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10-21-2014, 02:08 PM
Sheer, dumb luck saved Ulrik this time around. The boost to his confidence was utterly unnecessary and rather detrimental to his already inflated ego. With his head low, dangerously close to Goldie’s thickened, draft legs, the Engineer jerked his head upward, barely even ruffling his opponent’s feathers. Balls. Kirchoff decided to get off of his lazy, judgmental ass and help for once, and Ulrik thought he saw his handsome companion actually get a small bite on this blonde behemoth. “Good Job.” The thought was short and praising, and he received snark in response. “Better than you.” And maybe, for right now, that was more than a little true.
Kirchoff watched the kick coming after his bite to Goldie’s fetlock, and he spit out feathered hair before ducking, utilizing his hellish powers to race away from the danger. The hellhound was fast, unnaturally fast, and his markings left a silver glow in his wake, illuminated by the light of the rising moon. Narrowly, he missed a crushing blow from the larger stallion, growling low in response to the threat of danger. Sensations he had only felt once before when fighting Archibald’s bitch began to rise in his blood, gripping his mind like sensual smoke and giving the hellhound lethal focus. He would not be still in this battle long, not with this deep, aching need for blood between his fangs.
With a mixture of luck and being surprisingly light on his hooves for such a large stallion, Ulrik darted out of reach. His skin pulled over the cut on his back, and he grunted in pain, able to smell and feel the trickle of blood as it leaked down his black hide. Whatever Goldie had been trying to do, he watched as it possibly failed miserably. The Engineer skittered in the sand, gritting his teeth together from the pain of getting the irritating little grains of hell suck in his open wound. Well fuck, that hurt. Torleik had tried to run him over once, and if there was one thing Ulrik had learned from his massive cousin as well as his previous home of bachelors, it was to run. Cowardice had nothing to do with it. Ulrik was just being smart.
The bronze and black creature of intellect looked over his shoulder at Goldie, giving him a glorious ‘eat-shit-and-die’ grin that could only come from a well of immaturity and overconfidence. Ulrik lunged after Goldie, determined to end this battle as swiftly as it started, and his calculating mind took in variables like a super computer. Night fell swiftly, and the cold breeze was welcome as it numbed the pain of his movement. The sand was unaffected, still spongy, perfect footing, and his cloven toes which were used to snow and rock were truly blessed. He dipped his head low to his chest, moving to where Goldie had ended up after his previous attack –which had missed nanananaa… The Engineer danced, hopefully, close to Goldie and jerked his head upward, aiming to slash across those massive wings again.
But, full of surprises as always, Ulrik turned his hips, lifting his hind end off the ground and flashing his back hooves out, keen on hitting his opponent in the hock and taking out yet another joint. Poor Goldie might end up with arthritis, but such was life, hm? The battle for both madness and physical prowess raced on it seemed, as Ulrik wasn’t entirely sure that this lead of the World’s Edge (according to Kirchoff) was all that right in the head. Goldie seemed distant and perhaps even a little prejudiced, but that was just a guess, of course. Instead of this fact being annoying like it was before, Ulrik was in good spirits after his skills (luck) had saved him from being flattened.
Much to his surprise, Kirchoff rounded in again as Ulrik moved to leave the vicinity, quickly abandoning his earlier strategy of ‘keep the fight close’. Stab and run was much more his style. To protect his back as Ulrik danced out of the way, Kirchoff leapt from the ground, snarling, aiming to grab at the same wing Ulrik had tried to attack earlier. The hellhound wanted to rip out feathers and leave him like a plucked chicken.
We’re all mad here.
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[3/3] [713 words according to Word]
Summary: Ulrik ran away to avoid Kaj tying to steam roll him, and then he rounded back, coming up to Kaj and aiming to slash his horn through his feathers and then kick at his hock. As Ulrik retreats again, Kirchoff tries to jump up and grab the same wing.
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Teaching Spar Notes:
1. I really enjoyed this post from you alot. I think you did a great job of keeping your sentences shorter and a little easier to read and understand the first time through. While I do not think your emotion suffered, I can see how you would get that sense. From what I was reading, the emotion from Kaj was his past being pushed onto the current battle, which was still emotion and still very good. Throwing in a phrase about how he felt regarding his current surroundings would be a good balance, however. For example: what does he think of the night sky? The cold wind? Would Kahlua be proud?
Sometimes I ask myself after I write a post different things I would want to know if I was not in that character's head, and I usually end up finding some interesting anecdote that I can include.
2. Ulrik only rolled a 1, which is the lowest that he can possibly roll without missing. Taking that damage as a bite to a fetlock was a good call. However, the only thing I was missing was the severity of that bite. Did it bleed at all? Did it bruise only? Did Kirchoff yank out any hairs? Those things help you and your opponent get a visceral feel for the battle. So no, I don't think you underplayed it, but it could have been given a little more description.
3. I REALLY liked the part you brought up in your notes, where he tried to use the same successful attack that he had used on Maskan on Ulrik. I think that was a perfect mesh of past to present, and a very realistic choice on Kaj's part. We are creatures of habit, and we tend to duplicate behaviors that worked in the past and avoid behaviors that had negative outcomes. That he tried it, expecting to be successful, was really awesome. I personally can't wait to read how Kaj responds to the critical miss of this attack choice though. Will he be angry? Frustrated? Depressed? Confused?
4. You did a great job of remembering to carry forward past injuries into the present, which is something that I forget to do alot too. You had Kaj's achy knee even affect his choices in some ways, which is not only a great plus on your points, but it's also nice because it validates your opponent's efforts.
5. The only thing that I would work on now is trying to bring in more of your environment. How does the sand affect Kaj? What about the time of day? The weather? Smells? Is anyone watching them, and does it make him nervous or give him validation? I sort of think of this part of the battle kind of like doing art. Part of making art look good is making the character look as if it is believably in the environment. You should do the same thing in writing in a battle.
(Please tag me in every post)
