the Rift


[JUDGED] Don't mind me I'm just a son of a gun [Erebos vs Wessex]

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#1
EREBOS
There was no room for complacency. He’d known it, deep in the throngs of his chest, deep in the muscles of his sinew, deep in the columns of his flesh and bones. So he’d stepped into a role too big for his figure, donned a mantle, some armor, and pretended to be something he wasn’t, attempted to follow a pathway too large, too massive, for him to possibly wander down alone. But then they’d been summoned, when leaders disappeared (or died), were scalded and scolded, were chastened and deflated, and subsequently told to play their parts. Do better the Spark God had roared, had rumbled, had thundered, and that was exactly what the General intended to do.
 
But then he wondered how far they had to go, and if they’d ever be enough.
 
He’d try anyway. He’d etch it through his soul, through his heart, until it drummed its last - for father sketched over the potency of his movements, over the precision of his motions. Legacies wouldn’t be forgotten, tarnished, or tainted while he maintained this lofty position, while he stood over fellow soldiers, while he haunted borderlines and patrolled fortifications. He wouldn’t let any of them down, and hopefully, they’d do the same for him, and for the kingdom they’d pledged to protect.
 
Revive what has died here, he could hear through his ears, echoing, reverberating, resounding like a poignant, haunting siren. Even if the words hadn’t been directed towards him, but to Tiamat, he intended to use them for his own purposes, for driving onslaughts and assaults, for battering rams and infernal sieges, for waking up the beasts, the dragons, and the monsters of their fiendish realm. Surely some of them were still alive there, waiting to be unmasked, eager for bloodshed, for anarchy, for persecution over the things that threatened them the most.
 
“Wessex!” He called out to the warrior, turning his skull, presuming she’d followed him and Orsino out of the snow, out of the glaciers, and into the Endless Blue, where the waves crashed, where the sands mired, where he could feel the sweet taste of freedom whirling, calling, serenading him from across the sea. “We’ll spar here,” he added with a grin, twisting his entire frame around to watch her, to guide her, to instruct her in the proper ways of battle. She’d been promising already, and he dearly hoped (in that gallant, valorous, courageous way of his, coiling into the bits of his heart not yet hardened, splintered, or fractured away) she’d be among the strong, the elite, the proud, and the mighty.

[Erebos vs Wessex Training Spar.
0/3. 431 words.
Setting: Birdsong, Endless Blue, early morning. Cool breeze, massive sand dunes all around them. Near the two glowing markers indicating the archway of glass.]

Image Credit

@Wessex

Teaching Notes:
 
Yay! Thank you so much for doing this with me! Since this is your first spar, and it can be overwhelming/daunting to say the least, I’ll give you quite a few notes to start off with, and you may feel free to Skype/PM me with any questions or concerns.
 
The rubrics here are based mainly on four things: realism, emotion, prose, and readability. You have a limit of 800 words.
 
For realism, judges take into account a number of things, including paying attention to dice rolls and responding to damage, incorporating surroundings, character differences, tactical maneuvers, etc. This is basically where reality comes into play: is what your character did (for an attack or defense) feasible? Did you take enough damage? Did you take too much damage? Did you think about the surroundings in your character’s movements and methods of attack/defense? Did you consider size differences, body types, etc. when attacking/defending? Did you utilize pain throughout your spar?
 
Emotion is pretty cut and dry. What motivates your character? How did they feel when they took a hit? How did they feel when they attacked someone? What drives them to battle? What do they aspire to? Show, don’t tell.
 
Prose and readability are also pretty clear. Judges look over grammar, and if they had to reread anything (and you want to have definite clarity). I suffer from the run-on sentence plague, and during spars I try to make sure that I’ve cut some sentences down, etc. I always try to read my posts aloud, so the ears can catch something my eyes might have missed, and try to run them through a Word document to catch any glaring errors.
 
I’ll let you have first attack! I always like to start off with giving a general direction and attack. You can tell me what side you’re coming from (like aiming for Erebos’ left shoulder, etc.), and if you’re trying to bite, trying to kick, etc. Always indicate that you’re trying or attempting, because otherwise it may come out as powerplay, which will get you deducted some major points.
 
For instance, this sentence: Wessex rammed into Erebos’ left shoulder
is not okay because you’re telling me something that’s happened to my character – but you don’t get to dictate mine!
 
This sentence: Wessex tried to slam into Erebos’ left shoulder
is fine because you’re giving me the opportunity to take it or not, due to the tried piece (plus I have to wait for the dice roll ;D).
 
Once we get into the actual spar, I’ll give you some more meat to these notes. :D I’m looking forward to this!


Messages In This Thread
Don't mind me I'm just a son of a gun [Erebos vs Wessex] - by Erebos - 02-18-2017, 07:51 PM

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