the Rift


[PRIVATE] And we're burning all the bridges now

Miykael Posts: 136
Outcast
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 11 :: Birdsong
Eliana :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Rottie
#1
Alysanne &

Miykael
Birdsong has arrived but the snow has yet to disappear completely. Especially at this altitude. With birdsong came new beginnings and the perfect opportunity to attempt to fix his friendship with Aly. He had betrayed her by moving to the Falls - he knew, even though she was too polite to mention it. He had hurt her in so many ways when all he had wanted to do was love her and have her love him back. An apology wouldn't be enough, it couldn't take away all of her pain but it was all he could do. Resolute, he blew the nervous energy from his nostrils and set out for the Heavenly Fields with Eliana soaring comfortably above.

The weather was warming, the sun shining strong from its place in the sky; leaving the pair joyful as the ascended the terrain, heading upwards towards the mountain top where the Heavenly Fields lay. Their travel is rather short lived, arriving in the still snowy fields in less than an hour. His new home, he discovered, had a rather distinct advantage that he couldn't deny or resist - nearness to his favorite location in all of Helovia. The sun felt stronger here but it was a pleasant sensation following the chill of Frostfall. He sighs softly, relaxing into the peace of the moment. Unfurling his wings and lifting his nose upwards towards the light, he closes his blue eyes for a moment to just feel. The rays warming his dunskin pelt, the soft whispers of breeze tickling his hair and feathers.

"Go find her, Ellie. Bring her here to me...whatever it takes. Just... don't frighten her." his words are soft, just above a whisper and calm. The last bit, however, was a gentle warning and a tease combined. He opened his eyes as he spoke it, gazing at his companion with a knowing glint in his eyes and a small smirk curving his lips. He knew his companion's feelings on Aly, as well as her tendency towards extremes when given open-ended freedom like this. The night dark bird mentally rolled her eyes before taking off for the Edge. Miykael waits quietly for her to return - hopefully with Alysanne in tow.
Obsidian Dawn, Evelivesey, ISOStock
table by Sevin


@Alysanne
permission to powerplay Eliana <3
[Image: mikey_by_moonstone_designs-d9dgnba.png]
icon base: Bronzehalo :: from Nickel <3

permission for all except death and dismemberment.
** please tag miykael in replies **
replies slow? check here for status updates.

Odd the doer of things Posts: 115
Administrator atk: 23 | def: 42 | dam: 108
Mare :: Other :: 5"2 :: 27 HP: 108 | Buff: badass
Odd
#2
unarchived as per request

Alysanne the Devoted Posts: 641
World's Edge Queen atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16 hh :: 11 years HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Hemlock :: Flammulated Owl :: Heal & Cypress :: Great Horned Owl :: None Sarah
#3
Alysanne &

Miykael
Alysanne recognized the pretty zephyr as soon as she came into view, a mixture of joy and anger rising within her. She did not plan on following this summons, wasn’t sure if she was ready for the conversation that was going to follow. Would she ever be? She had turned into a coward, the angry mare that had left the Falls after the invasion had little in common with the cheerful mare that Miykael once knew. Unfortunately, it became very clear that Eliana would not be leaving alone, even when Hemlock tried to chase her off. He was fond of the night-bird but did not appreciate how pushy she was being.

“Oh, you win.” She conceded, not wishing to see the companions get in a fight because of her cowardice. With a gesture of her dark head, she asked Eliana to lead the way - a task the zephyr seemed willing to do, if only because it meant she did not have to be near Alysanne any longer. Hemlock opted to perch himself upon his bonded’s head for the trip - wanting to be flying alongside Eliana but unwilling to leave the mare as she spent the walk fretting. She realized that not only was she afraid about what this was about, but she was nervous. What did they have to say to each other? Hadn’t they each caused enough pain?

And then too soon, he was there. More beautiful that she remembered.

Did she even have a right to be angry with him? She was the one that should apologize, her crime was greater than his though his was the fresher wound.

