the Rift


[PRIVATE] round and round [lakota]

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#1
Ktulu
Ktulu
the Constrictor

Was this what it felt like to be heartsick and lonely? To be perfectly honest Ktulu was not fond of the feeling and hadn't been able to shake it since she'd left the Foothills with Apollo and Lakota standing behind her. Part of her had hoped and even thought that when she left Lakota would follow her. She had promised to follow, hadn't she? It was taking a lot for her to get used to walking alone without that mare that had once been her poisoner. What was she now besides a memory living in a land that felt a million miles away?

Even Ranjiri was gone. Her daughter was almost a yearling and had decided to stay living in the Foothills for the time being and Ktulu wouldn't make her leave. She was glad that her daughter was independent and confident, but she missed her, too. Eytan spent less and less time in her presence because she was always sending him to the Foothills to shadow Ranjiri, Lakota, and Apollo. Whether or not she made his presence known she didn't know, but if he did at least they would know that she hadn't completely abandoned them.

And Midas. She didn't know what had happened to the General, but didn't blame him for not coming around after she'd thrown his affections back at him. Why? Because Midas could do much better than her and she knew it and had known it all along but hadn't had the heart to tell him to move on until she'd finally just had too much. He was too nice to her. Too good to her when she didn't deserve it. That coupled with the fact that they would never be together because of their combined stubbornness cemented her decision to cut ties.

Ktulu sighed, annoyed with herself for feeling the way she did and thinking about the ones that she wanted to forget about for just a little while so she would have some peace of mind. But there was no peace to be found, not even in the place that had been her and Ophelia's home when they had been orphaned. Her tail flicked as she moved slowly and purposelessly through the tall grass. What was there left to do in life? She'd led a group and failed, tried to find love and failed, tried to cement together a family and failed.

The Constrictor stopped at the edge of the river and stared down at her reflection, her ears tilting back against her head once more. Was that the face of failure? What had happened to all the potential she'd thought she'd had when she was a foal? What happened to the goals she had set in her life? They'd all been blown away by some unforeseen force and she was beginning to feel bitterness creep into her heart.

@[Lakota]



Image by ChaoticMelodies

Icon by Tay

Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#2
Lakota
                     Her smile makes you wonder where she's been



It's not her desire to be here, standing among flowers that echo the happier, paler version of the weary eyes that take them in. She is old in ways her years don't resonate with, tired despite her youth, and she only wishes to curl up in the meadow and flee time; let it revolve around her while she watches from her frozen standpoint. Lakota had contemplated it multiple times in her life, and she pondered it again today. Would anybody miss her, if she were to disappear? If she were to expatriate herself, would they wonder why, or worry? And....if she were to die? Stop, a voice pleads inside her head, and she shakes herself from the statue-still stance she had adopted as Aodaun hunted and perused the growing berries. His dark eyes were on her, face pained in a way only she could recognize on features so unlike her own. He hated when she thought such things, it felt as if his very soul was ripping itself apart at the idea of losing her. She had such little worth placed upon herself, on her own life. Should she imagine Ao dying...her reaction would be heartbreaking. She couldn't go on without him. Love had never flourished so pure, so deep, in her soul for someone aside from him.

I'm sorry, she murmurs to him in reply, feeling his anguish sweep over her like a tidal wave, crushing her in guilt and sorrow. She had been replaced- she, the longest standing member left of the Grey, the one who actually had experience and knowledge- by someone who used to be a close sister, someone who was rather vain and flirtatious. She would never have made a good leader, but she wanted to know, desperately, if she was even considered. Did they even recall her name? Was she even of use? It crushed her on the inside to know just how far she had fallen. Nothing, you are nothing, her mind chanted at her from the depths of her thoughts. She was weak, useless, and unwanted. So why did she stay? Why did she remain with a herd that didn't need nor want her, when Ktulu waited for her outside the borders? She didn't know. Part of her wanted a third option, because her heart ached at the thought of Ktulu, but it also dithered at the thought of returning home.

