the Rift


I Hold On :: Training Spar with Lakota
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#1


Stir crazy. Pent up. Walls caving in - Oh the irony. But in all seriousness, Gaucho had never felt so uncomfortable in his own skin before. The war effort was starting out well - plenty were enthusiastic about helping. Whether or not they would be helpful, was another question entirely; one that weighed heavily upon his mind. The last thing he needed, was having a bunch of inflated-ego's running around, getting themselves infected. They needed to be careful, to plan and prepare, to go back out into the sun with a firm strategy, and that meant staying underground.

For now. Gaucho didn't know how much longer he could last.

On this afternoon - if it was in fact afternoon, it was hard to tell without the sun above - Gaucho returned to the Sunken Falls. He found this place comforting - the roar of the water, and the glimmer on the iridescent walls. It was like something from a dream - from some far away place - and it soothed the agitated mind of the warrior.

Soothed, but did not calm.

In his antlers, Mara hissed weakly, trying to be encouraging. Not sssssso bad, she hissed, although the dun knew his companion was feeling just as caged as he was. She missed the sun - feeling it warm her blood and energy her body. Gaucho provided more than enough warmth, but the mental-block of remaining in artificial light was not one that she was ready to accept yet, either.

Gaucho's large hooves clattered noisily against the hardened rock. Prancing, he repeatedly struck the ground, causing a cacophony of sound to bounce and reverberate against the pristine walls. Flaring his wings, he allowed the heat-less flames that danced across his feathers to add to the light emitted by the walls themselves. Grunting, he spun, and kicked out towards the wall. The unyielding stone stood passive, taking this hit with recoil. Snarling, Gaucho turned away. He didn't want stone, he wanted flesh. He wanted to feel another warm body move against his own, to strike back, instead of remaining passively silent.

He wanted to fight.






[WC: 362
Attack 0/3
Training Spar for @[Lakota].

Set in the Sunken Falls - near the water, but still on solid ground. Feel free to attack first if you like! ]






Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#2
Lakota & Ktulu
The Poisoner & The Constrictor

Past the point of tears and sorrow, fury boils unchecked in her veins, driving her to leave the company of her family for fear it would spill over and harm them in the process. Anger at the inability to help, to fight, to exact revenge on the bitch that had taken her beloved from her when they had only just been reunited. Anger at everything and everyone, at the Gods for allowing this to happen to them. Had they not suffered enough? Had they not bled and cried enough for them? How much would they have to give before the Fates were satisfied? Before they were freed from this constant heartbreak and fear? It pissed her off, knowing she was nothing but a caged animal, a hopeless victim caught in the web of the sadistic games the Gods loved to weave around them. Benevolent, they said, but if Lakota ever ascertained that this infection was their doing, she would never allow such praise to be said around her. Secretly she prayed the Gods were on their side, and had nothing to do with the dead that wandered the outside world, but she wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Tension danced in her bones, on her skin, drawing her tight and making movement stilted and dangerous. Others darted away from her with a single glance at her slitted violet eyes, the disgruntled, growling Polar Bear only further reason for them to avoid her while the anger simmered inside her small body. And of course, to top off her day, some idiot has to send incessant ringing through the caves like a caveman! Snarling, she stalks towards the horrible sound that pierces her ears like knives, further increasing her growing headache. She was either going to give the moron a piece of her mind, or take a chunk of his skin as payment for the horrendous screeching and echoing.

He was a behemoth, far taller than her tiny frame, and with a similarly disgruntled look upon his visage. But Lakota had always held by the statement that the bigger they were, the harder they fell. She was practically fearless when it came to taking on foes twice her size. What would they do, sit on her? She was not so easily intimidated. Her personality and fire took up far more room than her little body allotted. Aodaun growled, fierce and low, lime green eyes narrowed as Lakota stalked into the waterfall cavern. "Hey!" she barked, ears pinned but eyes gleaming when she recognized the pent up frustration in the other male.

She danced closer, grinning, trying to convey both her similar desire for battle and her desire to be merely a spar partner, not a foe meant to die for. Lakota wasn't good with words, when it came to battle. "Fight me." It is a sultry purr of challenge, violets glinting in the glow of the water, and her plume whips against her hocks with a soft whisp of sound. Aodaun paces, no longer small enough to weave beneath her or between her legs. He has grown magnificently.

There is no real bell, to sound the start of battle, nor does she await an answer from the stag. His desire is plain, to her, and if he would not admit it to himself then she would make him. Taking out her frustrations on a stranger was far better than on her family. She merely leaps at him, hoping to use her smaller stature to her advantage as she keeps herself low, hooves clattering on the stone below as she leaps towards him, hooves poised to crash down upon his left cannon bone. Teeth are bared and half-opened, if she misses she intends to grab the flesh of his shoulder, at the very least. Aodaun hangs back, prowling, ready for his own chance to attack, his eyes on his bonded, ready to protect her as the lust for battle flows from her to him, making him growl and bare his fangs.


