CONFUTATIS
Realism [+2]
:: It is my understanding that Confutatis’ right eye is blind. It seems odd to me that she would have chosen to start the fight facing her right side to him of her own choice. Regardless, I would have liked to see more mention of her having difficulty seeing Deimos’ actions on that side.
:: You used your necromancy magic in posts 2/4 and 3/4, but your magic restrictions say it can only be used once per battle.
:: I think you took too much damage in your 4/4 post. Deimos only rolled a 1- Confutatis’ whole left side doesn’t really need to be covered in burns. And speaking of burns, I would have loved to see her first burn mentioned (how it was affecting her, etc.). You did manage to throw this in for your closing defense, though, and it was nice to see there.
:: Not much mention of breed differences or scenery, but I understand that the focus of this battle was more on emotion.
:: Good job getting back on track after the direction change mishap.


Emotion [+3]
:: One brow rises in thick arrogance; what a pleasure. Did the Basin truly think her so much a threat as to send their Lord after her? Well done!
:: I was overwhelmed by the power of Confutatis’ emotion in post 3/4. It was absolutely beautiful. Excellent!


Prose [+4]
:: The wolf's head rises, casual insolence leaking out through the movement, and idly begins to make her way… You’re missing ‘she’ before idly, perhaps more noticeable if you take out the offset part in commas.
:: It did not have to be where she lost – it did not have to another strike to her long list of failures! Add another strike?
:: You write beautifully, and the little coding flourishes that you throw in periodically really help to place emphasis where you want it. Every one of your posts was an absolute pleasure to read.


Readability [+2.5]
:: I didn’t quite understand that Mongrel was using his magic at first, in 1/4.
:: Otherwise obviously well-edited, it shows that you spent a lot of time writing these posts.

Finally tally: 30+(11.5*2)= 53HP


DEIMOS
Realism [+2.5]
:: He maneuvered, swift, cunning, towards the right, hoping to aim for the left side of her nape. They were just standing right side to right side. Is Deimos circling around Confutatis? I don’t get that sense from what you wrote, so I think this is just a direction error. If it was that Deimos was circling around her, which I gather was your intent from a later post, then you needed to make that clearer.
:: Confutatis only rolled a 3 in her 2/4 attack, but in your 3/4 post I see that Deimos is not using his right front at all because of that attack. I don’t think it was necessary to take so much damage from a 3, although I like that you’re carrying your injuries forward into your next posts. On my first read, I thought that this occurred before Deimos took damage in 3/4. On my second read, now I’m having a difficult time deciding if this is before or after he takes damage in 3/4.
:: Not much mention of breed differences or scenery, but I understand that the focus of this battle was more on emotion.
:: Good job getting back on track after the direction change mishap.


Emotion [+2.5]
:: I enjoyed Deimos’ ruminations on Confutatis looking like Ophelia, I thought it was very well done.
:: It was really great to see the depth of Deimos’ emotions during this fight. From the feelings he has about his herd, to the way he feels about Confutatis, I was entirely drawn in.


Prose [+3.5]
:: She needed to be ruined, sink down below into her chosen devastation and ruin, where… Reading this aloud just came off as odd to me, like maybe there needed to be a ‘to’ in front of sink.


Readability [+2]
:: I went back several times regarding the right/left neck thing, just to make sure it wasn’t an error on my part, but I could never really find a passage in your first post that indicated to me Deimos was circling around Confutatis.
:: There was another moment where I was a little confused about at what point in your post you were taking damage from Confutatis, but in general it was clear that you spent a lot of time and energy on these posts.

Finally tally: 42+(10.5*2)= 63HP

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Confutatis' bone armor to Deimos and 1VP to Deimos