the Rift


[PRIVATE] choking on our despair; death

Amara Posts: 136
Outcast atk: 6 | def: 8.5 | dam: 3
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.1 hh :: 6 years HP: 60.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Sameira :: Royal Hellhound :: Hellfire dark
#1
Amara
I am collapsing, crashing into the clearing beside the Heart and weeping against the cold morning dew, stained with blood and sweat, I am devastation and cruel fate entwined in one hell of a being. I am apologizing to the ground as it sinks beneath my weight and soaks in my sorrow while I sob - I ask for forgiveness for the air I take in as it enters my disgusting body, my collapsing temple as I plead for anything but the final chapter. The realization dawned upon me as I made my way to the Heart, as I wearily drifted and landed with too solid of a hit, with a pop and a drop of a wing, I know that I've dislocated it again from a harsh landing - and perhaps it's for the better, I will not be able to tell myself to give myself another chance at becoming a something, a someone who isn't chaotic and catastrophic, a someone who won't break the hearts of everyone she claims to love.

But that's not how things are supposed to play out, I'm not supposed to have a realization that perhaps I'm just not giving life my all, that perhaps I can change the outcome by fixing myself, improving myself, starting from scratch - but it will never work, I do not need to see the future, do not need to be told, I know that I will never find myself being happy with who I am or where I am in life, that I am not destined for greatness or recognition - I am a pointless existence, and it time for it to end.

So I am saying my goodbyes, I have been whispering despairingly into the dirt as though my voice will carry - as if the roots and the wind will take my voice to the graves of the mother who brought me into this world, and the mother who kept me in it, and I'm stopping and stuttering, I'm gasping for air my body can't take and I'm curled up and broken. Suddenly there's nothing to hold onto, there's nothing here that tells me to stay.

I'm lingering now over the edge, teetering with my hooves threatening to slip, to spill me out into the air and over the edge, into the hungry flames of the Heart that crack and burn - I'm meeting the eyes of the Walker, golden and haunting, the same eyes that had stared at me with bewilderment as I sunk my teeth into her cheek, as I tore and tore until no more gold remained - I have half a mind to let myself drop at just the thought of what I did to her, what I've done to everyone.

I'm bleeding out at the edge, dripping thick red over the Heart, with Sameira sitting patiently at my side. I am frozen, mortified of the realization that this is my final decision, this is where I have decided to finish what should have never been started. And I consider momentarily stopping, I think that maybe I'll simply turn back, I'll hide away again, I'll stop - I will still exist, but I will not be living - the idea turns my stomach over, thinking about spending my years wasting away somewhere quiet and hidden, to silence myself wholly, to no longer be the cursed marble that stands too close to the end. I'm looking down at the crusted blood that clings to my skin, the fresh blood that slides down to my hooves, the tears that streak down my cheeks. I'm waiting, waiting for something to come and intervene, anything to tell me that I'm about to make a mistake - but I know nothing will.
@Sikeax you know what this i S
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Messages In This Thread
choking on our despair; death - by Amara - 06-23-2017, 10:53 AM
RE: choking on our despair; death - by Valdís - 07-12-2017, 10:03 PM

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