other boys all promised

Image by VeerDesigns@DA - Code by Me

@Glacia


RE: Heavy - Glacia - 04-10-2017

Glacia

"You are too, you know..."

It is a response to thinking this place was still beautiful. But I've already moved on. His neck wraps around me, warm, safe. His lips take my mane, and his words are that of a young man. He's not ready. Neither of us are. I already have one child, and I was still not in the least bit prepared for anything. But I said something wrong. I shouldn't have said it. As he pulls away, I shrink backwards, my face and neck curling back and downwards into my chest. "Wai-w-wait. No. I-I. I didn't mean it like that..." My eyes close and my ears turn to the sides in uncertainty. "I like you, Glacia. I wouldn’t… I don’t think of you that way." I look upwards at him, once more. Relaxing only slightly.

We where both messing up, trying so hard to not be scared, and then barely recovering from the mess ups. "I'm sorry..." I say meekly, looking up at his face, so chalk full of... everything? I watch as he inhales, and was that a shiver? But he doesn't leave me. He moves closer, his muzzle touching my face, and my eyes move to look back at his gold ones. I was not prepared for what was next however. I stare at him, shocked. Home?

I had thought about it, and there wasn't anything really keeping me at the edge anymore, after all. And I missed it here. Home. It deeply resonates with me. He was trying. He could run away, but he wasn't. He could stay up here, distant away from our... our child. But instead he was offering me a home here. Close. His voice rails off, but he finishes with saying you. Watch over me. Just me?

My mother was gone, my father missing... Kvasir... Who knew. The closest person to me was him. And I didn't even truly know him. How did I become so distant? Let me take care of you, Glacia. There is something in his eyes. Something bubbling. And I remain in silent shock. He was lord now? What had happened to Deimos? What had all happened in general? Slowly I blink, and press my face up against his. "Okay. I will. I want you to be involved, and if I stay in the Edge, I fear you wouldn't have the opportunity... Just." Slowly I pull away, to look at him. "If this happens... I need to be able to know you. Everyone else has left me. You are the closest to me now, and we don't even really know each other besides... Besides banter. Can you allow me in there?" Slowly my head moves away and my muzzle bumps his chest. I know I am asking so much of him... But I need it. I can't be this distant from everything anymore. And I was having a child with him. I didn't want him to be such a mystery. Like Rhoa.

My head pulls back and waits. I'm not sure how he would respond. Would it be to much? "Congratulations, My lord Rikyn. I do think you will make as good a leader as your mother. I remember her being very good." I try to smile. It is weak, but a start. Friends? Or something.


"Talk."
OOC: Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the beast
BASICALLY PLAYING IN MY HEAD RN AND I JUST WANT TO HUG THEM BOTH

@Rikyn

image | bckg



RE: Heavy - Rikyn - 04-12-2017

I'm all you ever wanted


She seems almost as if she’s frightened of me when I step away, which makes me feel even more frustrated and overwhelmed than I already do. I hadn’t meant to come across as angry, so much as, I don’t know, disappointed, I guess. Disappointed that she thought that I might lash out at her, or call her names, or otherwise insinuate that having slept with me, and having a son already, made her less respectable somehow, or proved she moved from man to man, like an object…

I’m sorry, she apologizes, and the anger at myself and at her clenches tight in my chest again. Don’t, I want to shout at her, but don’t, instead look back, and, before long, reach out to touch her face, inviting her back home, here, with me.

The silence that extends then is too long, and begins to dig into my spirit like claws. The longer I stand there, waiting, heart out on the open air, the more and more doubt creeps in, trying to swallow my bold confidence that, surely, she will chose me. Life, however, has routinely proven my overt pride wrong; the whims of fate care not that I believe I can conquer any task set before me, or that I am worthy of the admiration and respect of those I come into contact with.

It had taken, and maimed, and discarded, until all I had was that pride, laid cautiously over a pit of loss, tampered on either side of that black abyss by the meager relationships I had managed to sustain, despite my wild attempts to obliterate them all. It feels, as I stare at her, waiting, as if the recently placed stone I’ve labeled Glacia has begun to sink into the middle of my protective tarp, weighing it all down. The cold rises up in the pit of my belly, and my heart, at the bottom of that damp, barely covered hole of emptiness, begins to harden, layering itself beneath steel, preparing for the impact of her leaving…

When, at last, she answers.

I sigh relief into her hair, as it sways into my face when she presses her warm cheek against mine. When she steps away, holding my eyes with hers, however, my confidence again ebbs. Let her in? I think, the pleasant sensation of her lips on my chest only distracting enough to keep me from immediately fleeing, instead of stopping to think about it, first, like I do now. Who had I ever let in?

No one. I could lie to her, I suppose, tell her that I’ll give her my whole heart and soul, all that stupid shit in the love stories you hear to tell women you want to woo, but… I respect Glacia, as I told her. I don’t want to be untruthful, if I don’t have to, and, while, sure, maybe having someone to be there for you, and you for them, forever and ever, does sound nice, but I’m also not the man in those stories, nor she the maiden who was always being won over by a valiant, honorable prince or knight at the end. Sure, I was prince, well enough…

But I’d been raised by a woman who was more wolf than mother, and a father who, for all his love, was a man of his work, as much as he was a guide and mentor; he didn’t have time to chase a growing boy about, to make sure the lessons he learned were ones of justice, and not shadow.

I guess I take too long deciding what to say. She gives me congratulations, and my smile in reply is meager, especially so when she mentions my mother in correlation with goodness.