Sighing she continued on her path to nowhere, long dry grasses brushing against her belly and caressing her legs like a saddened lover's touch. And then, a soft growl. Leave. Lakota faltered in her steps at the intensity of the singular word, the depth of the growl that emanated like thunder from his throat. He had grown so much from the newborn cub she'd spend the night with in a cave of ice and snow. Ao? What's wrong? What is it? She moved closer, wanting to know what was enraging him so, only for his growl to strengthen at her movement. Go! His response was sharp, angered, and so strong she took a step back. And then her nostrils flare just that little bit, and a familiar scent tickles in her senses. Ktulu.

Hiding...is for cowards, Aodaun. It hurts her to tell him so, because truly all she wants to do is run, too. Didn't want to face a scenario she had no answer to yet. But she did, moving to her companion's side, and faced the silver-accented mare with a weary expression. Time...had ruined her. "Hello Ktulu." A simple greeting, a sad lyric, and she stands there like a battered doll, frozen. It's her turn now, to decide how this meeting goes.

Credits

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#3
Ktulu
Ktulu
the Constrictor

A quiet, concerned whine and a nudge to her leg made Ktulu blink. There, reflected in the water, was Eytan looking worried and anxious. She turned her head and nuzzled the top of his head, feeling guilty that he was worrying so much over her and even more guilty that he was exhausting himself keeping watch over the ones that she loved that she left behind. But she just couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't keep leading them to failure. Not when they had a chance to rebuild themselves into something that could flourish. It would have been selfish of her to keep pushing them for nothing. It would have been tyrannical of her to keep demanding that they sacrifice their bodies and their lives for something that didn't even matter in the scheme of things. She may have been selfish but she wasn't a tyrant.

She didn't think she was.

"Did you see Lakota?" She questioned the bear softly, to which she got a shake of his head as an answer. "Oh..." It was the same thing day after day when he would get back from the Foothills. She would ask him first if he saw Lakota and if he did she would ask how the other mare looked. Most of the time she hated the answer she got back because it made her sick that she could cause the mare so much unhappiness. "Apollo is well? And Ranjiri?" She then pressed on and he nodded. The dark mare smiled sadly and pressed her muzzle against the top of Eytan's head once more. "Thank you." She murmured to him.

It was funny, she could almost smell Lakota's sweet scent. Her desire to see the other mare with her own eyes must have been wreaking havoc on her brain, she thought. Her heart felt like it fluttered and she sighed against Eytan's fur before finally lifting her head.

"Hello Ktulu."

She froze in place, her heart thundering in her chest at just the sound of the voice. Ever so slowly, the Constrictor turned her head, convinced that there would be no one standing behind her and flabbergasted when she saw Lakota and Aodaun. "Lakota." Her voice was breathless, almost strained. She swallowed and blinked. "What are you ... Why are..." Ktulu cut herself off and tried to smile. "I've missed you."

@[Lakota]




Image by ChaoticMelodies

Icon by Tay

Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#4
Lakota
                     Her smile makes you wonder where she's been



Light dances across the deep cherry coat of the one mare Lakota felt truly connected to, and every curve was so familiar to her that it stabbed a thorn of sorrow into her heart. Was there any room left to keep adding them, she wondered? Aodaun was stiff at her side, but no more resounding snarls echoed from his throat, even if his claws were digging and kneading at the ground like an anxious cat, hidden away from prying eyes.

Ktulu was, or at least had been, speaking softly to Eytan when Lakota had arrived, but the shadow mare knew it was not her business. Had it ever been? Had all those days just been frail, hopeful delusions of joy? No, they couldn't have been, right? Because she had felt pain just as intimately then as she did now, and to Lakota, pain was her only constant in life. It was the measure of time, and emotion, and a million other things that would have led to a mildly peaceful life had the wounds never touched her robe or engraved themselves into her heart. But maybe, just maybe, it was enough. Because in the end those carmine stars were turning, wide and slack with disbelief as if she were a ghost, and oh how she'd missed this beautiful soul.

