the Rift


[JUDGED] The blood has run stale.

Eris_ Posts: 97
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 4 Buff: NOVICE
Frostie
#1
I need an interventionist,
To intervene between me and this monster,
And save me from myself and all this conflict,
'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it.

It came on hard and strong, the animalistic desire to bite something. Her eyes sought high and low for a target, but nothing could be seen through the light snow that fell. No one was around, her anger built up. Where were all the useless wastes of space? Her sigh formed into a foggy cloud around her maw, it was truly freezing today. Narrowing her eyes and pressing forward through the snow, the vermillion queen came to a stop just before the horrid caves that she had once thought to make her home. Never again did she want to enter that place. Narrowing her eyes, The Empress turned and began to make her way back to The Thistle Meadow. As she pressed through the snow, Eris realised how impossible it would be to track other animals through this weight of snow. It was far too frustrating, as her rage boiled over, the golden queen began to toss her head and forced herself into a faster gait. "Is anyone brave enough to come and play?" Vocals hopefully lured outsiders towards her position. For she didn't want to play the game of hide and seek, no she wanted her flesh to smack against another's. No more kiddie hands, it was time to let someone's blood flow.

Even as the snow continued to fall and nobody appeared, The Empress refused to give up the game. Eventually she would run into someone. Soon, a little mouse would appear in front of her and ask what game she wanted to play. Then she would pounce like the wolf that she was. For her psychical power was something to behold, her knowledge in killing was another force to be reckoned with entirely. Perhaps if the mouse annoyed her enough she would grant them this sweet sweet wish. The cold bite as death's jaws closed around their soul and then the warmth as death wrapped them in in their blanket. Eris had her own warmth, an animal skin cloak that covered her back and back legs. It stopped before sweeping along the ground for she had gathered it up for the promise of a battle, the last thing she needed was it getting in the way of her feet, it did hover provide her back with a little protection. The cold was not eating her alive...though surely her opponent would appear freezing. A cruel grin split along her lips as she waited. "Come out, come out little mouse. The wolf is ready to play."

Words :: 418 [800 max] Post :: [0 | 3] Setting :: Thistle Meadow, light snow fall, snow is knee height, freezing cold.

- Judged spar.
- 4 posts and defense.
- Magic and Companions allowed.
- 800 words max.
- Elsa may attack first.

@[Elsa]
ERIS
The Blood Empress


Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#2
It was a good day, and not for any particular reason. Well, that was a lie. Elsa was in the most fantastic mood due to the current road of luck that seemed to have crossed her. Not only was the snow refreshingly deep, but also she was sporting the new armor she had acquired. It made her feel a little dirty, and mischievous inside, like she needed to pick a fight, so it wasn’t a surprise that the newly admitted badass went looking for a fight to pick.

The only downfall to today would be the armor. She hadn’t even given second thought to stealing from a unicorn, until it was put on her. The mare she had taken it from was a little shorter, and wingless so, the armor hugged tightly to her body. Her wings were awkwardly pinned beneath the leather fabric, but it was something she could get used too. Happier than a dog, she frolicked through the snow, making it to what seemed to be an open field. Elsa made a mental note to come back here when the snow had melted, to see what natural wonders lay beneath for her discovery. But for now, exploration would continue, for the feathers of her wings pressed against her body provided refreshing warmth from the freezing snow. Even the downfall of not being able to fly would not hinder her today.

A voice then caught her ears, playful and devious all at the same time. Elsa couldn’t help but giggle at the rush of a potential opponent, especially one that seemed so in contrast of her mood. In a quick, gleeful jump, she pushed forward into the snow bounding towards the voice. As she approached the figure, she was careful to make the all too “boring” inventory of her opponent. She hated sizing them up, but she knew it was necessary if she wanted to hold any chance of defeating them. The mare Elsa approached was red in color, a stark contrast the snowy landscape. It seemed that a fur was draped across the gingers back. So it seemed that the ginger accounted for a random attack too. Elsa grumbled; she always liked the element of surprise. Ginger was shorter than her, by quite a lot actually; and comparatively thin. Elsa knew not to think she had the upper hand, for the shortest horses always are the most annoying to fight. They’re always like little mice, able to move at the drop of a hat. Ginger also smelled of the Asylum, so Elsa thought after the fight, maybe they could become buddies. Elsa wanted to make a buddy today, no matter the circumstance, even if she had to beat them into being her friend.

