the Rift


[JUDGED] We'll Burn Together [Histe]

Ricochet the Incendiary Posts: 133
Deceased
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.2 hands :: 5 years Buff: BULK
Blu
#1


She was grinning at him like a monster, her teeth yellowed and stained with the blood from her recent feeding, and something stirred in his stomach. Fuck it, she was a monster. The monster, surrounded by corpses, whose sweet dreams were probably nightmares to those who were normal. How did she become so insane? How was it that a horse could be so twisted and corrupted to become something primitive and feral inside an equine body?

It smells like blood here, like salt and decay and the ripe stench of intestines, of spilled bowels and piss. A little more fighting wouldn’t hurt, if it came to it.

Little master. Why did she call him that? Constantly? He was no little master- he was the master, and she was going to be his mangy cur, his bitch who would come at his call. The buttermilk boy’s ears twist to his skull and flatten against his tangled black mane, and his lips curl back.

Ricochet snorts, snot misting in the cool air. “If you want to have a go, come at me Histe, but you’ll still lose.” His teal eyes glisten rich with arrogance and vanity. They had fought once before, or twice… it seemed every time they met, they fought, either physically or verbally, bantering back and forth. And damn, their fights were impressive; but he was stronger, more hot-headed, more passionate about fighting than her, at least in his egoistic opinion. He was full of fire, and she was rain, but he prevailed because of his heat.

The short grass is slick with blood beneath his hooves, he notes dually, poor footing. Still, he had fought in all sorts of strange places before, against opponents with dragons to accompany them. He could handle a brindled mare who couldn’t think straight.

There is a sharp crack as Histe crushes the horn underneath her hooves and the stallion’s nostrils flare, eyes hardening into steely teal daggers. At the Incendiary’s feet Guns begins to growl, rumbling low in his chest, stomach pressed to the ground, a glistening rope of drool hanging from his lips. The dog’s brown eyes lock onto the mare’s; perhaps he picked up on the tension running electric through the Incendiary’s tense body. For a single primitive moment, Ricochet wants to growl too, but instead he states with cold clarity- “that was a gift, bitch.”

Another second trickles past, seeming slower than ever, and her words drip with venom that scalds his mind and send him boiling in frustration and simmering with heat. He edges closer to her, until they are face-to-face, as stallions who fight sometimes will; his head twists and his mouth reaches out to nip at her ears.

“I promise you, I will give you the fucking fight for your life.”
And he rears, twisting his head to try and bite at her skull, hooves reaching in hopes of scrabbling at her neck and chest.

Time and time again, they threw themselves at each other, attacking blindly, mouths seeking to taste blood, companions watching on. Again and again they continued their dark little circle, and Ricochet couldn’t help but wonder if she was a lost cause. Even if he did win- and he would, he was cocky in his belief of that- what would be the point? He could maybe fuck her and fight her and conquer with her, watch their children grow up to be monsters, but she was only one angry bitch whose mind was scattered across Helovia.

And probably an unwilling dog too.

RICOCHET
to the sound of a time bomb ticking away


WC: 599
Post: 1/3 + 0/1

Continuation of this thread.


HP: 49.5
We want you for the Equine Empire.

Histe Posts: 99
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 5 Buff: NOVICE
Merikh :: Cougar :: Paralyze ali
#2



Histe's lips twisted into something somewhere between a grin and a sneer at Ricochet's cocky comment that she would lose a fight against him. Obviously he had forgotten their fight before when he had begged her to stop because her rain was eating him alive. She giggled and shifted her weight, eyes widening. "Win or lose I will tear you apart." She promised, a sort of excitement shining in those sickly pale orbs. "And you will beg for mercy." But she would snow him no mercy. "You remember how if felt, don't you?" She pressed on, head tilting as thunder rumbled and the sky began to fill with darkening clouds.

A bark of laughter erupted from Histe at the very idea that the unicorn horn had been a gift. "Have you always been so stupid?" She sneered. "You gift me with something that was rightfully mine?! That you're fucking mutt stole from me!" She ground the broken pieces of the horn into the ground, her ears now laying flat against her head. He was ridiculous in his reasoning and his audacity and for that she wished to watch him burn and suffer under the force of her rain.