"Lakota."

A wry smile twists her lips, eyes soft and nostalgia clinging to her frame like a heavy blanket. For a few moments her ex-leader doesn't know what to say, sputtering delicately before submitting to the reality she wanted to say. Lakota felt almost...proud, at how Ktulu was willing to actually say how she felt. It wasn't normal, for her, but it was...appreciated. "I missed you too, Ktulu," she said softly, giving a flutter of a sigh and chancing a few steps closer, violet gazers flickering uncertainly, not sure if her advancement was welcome. Aodaun moved stiffly beside her, but was clearly more uncomfortable with the thought of his princess going closer without him than he was with having to keep himself in check around Ktulu, who had hurt his bonded so deeply in the first place.

"This is a bit...well...I don't really know what to say I just..." Mulberry irises saddened, plume flickering nervously at her heels. "Life's really been different...without you." With nothing else to do she shrugged her birdlike shoulders helplessly, face a mixture of sheepish and helpless, and gave a broken, shuddering, breathy laugh.

Credits

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#5
Ktulu
Ktulu
the Constrictor

"I missed you too, Ktulu."

The dark mare took a shaky breath and Eytan's caramel gaze was turned toward her face as a flurry of emotions ricocheted within his bonded's mind. Over and over he felt joy and sadness, anger and guilt, frustration and longing, each emotion more powerful than the last and threatening to cripple him along with the dark mare that held a piece of his soul. He whined and rubbed his face against Ktulu's leg, effectively breaking her from the trance that had come over her momentarily. Again, she blinked her crimson eyes but her gaze left Lakota and settled on Eytan and she lowered her muzzle to his head and breathed softly into his brown fur. He was strong and anchored her when emotion threatened to sweep her away.

When her head raised once more she saw that Lakota had moved a few steps closer, though she seemed to look unsure of her action and Aodaun looked like he was as uncomfortable as his bonded. Ktulu's bloody gaze didn't linger on the white bear very long before it returned to Lakota. Her gaze traced over the contours of the Poisoner's face, the curves of her lithe body, those slender legs and the Constrictor was brought back to the countless times that they had flirted harmlessly with one another. What was harmless then wasn't so harmless now, though. She ached to touch Lakota. She craved the feeling of the other mare's body against her own, longed for the peacefulness and completeness she felt when they were together. She wondered if Lakota felt it, too.

"This is a bit...well...I don't really know what to say I just...Life's really been different...without you."

Ktulu didn't know what to say, so she just gave a very slight nod of her head. Life had been different for her, as well. She had thought that she would feel a little lighter without the responsibility of so many lives hanging over her head and pressing down on her shoulders, but she felt heavy and useless. The Constrictor took in another shaky breath, not worried about how weak and pathetic she might look in front of Lakota. She was breaking more and more with each passing day that the Poisoner wasn't by her side and now with her standing there in front of her she felt like she was finally shattering into a million little pieces.

"Do you feel it?" She asked. "Incomplete?" Eytan whined once more and again rubbed his head on Ktulu's leg. At one point he had been enough for her to feel complete, but he wasn't anymore. Yes, he had a part of her soul, but Lakota had part of her heart and she couldn't live without it.