With a giggle-snort and a quick hello, Elsa was in action. Elsa lunged towards the mare, hoping to come at Ginger from the girls left side. Her body barreled through the white powder, the muscles rippling from the work, in hopes to move as quickly as possible through the elements. Another gleeful, high-sounding giggle ripped from her throat as she approached. Elsa attempted to pull her hindquarters underneath her, to slide into Ginger’s front left leg. If she had moved, she hoped she would slide into one of the back legs. Sure, it wasn’t the conventional move she usually started with, but honestly, the feeling of the cold against her stomach invigorated her. The cold just gave her an indescribable high. Nothing could bring her down today, even if Ginger ended up beating her senseless. She was just too damn happy.

[597 Words || 1/3 Attacks || 0 Magic Attacks]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Eris_ Posts: 97
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 4 Buff: NOVICE
Frostie
#3
I need an interventionist,
To intervene between me and this monster,
And save me from myself and all this conflict,
'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it.
Finally a mouse decided to brave the wolf's jaws. Positively prancing, the mouse was all smiles as she met The Empress. Confusion struck Eris, quite unsure as to how she should react. Clearly, this girl was an idiot. Her wings were pinned to her side underneath some leather armour, rendering her flightless. The armour also hugged her pale body far too tightly, for it was clearly too small for the winged girl. The mouse willingly gave up one of her very few advantages; flight. That decision was going to get her killed one day...maybe even today. Two contrasting scents gently drifted through the wind to her. "The four save me." Eris whispered a prayer to the gods as the scent from the armour reached her. It was distinctively different from the mare's smell. She smelt of the wilds, the familiar scent of The Asylum, perhaps one of Seele's recruits. Eris would have never accepted such a meek girl into their bloody group. The armour's scent however, marked it clearly as property of The Basin. An apparent member of The Asylum had stolen from The Basin. Blue eyes glinted in refreshed rage, she was The Empress and she had been defied. This would not do at all, there was going to be hell to pay.

Watching the winged mare closely, the vermillion queen decided to bide her time. No, she wouldn't engage the mouse that had come to play; the waiting game was far too much fun. It would also be much more strategic to wait, study and judge. Giggling and a quick hello, finally the mouse squeaked. Only The Empress was ready for her attack, it was almost far to easy to anticipate the idiot girl's thoughts. The mare's body barrelled through the snow, as she attempted to gain speed. Eris just remained still and watched her assault, the first bout of nerves fluttered in Eris' stomach. They were quickly crushed by the excitement of fresh meat rushing towards her. Approaching from the left hand side suddenly the girl's hindquarters were pushed down, now her body slid towards Eris at a frightening speed. The Empress knew that now was the time to react, for the mouse was in full attack mode and it was too late to change. The instant the mouse's hindquarters touched the ground, Eris sprang into ebullient action. Giggling herself now, the vermillion queen quickly leapt forward a few steps, and then plowed her back legs through the knee deep snow so the rear end of her body turned around to the right. As she was moving instinct took over, the realisation that the mouse had speed on her side now, Eris knew she had to somehow manipulate that and use it to her own advantage. Heart pounding and breath sounding far too loud even to her own, Eris' mouth began to water. The promise of fresh hot blood drew near.

The mouse's body was going to miss her completely. A feeling of continued excitement and even a slight amount of confidence kept her mind alert and her smug mouth grinning. Because the mouse had lowered herself to the ground, she was now on a slightly lower level to the vermillion queen. Eris intended to take full advantage of the new height differences. The idiot girl now had almost caught up to The Empress, where she would go harmlessly sliding down past Eris' left side. The slide had all happened so fast that Eris barely had time to move out of the way, however now she was glad for the closeness. It would make her slightly instinctive, mostly blood crazed attack so much easier. The mouse's entire upper body was entirely armoured, except her ears. The ears were on offer to Eris, and boy did she like the sight of them. The Empress would use the mouse's speed to assist her attack, all she had to do was get a good hold on the closest ear - idiot girl's left ear - and pull. Still confident and excited by the promise of possible blood, Eris bent her neck and opened her mouth, teeth ready to receive the sweet, sweet gift. As the girl's upper body slid by, Eris remained calm, angled for attack and waited...until finally, the mouse's ear slid by. The Empress pounced into action, teeth protruding from her lips and blue eyes never leaving the target; Eris began attempting to grab the grey left ear and tear it completely from it's owner's body. Perhaps it would look nice as a pendant.