“Mi…” And she suddenly wasn’t sure how to even address him anymore. Perhaps she had intended to stand there, with righteous fury protecting her from her own terrible deeds, but now that she was here she could not pretend. Guilt took over and choked her to the point where she could not even speak his name. Was he Mikey or was he Miykael to hew now? What must he think of her? Perhaps that was why he had stayed in the Falls with the rest of the treacherous herd members.  

Her body ached to rush toward him, to feel the comforting weight of his wings as they wrapped around her. Her nights had been restless now that he no longer slept at her side.  

But she couldn’t do that, did not deserve to do that, so she stopped while there were still four full lengths between them.

She was hurting, yes, but it was her own fault. She had done this, she had made this gap between them. And now she could not even find her voice to apologize, or even to greet him. She only just had the courage to stand where she was and watch him with sad green eyes. What now?
Obsidian Dawn, Evelivesey, ISOStock
table by Sevin


@Miykael
please tag Alysanne in replies
[Image: alysanne_by_schwartze-d89se15.png]
made by the lovely tamme
non-life threatening physical force is allowed at all times, but preference is to be checked with beforehand for any injuries

Miykael Posts: 136
Outcast
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 11 :: Birdsong
Eliana :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Rottie
#4
Alysanne &

Miykael
It felt like he had been waiting for ages. Long enough that it made him nervous, made him wonder if Eliana would succeed at all. Did she even want to talk to him? He can sense that Eliana is okay, their tight bond reassuring him of that at least. He paces, a hint of his inner turmoil showing clear in his sky blue eyes. He tries to focus on the sweeping golden grasses brushing against his legs, on the sun's warmth on his back but his own mind is far too loud. For a second, he considers giving up. For a second, he considers heading back home. Eliana's sudden call pierces the soft rustling of the fields, causing him to pause. Miykael stands frozen for a moment, his ear flicks to the side - zoning in on the zephyr.

But he still doesn't turn his head. Fear of the rejection he saw as impending holds him back. He feels Eliana as she soars closer to him. Feels her as she lands upon his back, comforted by the feel of her claws upon his withers. So consumed by his companion, he doesn't hear Alysanne's approach. 'Mi...' her voice, sweet as it usually is, seems different somehow. Almost pensive. And it tears him apart, little by little. He breathes deeply, fighting against the tumultuous swirl of emotions in his chest; anger, guilt, sorrow, fear, disgust, and the lingering remains of his love for her. As he turns to her, his blue eyes quickly and easily find the familiar emeralds, sending an ache coursing through him. In that instant, he's glad she kept some distance between them. It gave him the chance to at least attempt to say what he needs to, no matter how much he wants to just forget their arguments and erase the distance between them. "Aly..." he begins, purely out of habit but then he falls silent, pinning her with his tortured gaze.

The words evade him, choke him, render him speechless for several heartbeats.

"I'm sorry." the words practically burst from his lips, more abrupt than he intended. "I never should have pushed you. I should have gone to you... when we thought... Naerys..." but he can't even say it. He can hardly think about that messed up day. He'd been so fueled by Eliana's panic that he hadn't been thinking clearly. "If I cared for you as much as I believed I did, I should have been there for you when you needed me most." With that he drops his gaze. What else could he say? He'd been a fool. She had been wrong, too but to him... she wouldn't have made the choices she did without pressure from him. He'd pushed and pushed and pushed until she'd broken. He could see it here and now, the dimness of her once bright and joyful light. It was all his fault. Time had proven that much to him.

"I am such a fool..." he murmurs, his voice a mere whisper of breath, the words tainted with an intense anger - for himself.
Obsidian Dawn, Evelivesey, ISOStock
table by Sevin


@Alysanne
[Image: mikey_by_moonstone_designs-d9dgnba.png]
icon base: Bronzehalo :: from Nickel <3

permission for all except death and dismemberment.
** please tag miykael in replies **
replies slow? check here for status updates.