@[Lakota]



Image by ChaoticMelodies

Icon by Tay

Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#6
Lakota
                     Her smile makes you wonder where she's been



Free from the electric state of Ktulu's gaze only when the cherry empress drops her lips to nuzzle the crown of her princeling, Lakota breathes a lungful of air she hadn't been aware she'd been missing. Briefly her mind grapples with the fact that she can't comprehend why she stays, when her heart is in turmoil and her body is seconds away from trembling. Ao stands like a silent stone guardian at her side, all frost and tundra winds, cold lime eyes unwavering as they pin Eytan and Ktulu in his sights. Not trust... he growls softly in her head, a rumble of protective instincts and love. Do not do this, please. I have to trust her, I always have, she urges quietly, and watches as a pair of snowy ears flatten to his cranium unhappily. Hurt once, will do again. Lakota closes her eyes briefly, and, realizing Ktulu was still engaged with Eytan, dropped her own head to her beloved. He turned his pale face to press his cold nose to the side of her muzzle, and she gave a soft, hitched breath. I know. We do foolish things for love, little prince.

The objection he nearly voices is tangible in her head, but she says nothing, because Ktulu is turning to pin her with deep red diamonds. Such a familiar, comforting view, and yet she felt anything but. How long had Ktulu been gone? Surely not that long? So why did Lakota feel like a total stranger around the one mare who had ever gotten as close to her as her family had? In her head, a mantra began; I have to trust her, I have to trust her. How many times had her trust, and heart, been shattered by that very damsel though? She had blessed the daughter of the woman opposite her, a child of gold that never could have come from the maiden painted in colors of sorrow and depression. Had she not seen the loving embrace between the two? The pride in Ktulu's eyes when Midas came to visit, when Ranjiri stood at her side? When Hototo bravely stepped into his father's shoes for the better of Helovia?

At the reminders her eyes went a little duller, heart throbbing around the arrow she had twisted so stupidly inside herself. Was this not supposed to be a happy reunion? Why did they both appear to be so somber and heartbroken? If anyone were to peer in from the outside on their little meeting, they would probably assume they were discussing the parting of a good friend from the world of the living. It brings back, harshly, the reminder that Ktulu's uncle, Donovan, had been killed. Not the smartest thing she'd ever thought, but at least Ktulu was not privy to that kind of information.

It didn't mean she couldn't tell the look upon her face though, for Lakota's walkers paused upon the earth just a few steps away from touching. Look, but don't touch, she reminded herself sadly, Midas' glowing, happy face a painful image in her eyes. Ktulu nodded her head slowly, as if lost in a daze, and when she looked into those bloody albino orbs she could sense the destruction of the other mare's soul. Lakota had been at her heel since her entrance into Helovia- she knew every nuance of the maiden's private language, and yet never flaunted it. Now, she wished she wasn't so fluent.

"Of course I do," she whimpered, and worked her throat with a few swallows at the awful, pathetic sound. Aodaun stood and walked with her, but this time remained on all fours, massive paws hard on the earth as he stood aligned with her shoulder. Warm body pressed to her leg, sure and strong, reminding her he was there. It was enough to still the quiver in her voice. "It does not change things, Ktulu...you are still enamored with a stallion I hardly know, with a daughter to share, and I...well, I'm nothing but a shadow." Violet irises harden, cold as stone, but it's obvious that it's just a front. A facade. A desperate attempt to keep herself from showing the pain and sorrow she inflicted upon herself with her own words. It was better to appear strong, than to show just how much it hurt to know she really was just a passing fancy. A memory. A tendril of thought, black smoke on an ever-changing breeze.

Your Poisoner. Huh. Well. Life is a box of chocolates, and I've poisoned every single one. Including you.

Credits

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#7
Ktulu
Ktulu
the Constrictor

"Of course I do. It does not change things, Ktulu...you are still enamored with a stallion I hardly know, with a daughter to share, and I...well, I'm nothing but a shadow."

Ktulu had never wanted to just hit someone so much before in her life, but she wanted to hit Lakota. She wanted to smack some sense into the mare's head and make her think about what she was saying and what Ktulu had done since she had left the Foothills. Her own expression hardened to match that of Lakota's and Ktulu snorted at her. All the while Eytan remained by her forelegs, trying to soothe her and watching the younger bear that had claimed part of Lakota's soul.