Words :: 756 [800 max] Post :: [1 | 3]
Thanks for clarifying Elsa's attack in the c-box! <3
Also did you want critique/comments on your posts? I don't remember if it was you who asked.
@[Elsa]
ERIS
The Blood Empress


Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#4
Oh how Elsa needed to learn not to always trust her first instinct, because the thought that the cold would not bother her was WAY wrong. Not to mention, sliding through knee-deep snow was probably not the best idea in the world.

As her body plowed through the snow, all she could feel was the immense cold. It worked its way beneath the leathery armor, stinging at the underside of her belly and freezing her wings. The bite of snow against armor was not comfortable in the slightest bit. The frozen crystals scraped against her pale body with every shift against her sides, wings and face. It left the coldest, and yet seemingly hottest, feeling. Not in any stretch of the mind was in comfortable. Elsa grunted a little at the awkwardness that she had now put herself in. The other flaw in her plan had been her not accounting for the depth of the snow. Even though her body did have momentum, the snow created an immense amount of drag. The more milliseconds that passed, the more snow that bunched up against her stomach, causing her to come to a complete stop. Elsa was sitting, shocked, a little past her left shoulder, like a little cat, and hot damn she could have not picked a worse spot to stop. Elsa was near Ginger’s front left shoulder, and Elsa was so in shock at her failure to calculate a hitting attack, that she didn’t even see the Ginger’s face come snapping at her ear.

Her left ear suddenly exploded in a sharp pain, much like when one gets pinched. Elsa called out, in a broken, pained gurgle. Elsa threw her head backwards, and in a knee jerk reaction, pushed her hindquarters to put her back on her back two feet. Sometime during the whole freak out reaction, Ginger’s disgusting lips had departed from her ears. The feeling left was painful, like she now had a new Ginger tooth earring. Yet, it only left behind a blossoming bruise. Elsa was dumbfounded that someone like that could kiss their momma with those lips, hypothetically speaking of course. Elsa knew that intimate reactions between horses were either a friendly bump or reaching somewhere down in the… lets call them “nether” regions. Why sexual actions floated about in Elsa’s brain was beyond her, maybe Freud was just trying to show her that she secretly associated fights with promiscuous actions? There wasn’t much time to dwell on such a fact though; she was kind of in the middle of a fight.

Elsa snarled, as the thoughts quickly passed through her brain, and slowly she started to giggle uncontrollably at her own thoughts. In a psychotic, laughing rage Elsa reared up near Gingers front left side, the snow rubbing uncomfortably underneath of her body armor. Elsa’s crystal hooves struck out, aiming to pound into Gingers pretty face. Maybe if she was lucky, she could knock her out and take the little fur coat and use it to keep herself warm. The fashion statement would almost surely bring all the boys to the yard.

As her body came back into the snow, in compacted it with a large “thwunk”, reaching just below her knees, thank goodness for height. Elsa could only hope that she had cracked something in Gingers head. Maybe such a hit would knock some sense into her, and she would give up. Elsa would win, that was inevitable. It was just so sad to see such a creepy herd mate get beat in the process, just kidding, Elsa could care less if Ginger walked out dead or alive. The only thing now was to wait, calculate, and retaliate all in a matter of seconds. Elsa just hoped that Freckle Face didn’t have any sketchy tricks up her sleeves. Elsa was good at fighting, but a few kinks thrown in always seemed to catch her off guard. Damn, she had a weakness; just the thought of such a thing drove her to the brink of insanity! SHE COULD NOT BE WEAK. After Storm, Oxy, and the odd painted mare, she should have enough experience to be perfect! Well, except in the realm of boys… Why were boys even on her mind right now?! Wait, did Ginger remind her of boys?! Suddenly the shock consumed her mind, was Freud trying to say she enjoyed women?! An audible gasp escaped from Elsa’s mouth. This was not happening, was it?