"I would expect no less, little master." Histe replied as only moments later Ricochet launched into his first attack. Her body tensed, legs locking as she lifted herself into a rear, intent on meeting Ricochet blow for blow. As she rose, however, a hoof struck her in the chest and another just above her knee causing the brindle mare to screech her anger and jerk her head back as his teeth snapped at her face. A lock of her mane was grabbed, rather than part of her face and neck, and Histe chose that moment to move her hind legs to try and throw more of her weight against the stallion, but the ground was slick with blood and she lost her footing and slid unceremoniously to the ground, her right ankle twisting in under her weight and awkward landing.

Histe liked pain. She enjoyed actually feeling something, but knowing that she had injured herself only angered the mare to the point of near blinding rage. The mare pulled herself away from the stallion trying to hide the slight limp that had already developed in her right foreleg.

"Merikh!" Histe screamed within her mind and the cougar leapt down from the tree he had taken to earlier before Ricochet and his damned dog had arrived.

Rain began to fall from the gathered clouds softly at first before quickly shifting into a downpour that would quickly drench both horses, their companions, and soak the ground. A shrill laugh ripped through the downpour as the comforting sting of acid washed over Histe's body. The feeling of it invigorated the mare and she took aim at Ricochet. An ear twitched in Merikh's direction and the cat screamed, unleashing the power if his paralyzing ability. As he did so Histe thundered toward Ricochet, though she could not reach the speed she wanted because of the hitch in her step due to her ankle, but even so as she neared she refused to slow down as she remained very intent on slamming the full weight of her charging body into Ricochet, mindless and careless of whatever harm it would inflict on her.

As long as she hurt him she didn't care.

"Talk."



Credits


Word Count: 564
Attack: 1/3

Ricochet the Incendiary Posts: 133
Deceased
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.2 hands :: 5 years Buff: BULK
Blu
#3


He forgets her taunts, her jibes and verbal banter.

The stallion’s heart drummed inside his chest, fired with excitement at the prospect of a fight, his sadistic joy soaring higher as he landed blow on leg and chest. A lock of hair is caught between his yellowed teeth, greasy and acrid, tasting unnatural as Histe’s carnivorous tendencies, but Ricochet ignores the foul taste in his mouth. I hope it hurts. Even if it didn’t hurt her, she would fall eventually. It was not a question of if, but when. Here on the battlefield, they were blood waiting to be spilled, bruises about to happen, pretty pelts ready to scar. For all her simpering and smiles, her wicked eyes and the redness of the blood on her mouth, however strong and healthy she may be- she was not him. Histe was not Ricochet, who lived for pain, for battle, for war; she was not beaten by her father till she was bleeding crimson and battered almost beyond repair. She was not the Incendiary, once a colt, now made into a man- by the workings of his father, the loss of his virginity, and the battles he fought.

Unlike novices in battle, the buttermilk boy made fighting into an art, and he had flourished from soldier to veteran in the last few years (at least in his haughty mind.)

Histe slips beneath him, and a smile briefly lightens the shadows of his scarred face. The more he pressed on her, or the more she might back away, the better for his cause- forcing her back was a form of dominance, one she would do well to realize. Just as quick as it appeared, the smile vanishes from his calloused lips, and he presses forward, not letting her get farther away than a few strides. “Giving up so easy Histe?” He calls, his light-hearted tones goading as the vindictive glitter in his teal eyes. “All talk, no action!”

It is then he hears it, not her silent scream, but the rumble of thunder-clouds. Ricochet stops his playful bounding. Fuck. Fuck her, and her acid magic, because sure enough, the first drop that land on him sizzles a warning.

Ricochet is no coward, no craven boy pretending to be a man. The bravery has been carved into him, hiding behind the scars in his coat, the fire in his eyes, the audacity of his reckless words. He does not shy, and he does not quell, no matter how cold the gaze is that meets him. But today, with the thunder whispering its sinister warnings, he is petrified with a fear that cuts to his bones and strokes the warmth of his beating heart with glacial fingers. He is afraid.