"You're an idiot, Lakota." Ktulu finally said, a sharp edge finding its way into her voice. "And I suppose I am, too, for thinking that you knew me." Her ears tilted back against her head and she ignored Eytan's prodding in her mind to try and get her to calm down. She'd spent too much time waiting for Lakota to join her like she promised she would, but it seemed that Lakota was just going to spit in her face and leave her.

"Calm down!" Eytan shouted within her mind, making her flinch and draw back. Her eyes shot down to the bear and she found herself close to snapping her teeth at him, but he took the opportunity to get his words in since he had her attention. "Akota confused." He said. "Explain to her." The pair stared at one another before the bear lost his patience and growled at his bonded. "NOW!"

Ktulu's head snapped back up and her eyes locked on Lakota. "How do you know who I'm enamored with, Lakota?" She inquired. "How?" Had she been around to notice the distance that had begun to develop between herself and Midas? Had she seen how it grew even when they tried to make it work? Had she seen the way she had started to withdraw herself from him to try and ease the break that she felt was imminent? No. No she had not and yet there she was saying that Ktulu was enamored.

"Think about it, Lakota." She pressed. "Why am I here? If I'm as enamored with Midas as you think I am then why didn't I go to him when I left?" She glared at the other mare as she asked her questions, but she didn't stop. "Because I've been here everyday waiting for you." And she'd waited day after godforsaken day for the damned mare to come to her like she had promised. "Why would I wait for you if I loved someone else?"

@[Lakota]


Image by ChaoticMelodies

Icon by Tay

Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#8
Lakota
                     Her smile makes you wonder where she's been



Sapphire is more readily apparent under the constant heat and light of the sun, snowy spine unable to be bleached further, but in this intense exchange of words the only heat she knows is the one of Ktulu's words. Appearance is nothing to her, as it is, and in this confrontation there is even less care for it. Lakota's face goes hard as the insults are spat from her ex-Chieftess' lips, head going high and proud as if to make up for the hurt she feels. If she will be insulted, she will take it with the grace born inside her veins long ago. The cold tone of Ktulu's voice is like glass to the heart, and she flinches, unable to hide it. Her ears flatten violently into her mane, teeth gritting until her jaw muscles twinge with pain. "You haven't been around enough for me to know you, Ktulu." Her own words are just as venomous, but it is only to protect herself, because her heart feels as if it's being torn to shreds. Words are her quills, springing up in defense like a porcupine.

Tears are fast to prick at the edges of her eyes, the anger and hatred in Ktulu's visage whirling her emotions into a volatile mixture of fury and agony. Gravity is helpless against her willpower, for she narrows her eyes and refuses to let them fall. Ktulu sure was suave, wasn't she? Yes, let us shout and insult the person we supposedly love, in order to assure said person of the emotion. Clearly Eytan had something to say about it, for Ktulu's head jerked and her rubies flickered down to her chocolate companion. Lakota took this chance to back up, not wanting to be so close like she had before, because suddenly this was turning into torture and not comfort.

And suddenly she was pissed, anger bubbling like hot lava inside her stomach, spitting out of her throat and scalding her lips and tongue as the devilish words shot past them. "How? How?! Maybe because I fucking watched as you held your newborn, as you touched him, as you smiled at him! I watched as he stared at you like you were the fucking sun he revolved around, as he put his heart out there for you to hold safe! Every second, I witnessed it, and I watched as you returned every single bit of it! So don't ask me, don't even dare, because I was there Ktulu! I was there, and you ripped my heart out, pranced around it, stomped on it, and walked away laughing into the arms of someone I can never compete with!!"

