Chernobyl

She was impatient, as always, seething at the bit as if there were something always pressing upon her mind. Perhaps she felt retrained, ever falling into the darkest pits of despair that clung to her heels and dragged her downwards. So what if memories haunted her, did she cry mercilessly at night? Was there one face that could claim to see her tears? Of course not. They were nonexistent, an action never carried out, something never finished. Perhaps it was why she felt incomplete. There were things she sought, things she aspired to do and had yet to begin due to the hold on her life, the pause that kept her motionless for years until new life was granted with the passing of another. Was it so wrong that she remain without grief, without respect for another that had chained her to the hells of a common slave? She didn’t believe so. In fact, she felt glorious, sprouting anew from her past like a small flower, urgent for warmth, for life.

Did it make her wrong?

Myrddin’s milky expression was unwavering, stilling her superfluous thoughts to a mere trickle as he spoke out, soothing the hurt that brewed in the wells of her heart. It seemed that it was not so easy to forgive and forget and perhaps he would know nothing of the matter, but she was still enamored by him just the same. She was brimming with curiosity, eager to learn, to grow, to prosper… She didn’t see this as a weakness and surely wouldn’t understand anyone who thought otherwise. Her gaze met his, though he wouldn’t see the determination in her eyes, the blooming hope for change. He would not understand her because she would never let him. But, that was no fault of his own, if anything, it was her choice- a decisions made to avoid sympathy and piteous extensions of word. Her matters were her own and she was dealing with them in the only way she knew how.

“I find such knowledge unfathomable, as it is ever-growing, ever succeeding… But perhaps I could someday obtain it as you’ve done.” If ever a thing had interested her, this was it- a looming desire that begged for more, asked for redemption, a change of scenery. Given the chance, she would strive just the same to assume this old stallion’s role, after all… everyone lives and everyone dies, it would only be a matter of time until the position was left unfilled. How convenient would it be for her to be inducted alongside the old brute, mentoring beneath his old wisdom and learning from his flaws.

“If the Gods would have it, I should repeat each mistake until they are satisfied in my suffering. Though, all banter aside, I only wonder if you would be willingly to teach me-” She pauses, lacing a pretentious gaze upon the Haruspex, clearly hopeful, even if he cannot see the emotion welling in her eyes. “-to mentor me to become as wise as you, to become a Haruspex.” Would this accomplishment fill the extravagant void in her chest, fill it with worth? She could only hope that he would agree, look upon her persistence as value, and find a diamond amongst the rough.


[ooc: I wanted to get this headed in the right direction LOL, sorry I took forever!]

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made
As you turn, you take your heart and walk away