the Rift


[JUDGED] Have you no idea you're in deep? [Meg]

Archibald the Dauntless Posts: 386
Absent Abyss atk: 6.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Equine :: 18.3 hh :: 10 years HP: 80 | Buff: SHIELD
Loretta :: Alaskan Malamute :: Time Slip Time
#1
archibald & loretta


They took for granted your soul
And it's ours now to steal


Why have you chosen this place? Loretta asked, tail flicking behind her agitatedly. This is stupidly dangerous. 

Archibald merely rolled his eyes and grunted at the bitch, his momentum still pressed forward. There is never improvement in strategy and skill if you take an easy route. Be silent, hound. He snorted to finish, thick tree-trunk like limbs lifting into a trot that carried him into a small clearing. His companion, silenced despite the thick wall of discontent, followed him loyally. Her crimson rimmed ears perked forward as the behemoth stopped. There is no opponent. She spoke plainly as the golden-eyed King looked around the forest. Above their heads the canopy hung low, but thick, and blocked out the noontime sun that the pair knew raged outside of the forest. Birdsong was in full swing, and the muddy remnants of Frostfall were drying up with the approaching summer. One will come. The Dauntless comforted his companion, turning to look towards where they had just come.


The pair had not stretched their fighting muscles since the invasion. All winter the pair spent long hours on politics, patrols, and watching the herd. As hard as Archibald's heart beat for being a leader, especially a leader of the "family" he had acquired, there was a pull, strong and undefeatable, at his heart from his warrior's roots. The beast within the dark stallion's chest was ravenous for blood, and its talons clawed deep, its voice growling and screaming to be released. This fighting itch he felt, the burning and tingling desire within his breast, could not be dealt with against someone of his own herd--save that for Ktulu, perhaps--and he traveled away from them in search of someone else, be it an outcast or an ally, to quench the thirst. 


"I call forth an opponent for battle -- be not faint of heart!" Archibald roared into the dark forest, stomping his feet eagerly. Muscles clenched beneath obsidian fur and molten eyes narrowed. The steel breastplate against his chest thumped as he pranced, head tossing above his broad shoulders.





[PC: 0/3 | WC: 342 | Setting: In the darker depths of the Dark Forest. Large, overhanging, but mostly dead, trees surround them with no break in the canopy and the nearest branch being about ten feet off the ground. There is only a small clearing (about seven feet x five feet)
, and the underbrush around the clearing is thick with brambles and large logs. Several large rocks dot the clearing. This is a truly treacherous place to battle. Move with caution. @Megaera ]



Image Credits | Table code by tamme


Through the ages of time
I've been known for my hate,
but I'm a dealer of simple choices;
for me it's never too late.


please tag me

Megaera the Sunspear Posts: 306
Absent Abyss atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 h :: 8 [Birdsong] HP: 70 | Buff: NOVICE
Gwaihir :: Golden Eagle :: None Laine
#2
She's mad, but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire.


The Sunspear crashed through the trees with no care for who or what heard her approach. She hoped something would hear, something dark and dangerous and nasty that she could decimate. Oh, how she ached for a fight, for a release, for some kind of satisfaction beyond snapping as many branches at she could in this accursed forrest. What a hateful place. she growled at the raptor on her withers and an angry click if a beak and ruffle of feathers was his vehement approval of those words. He clutched at the thick leather across her shoulders, swaying with her motion and ached to see the sky again. These two were no forrest dwellers.

Still, through the forrest they must travel on their journey home. Megaera had reached the Bloody Falls well after the battle had died and only found a portion of the family she sought. If the others had been hurt, they would have made their way home on foot and there was no way the Sultana could have found them from the sky. With every step her ire grew; she had flown north in a towering rage and had been robbed of a fight, and now the threat of missing herd members had her anger simmering. If every single Dragon’s Throat member who had fought was not accounted for when she reached the sands, Cathun would answer for it. If Gaucho had not already dealt with it, Meg would cull him from their ranks. She had no use for warriors who ran.