Shaking, she only calmed when Aodaun pressed hard and solid against her leg, and she took a deep breath. Clearing her throat she shifted uncomfortably in the dry grass, relaxing the tense clutch beneath her jaw, barely able to swallow or breathe. "You may have grown apart...I do not doubt your own feelings Ktulu...but what of him? What of his heart, his feelings? I may be your shadow, but I do not pry, it is not in my nature. I don't know if things were ended, how am I supposed to react, what am I supposed to think?" It is weaker, trodden on, as if she has given up. Of course she doesn't doubt Ktulu's love, not now, but what of Midas? Could Lakota hurt his pure soul, the one she'd seen shining out of his eyes, in order to achieve her own selfish happiness?

The rest of the words, Lakota does nothing but take, accepting them like a whooped dog would a punishing blow. "I never said I was prolific in my knowledge of love, Ktulu. The only one I ever had was killed in front of me, and I was young and stupid then. I don't see why you're chasing after someone like...well, like me," she laughs, self-deprecating and unsure. Gods, what was her problem? Everything, her mind laughs back at her, cruel and painful. She was fucked up and broken and Ktulu was just going to cut every piece of her beautiful flesh trying to put her back together.

Credits

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#9
Ktulu
Ktulu
the Constrictor


Ktulu held her head up in defiance of Lakota's words. It was only recently that she had not been around the other mare and that was because she had left the Foothills behind. "You knew I was leaving." She said, her voice falling flat. "Why would I stay around the Foothills?" She supposed it meant nothing that she had continued to send Eytan to the Foothills to make sure that everyone was okay, mainly Lakota. "You didn't keep your promise." She then pointed out. "You promised that you would always be with me and you just let me go. You haven't even bothered checking up with me and I've continuously sent Eytan to make sure you were okay." In the end she guessed she cared more than Lakota did and it hurt her to think like that. The one individual she wanted affection from she couldn't get it.

The dark mare could only shake her head as Lakota went on to claim that she saw how much affection Ktulu had returned to Midas when their daughter had been born. Claimed that she had ripped her heart out, stomped on it, danced around it, and left. "You see what you want to see, Lakota." Ktulu said. She was beginning to grow resigned to the fact that Lakota was a stubborn ass and would go back on any promise that she had ever made. It was an extremely disappointing discovery that she could be so fickle with her promises. In the end she could not deny the joy she had felt that day when she had given birth to her daughter. "Would you prefer that I abandoned my daughter for your sake?" She asked, instead. Honestly, she could not recall showing as much affection to Midas as Lakota claimed she had because she had never been one for showing a lot of affection, especially when there was a large crowd gathered.

"I was trying to have a family, Lakota." She ground out. "Couldn't you see then that my family was falling apart around me? My father wanted and still wants nothing to do with me! My sister all but hates me! I was trying to make something that wouldn't fall apart and it did." She closed her crimson eyes and sighed as Eytan rubbed his head against her foreleg. "The only one that's stayed beside me through everything is Eytan." She said as she opened her eyes, resignation shining in them as she looked at Lakota.

"I cannot tell you what to think." She finally addressed Lakota's other questions. "And I cannot tell you what Midas feels. I only know what I feel, what I know, and who I want." She shook her head, visibly deflating under Lakota's scrutiny. She had made one mistake after another in her life and it was costing her everything she had held dear.

Another knife to the heart.

"I never said I was prolific in my knowledge of love, Ktulu. The only one I ever had was killed in front of me, and I was young and stupid then. I don't see why you're chasing after someone like...well, like me."

Ktulu didn't know herself why she was chasing after Lakota, so if the other mare was looking for an answer she wouldn't find it. Instead Ktulu sighed and looked down at Eytan, who stared back up at her with warm caramel eyes. "No one ever said love made sense."

@[Lakota]

"."