Alysanne the Devoted Posts: 641
World's Edge Queen atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16 hh :: 11 years HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Hemlock :: Flammulated Owl :: Heal & Cypress :: Great Horned Owl :: None Sarah
#5
Alysanne &

Miykael
When he turned to her it was like being stabbed through the heart, the stomach, a thousand knives all over her body. She caused that pain - that was her legacy. The torture she saw there was enough to bring tears to her eyes which she hastily turns to hide, guilt winning out over the anger she thought would protect her from this conversation. How could she call him her friend when she had treated him so terribly? The desire to run rises in her as those silent seconds stretch the distance between them. It was a mistake to follow Eliana here, such a mistake. Better to run back to the Edge and hide as she had been hiding, it was safer there.

But as she is making up her mind to leave, he speaks. That voice with all the sadness in the world stalls her and she knows that he truly blames himself for what happened between them. He’d always carry the burden of her mistakes, the faithful angel that fell from grace to save everyone. “No, no.” She doesn’t want to hear his apology - doesn’t want to forgive him or herself. What did she have if she let go of the anger and guilt that had been driving her for the past few seasons? She didn’t know what she was without them anymore, could barely remember a time when she hadn’t known what anger was.

She doesn’t have the courage to look at him when she replies, her voice quiet. She couldn’t even begin to apologize for the things she had done, for this rift that existed between them now. “I don’t blame you for leaving, I was so terrible to you. I thought I was doing the right thing… I was so sure. And we were so happy for a while I thought it could truly work.” He wasn’t the only one she had tricked, the illusion had settled on her as well. Throughout her pregnancy she had enjoyed the time they spent together, felt the comfort of his presence. It wasn’t all fake, she did love him but it was never what he wanted. She wasn’t capable of that sort of love, really. She loved everyone equally, with all her heart, and there simply was nothing more to give those that asked of it. Even her time with Sasha had been born out of her simple comments, comments she would say to anyone. And she had loved him too as she loved Mikey - but there had never been any way for her to explain that to others.

No, she didn’t blame him for leaving. That was her fault. “But… I needed you. And Naerys, oh Mikey, I’ve ruined our daughter. I wasn’t fit to raise her on my own, she thinks so little of me now.” She had never raised a foal before, not one of her own blood. With those she adopted it was so easy, they had known hardships and she came in to fix them. But Naerys had started out perfect - there was nothing for her to fix. Had she ruined her relationship with her daughter just as she had with Artorius? The thought sickened her - motherhood was always what she craved but she was so terrible at it when it truly came down to it.

But what else could she think? Naerys was so fond of others in the herd, especially Mauja, and took to wandering so often, getting herself injured in new ways every day. If she had grown up with Miykael, she would have been safe. Instead she had an absent mother - not physically, Alysanne had always been in the Edge, but mentally. Certainly not the mother that she deserved.

"You're not the fool, and I-I don't even deserve the title 'fool', I've become something so much worse." He had been the demon in Nocturne but she held that mantle now, nothing but a twisted copy of the smiling mare she once had been.
Obsidian Dawn, Evelivesey, ISOStock
table by Sevin
please tag Alysanne in replies
[Image: alysanne_by_schwartze-d89se15.png]
made by the lovely tamme
non-life threatening physical force is allowed at all times, but preference is to be checked with beforehand for any injuries

Blu the Bootyful Posts: 443
Administrator atk: 99 | def: 99 | dam: 99
Mare :: Other :: 5'7" :: 25 HP: 99999 | Buff: TWERK
Blu
#6
unarchived per request
 HP: 1100

Helovia Hard Mode

Miykael Posts: 136
Outcast
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 11 :: Birdsong
Eliana :: Common Zephyr :: Roc Rottie
#7
miykael

What have they done to each other? And how could they have possibly gotten to this dreadful point from where they began? Alysanne had been beaten and broken the night he'd met her and though he'd helped to pick up the pieces and mend what he could - over time, he'd only broken her right back down. Guilt churns in his gut as he watches her and his own pain is completely forgotten, pushed to the wayside like a pile of garbage. He wants to reach for her, to hug her and wipe away her tears but the air between them has changed so drastically that he holds back. They aren't the same now and he cannot help but to blame himself for that change. Yes, Iona was the one that came to him about blocking out Aly's memories but it was he who agreed and it was he who stuck around.

