AMARIS
Realism [+2]
:: In your post 2, you definitely could have taken slightly less damage from Ampere’s attack, considering that she only rolled a 1. That said, Amaris’ response to the attack was beautiful. I loved that she was surprised, and the way that she responded to that surprise.
:: In post 3, I’m glad you’re still remembering your injuries, but I still think that the electricity damage you took was too much, considering the lower dice roll.
:: while the blue obeyed, Is this a new dragon? It was green in post 2.
:: I love that you took some damage from yourself in post 3. Great job! It really worked in well with the emotion.
:: I never really got any mention of breed differences from you, and the scenery mentioned was very cursory.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: I felt like you wanted to give me good emotion in your first post, but I wasn’t entirely grabbed by what I read. I felt more like I was being told what she was feeling, and less like I was experiencing it.
:: There is so much possibility for depth of emotion with Amaris- I want to know so much more about why she’s feeling the way she’s feeling. In some ways it’s good that you’re able to draw me in, wanting to know more. In other ways, it’s bad that I feel like I don’t have enough.
:: Why no fire? You keep bringing it up, but I don’t really know why yet. I understand she doesn’t want to hurt Ampere, but I feel like there is something deeper here.


Prose [+2]
:: When the gladiator had accepted the girl's request to be taught more about what it took to become a warrior, she did not expect this. I’m not sure exactly what about this is off, but it read super awkwardly to me. That said, the intent of the sentence was a great grabber and way to start a post.
:: So instead of striking with her tail, the girl darted forward from her new position, and instead kicked out with both hind legs, hoping to meet the dark mare's pectoral region with at least one of them. Just another awkward sentence. I think this easily could have been split into two.
:: Stay moving, she had said, but Amaris could not no such thing, not yet. Could do no such thing?
:: the dragon above could not contain their fury, as they dove. Dragons.
:: unwittingly attempting and attack that could leave the other mare in the dustpan that was their home. An.


Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns.

Finally tally: 42 + (8.5*2) = 59HP


AMPERE
Realism [+3]
:: Great response to Amaris’ attack in your post 1. I know you were running out of words by that point, but I would have liked to see some mention of how Ampere being hit so solidly might have affected her magic that was otherwise just pooling up behind Amaris.
:: Set more in front of Amaris, Ampere didn't let herself miss the new opportunity. Don’t decide where you are in relation to Amaris, especially considering how much your positioning has changed since Amaris posted.
:: You did a good job of consistently working in breed differences. The scenery was used once or twice, but I would have liked to see how the sand was affecting Ampere’s movements. Alternately, mention of how her training on the sand made it so that she was not hindered would have worked.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: Not one fond of defensive items herself, Ampere nonetheless found it fucking awesome. I giggled. Nice!
:: Even so, emotion in your post 1 was a little bland, considering the depth of Ampere’s character.
:: The act of wildly slinging her head around had saved her from the undoubtedly uncomfortable sensation of having spirit dragon goo in her eyes, Also funny- I love the humor this fight is bringing out in Ampere!


Prose [+3]
:: Probably for the best Ampere didn't know her thoughts, she had enough of her own to concern her. Just being nit-picky here, but I think that comma would have been better as a semi-colon or a dash- something slightly stronger than a comma was needed for the effect I think you were going for.
:: Ampere's flesh rippled in response, head thrown back, teeth slipping beneath their fleshy sheath as Ampere is forced to retreat. Tense-switching.
:: Though hard to notice, the black hairs on her coup had been singed away Croup, I presume.


Readability [+2.5]
:: I know you tried hard to clarify the time frame of that the long list of events you had to write about in Post 2. Even so, it still seemed a little dragged out and difficult to piece together, although I’m not sure there was much of a way to fix it.

Finally tally: 38.5 + (10*2) = 58.5HP