Since she had left Nocturne, Aly had been thinking about how to try to get back. She left so much of herself there; making a new life here in Helovia did not seem possible. That was not to say that she did not adore World’s Edge and Kahlua was so marvellous – but they were substitutes for something she had somewhere else.

Oh she had dreamed about waking up to find that they were all here, that her new and old friends could meet one another and life would be wonderful. Always the optimist but the realistic (though smaller) part of her did not really believe it was possible.

And then.

Her breath caught as soon as she sees the black figure. It had done so often, whenever she saw someone from a distance that could be him, but in another second it was always released because she just knew it wasn’t. But this time, could it really be?

She had come here on a whim. After getting settled in and accustomed to World’s Edge she decided to explore. Finding the shore, she followed it to the north. She had never seen a true tundra before – Elysium had occasionally disguised itself as such but it was not the same.

“Have I stumbled into a dream?” The question to herself came with a laugh – both at how ridiculously poetic she was being and the situation in general. Could it really be him? She knew him, knew him so well. Knew him well enough to be able to recognize him from his brother.

Identical, they almost even smelled the same. But Alysanne knew. Oh she knew him. And oh her heart would break if this were some trick. There was magic here, she knew. She had seen it performed by Kahlua upon their arrival in World’s Edge – the product a glass chain headband encircling her ears, with a small heart dangling down beneath her forelock. She had even heard that there were Gods though she did not yet know what to do with such knowledge. Were there Gods? Were they similar to the angels and demons of her former home?

At that thought, there was a prickle of a memory concerning those demons but it did not stick. Everything off topic was slipping from her mind as she approached, the dawn light washing over her pale body. With every step the fear that it was someone else faded and her pace quickened – stopping only when she was close enough to touch him. “Oh Aleksandr, are you real?” She asked even though she knew.

No caution (had he left first or had she?) as she bridged the gap between them with her nose, moving to brush against his neck in an affectionate greeting. Also to confirm that he was not a trick of this land.

She was different – less adorned with flowers than she had been in Nocturne – but they were the same emerald eyes that were bright with all the love she still had not confessed. She cannot even think of what to say or what to ask. How was he here? Where was Kostya? His twin was undoubtedly close but she couldn’t bring herself to check – just in case Aleksandr disappeared when she looked away.

The full weight of how much she had missed him was slamming into her now as tears began to cloud her vision.

His flippant tone was enough to cause hesitation. Why had he and Kostya left Nocturne? Was she part of the reason? She did not ask anything of him – there were no strings she wanted to use to tie him to her. They shared memories, shared a son, but even that was not enough for her to believe he could ever belong to her. He belonged to (with) his twin.

She hoped that perhaps he spared the odd moment to think of her when they were apart. Maybe he even missed her.

There were questions she could ask – three word phrases she could utter - that would let her know how he felt, one way or another. For now, however, his touch was enough to ease her worries. That gentleness was something she still thrilled at. He could be flippant, cold, distant, and awkward, but all of that disappeared whenever he touched her.

So easily won over.

Doubt had never stuck to Alysanne’s mind easily. She had never learned that there were those in the world that could not be trusted, that might hurt you.

The scars on her body told differently but the memories associated with that day no longer existed.

“I don’t know why I’m crying.” She confessed in a whisper, letting him wipe what he could away. He was so gentle, did he even realize that?

She did not understand how different they were, how that would make this romance so unstable and unlikely. Was romance even the right word? A more troubled mind might wonder how long they had, how long before he grew distant and bored of a sweet Pegasus that smelt of flowers and felt intoxicated by his presence. Such doubts were so easily avoided in Aly’s mind. He was here and he was being sweet, there was no room for conjecturing. Not for her. Not now.

Pulling away, reluctantly, those green eyes took him in. They were still glossy with tears but the smile that was taking over was unmistakable. This was no coincidence. “Have you been well? How long have you and Kostya been here?”

Just two of the many questions she could ask but she could not bring herself to ask any more. She could not even step much further back – if they were to be separated again, was it so wrong to allow herself this intimacy?

“There was a snow storm, I got lost.” She admitted with no small measure of embarrassment. How she had gotten so mixed up she really didn’t know. After a couple days of wandering in a white out it had lifted and she had no idea which direction she had come from. She wasn’t entirely sure if she had chosen wrong or right – she had left Nocturne but found him.

Really, it was lucky she hadn’t perished in the storm – lucky she had found shelter and not frozen like many of the animals she had discovered on her way. But Aly did not think of it like that – she didn’t understand the danger she had been in.

Story of her life.

“Iona’s back there with Arty and the rest.” Her absence weight on Aly’s heart every day, as did their son’s. “I wish she were here.” Perhaps not right at that moment - but in Helovia. Her sister would like it here.

She didn’t know why it was enough, the soft touch of his muzzle against her skin, but it was. By all reason she should long for more – but more what? She longed for little and what she did long for, she had faith they might reach it eventually.

She kept more fears than longings next to her heart.

Fear that she wasn’t enough for him.

How could she be, after all? She was naught but sunlight and earth, no more complex than a laugh. He was darkness and stars - distant and comforting, for fire alive in the coldness of space, and infinitely beautiful.

The doubts were easily avoided but that did not mean they weren’t present.

She closed her eyes and leaned softly into his touch, forgetting for a moment everything else. “I missed you so much.” It was a whisper, words that she would say instead of others she suddenly felt too frightened of. Felt, them, yes – and when did she become the mare that was afraid to speak of what she was feeling?

When she met him. When this started. Not that it was his fault – oh no. She just had something to lose from speaking openly.