---
Word Count: 667
Post: 1/3
Good luck to me, haha! Have fun Aud <3

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#3


As hooves clattered against the ground, Gaucho's gaze narrowed. Clearly, the element of surprise was not something that these caves allowed for in any capacity. Not only did the light from his wings likely give his position away (overand above his bugling and stomping around), but the echo of the caves alerted him to the blue mare's arrival long before he could even see her. Turning his broad shoulders to squarely face the cave opening, the warrior waited to see what opponent fate had brought him.

As the darkened mare and the pale bear entered, a stern grin formed across Gaucho's dark lips. Never before had he faced an opponent with such a formidable looking companion. The lure of the unknown abilities of this furred beast intrigued the battle-lust within Gaucho's breast, and he was glad that this mare had answered his call. In his antlers, Mara hissed to the white-creature. Neither she, nor her bonded had ever seen anything like it, but if it had a warrior's heart as she did, then Mara would be glad to sink her teeth into it - should she be so lucky. Winding down from his antlers in a fluid motion, Mara pressed on a small button, which caused sharpened bone-spikes to protrude from the think leather collar around Gaucho's shoulders.

Fight me

The words were unnecessary, but then again, mare's did like to talk didn't they? She advanced upon him, causing her hooves to clatter against the stone. Gaucho's black wings rose from his sides, allowing the heat-less flames to cast even more light around them. Without a horn upon her brow, Gaucho would not have to worry about his wings being sliced (nor any other part of himself, at least, not by a horn. That polar bear on the other hand...). He let her come to him - not wanting to waste energy in bridging the distance between the two, when she was already taking care of that. Given her smaller, slimmer stature and weaponless physique, he assumed she was aiming to slam herself into him. Fool He thought with a grunt, ready to show her the error of her ways with his spikes.

As she neared, Gaucho noted that her body had not tilted in the way he would have assumed it would - her angle was all wrong to collide with his shoulder, or flank. Only as she moved almost directly ahead, did Gaucho realize he had misinterpreted her attack. Gaucho's ears flattened against his dark skull, as he felt her hoof scrape down the thin black skin covering his cannon bone. Where her hoof initially impacted, a red semi-circle of blood instantly appeared, aggravating the cascading wave of pain that already was ricocheting through his leg. With a snarl of pain, Gaucho defaulted into his original plan of thrusting his shoulder forward, trying to scrape the blue skin with his spikes. Likely the left side of her chest was closer, and so would be the most likely target of this pseudo chest-bump.

Gaucho's wings slammed down from his sides, defensively trying to deter a bite while they were in such close proximity; although if her nose was smacked in the process, all the better. Simultaneously, his long neck tried to reach around her neck, to try and bite at the left side - towards her wither where faint traces of white fur began to interrupt the blue.

In his antlers, Mara hissed loudly. She found that opponent's of Gaucho often found this disorienting, and she delighted in knowing this. Yet her attention was not focused upon the blue mare, but the white mass of fur. From one predator to another, she could sense that it had weapons of its own, but what kind? Mentally she relayed what she saw to Gaucho, ensuring that she would warn him should the fur-ball decide to enter the dance.





WC: 634
Attack 1/3

Great opening post! You did a lot of things really well. The first, is setting up Lakota's emotions. By knowing where a character is before something like a spar happens, really allows the reader to understand certain choices they're making. Often spars can seem artificial, because while there's OOC reason for doing them (because you and I wanted to spar together), there often isn't a lot of IC motivation. I explained Gaucho's, and you did a really great job of explaining Lakota's. I particularly like how her mentality is that it's better to beat up strangers, than her own family.

Opportunities for improvement: The first, is that you switch tenses. I can't tell if this was done on purpose or not (I know I unconsciously switch back and forth). You might want to be wary of this, or, if it was intentional, sticking in an to show that there is some sort of narrative break, might be helpful.

Another area, is the ratio of how you're structuring your posts. Keep in mind how these are judged: Realism, Emotion, Prose, and Readability. Realism and Prose are ought of 5, while the other two are only out of two. I think in terms of prose (general literary style, flow), there aren't any big issues here. For realism...I might have expanded your last paragraph more. This is a spar, but ought of your six paragraphs, only one was the actual attack in it. What does Lakota do after she tries to stomp on Gaucho's leg and/or bite him? Is this helping relieve her stress at all? Why did Ao not attack with her? Did she mentally tell him to wait? Also, Gaucho has a spiked collar. If she goes in for his shoulder, that could be problematic given that there are spikes there.

Like I said, really good opener though.


Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Odd the doer of things Posts: 115
Administrator atk: 23 | def: 42 | dam: 108
Mare :: Other :: 5"2 :: 27 HP: 108 | Buff: badass
Odd
#4
Please do not default this.