Image by ChaoticMelodies

Icon by Tay

Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#10
Lakota
                     Her smile makes you wonder where she's been



Silence would be all that greeted Ktulu, for the mare said nothing, lips sealed and jaw clenched as if holding back a tidal wave of words she would regret should a single drop pass her tongue. Lakota was angered, not stupid. Instead she ground her teeth at the accusations, the blatant reminder that she had not followed Ktulu mindlessly from the only home she'd ever had. And if her voice was venomous, even as she quieted it from the rising decibels previously used, she couldn't bring herself to care as she spat her answer right back. "Leave, to follow someone I loved so deeply but whom may not have even cut ties with her prior partner?" In her head she heard Aodaun's voice, soft and stern. Control, Kota. Not help to anger. Taking a deep breath she stared up at the sky and took a few long moments to orient herself with her thoughts once more. "The Foothills were my only home. The first place I had ever called home, and to this day the only place I've ever felt joy in returning to. I fought for that land, under your lead, and in that role I was granted to power to heal and help. Things I had never been able to do, verbally or physically. With my own doubts of your feelings, which you confessed moments before leaving, and my own fears of the Foothills falling...not to mention my reluctance to leave the one place I knew so well, and loved so deeply...I suppose you can blame me, for promising you something I wasn't sure I could keep. But please don't condemn me for not wanting to part from something so precious, when my lack of presence could draw it into a spiraling downfall."

Apollo, Irrydae, Artemis, Phaedra, Locket...so many friendly, familiar faces that she missed already. If the Foothills fell...they would be injured, homeless, perhaps even killed in battle. Lakota could not leave them to their fate. She had not done so in the past, even when she had been exiled from her herd. When the invasion had come, she had returned, and fought for a land long lost prior to the battle. She would do so again, out of love for the land and its people. They had softened her, shown her kindness she did not deserve, given her a gift she'd subconsciously longed for. It was not so easy as Ktulu thought for her to abandon all those things, for a fleeting, uncertain chance at love. Though it didn't seem to change how Ktulu felt, as apparently Lakota did not put forth enough effort in that aspect.

"You're right, I didn't, because I had no hands to spare. Aodaun has been patrolling when I cannot, and I have been trying to salvage the tiny broken pieces left of the Foothills. I'm sorry, but I couldn't risk the lives of my friends by wandering off when they needed me most." In no way did she mean for it to sound accusatory, in fact her vocals are defeated, aware of her own shitty decisions. She was a terrible person, and she knew it. She didn't need Ktulu to tell her when she told herself often enough.

Though, apparently Ktulu didn't think so, in fact it seemed she wanted to say it to Lakota as much as possible. The rage that exploded in her was faster than any other at the daring jab Ktulu said, and she bristled like a cat, ears flat to her skull and posture ready for war, whether it be verbal or physical. How dare she?! How dare she when she knew how much Lakota loved children?! Right as her lips dropped open to scream obscenities at her, Aodaun intervened with a deep growl, shoving into her so hard she stumbled. Even with his brutal distraction her aurals never wavered, still enraged regardless. Not what she meant, Kota! he growled, both inside of her head and to the air around them. What the fuck else could she have meant?! Intense eyes stare her down, diamonds a pale green like the soft flesh of the inside of a lime, pinning her thoughts down from where they struggled to explode out of her mouth. She say- love Jiri. Not love Idas, at birth. Saying she look to love Idas, really love Jiri. Faltering, her lips tremble, dark as Nyx's chariot, and she's grateful that Ao is with her, correcting her never-ending mistakes.

Instead, this time she looked Ktulu dead in the eyes, head still lowered towards Aodaun. "You're younger than I, Ktulu. I have faced just as much, if not more, pain from my blood family. Don't speak to me of trying to make a family, why do you think I stayed in the Foothills?" Strong, mildly stern, but clearly not wishing another bout of fighting. Honestly, Lakota felt rather snubbed, for she felt Ktulu was projecting all the family troubles, but didn't even stop to think of the horrors inflicted on Lakota from birth. At least Ktulu had been loved by her family up to this point. Not that it seemed to matter, as apparently only Eytan had been by her side this long.