[742 Words || 2/3 Attacks || 0/1 Magics]
[Nope, no need too ^^]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Eris_ Posts: 97
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 4 Buff: NOVICE
Frostie
#5
I need an interventionist,
To intervene between me and this monster,
And save me from myself and all this conflict,
'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it.
Her teeth clenched around their target, the warmth that radiated off of her ear filled the gaps that the chilling air had left. Joy, excitement and a new burst of confidence filled The Blood Empress. She had hit her target and boy was this ear going to look pretty hanging around her thin golden neck. Eris could feel the texture of the ear as her tongue brushed up against it, the fur ticked her tongue it's softness was delicious, a delicacy. The rough leathery taste of her alive and pulsing flesh, made the desire to taste the iron of blood filled Eris to the brim. It was almost about to spill over, to bust from her body, mind and emotions. Biting down harder, chaos' mistress pulled back, attempting to rip her ear off. The Empress believed that her grip had been strong enough and tense enough to rip the ear from the mouse's skull. Apparently she had been wrong. The ear tore from her mouth, still attached to the thick skull that belonged to the mouse, a gasp left Eris' mouth as the prize slid away from her grasp. Well if she couldn't have an ear as a pendant then perhaps she could wear the mouse's head. Angrily, Eris whipped her head around to continue watching the grey winged creature's slide, smirking when finally the mouse came to a stop. The dance wasn't going to end here, there was going to be more to come and blood would spill.

The mare started giggling as she rose, Eris just watched. For even The Queen Of The Mad had her own random fits of giggles, she knew to think nothing of them. Ocean blue eyes remained steady, watching the mouse's movements closely, letting her mad laugher just wash over her red haired head. Laughing would not make her fight any better. The grey mare moved quickly, raising herself up onto her back legs in an impressive rear. The close proximity of their bodies made it impossible for The Empress to completely block or doge this attack. Her face would not receive the hoof though, if her head received damage she could be knocked out, or worse killed. Coming back as a zombie would definitely kill her buzz. Forcing her legs through the snow, Eris made a short leap forward, trying to move out of the way as much as possible. The rather pretty hooves landed into her shoulder, their points pounding into her flesh, breaking the surface and allowing a few drops of crimson blood add colour to the snow around them. Pain erupted throughout her left shoulder and down some of her front left leg. A mistake she would learn from, the rage would continue to fuel her. The Empress hissed in annoyance while feeling the glory of the mortal weakness. Her mouth set itself in a hard line, fury nearly tipped her over the edge. The pain slowly - ever so slowly, began to dull and numb. Eris would take it in her stride, other would whine about it. The Goddess of discord had no use for showing pain.

The mare landed back down in the snow making it difficult for Eris to plant another attack. The armour she had stolen covered almost her whole body. Except her legs, ears, snout, top of her neck and where her tail began. New target acquired. The mouse would look rather hideous without a tail, wouldn't she. Grinning, the golden mare sprung into action, her now sore shoulder slowed her down slightly, but The Empress gritted her teeth and pushed herself through the pain. Bounding through the snow, Eris rushed down past the mouse's left hand side, her speed aiding her through the knee deep snow. Spinning around quickly, turning the surrounding snow to muddy ice as she did, Eris now stood behind the mouse, her jaws wrenched open ready to attack. Turning her head to look around to the left, The Empress was ready. Quickly, Eris descended onto the mouse's tail. Eris waned to pull the hair out from her tail, rip the bones out through the hair if she could. The mouse needed to be served pain, she needed to experience what happened when she decided to fight a goddess. And not just any goddess, The goddess of chaos, discord and destruction. For Eris' cataclysm was coming and this mouse was the first one to experience it.

Words :: 735 [800 max] Post :: [2 | 3]
@[Elsa]
ERIS
The Blood Empress


Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#6
And the crystal rocks came crashing down.

Elsas' crystalline hooves pounded into the gingersnaps flesh of the left shoulder. It was nearly impossible to contain the bloodthirsty giggle that was bubbling in her chest, but she kept it in. Elsa’s mind had begun to wander through different realms, ones not of this earthly matter. A usually quiet, friendly Elsa had suddenly gained a nefarious drive. One that made her mind tick in reverse, forcing her to now lust after the pain and glory the fights brought her. The rush of wind past the gingers lips was a euphonious sound, enticing Elsa to continue. Snowflake would never run, Snowflake would freeze them all to death.

Memories of them all flashed through her head. It was of the bodies that had just stacked up as she left, all of them writhing in their finals moments. A vision of horror now drove her, she would control and she would win. Ice-y hooves crashed into the snow again, the compacted snow squeaking under the weight of a ravenous bird. Gingersnap had an unusual liking for odd body parts, and Elsa grinned. Ginger was clever, and could think quickly.