The booming bellow that echoed through the trees was a siren’s call and the wild Sultana hastened to answer. The voice was not all together familiar but neither was in unheard before now. Archibald the Dauntless… and perhaps she should have been daunted by the prospect of meeting that mountain in single combat but she was just reckless enough, just wild enough, to risk it. She called out when she spied him though the heavy branches. “Faint of heart I have never been. Find your opponent here, Archibald.” Her voice might have been deep for a mare, but was a chiming bell compared to his and she flashed a daring grin at the beast.

She halted her advance where the trees opened onto the small space and eyed the scene. The mountain pranced with a mutt at his heels and branches pressing in on all sides. Good, if she couldn’t fly, maybe he couldn’t throw his weight around either. Canopy. Now, and stay their! The eagle did not take kindly to the order but with another mental prod from his Meg, he went. He was young, she thought, too young to risk, so he would only be an extra pair of eyes today. Meg could only worry about Archibald now, not even his little dog’s teeth could do as much damage as he in close quarters.

Talk to him, she thought to herself, distract him… “Seems you and I both missed out on the Time God’s fight. You might want to watch your borders Czar, there are strange beasts about.” Even as she spoke, her body prepared itself for a hard fight. The long muscles in her legs tightened ready to move forward and her wings tucked themselves tightly against her sides, they’d only get in the way here. “You might have gone hunting bears if you were spoiling for a fight, but I guess I’ll have to do.” Her black eyes darted around the tiny caring, making a mental map or rocks and brambles and logs, any obstacle to be avoided for agility would probably the only advantage she held over this war machine. When her eye’s returned to the stallion’s face, she gave a wild grin, a little teasing and a lot reckless. And then she turned on the light.

In the shade of the deep forrest her magic exploded in a blinding blaze and in its cover she lunged forward. She’d only have a few seconds of actual light, but hopefully the stud and his bitch would be disoriented for longer than that. She dug into the earth, propelling her body forward, trying to position herself with her right side next to his left. Trying to judge the height, she gave a wild kick with her hind legs towards his head and throat. Amy other place on his body would be covered in too much muscle for her to do much damage, but there he’d be just as exposed as any.


“The Sunspear Speaks.” 
PC: 1/3
WC: 749
Extras: Wearing her leather armor. Used this magic:
Summary: Meg approaches Archibald and pauses to survey him and the scene, speaks briefly. She uses her beacon magic to blind and disorient Archibald and Loretta and lunges to run past his left side, kicks with her back legs aiming at his head/neck. Gwaihir is perched high in the canopy, watching.]

FAC FORTIA ET PATERE
be brave and endure
:: permission given for use of magic and force :: please tag Megaera in all posts ::

Archibald the Dauntless Posts: 386
Absent Abyss atk: 6.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Equine :: 18.3 hh :: 10 years HP: 80 | Buff: SHIELD
Loretta :: Alaskan Malamute :: Time Slip Time
#3
archibald & loretta
They took for granted your soul
And it's ours now to steal

The ground was truly treacherous. The Dauntless had chosen this spot with much consideration, but perhaps it had not been the wisest. Too proud to let Loretta hold it over his head, Archibald denied the thoughts and pressed them away. Loretta trotted around the giant as he pranced, a wild and excited smirk on her face. Her amber eyes admired the way his muscles rippled beneath his pelt, gold eyes ablaze with the desire to decimate. Loretta, loyal yet fierce to her core, had been standing by Archibald for years as a battle partner--this was her itch just as much as it was his. They were two bodies but one soul, two minds but one heart. They balanced each other, fueled each other, and supported each other. They were titans, bringers of destruction and death. Today, like many before this, was a day to show their domineering strength and prowess on the battlefield--no matter the terrain. The sound of an approaching beast caught both the attention of the stallion and the cur, and Loretta nearly shuddered with the anticipation of what it was.

Dark brown flickered between dull grey trunks and Archibald's ears rotated forward, golden eyes narrowed some on the incoming target. As the voice rang out from behind the spires of trees, Archibald knew who it belonged to. Megaera. The newly crowned Sultana of the Dragon's Throat. She had visited his borders not too long ago, and Archibald was not impressed by her presence or her politics--but still, the Throat and the Falls stood as allies in arms. As little as Archibald held regard for the leaders of that herd, Kahlua and Kaj had made the agreement when they needed their support in battle. Above it all, Archibald was a king--a czar--and he had to accept what was best for his herd and his family. The Throat's alliance had been that--not only for the support to his herd, but for the refuge the desert had given his children in their time of need. Soon, Archibald knew, his daughter would join him beneath the majestic falls of his home; but, until she was at his side, she was safe within the borders of the Sultana's land. 

