|
S i e r r a | M i d a s
- - - - -
By my verdict MIDAS is the winner.
SIERRA -- post 1 (attack only)
[Realism]
- 1| Attack: bite – you’re going from the left to right shoulder, but that’s a lot of horse to move around that fast. It’s not possible she could do it in the blink of an eye.
[Prose]
0| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MIDAS -- post 1
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bit
+ 1| Attack: bite
+ 1| Attack: buck
+ 1| Attack: wing slap
+ 1| Attack: forehoof strike
[Prose]
0 | Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
SIERRA -- post 2
[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: humped up
+ 1| Defense: bit
+ 1| Defense: kicked – although you say you avoided it so this is confusing.
- 1| Defense: wing block – this would have been viable if the timing had been correct, you blocked this long after he placed it.
+ 1| Defense: gashed on back – it would be more of a bruise then a gash, hooves aren’t sharp.
+ 1| Attack: buck at stomach
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
0| Easy read
MIDAS -- post 2
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: kicked in chest – coming into her kick would have given her damage and reduced his. Kicks get their strength from extending out, and he would have had most the weight of his body pushing down on her lifted hind legs. Don’t see how you can backpedal if you were already in process of coming down, as you say.
+ 1| Attack: permafrost
+ 1| Attack: spine dive
+ 1| Attack: bite
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
SIERRA -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: wing shield
+ 1| Defense: backing up
- 1| Attack: biting – if she backed away she could not reach his neck
- 1| Attack: rearing – again she is not near him and you did not describe repositioning. Your opponent is currently moving but you are standing still.
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MIDAS -- post 3
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bit at shoulder
+ 1| Defense: struck by rear
+ 1| Attack: charge
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
SIERRA -- post 4
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: took charge – she could not just widen her stance and be fine, she’d be bruised and knocked a bit off balance/stagger around or at least be pushed a bit.
+ 1| Attack: Bite
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MIDAS -- post 4
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bit
+ 1| Attack: rear
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
0| Flow
- 1| Easy read
SIERRA -- post 5
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: wither scrape
0| Attack: leg strike – a very weak and not well described attack
+ 1| Attack: leg trip
+ 1| Attack: kicks permafrost
+ 1| Attack: fly dive
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
MIDAS -- post 5
[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: hit by hoof
+ 1| Attack: buck
+ 1| Defense: no description of her tripping
+ 1| Defense: unharmed by permafrost
+ 1| Defense: dodge dive
+ 1| Attack: buck – good inclusion of chest injury
[Prose]
- 1| Emotion
0| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
SIERRA -- post (defense only)
[Realism]
- 1| Defense: hoof to shoulder – not sure where this hoof attack came from?
+ 1| Defense: taking half his bucks – it’d make more sense she’d dodge the second, rather than dodge the first and take the second, as she should be away by then.
+ 1| Defense: fell from dive
- 1| Defense: took his buck – if you fell he would have missed as his aim was high.
SIERRA
[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings
+ 1| Breed
[Injuries]
- 1| Ended fight not standing.
[Creativity]
None.
Comments: You had some great eye for attacks and defenses, but you need to explain how they work and why they work a bit more. Just dodging something doesn’t make it viable unless you explain how you were able to dodge it. You also need to work on putting description into your posts. Everything seemed very short and almost rushed, so you lacked any emotion what so ever which made this fight less enjoyable to read, and it meant that your injuries, attacks and defenses were all very simple. Expand more on all the ideas. You took a hit? Cool, what will that do to you physically, how much does it hurt, how does it make your character feel, will it hinder your movement/plans now?
MIDAS
[Bonus]
+ 1| Surroundings
+ 1| Health
[Injuries]
None.
[Creativity]
+ 1| Loved your permafrost attack
Comments: You had a lot of great attacks and defenses and a good eye for timing. Sometimes you need to work on your positioning, as you took some attacks that didn’t make sense for the situation. Also remember to play upon your injuries and breed differences more. The biggest issue here was your lack of emotion. I felt nothing this entire fight and would have loved to know more about Midas’ thoughts and feelings. The manner in which you write also seemed choppier than usual. Not necessarily rushed, but everything was very clipped and short, brief and almost fragmented. It made it harder to read and follow, along with the way you kept it all very dry and lacking much detail – sometimes you just referred to Sierra as partner. So work at putting more feeling in and you’ll do great.
TOTAL
SIERRA - 62
MIDAS - 70
|
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
⇒
[Judge]Raise Your Weapons[Lesson spar with Midas]