And quickly it came.

A grain plastered itself upon gingersnaps face, and Elsa, for the first moment of the entire ordeal felt fear. Her blue eyes widened in horror for that split moment, before the rage returned to control her mind. Elsa screamed a blood-curdling cry as gingersnap took off down Snowflakes left side. Elsa’s body lurched forward, her legs churning through the snow. Snowflake lurched forward, her body convulsively moving as if entranced by a demonic presence. If teeth clacked behind her, she didn’t hear. All that was coursing through her body at these few moments was pure rage. Her ears remained plastered to her skull, even when the pain received by gingers teeth pulsed freshly through the bruise.

That was when her memories returned, specifically of the guard that had followed her a little to far out. She remembered, in that moment, the fear she was feeling. Elsa remembered the way she was so hesitant to use her powers, so hesitant to kill. Here, she would not bulk, and she would not bow to a sister.

The image conjured in her mind was a terrifying one; Elsa imagined a spike of ice erupting from the ground. The image of the sharp, jagged fractals of frozen water cutting into the flesh of the gingersnap made her mouth salivate with want. This was not Elsa; she had become some other thing. This thing yearned for the elixir of life to spill upon the snow. This thing wanted the blood to oh so slowly leak from her body, and stain the crystalline dagger red. She wanted to bask in the beauty of death.

Eris had been behind her, and Elsa didn’t think. From the ground, she attempted to pull a large, ice dagger. Their height difference at this point was oh-so-sweet. The thing had never been able to pull a structure past chest height, but for the tiny gingersnap, it aimed to sink its tip into the soft, red underbelly. At least the body would match the color of the russet, dried blood Elsa craved to see a few hours after battle. The thing just wanted to pull that ice right through gingers cold, dead body.

One cannot cage a rabid avian.

[565 Words || 3/3 Attacks || 1/1 Magics]
[Nope, no need too ^^]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Eris_ Posts: 97
Deceased
Mare :: Equine :: 15.1 :: 4 Buff: NOVICE
Frostie
#7
I need an interventionist,
To intervene between me and this monster,
And save me from myself and all this conflict,
'Cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it.
Teeth closed around empty air, as the tail was pulled away from her mouth. A few hairs lightly whipped Eris across the face, the pretty tail would be staying in place for today. Furiously, The Empress watched the tail be ripped away from her. Although she did not follow through with the attack, no instead she simply paused as the mouse slipped away from her grips once again. Choas' mistress seethes utterly enraged with herself, the willing little mouse was much better than she had cause to expect. The Legatus of The Falls growled a low, savaged and exhausted sound. One last attack, one last attempt to take the blood of the pitiful creature that had so far mostly managed to escape her. For it was not enough to just hit the target, no. The blood had to flow and spill for The Empress before she would even be ready to finish this fight. Her emotions pounded through her quickly; fear, anger and the unquenchable thirst for the pretty crimson drops that she knew lurked under the pale coat of the little mouse. Smiling at a brand new spark of energy, Eris turned to attack the mouse again...only...something was different. The grounds she had been fighting upon had been turned to a muddy playground...only now where she stood it was changing.

While The Empress remained behind Elsa, for a moment her blue orbs dropped from the form of her opponent and studied the ground. The ice spike that began to erupt from the ground was a terrifying sight. Only Eris did not feel the need to stick around and examine it closely while it speared her. Instead The Empress bunched up muscles up for a split second before releasing them and springing froward, managing to completely avoid the dagger of ice. Weak as she was, once The Empress slammed back onto the ground her legs gave way to her weight. Stumbling and struggling to remain upright, chaos' mistress managed to wobble away from the known danger. Turning to look over her shoulder, blue orbs studied the sharp, jagged and deadly lances of frozen water. Smirking at her own good fortune, The Empress turned her whole body now, ready to press her advantage and wanting to take the little mouse by surprise. Now The Blood Empress faced Elsa's left hand side. With a single battle cry, she flew towards the little mouse. Eris wanted to rip, bruise, bleed and destroy the one who was bold enough to send magic at her. Was this new bitter rage because she realised that this pathetic soul had magic an she did not? Perhaps.

