It seemed forever ago that I had talked to Rhoa in the Dragon's Throat. After finding out from him that he was going to be a father I just needed some time to myself. I needed to mull over the feelings I'd started to develop for him that were so similar to what I'd felt for Dragomir. I needed to just squash it down because it was nothing but a silly crush. That was all. Just a stupid one sided crush. But even as I flew the short distance from the Throat to the other shore all I could feel was hurt and anger and confusion. All I could think about was that he was going to be a father, that he was going to have a child with a mare that he admitted to not loving. I felt terrible for her even though I didn't know her and I felt bad for the child and for myself.

I never expected that I would end up at the Threshold but I ended up there and I didn't even hesitate. I just marched over the border and out of Helova and left everything and everyone behind and I didn't even feel bad about it. After all how many times had I been left behind by my friends and family? And there was a small part of me that was hopeful that by leaving Helovia I would find Dragomir. It was a small, foolish part of myself that was also squashed down as I roamed around outside of the land that I had been born in.

I hadn't made any plans on coming back to Helovia, it just happened sort of like my leaving did.I didn't know how long I was gone and I didn't care to know because it didn't really matter. The only thing that really mattered to me was that I had finally done it. I had finally left Helovia and I had done it on my own. I didn't need Rhoa or Ivezho or even Ros to go with me. I took care of myself in unfamiliar lands and I had made it back. I just wasn't sure of what to do next. Go back to the Throat and check in with Cera and get back to making things? Go to the Falls and visit momma and Murtagh and Uncle Archi? Stay own my own and not worry about anyone else but myself?

A sigh slipped past my lips as I moved through the trees and I stopped thinking about it because I didn't know what to do. The easiest thing would be to just walk and let my legs (and fate) decide where I went, so that was what I did.

"."

I cover my face
so nobody can see
the tears that fall onto my cheeks
or the holes inside of me