"I will be a thousand times the leader she was," I gruffly swear, to Glacia, myself, the mountain, with a borderline hostile determination that, to some, was perhaps frightening; I’d die if I was anything less than everything my mother had ever dreamed of being, and more. I’d spent too much time hating her and calling her worthless to not kick her memory’s ass into a ditch, where it belongs. I’m going to try to be a better parent, too, but… I look at the crystal horned mare before me with softer eyes, wondering how well I’ll do at that, if I can’t even talk to my future kid’s mom about more than the weather, or how nice her legs look. The sigh which is thusly procured after my impassioned pledge to be the best Lord in the history of Lording is long, and deep, and makes my buck roll his eyes.

"Look, Glacia…" I pause, mentally kicking myself onward, to get out the ugly truths of what I’m going to say – she can run away, if she wants to. Hell, I half expect her to – to leave me here, with the knowledge that, somewhere, I’ve made a life that I will never be a part of shaping. I’d accept that, at least more than I could accept telling her I’ll be everything she wants, to really let her and our kid down later on. "I’m not good at any of this shit. The whole what’s your favorite color, this is mine, or a ‘what do you think about this’ and ‘how does that make you feel…?’ kind of guy. I can’t tell you we’ll wind up in love and together forever and all that stupid crap in the stories you hear as a foal. Half those stories are bullshit, anyway, and you know it."

"All I can promise you is, well, me, as I am now," I conclude, deciding I’ve probably done enough verbal bludgeoning of our tentative relationship already, "and aside from having a lot of responsibility, now days… I guess I'm pretty well the worst choice you could have made, if you were looking for Prince Charming. But I’m not going anywhere, either. If you need me, me, I’ll be here."

[ OOC: RIGHT its ridiculous these derps derping ;_; ]

Я
what the other boys all promised

Image by VeerDesigns@DA - Code by Me

@Glacia


RE: Heavy - Glacia - 04-20-2017

Glacia

His response to my congratulations makes me cringe. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned anything. I get this sense, that we keep putting our hooves in our mouths. Each one of us taking turns. Why, oh why were we so awkward?

But he moves on, and I don't have to worry about any more on the subject. I listen carefully, taking his words into consideration. He was right. I shouldn't expect more of him. Wasn't this enough? Wasn't the fact that he hadn't ran away with his tail between his legs enough for me? He could always do that. No. He was being such a gentleman. And, while I had within the last five minutes said things I regretted saying, he was still good to me. He invited me home. Home.

I look up to him, and touch his cheek. "I don't expect you to love me Rikyn. I agree that those stories are tall tales. I don't want a prince charming. That is too perfect, and unrealistic. No matter who I love, they will never always be like that. No one can be that amazing. But you aren't the worst choice I could have made. There are far worse stallions in this world than you." I pull gently away, blue eyes watching him. "I wont ask you to open up to me, and I'll accept you as you are. Thank you. For offering me a home here once more. And not running off at finding all this out. I am sure it's a scary thing. But you can't be worse at parenting than I am so. " I shrug, and laugh nervously. "And thank you for being here too. I don't know if I can do this all alone this time. Especially if something happens again. I am extremely grateful."
"Talk."
@Rikyn
<333333 Much Derping
image | bckg



RE: Heavy - Rikyn - 04-27-2017

I'm all you ever wanted


Something about what I say pitches us into silence, again, and I’m left awkwardly staring at her with the same strange dagger twisting inside my body that first struck there when she’d told me she was expecting. The thought of the child inside of her rises to mind again, dragging up with it another insufferable urge to bolt past her and out into the passes, where they’d never find me.

Duir, however, touches his mind to mine with a gentle nudge, a sort of emotional insinuation that says I can do this, if I try. You raise me, he assures, flooding me with the feeling of who he is, what he will become; I can feel our souls twine together tightly, almost fusing with the pressure, before that tautness eases, and we are again an easy union of tethers, rather than the same.

It helps, some, this thought, but brings to mind new worries; I was stronger, for my companion’s presence, but I was also at risk, having come to rely on that strength. Like the cords of a rope, if he was to be severed, whatever I had come to hold would likely rend me in half. More cords perhaps kept me safer… but it also meant there were that many more to be broken, cut, taken.

Glacia becomes one of these bindings, suddenly, when she answers my deluge of truths with her own, hidden ones. I don’t hear the hidden hurt beneath “I don’t expect you to love me,” nor do I know that, for her, the reality that the tales are just that – tales – was perhaps more hurtful to her than it had been to me. The touch of her lips on my cheek is warm and distracting, her promises that I am not the worst choice, that, as I am, I might be enough for anyone

With a sudden movement, I step forward and wrap my neck around her shoulders, unless she pulls away, and mean to hold her there. It’s selfish, this embrace, meant for me, not for her, because my eyes are wet and my heart hurts, and she’s right. I’m afraid, and if I wasn’t so sure it was wrong to turn her away, to leave this terrifying path behind me…

I would.

"This time will be different," I promise her, but also, myself. This time, I can need her. I have to.

Clearing my throat, I leave the embrace only when I’m sure I’ve got my feelings in check, stepping back to meet Glacia’s eyes again, and my buck glances at me with worry before we both look out, together towards the cave I mention.

"I, uh, I sleep that way," the opposite side of the valley from my mother, not far from the crafter’s cave; the part of this land that I had felt at home in, not within chains, "it’s a pretty big cavern, and well lit by several clusters of glowing mushrooms. You can stay with me, there, if you’d like."

You don't have to come. You don't have to stay, either. Just tell me if you're going to leave, if you do.


Я
what the other boys all promised

Image by VeerDesigns@DA - Code by Me

@Glacia