Lakota the Poisoner Posts: 278
Deceased atk: 5.5 | def: 9.0 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1hh :: 7 Years HP: 64 | Buff: NOVICE
Aodaun :: Polar Bear :: Terrorize Brit
#5
Lakota & Ktulu
The Poisoner & The Constrictor

Inside her head, the arrogant lilt of her father's voice sounds. Memories, half-forgotten and unwanted, flit through her mind like uneasy sparrows. Never fight with rage. Keep your mind clear. She hated him. She hated everyone, every thing. How dare he permeate her thoughts now? How dare he cling to her, reminding her forever of her past, of her mistakes? He hadn't even had the decency to teach his firstborn daughter the blows she would use to take the lives of others. Nameless, faceless foes had lined up to teach her how to kill. How to maim and slaughter. How to cut down every emotion until you didn't feel, until the terrified faces of the yearlings and the foals staring up at you no longer made you pause. Guilt was nonexistent. How dare he speak words of wisdom that had never been proven through battle! It is easy to hate. It's easy to direct her anger at the world towards him. Blood is nothing to her. Pain is nothing to her. And as she lunges forward, she hopes the spiked collar will drive into her flesh, will target the pulsing, broken ball of blood inside her chest to end her suffering.

This isn't how you fight. You're supposed to avoid all unnecessary wounds. Lakota doesn't care. Let it end her. Let it rend, rip and shred her down until she can focus on the pain of her form instead of the pain of her heart. Her kamikaze move is crazed, but it works, for the brute seems to think that a petite mare like her wouldn't be suicidal enough to attack head on. But she has nothing to lose. Her blow lands, aching up her legs like a hard strike against a hidden stone in a grove. She wants him to hurt. Wants him to hurt her back. Wants to scream and cry and beat him down into the stone. Today she either leaves bloody and bruised or dead. A part of her doesn't want to leave this cave alive. What is left for her outside these caverns? Her brother has moved on. Her sister has disappeared once more. Her beloved is dead and gone to her. Is it so bad to want to meet her in the afterlife?

Distress takes over her, momentum moves her forward, and her foe strikes. She is carried too far forward on limbs too light, stature too small, and the bones of his collar- a pet, she scoffs internally, disgusted- do not hit quite where he'd desired. They scrape and puncture behind her shoulder, in the soft flesh of her ribs, and she howls like a demon possessed. It burns like fire, searing up her sides, eating her from the inside out. The ivory spikes had punctured deep, and she prays they hadn't grazed a lung. All she knows is the desire to get away from that awful ripping and stabbing. She jerks hard to the right, away from him, teeth clicking shut as she abandons her desire to sink them into his flesh. It is a fools errand now, especially as she jerks away. Now, she can forget. She feels peace in her pain.

In her mind she calls for Aodaun. The bear obeys, and she wishes she hadn't needed the respite. He is just a baby, her mind whimpers, but Aodaun is a fighter. A warrior. Dying from defending her...it would be an honorable way to die in his eyes.

Gaucho's wing crashes down upon the back of her head as she moves away, blood seeping hot down her left side. There's a ringing in her ears, blocking out the sibilant hiss of the brute's snake, and she's dizzy and disoriented as it knocks her sideways. Her cheek smashes into the side of the cave and she recoils, vision going fuzzy and black. Dexterity on her side with her lineage, she backpedals as fast as she can to get some distance both from the wall and from Gaucho. Aodaun, all the while, is charging forth. Rage fuels him, seeing the petite form of his bonded getting knocked around, and his magic bubbles up like a fountain inside. A roar echoes from his throat, deep and terrifying, and he targets Gaucho with his magic. Conjures up terror in the most basic form he knows, for this foe is unknown to him, he does not know his fears. Movement never halts as the massive bear lunges, teeth meant for dragging helpless seals up past ice targeting the soft flesh behind Gaucho's right elbow. He will exact revenge for the blow of the spikes to his bonded. He will take Lakota's place, and he will rend and tear while she recovers. Revenge will be his. Lakota's pain will not be ignored. Never again.


---
Word Count: 799
Post: 2/3

So, my own questions! I was always told that the paragraph for the attack should be short, or else you're assuming too much? Like, if I had Lakota aim to hit Gaucho's leg and bite his shoulder like I did, but then had her move away or do any other actions, that would be assuming that Gaucho doesn't slam into her, or fight back, etc. So I don't know which one I should be paying attention to, or if there's a way to do what you're saying but not assume/powerplay? Is there a certain way to word it...?

I usually DO end up switching tense, it's a really bad habit of mine. I generally don't even realize I do it until someone points it out to me. I tried to be more aware of it this time! Also, when I first replied, Gaucho didn't have his collar on his profile from what I remember? So that might have been me overlooking it or something. Haha. Thank you so much Aud <3

Also um...I don't know the severity of stat rolls. 13.5 seems pretty severe? So I was assuming the puncturing of the collar, the wing on the back of her head, and slamming into the cavern wall was fitting? Is there some sort of guide for severity? Because I couldn't find it.


Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#6
Time limit exceeded and Gaucho has been AA'ed, default win to Lakota. 0.5VP.


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