The wail of her cougar is a widow’s shriek, a cry that curdles milk and makes the steadfast shiver. “No,” he growls. He is cold steel, prepared to strike. One day, he would die. Chances are he would die covered in blood on the battlefield, but today would not be that day. “I won’t.” He would not give. He would not shy. He would brace himself for the agony sure to come. And it did come. It came in the form of rain, first lovingly light, giving him kisses with a poison mouth, and then like a hungry mare it came harder, hungry to devour him.

Guns is howling, an eerie cacophony that drowns out Merikh’s paralyzing cry. There is rain that lashes at his ears with whips made of flame, the sound of which overrides whatever curses he mutters under his breath. And what he sees is her, through a haze of pain that has him feeling as if he is melting, an agony that makes him afraid to look at his own body, in case he has been reduced to stripped white bones.

Ricochet would make her pay tenfold.
He jerks around, rain rippling in sheets down his spine, dripping off his flanks, and he twists his head beneath his blood-stained hooves, popping his weight on his forehand as he lashes out in a buck at the dark smear that was Histe. There is no power he leaves behind- he puts it all in his two hind hooves, and he asks Nieque to allow him to smash her skull in, to batter her knees until she fell crippled to the ground.

Unseen, Guns is running at the brindled mare, pawprints red with blood.

There is no breath to waste on words, no taunts that form on his tongue. Pain is destroying him. It has set him on fire and there is nothing to do but wait it out.
If he kills her, will the rain, will the torment of each and every nerve on his body, end?

RICOCHET
to the sound of a time bomb ticking away


2/3 + 0/1
WC: 800
Additional Notes: Guns has not made any move to attack Histe right now, he's just moving towards her :3


HP: 49.5
We want you for the Equine Empire.

Histe Posts: 99
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 5 Buff: NOVICE
Merikh :: Cougar :: Paralyze ali
#4



How she hates him. How she wishes to see his body bloodied and lifeless in a pool of acid rain that would sizzle and eat at his flesh until it either melted away or the puddle disappeared into the ground. His goading is ignored by the hardest if only because Histe knew that he would be eating his words when he felt the first sting of the rain that she knew he both hated and feared. "What's wrong?" She asked in a sickeningly sweet voice when the dunskin stopped his frolicking and looked up toward the sky. She laughed, a shrill sound that would make any sane horse's skin crawl. "Poor little master, scared of a little rain. Are you going to piss yourself? I can see it in your eyes." Calling it nothing more than rain was a lie, but to Histe that was all it was. The sting of it was no more painful than the bite of a fly or a mosquito, and she had the dragonfire that had burned her nerve endings to thank for such a dulled sense of pain.

In her mind the thundering of her hooves against the increasingly wet ground reminded her of thunder. She is thunder. With each step the rain falls harder and she pushes her body to run faster, to ignore the injured ankle, and reach the same speed she had when she'd bowled into Circuta and knocked the paralyzed mare into the acidic mud. Histe was caught by surprise when Ricochet moved instead of being paralyzed in place like he should have been by Merikh's scream. How could the magic have not worked on him? The cougar was just as shocked and angry at the surprise as his bonded was. "Merikh, the mutt! Kill it!" Histe barked as she tried to dodge Ricochet's hooves because she knew she would not be able to just stop. The ground had begun to slippery with rain and she would end up sliding into the ass muncher's hooves head first. So her course veered to her left and his hooves caught along her shoulder and effectively slowed her.

The desire to cow-kick at Rico's forelegs was strong, but there was something else that Histe wanted to do more. She may have been crazy and fought like a mad woman, but she didn't fight without thinking. As she veered past Ricochet she slowed enough so she could buck at him, but she attempted to scoop a bit of mud with her hooves and throw it at Ricochet. The acid rain in the mud, she thought, would still sting and would cling to his body. If she could get some of the mud to hit him in the face, preferably his eyes, she hoped it would blind him and just make him hurt. Her speed and the injured ankle come into play, though, and she found she could not completely support her weight and she nearly hit the ground, but a scrabbling of limbs kept her from doing so because she was able to catch and maintain her balance, but not without further injury to her ankle.

