I’m so tired of having to be strong day in and day out. Exhausted by worries, worries that came from having heavy responsibilities applied since a tender age. First, it had been the death of my parents, then Norse. Now Cera, Hototo, Ranjiri and Ktulu had all gone off—and I couldn’t find them. I just wanted my family close to me, I longed for everything about them—their touch, smell. This was the only place I felt safe enough to surrender my guard, let all those worries and troubles fly to the arms of those who held a stronger countenance. A leader didn’t question, a leader didn’t flinch.

Perhaps I wasn’t ready to lead.

Since I’d returned from the timeless abbess, a dark fear has been gnawing at my soul—a threatening presence that jests with the notion that would have me abandoned and dead. A fear of being drawn back into that soulless world; a fear that in exchange for my return—a family had paid the price. Had Cera and the rest been pulled away by that dark place in payment? For weeks now I had been asking, praying for strength and understanding. Praying for safety.

I prayed for them now, either for deliverance, in exchange for whatever would be asked as payment; or an assurance that they are at the very least—alive. Bargains likely wouldn’t be struck, not with celestial…but I was desperate to know the truth.

Despite the veins being shattered beyond recognition, this was still a magical place. A place once that every great while was actually closer to heaven then the tallest precipice. Perhaps it was because of the memories this soil held, of a time when life had seemed blissful—Ma would drag me along (quite willingly.) Remind me how to pray; I’d been a little afraid of the grand stones and their symbols my first time upon this rock.

Earth…he was felt long before I could have seen his face. The trust and compassion of child toward father was unmistakable. Despite the boons of other celestial creatures, this was the headstone I returned to—HE was like the potter to clay. Shaping, bending. Body knelt, and while I didn’t expect to actually see him, my prayer of thanks went up regardless for the merciful peace that soothed.

The ground shifted, swaying slightly beneath me. One foreleg slipped ahead to steady my frame, I rose slowly and by the time stature had risen. He was before me. There isn’t an explanation that words would justify of the innumerable amount of joy that is felt upon seeing his face again. My head fell respectfully forward and for reasons untold the heart quickened toward a rapid pace. If Earth had arrive, then were my fears realized?

“Midas. It pleases me to see you, and yet not in this state. You seem troubled, my son…”

No omen of ill news. Thankfully I dared a glance up and smiled just a little. Pressing forward I gently reached out as a foal did to their Ma or Da, craving physical impression upon those valued above all else. He could speak, and I do. Become anything that was asked, even the thing that would be hated. His frame is massive, nay not only massive, solid. Like the face of a mountain. Fina stirred within my feathers, but did not awaken.

"I've missed ye... thank ye a thousand times over for mercy, and returning."

This was the first I had actually gotten to talk to him since he had counseled my heart over vengeance. “Father, many things have happened. Things that…” I broke off to steady my words so that they might not quiver, “break my heart....” I began, “Cera and Ranjiri, her mother Ktulu—has vanished.” Tentatively I add softly, “Hototo has been absent as well. Please, are they living, are they well?” Earnest, but fearful of the response I added quickly without thinking, “Before the sun returned I was pulled into a strange world full of…pools…when I escaped back into Helovia they had vanished. Did they get swallowed as payment for my return?”

I was relieved to hear that all of them were at the very least uninjured by my adventures in that other world—well off enough to still be in Helovia. Though, relief in itself couldn’t overwhelm the rush of pain and confusion; hadn’t our time together been nothing but good? Hadn’t I tried hard enough to be a good partner, Father? My chest clinched and I looked away from my Lord in rising shame, it was for them I had fought to return; for a family that no longer cared if I drew breath? A cool hardness crept forward, slithering around my soul with its cold, wet fingers. It promised relief by making me numb.

Slowly my lips moved to respond in a voice that was barely above a whisper, “It is well then.” Nay, it was not well. But what else could be done? This was another test of strength; I rose toward it and forced a small smile,“Thankee Father, for assuring my trembling self of their wellbeing.” I couldn’t hide this spirit from him, nor was it desired to, “Is there something I can do for thou? Your return brings everyone great gladness and joy. Surely there is a way a child can serve?” He had always been there for me, in some fashion. My loyalty, and love were his; as was the armor across shoulders and the daggers planted at birth upon my feet. Leading and worship would make a fine distraction from personal wounds that festered beneath the skin, “Teach me to be more like thee, I beg ye.” Even as a child I had been earnest to learn, earnest to love. Now as an adult I could more, become anything.

He smiled at me, then laughed with the voice of the northern mountain and bending rivers. When his face broke apart, a thousand chuckles slipped through, I also smiled tensely due to refraining from giggling aloud. Despite chiding me of my ignorance. Earth was right...(as usual). My short existence in Helovia didn’t measure up to centuries; we were no more than babes in their eyes. Newborns who hadn't even developed wisdom enough to take our first steps. It would take much longer than a lifespan to be taught the structure of a single flora; something that appeared so simple to the eyes was delicately structured and complex in ways that the moral mind couldn’t fathom. He might have built this place, might one day even destroy it. That knowledge didn't change my attachment. Wasn’t it often said that our God would give and take away as he deemed?

When Earth explained his reasoning, I lowered my skull out of reverence and the deepest of respect; having been taught yet another lesion whilst standing by, “Thou are correct; father I cannot understand these things. It is above me. Ye could teach me for ages and still have a student who hadn't scratched the surface of thou's work.” my voice came as a whisper though he would have no problem hearing it. For a moment I thought to ask why the land we stood upon was in a state of decay. Nay though, I quickly dashed the idea aside. It wasn’t correct to muse over such things. What was done, was done.

I dared to glance up again and was very glad to have done so; he was looking at me. Smiling with a tenderness that couldn’t be described by words of this language, “I want you to be more like you.” Ivory locks flicked backwards, ears slipped a notch forward; confused, yet wise enough to be silent. I held my tongue and allowed him ample room for speech; his directions gave no hint to explaining any confusion that might be felt. My gaze drifted low again and voice rose in humble submission, one that was willing to please the Father in whatever way he warranted was correct, “Tis will be done.”