Her words caught him off guard, and his ears pinned at the almost-threat she had given. It was not a direct threat, but a warning; a warning that there was something not quite right in Helovia. But, when was there? Helovia was a land of mystery and action, magic and new life. Constantly there was change in the air, and the Dauntless was never truly prepared for what all of that meant--was anyone?  Curiosity flickered in the shared minds of bonded and companion, and the Czar made a note to ask the Sultana about the Time God's fight after theirs was complete. "I'll have my eyes open." Archibald nodded with a snort, his bunching muscles and prancing still keeping him moving and prepared as the Sultana entered the clearing. Megaera was much shorter than the titan before her, compact and undoubtedly more agile and quick than the blood-hungry stallion. Tucking his chin and arching his neck, Archibald snorted, preparing to move forward towards her when a sudden light burst between them.

With an uninhibited gasp of shock, Archibald reared and lifted his chin into the air. The thick forelock he held moved to help shield his eyes from the light, but even as he reared and moved away from it he saw several white dots come to blur his vision. An angry snarl bounced into the clearing, rendered from the depths of Loretta's throat as she jumped away from Archibald for a moment and into the darkness of the forest. The bitch yelped as Archibald sucked in another breath, both the war-torn beasts landing in thick, thorny brambles in their attempt to flee the light. The vines ripped at Archibald's lefts, tangling in his thick feathers. A few thorns managed to scrape the less haired part of his leg, as well as stick into Loretta's coat on her sides. With his head still held above them in his slight rear, Megaera's hooves missed their target and merely managed to clip the underside of his neck, near his shoulder. Thrusting himself forward and down, Archibald bucked up his massive, steel-clad back hooves in an attempt to slam them into the bay's right shoulder. Loretta scrambled towards where Megaera had entered the woods, avoiding Archibald's plate-sized hooves and launching her silverlined magic towards the Sunspear, attempting to diminish the mare's mental capacity to that of a filly. 

Finishing his buck, Archibald summoned his armor to cover his hardened body and spun around, hoping to face the mare. If she could use the leather to dampen his attacks, he would use the metal to thwart her's. 



[PC: 1/3 | WC: 800 | Magic used: (by Loretta) Time slip: another, making them think they are a young child for 30 seconds .]

Image Credits | Table code by tamme


Through the ages of time
I've been known for my hate,
but I'm a dealer of simple choices;
for me it's never too late.


please tag me

Megaera the Sunspear Posts: 306
Absent Abyss atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 h :: 8 [Birdsong] HP: 70 | Buff: NOVICE
Gwaihir :: Golden Eagle :: None Laine
#4
[quote='Megaera' pid='151958' dateline='1441053865']
She's mad, but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire.


The Sunspear felt her hooves find purchase in the muscled neck but it was a disappointing result. The Dauntless was far too tall and his rear must have pulled the true target out of her reach for she did not hear the crack of a jawbone or feel the tear of flesh, she might have left a welt on his neck but it would do her no real good in a spar with such a beast. A growl rumbled in her throat, an expression of both the frustration at her lacking strike and annoyance at the thick underbrush that was now very much in her way. The branches and brambles rose up to meet her as she tried to sail past the stallion; her best chance in this fight would have been quick attacks and quick retreats, making sure she was out of the way for his powerful rebuttals but the forrest itself blocked her hasty escape. She was not made for this terrain, not prepared; the bay mare was at home on the vast dunes of the desert and made for the open sky and this was a beast of the land. The Dauntless chosen his battleground well and perhaps she had answered his summons too rashly. No turning back now…

His hooves slammed into her right shoulder like an iron hammer. The massive discs rimmed in steel met her armor and made no cuts (perhaps one of the boney spikes had even jabbed the sensitive inner hoof) but the leather layers were a poor defense against the sheer force. She gave a yell, the pain in her shoulder forcing it out and the building battle-rage lacing it with a reckless wildness that tore through her throat like fire. Above, a sharp cry echoed Megaera’s as her pain became Gwaihir’s ”Let me come!” he insisted but her denial was firm, To young she thought, he is still too young. Megaera tried to keep moving forward but the unbalanced effort took the shock-numbed shoulder and set it to a hot, stomach-churning throb. Still, she had to had to turn or else she would be a sitting target for those hooves again. Move! she told her limbs, and at the same moment heard the eagle’s voice in her mind as he shouted a warning. ”Dog!”