The rain began to slack from a downpour to a drizzle, but it did what Histe had intended it to do. She had remembered Ricochet's magic from their first scuffle, remembered how he made the dust explode. Without dust and only wet, sticky, acidic mud what could he do? With the slackening of the rain Merikh was able to see more clearly and found the mutt that Histe had instructed him to find running toward her. The cougar growled and bounded toward the mutt, teeth and claws aimed to rip the stupid animal apart. He'd let Histe give the dog's head to his master as a gift if they didn't kill him, too.


"."



Credits


Word Count: 636
Attack: 2/3

Ricochet the Incendiary Posts: 133
Deceased
Stallion :: Equine :: 15.2 hands :: 5 years Buff: BULK
Blu
#5


There was thunder roaring in his ears- or maybe it was the rush of his hot blood- and the taste of salt in his mouth. Acid kept sizzling down from the skies torrentially, never-ending, unforgiving. His skin felt as if it were bubbling, as if it were melting, and maybe it was, maybe even at this very moment it began to peel away from muscle, and the muscle would strip away from bone. It was a pain that he had felt only a few times before, a blistering, burning sensation that scalded the entirety of his upper body, and it felt everlasting. Thoughts of his ambitions, his arrogant dedication to victory, were washed away by the fire engulfing him, until he focused on one thought, one hope, one prayer: kill Histe, and rid himself of the she-lion bitch.

And then he could fall into his stupor, and sleep away time until the burns on his back scabbed over.

His hooves caught her in the shoulder, and despite his rapidly deteriorating state he gave a grunt of satisfaction, dropping back to all fours. Having caught her shoulder on the right, he guess she would adjust her course to the left, thus avoiding his brawny quarters further. As he thought, there is a streak of rust and black and brown as she moves by him, slowed by the blow he dealt her, hooves splashing in the mud, globs of shit-brown kicked up from her hooves sizzling on his buttermilk skin, made noticeable as the rain lightens above, offering him brief respite.

Yet despite the thunderclouds rolling away, he feels little relief, only a rapidly growing frustration which makes his teeth grit together and jaw clench so tightly it aches. Ricochet had not been defeated, not yet, but he had been humiliated, by the fear in his eyes and the paralyzing affect the forewarning growl of thunder had on him. Humiliated by Histe, once again, the fucking bitch who was the cause of his continuous pain and embarrassment. Who did she think she was, with her snickers and svelte words, her condescending attitude and damnably short-sighted demeanor? She was NOT going to get away with it, not this time.

Ricochet would teach her better than that.
There is a twist along his body as he shifts, coming up and towards her, forelegs bent and teal eyes electric, the muscles in his hindquarters flexing as he forces the power out of them, coming towards the slippery devil, teeth bared. The Incendiary lifts up as Histe moves by him, the mare’s hindlegs launching up to assail him with mud. Clots of it splatter along his lower chest and forelegs, sizzling specks of acid that pale in comparison to the rainstorm she had summoned just moments before. Still, it stings like biting horseflies.

He reaches out, tipping his weight forward, snapping at her hindquarters with his flat yellowed teeth, aiming to take a solid chunk out of her fat ass.

Unknown to Ricochet, just a few steps behind him is Guns, loping towards Histe confidently with his plume of a tail wagging, thick coat having shed most of the rain, leaving only his paws damaged. Unheard by either of them is the mare’s silent command to her companion.

And Guns yelps in surprise as the cougar comes racing out of the shadows, flinching away.

Like the day so many months ago in the Threshold, Ricochet’s attention is drawn immediately to his dog. He might swear daily at the collie, bark orders and snap commands, act like he don’t give a single flipping fuck- but that dog is his, and nobody touches his Guns.

The Incendiary stops short on his attack, pivoting on his hindquarters and lunging forward, tripping over himself in his haste, knees coming down momentarily into the sucking red-black mud, before he surges up. There is more burning around his joints, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care about Histe. He doesn't care about the protests from every nerve in his body as he flies over the treacherous footing. All he cares about his stupid, stupid dog.