But her confession, small as it was, reminded her of how much she had missed him. Now she turns to him, adding distance between them. Not much, just so that they weren’t touching. There was a smile still, sad and hopeful, as she searched him. “Were you planning on coming back?” To Nocturne, to her. He had left before the storm, she remembered. One day he was there and the next he was gone. “You didn’t even say goodbye.” It was not an accusation, just a fact they both already knew.

He asked after their son, and she grinned then. “He was. He looks so much like you.” Every day he looked more like his father, with her wings only. “He’s got a little of both of us in him though. He’s quiet, but his smile lights up the world when it shows.” Ever the heartache but she believed that their son was safe, wherever he was. He had to be.

To his question, she responded with one of her own. “Why do you question my affections?” He always had, from the moment they were there. Asking her why she cared for him, why she had wanted to be friends with him. Why. Did Alysanne even have an answer for him? She reached out then, brushing her muzzle gently on his cheek with a smile. “For everything you are. Sasha, I’ll miss you and I’ll love you even when you’ve tired of me. Even when it hurts.” Which was a point, she suspected, they might have already reached.

When he did not answer her question, but instead tensed up, she knew. Of course she knew – and it was a bitter truth to swallow. “No then.” Knowing that it would be so did not mean it hurt any less to speak of it. That was the hope she had clung to, the idea that one day they would be out for a walk and he would appear again. She did not mind the absences with the promise of being together again. But to learn her hopes were in vain did hurt. Perhaps she over estimated his affections.

But had he not touched her so affectionately? Had they not made a son together? Had he not healed her when she was broken?

If anyone should be asking why it should be her. Why put up a front if he did not care for her? Why pretend.

“I don’t resent you for leaving, neither does he.” For his father’s absence, Arty had been raised knowing who Sasha was – raised to love him. “Sasha, it's fine, I just…” Her voice broke and she looked away from him – staring straight ahead as she confessed it all in a whisper-soft voice. Things she had avoided feeling - thinking even - until now. Now it was rising to the surface and she felt powerless to stop it. “Do I really mean so little to you? I thought otherwise, maybe you’re just that good at acting… and perhaps I’m truly pathetic with my plan for waiting for you as you wander the world without the intention of ever seeing me again – as you inevitably find someone more interesting.” To be fair, being replaced was one of the smaller worries. The idea that he would be happiest away from her was what hurt. After all, she wanted him to be happy. And if that was best served with her absence… “If it was me you were running from, I apologize. I never wanted you to be uncomfortable with this and I'm so sorry if that's how it is. You could just say so. If it’s too much…” She cannot even say it. They could end this – leave it to whatever end. She tightens the hug of her wings around herself, the chill of the air mingling with the chill of the topic. She was no good at this.

He was her first. He would always be important to her.

“I would, and I will, wait for you. Every time you leave my side.” It seemed inevitable. He would leave again and maybe that was her fault – but if it wasn’t there was hope still. She always had that hope. “If you ask if of me.”

He cared. Sasha, who didn’t care for anyone but his brother had made a little room for her. She was not wounded by him outright saying that no one compared to Kostya – she knew it to be true. It had never been a competition and it never would be (after all, she’d lose).

Whatever the depth of his feelings for her, they were there and she felt reassured because of it. The idea that she was scaring him off, with her too-honest, too-caring mannerisms, had been one she had been wrestling with for quite some time. At least that could leave her alone now.

How could she continue to feel sad in the face of those gentle kisses?

When he mentioned how he would have brought her with them, she looked over to him again “That’s exactly why I would uproot our family. For my ‘moody bastard’ of a mate,” The harsh words are foreign on her tongue and she could not even get them out without a light laugh – she reached out to tug at his mane in a playful manner at the ‘bastard’ part – before brushing her muzzle on his cheek and growing serious again. “Sasha, you’re part of my life and part of my family. I would have gone with you – Arty would’ve too. Iona would follow in her own time, like she always does.” He would not have even had to ask – all he would have done was come to say goodbye to her and she would have brought it up.

Just as she had moved away moments ago, she moved closer again. “Nocturne became home in part because of you.” Of course, Iona and Arty had a part to play. In that dreadful, speculative situation – she would choose her blood before him, as he would choose his over her. Perhaps that was part of why this worked, because there were others that they cherished more than they cherished each other.

But still. “If I could bring you nothing more than a moment of happiness every day, I would follow you forever so that I could be there – so that I could do that.” And of course, simply being around him made her happy so that part took care of itself.

Well most of the time. Though she did not blame him for her sadness today – it was all her and her troublesome thoughts, raising her hopes a little too high in comparison to his intentions.

“I would have wanted to leave anyway. Nocturne wasn’t safe.” Eventually she would have brought up the idea – rather loving the idea that her son could grow up somewhere without the threat of demons and all their terrible powers. Well mostly terrible, anyway. She wanted her family to be safe and if taking them away from Nocturne was how they could achieve that, she would do it. “Before we arrived there, Iona and I wandered too. It would have been easy to move on again.” There had been no attachment to the physical land, just those she had met while there.

His response was not unexpected. “No you wouldn’t. You could, though.” He wouldn’t ask but in reality she wouldn’t need him to. She’d still wait. It was foolish, certainly, but it did not feel foolish to her. She would search and she would wait, filled to the brim with hope at finding him again.

After all, for whatever reason he had chosen her. He allowed himself to care for her and unlike him, Aly did not have the courage to ask why. Perhaps there was no reason at all. Either way, she could not brush that aside. So she would wait.

“Maybe next time,” Oh because of course there’d be a next time, “you could maybe think about at least saying goodbye? If only so I won’t worry after you.” As much as the topic of goodbyes weighed on her, she smiled then and nudged him gently with her wings. “As much.”