EREBOS He didn’t know much about Mortuus Nox (and this seemed to becoming an eerie, unsettling pattern – the ignorant prince, uncertain about members of his own brethren, but fully capable of comprehending everyone outside the icy walls). From their few meetings, the other stallion had seemed quiet, furtive, competent at his job, and with a build more than capable of handling a few herbs.   So when acceptance lacquered from the confines of the cavern, Erebos stepped back, expecting the beast to wander out and begin their duel.   But here was where he’d already erred, because there was a flurry of movement, difficult to discern and glimpse from the play of light and shadow. The General narrowed his eyes, immediately suspicious, a cynical calamity born of too many ventures beyond the summits. Orsino’s outcry, an ominous warning (for he was far better at seeing in the doom and gloom than his bonded) coiled its way through his skull thereafter: He’s coming! Erebos scrambled immediately, sliding against the patches of ice still nestled beneath the cave’s overhang, attempting to dash to the right, away from the horns, the swords, the rapiers, heading his way.   Well, well, well he mused, trying to fight off a wild, savage bark of laughter curling over his throat. Even the healers are full of surprises.   The result was nearly inconsequential; Erebos’ motion had been effective in waylaying the deadly, dangerous persecution of his shoulder or chest (he wondered if the medic had truly intended to obliterate him, or simply didn’t know his own strength). Instead, the edge of one of Mortuus’s horns scraped over his left haunch, leaving a scratch, a layer of hair missing, one more mark in a patchwork of earned scars. The pain was momentary, passing, a fleeting instance scorching, flaring, and then dying away into a dull throb (except in his mind – for there he marveled at his adversary’s cunning).   No fury carved or sculpted its way through his bones, along his marrow, intertwining amidst his limbs. It was amusement, raw and tangible, incensed and sparked by the zeal and fervor of a demon dressed in mender’s clothing. He wanted to chuckle again at the notion of sending more soothers and nurses out to the fields of battle, because the world wouldn’t expect their passion and ardor to rest in oblivion, in havoc, in unholy destruction.   However, it left him with a query of engagement too, because they seemed nearly equal in strength, in fortitude, in might, which meant he’d have to do more than just assault.   We could run him, Orsino’s scathing, calculating ire was quick to point out one of Mortuus’s flaws; a heavier, bulkier frame. It could be a challenge, to chase him, to have him hunt and stalk until he seemed tired, fatigued, and labored, but the General rarely shied away from difficulty. Or, they could play it out in a different way.   The kitsune laughed, high and mocking, vile and irritating, reaching out to poise his illusions and enchantments, and no sooner had he dug deep into his incantations did something appear in the sky. It seemed draconic in nature, flailing on wicked wings and a long body, a reptilian tail slashing through the wind – a wicked head poised for carnage, jaws parting wide to unleash imaginary smoke, fire, and brimstone.   Orsino, of course, attempted to position it directly behind Mortuus Nox.   “Watch out!” Erebos shouted, playing into the game, into the chaos, into the heights of menace, driven by entertainment and diversions, into the sliding claws of havoc and unholy merriment.   Then, hoping the diversion would be effective, that the way his eyes seemed to lock onto the strange mirage as he ran, as he scraped against ice, snow, and puddles, would alter the medic’s attention, he tried to reach Mortuus Nox’s right side, and snap his teeth upon his right shoulder. [1/3. 644 words. * Orsino attempts to warn Erebos of Mortuus’s incoming attack from the cave. He tries to dash to the right, slipping a little on the ice, and only gets hit by a horn on his left haunch, leaving a little nick and some missing hair. * Afterwards, Erebos and Orsino decide to try and run/distract Mortuus. Orsino makes a strange dragon thing in the sky as part of his illusion magic, and attempts to put it behind Mortuus Nox. At the same time, Erebos warns Mortuus of the dragon, and hopes to use the distraction to bite his right shoulder.]

Image Credit

Teaching Notes:

What Went Well:
 
* Comparisons: I thought you handled this part really well! This whole chunk: Mortuus had the build of a brick shit house. Even though both monsters had the Spanish blood of Andalusian ancestors coursing through their veins, their muscle build is very different. Erebos has a greater amount of endurance and speed. Mortuus needed to take note of these factors, and carefully plan out attacks and defenses to his advantage. Running around chasing the general would not end well for the medic. The black demon had to use his advantage of agility to get the upper hand. Each stallion seemed to be equal in strength. The general is more conditioned for brute force, as he should be. represented their differences/advantages – and now you’ll have to think about how you’re going to utilize them. It’s one thing to put them in a post, it’s another to choreograph how your character is going to move and use them as a means to gain the upper hand. Don’t just leave them for the first post alone. Incorporate them throughout the spar.
 