Ears locked to skull, eyes savage, Ricochet bellows his rage outloud, flying forward at the cougar as Guns scrambles to the safety at the Incendiary’s side. The mud slips and skids beneath his hooves as he charges.
And keeps charging. For Ricochet has no intention of stopping- he intends to run that stupid fucking cougar right over.

RICOCHET
to the sound of a time bomb ticking away


WC: 745
Post: 3/3 + 0/1


HP: 49.5
We want you for the Equine Empire.

Histe Posts: 99
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 5 Buff: NOVICE
Merikh :: Cougar :: Paralyze ali
#6





As Histe's hind end came down and her hooves squelched in the mud she felt Ricochet's teeth against her hindquarters. Her ears laid back against her head and she squealed angrily that he'd had the gall to bite her on the ass of all places. The mud sucked her her hooves as she hopped forward and she slid as she turned to face the stallion head on, teeth bared and ready to strike at that ugly ass thing he called his face. She had seen piles of horse shit that were far more pleasing to look at. Her hind hooves dug into the slick, acidic mud and she launched herself forward with her forelegs tucked so that her knees would hopefully slam into the stallion's chest while her head shot forward to snap at his ears or eyes.

"Kill the dog." She mentally commanded the cougar when she heard the dog yelp. "Rip him apart!" Merikh growled again and it was then that Ricochet suddenly lost all interest in her and was slipping and sliding across the mud to get to Merikh. Her cougar. "You fucking pussy!" She screamed after him, trying to get his attention back on her and off of her cougar. "Merikh! Tree!" The big cat responded immediately to her command and abandoned his pursuit of the dog. Histe could hear the scraping of bark as the cat's claws dug into the bark of a tree and he scooted himself upward and out of Ricochet's reach.

In the midst of the chaos the striped mare had taken off after Ricochet, but was having the same problem with finding stable footing. "I'll fucking kill you, you son of a bitch!" She continued to scream. The mare grunted as her right shoulder struck against a tree, the rough bark scraping away skin and the force behind it surely to leave her bruised and stiff. With her carrying on it was becoming more and more apparent that if there was anything in the world that she would protect it was the cougar. It should have also been apparent that there would be no hope for anyone who managed to hurt him.

With Merikh safely up a tree and growling threateningly at the ones below she slowed, her ears laced back against her head. "Five seconds, little master." She seethed as she called upon her magic again. "Or I'll fucking turn you into a puddle." Thunder rumbled and the look in her eyes spoke volumes that she was not joking. "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

"."



Credits


Word Count: 423
Attack: 3/3

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#7
By my verdict: Ricochet is the winner!

Ricochet
Realism [+1]
He edges closer to her, until they are face-to-face, as stallions who fight sometimes will; his head twists and his mouth reaches out to nip at her ears. :: You can’t indicate that you are ‘face-to-face’ with Histe, only that you try to be. The second sentence can also read as power-play. You had plenty of words left, make sure that you’re always indicating that you’re ‘attempting’ to make a move, rather than ‘absolutely’ doing it.
:: Dropped attack- there was mention that Merikh’s attack was paralyzing but there was no real description of how it affected Ricochet and he moved immediately after.
Unseen, Guns is running at the brindled mare, pawprints red with blood. :: You have to try to be unseen, otherwise you’re dictating what the other character can and cannot do.
Having caught her shoulder on the right, he guess she would adjust her course to the left, thus avoiding his brawny quarters further. :: Histe dodged first, then she hit. Make sure to keep everything in the right order!
Ricochet had not been defeated, not yet, but he had been humiliated, by the fear in his eyes and the paralyzing affect the forewarning growl of thunder had on him. :: You can’t go back and change what has happened. There wasn’t proper acknowledgement of the paralyzing effect in the prior post.
:: Dropped attack- You mention Histe’s bucking spraying mud onto Ricochet, but don’t mention whether or not the buck managed to hit, as Histe had tried to do.
:: Your responses to damage accurately reflected the rolls that Histe had against you. I think you did a really great job with this!