He had followed her around like a lost puppy, so desperate for her love that he couldn't see the truth.
He should have left her alone.

She's quiet when she finally speaks but it doesn't escape his notice that her emerald eyes never once look upon him. Is she ashamed? Does she blame herself? Wait, that's a silly question. Of course, she blames herself. He and Alysanne are so terribly alike in that manner - both would always try and shoulder all the blame regardless of the situation. It was one of the reasons why they never would have worked out anyway. Only Miykael had been unable to see it. He shakes his head as she speaks, even though she isn't likely to see it what with her gaze locked onto some random spot - anywhere that wasn't his face. "And I don't blame you, Aly. You weren't terrible to me, you were honest. You told me you didn't love me that way but I didn't listen. I didn't want to hear it, I just... I just wanted you to love me the way I thought I loved you. And I do love you, even now, just..." his voice trails off and he exhales softly in a sigh before continuing. "...not in that way." In short, he'd been wrong. And he knew that if he hadn't pushed her so hard, they wouldn't be in this mess right now. He'd manipulated her, pulled on her innate kindness on such a deep level that she'd been left with little choice but to try and pretend for a little while.

As if pretending would lead to the perfect, happily ever after ending he so craved.

"But that isn't even where it all starts." he finally continues, temporarily resisting the urge to pace as he lets it all out. "Aly, I should have refused Iona when she asked me to block those memories. It wasn't my place to intervene and you deserved to have a say. It's your mind, your memories, your life. But I need you to understand that our hearts were in the right place - we didn't mean to harm you, we only wanted to help you." Or, at the very least, he should have done it then disappeared like he suspected Iona had intended for him to. Aly's personality and presence pulled him in, her joy had been like a beacon - the light in the lighthouse in the middle of a storm.

Little did he know that he was that storm.
He had smothered her light, leaving it dull and angry amidst the darkness.

The moment she begins to speak of Naerys, however, he quickly closes the gap between them and moves to her with the intent of wrapping her up in a hug. "Oh, Aly. No." he begins, his deep voice soft and barely above a whisper. "You have not ruined her. Do you remember what you were like when you were her age? Naerys is exploring; she's trying to learn about her world, figure out who she is and her place within it. She's made some brash decisions, thrown herself into dangerous situations that she never should have taken part in but she's young, Aly, she's not thinking of the consequences because she's simply not capable of doing so. I doubt that the concept of death has ever crossed her mind... and that's perfectly normal. The world is still innocent to her and as hard as it is to stand by and watch her put herself in danger, there are things that she must learn on her own." At this point, he finally pulls back again (despite his own reluctance to do so). He attempts to lock his blue eyes onto her green ones before he finally speaks again. "She adores you, Aly, she just doesn't fully understand that yet. Give her time. Life, after all, is the greatest teacher." he offers her a gentle smile then, hoping that his speech would help Aly to let go of some of her guilt. He knew that, to some extent, he'd lifted some of that guilt off her shoulders and promptly placed it upon his own. He never should have left.

He knew (perhaps always knew) that he'd be plagued by all the what-ifs. If he'd stayed, would it have been any better? Perhaps he and Aly actually needed the space, perhaps they reaped some benefit from not being in each other's pockets. But if he'd stayed, maybe things with Naerys would be different (worse or better he simply couldn't decide). What if he hadn't blocked Aly's memories in the first place? Would she have declined the way that Iona feared she would or would she have grown stronger over time? There were so many decisions he'd made that, in looking back on them now, he couldn't see which path was the right path. Every path seemed wrong, every choice leading to an outcome he didn't like. Perhaps he never should have fallen in the first place - maybe then everything would be okay.