* Emotions: This piece: Cold gray eyes brightened with a fire burning in his chest. There was something about fighting, sheer brute force, and the smell of blood that made it impossible for Mortuus to say no. Maybe it was the little voice in the back of his head that said remember the old times, but no he was not that beast anymore. Well, there was no harm with indulging in a brushing up of his skills. definitely reminded me of the old Mortuus, before he became a healer and left those demonic notions behind. ;D It gives us a little insight on how he used to be, what he’s become, and if he’s truly as kind and forgiving as he’s made out to be nowadays. How are you going to ignite him as they get further into the fight? Is he going to be full of anger, rage, passion, or just slip into his old role? I’m eager to see!
 
* Using Surroundings/Settings: I thought it was very clever to attack from the cave! Not only was Erebos not expecting it, but the way the light and shadows played made it effective to trick, distort, and confuse your opponent. Had I not received such a low roll, I would have definitely used this portion in my post to make Erebos feel like a gigantic doofus!
 
To Work On:
 
* Grammar: Bah, I found tense shifts, spelling mistakes, and awkward phrasing!
 
- The beast was dwelling deep withing the cave depths. Should be within.
 
- Their King is dead. Since you started your post in past tense, the rest of it should be in past tense. Is needs to be was.
 
- Mercy is not something that demons are born to understand. – Should be was.
 
- The only thing breed into their blackened heart is evil. – Should be bred.
 
- Relief rolled from his shoulders knowing that may of the herd mates survived another Frost Fall. – Should be many.
 
- A smile came to the blackened maw, it was eerie but inviting to the man. Should have a semicolon (;), before it, so it reads like: A smile came to the blackened maw; it was eerie but inviting to the man.
 
- Even though both monsters had the Spanish blood of Andalusian ancestors coursing through their veins, their muscle build is very different. Should be was.
 
- Erebos has a greater amount of endurance and speed. Should be had.
 
- The general is more conditioned for brute force, as he should be. – Should be was.
 
- Maybe it was the little voice in the back of his head that said remember the old times, but no he was not that beast anymore. – This sentence read a little awkward to me. You could change it around with: Maybe it was the little voice in the back of his head that remembered the old times – but he wasn’t that beast anymore.
 
- After, the rumbling words silenced the beast pulled the wolf hide from the wall. – I had to reread this one a couple times to understand. If you manipulated it around to something like this: After the rumbling words were silenced, the beast pulled the wolf hide from the wall.
 
- Sparing in a small area is no fun. – Should be was.
 
Overall you really have to watch out for those tense shifts. If you start out in past tense, you need to keep going in past tense – so is would become was, etc. because you’re writing it as if it’s already happened.
 
I can’t always catch all of my own grammar errors (or my biggest issue: long ass sentences), but I try to proofread by reading out-loud to myself. Sometimes your ears will catch something your eyes have grown used to (and that’s why I always come back an hour or so later to look at it again before I post it). Run it through a Word spelling/grammar check. It won’t snag everything, but it will catch the glaring errors that could drop your score.
 
* Attacks: This is nit-picky and it may be a personal preference, but when I’m sparring a fellow herd member, I don’t go straight for bludgeoning and beating them to a pulp. XD The wording in your attack sounded like the intent was brutal. Otherwise, it was clear, concise, and I knew which direction you were heading (so I also knew where my character should’ve been in space).
 
To Think About:
 
* Settings: Now that Mortuus is out in the open, AND there’s a strange dragon thing nearby, how is this going to affect their fight? Use these to your advantage – you have plenty to go off of!
 
* Damage Taken: With the dice roll pending, you have to think about how much damage (if any) you’re going to take. Pay close attention to the sliding scale (1-6). A 6 is major damage, while a 1 maybe a small nick or scratch. I always like to put a 3 somewhere in the middle (a deep bruise, etc.), and then tweak things accordingly depending on the roll.
 
Remember, you don’t always have to use just my attack in order to take damage – utilize those surroundings! Maybe he could trip and slide on ice and cut up his knee. Maybe he could stumble over a mound of grass, etc.
 
* Emotion: Keep it up! Why does Mortuus enjoy fighting? Does Erebos’ trickery annoy or irritate him?
 
* Directions/Attacks: Keep using the directions! I was so pleased to see you’d given me a direct area to where Mortuus was going. It made my life so much easier. <3

@Mortuus Nox