Megaera thrashed, pivoting in the thick underbrush that reached up and tried to trap her where she stood, but the red mutt was coming, she had heard Gwarhir’s warning and a flicker of his view passed over her own sight to show the little beast leaping after her. She faced the little clearing again, finally, ready to fend off the dog’s teeth with her steel-covered head slung low but instead of teeth she was hit by the canine’s magic and became a child again.

They’ve come… They’ve come to hurt me again. the thought rose up in the girl’s mind like it had so many times. Nearly every day her half-brothers came to find her, to kick and bite her and pluck the feathers from her wings, because she was small and female, because her mother had been a transient whore, because they could. Terror flooded the mare as her mind was forced back to the horror that had been her childhood. Even wingless, the towering form of the Dauntless before her was all too reminiscent of the brothers that had held their full-blooded draft builds and the advantage of years above her as an ever-present threat. The panic flooded her but the angry words of her father echoed in her memory and pinned her in place for fear of his retribution: ”STAND YOUR GROUND, YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE BITCH!” A wail of terror left her and beneath her steel faceplate tread formed to blur her vision.

The eagle felt the change in his bonded and immediately leapt into action despite her previous order to stay out of reach. All that harm, all that fear that had plagued his Meg for years and he had not been able to help her, to protect her, and he’d be damned if he would let her face it alone now. He plummeted from his perch in the trees, aiming to latch his long talons into the dog’s scruff and drag it’s attention and it’s teeth away from his Meg. Though she felt the support of her companion, Megaera’s childish mind did not recognize it and the presence of another’s voice only terrified her further. Stand your ground! the remembered voice echoed again and the girl did the only thing she could. Lifting herself into a rear, she flailed wildly. Her front hooves and armored head trashed, desperate only to block any attack the fell upon her from her brother the stallion.


“The Sunspear Speaks.” 
PC: 2/3
WC: 798
Extras: Wearing her leather armor. Used this magic:
Summary: Meg git hit in her right shoulder and stumbles into the thick underbrush. She turned to defend/attack again but is hit by Loretta's magic and is sent into a panic. Gwaihir leaves his high perch and attacks Loretta, trying to grip the back of her neck and pull her away from Meg. Still thinking she is a chile again, Meg rears and thrashes towards Archibald with her forelegs.

FAC FORTIA ET PATERE
be brave and endure
:: permission given for use of magic and force :: please tag Megaera in all posts ::

Archibald the Dauntless Posts: 386
Absent Abyss atk: 6.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Equine :: 18.3 hh :: 10 years HP: 80 | Buff: SHIELD
Loretta :: Alaskan Malamute :: Time Slip Time
#5
archibald & loretta
They took for granted your soul
And it's ours now to steal

Sadistic pleasure ruled in Loretta's mind, the idea of defeating the Sultana at the side of her bonded rolling over and over again between her ears as he magic wormed its way into the woman's brain. Toes spread and the malamute braced her weight, sides stinging with the pinpricks she received from the brambles. We've got her, Archibald. The dog laughed over their bond, tail sticking straight up in the air. Do not be so arrogant, Archibald scolded, watching the woman as he faced her. He waited, body poised and coiled ready for response. The familiar scene unfolded before him. Terror filled Megaera's eyes as a sense of childhood drowned her. Grunting, a hint of his satisfaction, Archibald's neck arched and he propelled his body forward. In these close quarters, his lack of speed was not as much of a handicap as it had been in his fight against Ophelia. Their battlefield had been a wide open range, though with a cliff on one side. The Forsaken's speed and agility had reigned there, as Archibald knew the bay's would have, too. In this place of damnation and darkness, however, they were surrounded in a cage. Not even Megaera's wings could help her flee from the Dauntless' strength and mastery of battle.