Violets darkened, though in sorrow or anger it was uncertain. "Very well." It's all she would say to that comment. How long had she been at Ktulu's side, protecting her and guarding her? But if Ktulu did not consider it the same, Lakota would not whine to get her emotions across. Not that they made very much sense, currently.

All she knew was that when Ktulu admitted, softly, without looking at her, and in a rather round-about way that she loved Lakota...it still made her heart skip like a smooth rock on a calm lake's surface. So she moved forward, hesitant, but her face was conflicted and distressed. Coal muzzle was offered tentatively to the taller mare, and if she were a canine she'd likely be whimpering. "Please...Ktulu, just...help me get rid of these doubts. I don't want us to fight like this. I love you, so much that it hurts and-" choking up on her words, she swallowed hard, trying to continue speaking. "I know I am difficult, and stupid, but please just...help me forget, help me be better."

Credits

Ktulu the Constrictor Posts: 509
Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16.1 :: 7 HP: 70.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Eytan :: Grizzly Bear :: Terrorize ali
#11
Ktulu
Ktulu
the Constrictor


"I told you how I felt long before I left." Ktulu replied, trying to keep the ice from her voice as Eytan began to continuously interject mentally that she needed to not be angry. But she had told her before, but obviously Lakota had been unable to read between the lines and Ktulu had been too scared of saying it point blank to make her understand. She was a fool for thinking the poisoner she had held so close since inducting her into the Grey had really understood her. The only one who truly understood all of her nuances was Ophelia. She wanted Lakota to understand her, though. She needed her to.

"Lakota..." She was cut off as the accusations came. Her mouth closed, lips pressed together in a thin line and her ears tilting back against her head in a manner that more resembled shame than anger. "I could not stay any longer, Kota." Ktulu murmured. "I tried to lead them. I tried to protect them. I tried to make them into a family, but all they did was slap me in the face. Everything I instructed, the patrols, the training spars for the warriors was all so I could make them stronger. So we could protect one another, but everything I asked fell on deaf ears." Her gaze fell to Eytan because looking at him and admitting her failures was much easier than looking at Lakota and admitting the same failures. "They feared me." Ktulu said, her voice falling flat. At one time she had been proud to have been feared, she still did feel proud that some individuals seemed to fear her, but her own herd? "How could I lead them?" She could not. "There is no loyalty in fear, Lakota." Her crimson gaze lifted and settled on Lakota's face once more. "Apollo will lead them well. He inspires loyalty." A grin cracked the solemn features of her face. "Hell, he made me loyal to him. I have faith in him as a leader and that was why I was comfortable leaving him to lead the herd that I had shattered."

The Constrictor watched her once-poisoner and when her mouth fell open she was expecting a string of obscenities to spew forth, but the polar bear stopped it from happening. When he growled she looked at him and watched the pair as they went back and forth, much like she and Eytan did. She looked down at her own bear who seemed to be grinning appreciatively at the other bear. Then she was scolded for her own family problems, which made the mare frown. How was she to know what Lakota's family had been like when the other mare had never told her? It seemed that there was much more for them to learn about each other, but would they be able to? Or would this fight effectively end whatever it was that was trying to blossom and grow between them and end their friendship?

"Please...Ktulu, just...help me get rid of these doubts. I don't want us to fight like this. I love you, so much that it hurts and "I know I am difficult, and stupid, but please just...help me forget, help me be better."

Ktulu looked up once more and blinked, confusion shining in her eyes before it was replaced by a very strong desire to protect Lakota from everything that could possibly harm her. The medic had already taken a hesitant step forward and seemed to be searching for some kind of acceptance from her. Despite her harsh and stupid choice of words words and anger, Ktulu had already accepted her for what she was and loved her for it. She stepped forward and hooked her neck over Lakota's and pulled the other mare against her chest and held her there, where she was wanted. Where she belonged. "I do love you." she whispered, wondering if it was the first time she had said it outright in her entire life. "I want you with me."

@[Lakota]

"."

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