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ARTORIUS
Realism [+3]
- Great way to bring in pain from your own attack! That was refreshing to read.
- Good job comparing body types, but don't be afraid to get more specific! You have the word-space to add more details to make the fight more visceral.
- I had never considered dry-mouth from feathers, but that is so true! This was excellent.
- In your third post, I think that you realistically took damage, but you had enough words to work in the environment more!


Emotion [+1.5]
- You gave a great reason for this fight! It makes sense that a character would be almost irrationally protective over the egg, and you backed that up with his history.
- This wasn't really an "emotional" fight so to speak, so that is reflected in the score.


Prose [+0.5]
- "But I fought against the small bond that was already beginning to form, surely the egg was fine or else something small inside me would have already died right?"
---> "the egg was fine..." is an independent clause, so you can either say: "beginning to form, but surely the egg..." OR "... beginning to form. Surely..." You need either a conjunction or to separate the sentence.

Same thing here: "from me, my mother had left me. There was no way I was allowing this egg to be taken from me! ". The phrase "my mother left me" is independent, so it should be its own sentence.

- Your third post was a little scattered. What he was doing and where he was located throughout wasn't always clear.

- A good rule of thumb since I've seen this issue a few times in your posts is that if you have a subject and a verb, use a conjunction or make a new sentence! (You can also use a semi-colon if the two sentences are inseparable).


Readability [+1]
- Your second table was very hard to read. The text was so tiny!
- Spacing your paragraphs really helps readability!
- Posts felt rushed, disorganized and a bit hard to follow at times


Finally tally: 42.5 + 6*2 = 54.5 HP



SHADOW
Realism [+2.5]
- Artorius rolled a 4 in his first hit, and that's slightly above a moderate score! I would imagine that this would leave at least a bit of a bruise or some damage. A 1 or a 2 would be more of a hit without much consequence.
- Great job mentioning body types and how Shadow's state of health kept her from being able to properly dodge; this was an excellent way to reason the damage she took.
- You also did a much better job of taking reasonable damage here for another 4.
- On that note, I would like to see more of how the damage affected her physically - were feather's ripped out? Blood? Bruised muscle?
- I would have liked to see more of the prior injuries carry through and compound, particularly in your third post.


Emotion [+1.5]
- Shadow's indignant attitude is spectacular!
- This wasn't really an "emotional" fight so to speak, so that is reflected in the score.


Prose [+3]
"What was that about, why do you attack me?" ---> "What was that about? Why do you attack me?"
- A few comma issues scattered throughout your second post!
- " stallions brain " --> "Stallion's brain"
- "Blood pool" ---> "Blood pooled"
- Though you had a few issues here and there, your posts were very well written


Readability [+2]
- Your table was very hard to read ;-; I had to highlight all of the text in order to understand the middle part and the dialogue.
- Despite the table, all of your posts had logical flow, excellent transitions and this made them very easy to follow


Finally tally: 37.5 + 9*2 = 55.5 HP