As the Sultana rose on hind hooves to throw her front dagger-like extremities toward Archibald, he was somewhat impressed by her resilience. OFtentimes Loretta's magic was paralyzing. Perhaps, like Archibald, Megaera had been taught to fight before she even was weaned from her mother's tit. Tucking his chin more, Archibald aimed the flat spikes along his armor for Megaera's undercarriage. His attack was met with the ferocity of her wild flailing, and Archibald felt the ringing collision of her hooves against the metal of his armor. A kick delivered so powerfully shifted one of the plates along his neck, making the edge cut into the muscle below his crest. A small roar of surprise and pain ripped from his maw, ajar to help bring in more air. Golden eyes narrowed beneath his wolfhelm and Archibald continued to push forward--and quickly. He wanted to push Megaera back into the underbrush, perhaps even throw her off balance. Remembering his fight with Romani, so many years ago, the Dauntless suddenly shifted his weight. His forward momentum ceased, and instead, the giant reared. Flinging his massive head up and back, Archibald hoped his sword-like spikes would leave deep lashes within the mare's breast or the underside of her neck. Perhaps, if his timing were perfect, he would crack the top of his wolfhelm into her pretty little jaw. The sight of Romani flinging away from him and into the grasses of their home played in his mind's eye, brought to fruition by his battle-scarred memory. Oh, how in this moment he wished to see the leather armored Sultana land smack on her back on her as in the brambles. The idea would have brought a sickening smirk to his lips--so reminiscent of Mandrake--were he not so focused on this scuffle.

The scream of the eagle had been lost to Loretta in her bloodlusted splendor. The sound of the approaching creature, however, was not lost on her deft ears. Turning amber eyes to the incoming raptor, Loretta snarled. Her snarl was quickly accompanied by a yelp as talons sharp as razors dug into her scruff. The malamute was accustomed to the agony, but that did not mean it was welcomed. Trap-like jaws snapped wildly for the bird, hoping to grab onto a wing. Pupils dilated in her amber pools as a raw, primal, predatory fury overtook her heart. She was the fucking dragonslayer and this chicken would find its demise in the steel-like hold of her jaws. Her red and white body shook as she lowered her head again, hoping to dislodge the bird either by pulling him off with her teeth or by her furious shaking. The Dauntless felt the raging, stinging pain suddenly erupt over the length of his neck, near where his own armor had cut into his skin and muscle. Animosity bubbled within his chest, the unbridled vehemence suddenly overcoming everything that he was. In the wreckage of this forest, with the sounds of this riot clanging about, Archibald released magic toward Megaera. His body throbbed, both with pain and adrenaline. He was growing warm beneath his steel armor, sweat creating foam as his sleek hair rubbed against the softened leather that muffled attacks against his body. Small streams of blood trickled down his pristine white legs, staining his feathers crimson as blood thickened and tangled the hairs together.




[PC: 2/3 | WC: 769 | Magic used: [Magic: Earth (U) | The ability to turn another's bones to stone, causing immobilization or slower movement ::  Restrictions: Bones are turned to actual stone; the effects will wear off gradually; in battle, attack lasts for 50 seconds. Can only be used once in a post | Armor ref: http://sta.sh/02dcdhbaern8]

Image Credits | Table code by tamme


@Megaera

Megaera the Sunspear Posts: 306
Absent Abyss atk: 6.5 | def: 10.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 h :: 8 [Birdsong] HP: 70 | Buff: NOVICE
Gwaihir :: Golden Eagle :: None Laine
#6
[quote='Megaera' pid='151958' dateline='1441053865']
She's mad, but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire.



The opponents she chose could have been listed as and argument for her madness: Hector, Gaucho.… And now she chose Archibald? Was it a testament to her towering courage, her brave heart, that she wanted to test and train herself against the best? Or was it a death wish?

She smelled the blood that came dripping from where his own armor had cut him; a sickly metallic scent that should had given her a triumphant thrill. As it was, she was only just fighting her way to thinking like the grown Sultana again instead of the terrified filly and was only allowed the brief space of time to recognize the smell, to know what it must mean, and then her head felt like it must have been split in two.