Emotion [+1.5]
But today, with the thunder whispering its sinister warnings, he is petrified with a fear that cuts to his bones and strokes the warmth of his beating heart with glacial fingers. :: Lovely imagery, thank you!
:: I wasn’t feeling a lot of emotion in the first post, though the later two picked up more. You spent a lot of time describing that the pair didn’t like one another, but I had a hard time feeling that history between them. I get the feeling that a lot of it was described in the thread immediately preceding this one, but as those posts would not be counted in the judgment I did not go back to read them. Remember that everything in a spar must be standalone- meaning it can be understood without background knowledge or going back to read old posts.


Prose [+3]
The short grass is slick with blood beneath his hooves, he notes dually, poor footing. :: Should be noted ‘duly’.
…his sadistic joy soaring higher as he landed blow on leg and chest. :: blows
:: For the most part, the prose was good. There were a few minor errors, overall nothing too concerning.


Readability [+1.5]
:: There is quite a bit of switching from present to past tense, outside of memories. It was rather distracting at times, so be sure to pick one point in time and stick with it!
:: Attacks were mostly clear and I could understand what was going on, although I did have to re-read your final attack several times to figure out exactly what was happening.


Finally tally: 36.5+7 = 43.5HP
This was a good fight, overall, but I really think you need to slow down and reread before posting. There were a lot of errors or mistakes that could have been fixed by more careful reading of Histe’s post or more attention to detail on your part. I felt like you were very rushed. Remember that you have three weeks to respond, so take your time. If you’re not ready to respond, wait until another day.


*******************************************

Histe
Realism [+3]
:: You described Histe as slipping and falling in response to the first attack, but I really think she could have taken more damage with the twisted ankle. Especially since, although you did note it a few times, it didn’t seem to effect her too much in the following posts. For example, when she bucked, I would have liked to see mention of the pain of putting all her weight on the damaged limb.
:: Overall, I think you could spend some more time explaining how Histe feels the damage she is taking. You acknowledge that the damage occurred but don’t go on to give Histe’s response to it, which would really increase the quality of connection between Histe and the reader.
…remembered how he made the dust explode. Without dust and only wet, sticky, acidic mud what could he do? :: Good, I like that she’s remembering how he acted in his previous battles and having that affect her choices.


Emotion [0]
:: Ricochet not responding to the paralysis magic would have been a great place to insert lots of emotions and feelings. Histe’s plans have been very thwarted at this point. I got a little bit of emotion, but I would have liked to see quite a bit more.
…if there was anything in the world that she would protect it was the cougar. It should have also been apparent that there would be no hope for anyone who managed to hurt him. :: Good, I like the attention you draw to Histe’s feelings about Merikh. I really think you could have gone more into this, however, to make the reader really feel that emotion. It felt pretty superficial to me, considering the intensity of the emotion.
:: I know that Histe isn’t big on emotions, but considering the apparent history between the two I should have liked to see more of that anger. And there were several big moments where you started to give some emotion but sort of let it go before it could really reach a peak of feeling.


Prose [+3]
But she would snow him no mercy. :: Show him no mercy.
An ear twitched in Merikh's direction and the cat screamed, unleashing the power if his paralyzing ability. :: power of his paralyzing…
The mud sucked her her hooves as she hopped forward… :: Two hers.
His goading is ignored by the hardest if only because Histe knew… :: Hardest what?
:: A few minor errors, but nothing glaring or obvious.


Readability [+2]
:: You have a tendency to use some very long run-on sentences. It sometimes made your posts hard to read and follow. However, there were not very many of these. Just be sure to use some periods to breaks them up!


Finally tally: 9+8 = 17HP
:: You never used your whole word count, so you definitely had a lot of room to develop some more emotion. It didn’t seem rushed, I think you just have a very straight-forward style, but make sure to go beyond just explaining what Histe is doing- really get into why she’s doing it, or what she’s feeling about the events around her. Even scary, acid rain monster ladies have feelings!


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