"We've both made mistakes, Aly, but you aren't a fool nor are you worse. You're trying your best and for your sake and Naerys', you need to remember that and try to forgive yourself." he concludes, hoping his words somehow make it through and help her to mend herself. Miykael never expected her to be perfect or flawless - it was her flaws that he found endearing in the first place. So with all of that off his chest, he gazes upon her with a soft, encouraging smile upon his face.


maybe one day you'll understand why
everything you touch surely dies
Coding by Tamme; Lineart by Blu


@Alysanne
[Image: mikey_by_moonstone_designs-d9dgnba.png]
icon base: Bronzehalo :: from Nickel <3

permission for all except death and dismemberment.
** please tag miykael in replies **
replies slow? check here for status updates.

Alysanne the Devoted Posts: 641
World's Edge Queen atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16 hh :: 11 years HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Hemlock :: Flammulated Owl :: Heal & Cypress :: Great Horned Owl :: None Sarah
#8



She doesn’t deserve his forgiveness, but of course he gave it anyway. Minimizing her sadistic plot and taking the burden onto himself. Alysanne felt like she knew what the guilt was that was churning in him - for it was the same in her. And then he was going further back into their history, apologizing for the very thing that had linked them in the first place. Who would they be now, if he hadn't had the compassion to take away her memories? “I do understand and I love you both all the more for the kindness you showed me. It was just…” She recalled the sick feeling of the betrayal, mingled so thoroughly by her love for both Iona and Miykael. “It wasn't so much that you had done it. Oh Mikey it was such a shock to remember what had happened. The things he did to us…” Clouded with time she couldn’t say for sure what had been an illusion and what had been real - but maybe she never knew and that was why they had done what they thought was right. Everything that had happened the past few years had been such a mess. Would they have been happier if they had stayed in Nocturne? If she hadn’t gotten lost in that snow storm and ended up here…

“She’s here, you know.” Alysanne didn’t want to think about the memories anymore so she brought up something else. “Iona. She found me.” A smile played on her lips at the thought of her sister - how it had felt to see Naerys lead her aunt into the Edge. At one time or another, everyone she had ever loved had been drawn to Helovia.

True to form, true to himself, when she started to fall apart Miykael was there to hold her together. She accepted his hug, burrowing her face into the familiar scent of his mane and letting his reassurances wash over her. “I hope you’re right.” She thought he was, thought he could be. Her green eyes swimming with tears that she continued to fight as he pulled back so they could look at each other. “She’s too much like us, you know. I’m afraid it’s going to get her into trouble.” A tentative, shaking smile tugged at the corners of her mouth with this joke. She had never realized how much her ability to give compassion freely might give those that looked after her something to worry about. Alysanne had always put others before herself but she rarely thought about the consequences her actions had on those that cared about her.

He was encouraging her to forgive herself but she was already shaking her head. “It’s so hard.” She could forgive everyone else but herself. Where would she even begin?

Even now her mind did not want to entertain the thoughts so it moved on to other things. “Do you think we can be friends, after all of this?” She pulled even away from him (her body instantly missing his heat) so that she could watch his face as she asked the question. What sort of friends would they be from this point forward? Could they move past this game of hot-potato with guilt, only they never wanted to pass it on - both she and Mikey would let themselves burn to save the other. Or that was how it had been, once. She didn’t even know what sort of friendship she could offer him now. But she would like the chance to try.
Alysanne</style>
I lit a flame in my heart to guide you home.</style>

image credits
table by boom <3


@Miykael
please tag Alysanne in replies
[Image: alysanne_by_schwartze-d89se15.png]
made by the lovely tamme
non-life threatening physical force is allowed at all times, but preference is to be checked with beforehand for any injuries


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