Two of the spikes of Archibald’s armor raked her throat, taking advantage of the spot left bare by armor that now seemed so flimsy and worthless compared to his. Blood pooled and dripped from the twin lines, streaking down her chest. She didn’t know it, couldn’t feel it, for almost at the same instant his wolfshead helm and raised to slam into the underside of her bladed headpiece. Her head was wrenched upward, pulling harshly on the muscles in her neck while her lower jaw felt the bruising slap of the metal. But the ringing, oh the ringing of the sheer impact and the violent clang of steel against steel. Her head was vibrating, inside it’s metal cage and the awful noise was ripping it in two right between the ears and a shriek ripped itself from her lungs.

She also happened to be falling.

She had already been perched on two legs in her rear and force that was the Dauntless had pitched her over. In this instant, his selection of this most hated battleground was what saved her. For a pegasus, or indeed any horse, to fall flat on their back could have meant a whole host of permanent injuries and shattered bones but the thick tangle or branched and bramble almost seemed to catch her. The mess of wood still took it’s due, however…She was jabbed and poked and prodded, gouged by thorns and a dozen smaller branched that snapped loudly under her weight and scraped their pointy broken selves along any exposed piece of leg or side. She had, with the help of that most loathed-ally managed to shift to horsed before her bloody earthen form hit the ground.

“FUCK!” It was rage that tore through her next, something primal and angry when again she was hit by magic she had no match for. It had to be magic because nothing else, not even her many new injuries, could have kept her from leaping back into the fight. She strained every muscle, grunting and adding to the thick lather of sweat that had formed across her body, but her limbs, her whole body was too heavy, to dense her to move. She was build for speed, for endurance, not for lifting bones that had turned to stone Fucking trapped?! the outrage was worse than any fear. The anger and humiliation that she was now a damn sitting duck was worse to the proud battle-mare. She was the Sultana of Dragon’s Throat, she was the Sunspear, and now she was helpless! She screamed again, all rage and fire, “LET ME UP YOU COWARDLY COCKSUCKING BASTARD. I’LL TEAR OUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LUNGS FOR THIS!” She didn’t stop there, but spewed forth a string of obscenities, each fouler than the last. Her outrage pulled at her companion, and in and instant her abandoned the bitch (narrowly missing a snap of her jaws) to attack the master. Talons reached for his eyes, anything to force him back, to hold off an attack on his beloved Meg while she was immobilized. He dived, clawed and retreated, staying as high as he could and trying to remain out of reach after each strike so as to draw Archibald away.


Inch by inch she moved, second by second as the eagle tried to occupy the stallion. ten seconds, twenty? with each movement started to return to her but the strain of her weighted bones had near exhausted them. Half blinded by the pounding pain in her head and the sweat the stung her eyes, Megaera managed stand, and stumble forward toward where only sound led her. She’d used this trick on Hector once, though with more speed and less weight. Teeth lashed out, biting at feathered heels as she though to shove her increased weigh into him. These giants of battle could fall just as easy if their own weight could be turned on them. She’d see how he liked the ground.

“The Sunspear Speaks.” 
PC: 3/3
WC: 792
Summary: Archi scraped her neck and smacks her head with his. She falls back into the thick branches, head ringing and is then hit by Archi's magic. Meg is immobilized so Gwahir abandons his fight with Loretta to law at Archi's eyes and try to taunt him away from Meg. Slowly she gets up and slowly stumbles toward where she thinks Archi might be and tries to bite his legs from under him and knock him off balance using the added weight of his fading magic.

FAC FORTIA ET PATERE
be brave and endure
:: permission given for use of magic and force :: please tag Megaera in all posts ::

Blu the Bootyful Posts: 443
Administrator atk: 99 | def: 99 | dam: 99
Mare :: Other :: 5'7" :: 25 HP: 99999 | Buff: TWERK
Blu
#7
Sorry Megaer is a couple minutes too late to post! Megaera defaults to Archibald.

Partial judging requested.
 HP: 1100

Helovia Hard Mode

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#8
By my verdict: ARCHIBALD is the winner!

MEGAERA
Realism [+2.5]
I really liked your starting tactic using the light magic to blind your opponents while rushing in with a buck - and trying to distract him with talk! I was a bit confused with the positioning though, because you said you had her right on his left, meaning you’d be facing the same direction, but considering you came into the clearing after he was already there and had a conversation it’s pretty safe to assume his back was not to her, meaning she’d have had to run around to get to his side and face the same way as him (which in and of itself is not improbably, but wasn’t exactly explained). Plus you said you bucked at his head, meaning you’d have to be nearly a horse length in front of him - and is a difficult attack to pull off given their height differences. I liked your utilization of the terrain though and mention of stats differences (however endurance is the only thing she has on him, and strength is the only thing he has on her…).

In your second post I again loved your utilization of the terrain, having her trapped by the brambles. You took his hit to her shoulder but didn’t really explain the injury in any detail other than it hurt, which made it difficult to gauge if it was appropriate damage. I need details such as was it bruised, bleeding, affected the bone etc. Really good response and attack method to being aged back to a filly though, and your companion attack.

Overall continue to think about realistic positioning, height, and stats differences when fighting, but great inclusion of terrain and strategy!


Emotion [+2]
I felt a constant emotional connection with megaera throughout the fight as her anger and warrior-mind motivated her to start this, even as you said, when she normally might avoid this opponent and arena. I was hoping for more reaction to Archibald’s attacks however, like how she felt when he hit her, was she afraid or just determine? There was a little bit of this when she was trapped by the brambles, and I really liked when she was reverted to a filly seeing that backstory which explained why she blindly flailed attacks. Great connection with the companion as well.


Prose [+3]
You had consistently good flow and transitions, and great imagery.


Readability [+2.5]
Very minor typos was all I found, but when they do add up it can be distracting. Otherwise easy to understand.

P1:
“...angry click if a beak and..” (of)
“...neither was in unheard before….” (it?)
“...Now, and stay their!...” (there)
“...the tiny caring, making…” (clearing)
“...mental map or rocks and…” (of)
“...When her eye’s returned…” (no apostrophe)

P2:
“The Dauntless chosen his…” (chose)


Finally tally: 44+(10*2)= 64 HP

*******************************************

ARCHIBALD
Realism [+3]
I really liked your opening response and felt a rear to the bright light was very realistic, as well as a nice way of avoiding the majority of Megaera’s attack. I’m not so sure how Archibald got hurt by brambles during this though, because it seemed to read as if he was preparing to engage Megaera, then the light caused him to rear on the spot, which wouldn’t have been right beside brambles - however Loretta running into the thickets made sense. All of it was a good amount of damage for the roll of 1 though. Your counter-attack to buck at Megaer’s right shoulder however was odd position wise to me because Megaera would have been in front of him, so in order for him to hit her shoulder with a buck he’d have to get in front of her, which is fine except the way it was described sounded like he ended his rear and bucked, meaning she would have been out of range being in front of him. I liked the inclusion of your armor though and the use of the companion’s magic.Good utilization of the terrain!

In your second post I liked your explanation of her flailing attack dislodging part of his armor and cutting his neck as he tried to get closer to her, but you don’t mention whether or not her armor and it’s spikes affected your hoof at all when he kicked at her - in her response she had mentioned the spike might hurt his frog, and you neither denied nor confirmed this so it appeared ignored. Further, you attempt to use your spiked armor to hit her undercarriage when you come close, but given their large height difference this seems more like it’d affect her side. Good response from Loretta to being grabbed and in turning trying to shake/bite the bird off, but there wasn’t much explanation to her injury and combined it all seemed less than a damage roll of 6. You mention stat differences but they’re a bit incorrect since Archibald and Megaera are equally agile and fast, he has greater strength and she has greater endurance. Great utilization of terrain again!

Overall great use of realistic attacks, just consider positioning and height differences more and incorporate stat differences to bring in more realism.


Emotion [+1]
Archibald and Loretta definitely have a strong bond that is easy and enjoyable to read, however aside from that I felt like I didn’t really get to understand their motives or emotional responses. Your posts were very action-heavy and though I understand Archibald is very much a warrior, I was hoping to get more emotional feedback from him - though I enjoyed his reminiscing of the Romani fight.


Prose [+3]
You had consistently good flow and transitions, and great imagery.


Readability [+2.5]
Very minor typos, otherwise easy to understand.

P1:
“...ripped at Archibald's lefts….” (left)

P2:
“OFtentimes Loretta's magic…” (Oftentimes)
“...on her as in….” (ass)


Finally tally: 64+(9.5*2)= 83 HP


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