Rushing forward towards the pale grey left side of the stupid little mouse, The Empress prepared herself of attack. Movement caused her body to ache, the pain screamed all over her body; but it was not enough to deter Eris from her new battle plan. The desire for the blood to spill burned within her far too brightly, it could not be ignored. She wanted to pound in those ribs for the mouse, crush her barrel into a messy shape that had no hope of ever being fixed. Charging through the mess they had made of the ground, The Empress looked to finish this battle...and fast. Coming short just a few steps away from Elsa's side, chaos' mistress slammed on the brakes. Then, while her body still had the momentum, The Creator of Anarchy picked up her front hooves and made aim for the left hand ribs that belonged to her unfortunate target. Their height difference meant Eris had to stretch a little higher than she liked, which in turn exposed her belly. Making sure to point her deadly hooves as to try and enter through the mouses' flesh as well, the attack was bloody; collateral damage was always better. That was what her father had taught her. Through the air she flew, aiming, hoping and praying that the little mouse before her would escape this attack. For The Empress wanted it to be the last attack, the final blow to be made in this battle.

Words :: 689 [800 max] Post :: [3 | 3]
@[Elsa]
Thank you so much Klare for giving me extra time!
Just your closing defence and we are done.
ERIS
The Blood Empress


Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#8
Her aqueous eyes had closed as the terrifying conjuring had sapped her energy. It was like the entire thought of pulling the ice straight through her skin, created a high that she had never experienced before. As soon as she felt her mind snap from the magic she felt energy drain from her. It was like she had come off of the highest high, higher than she had ever been. She turned, her mouth salivating at the anxiety of waiting to see if the ice had pierced the ginger. Elsa’s wait was in vain, for as her large, white, angelical demonic head turned to the left, to look behind her, Ginger was right there. An immense growl of pure hatred broiled within her, she could feel the simmering hatred bubbling her blood. Almost simultaneously, ginger had the audacity to try and tear her to shreds.

The girl slid, and she slid a little faster than the demon had anticipated. Another cry erupted from her chest as her head tore to face the front again, attempting to move away from the hoof that was coming at her stomach. Elsa attempted to sidestep, but the awkward, miscalculated maneuver, left her with a kick in the stomach, literally.

The hoof plowed into her side. Elsa thanked the little unicorn girl for her tight, uncomfortable armor. The hoof plowed straight into her side, hitting the leathery armor with a dull thud. Elsa squealed, ears again pinning back. Not only did her ear now throb, but also her breath had escaped her for a dull moment. As she gasped like a fish, she forced herself forward, away from the ginger. Rage branded itself upon her face, as she turned again, breathing heavily to glare at ginger. She spat at the ground to show her pure disdain for her.

Deep down inside however, a new, slow burning flicker had begun to alight; a respect for this little Ginger that she did not possess before. Elsa would never say that though, she would never let her enemy know that she had respect for her. Instead, she would stand there, and she would glare this ginger into the ground.

[361 Words || 3/3 Attacks || 1/1 Defense]
@[Eris]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9

By my verdict: ELSA is the winner!

ERIS
Realism [+1]
:: I'm not sure Eris' first attack was the most realistic. By the time she would have realized that Elsa was trying to slide into her and that she had missed, Elsa would have likely already been past the range of Eris' head, at least in my mind.
:: “Biting down harder, chaos' mistress pulled back, attempting to rip her ear off.” This was in the second post. You can't go back in time and change what happened because it doesn't give your opponent a chance to respond to it.
:: “Eris whipped her head around to continue watching the grey winged creature's slide,” Her wings are covered up by armor. Not a big deal or anything, just wanted to point out that this is a small continuity consideration.
:: “Eris now stood behind the mouse, her jaws wrenched open ready to attack.” You can't say this, you don't know if Elsa has moved or not. You can try to stand behind her.
:: “The Legatus of The Falls growled a low, savaged and exhausted sound.” Just another small continuity thing. Eris wasn't Legatus when the battle started.
:: “Now The Blood Empress faced Elsa's left hand side.” You still can't say with certainty where you are.
:: Overall, I think you did a great job translating the dice rolls into damage and then following through with this injuries!


Emotion [+2.5]
:: Excellent job setting up Eris' emotion right from the beginning. I was really feeling her frustration with Elsa and her general air of superiority right from the beginning.
:: You do a really great job maintaining her emotions throughout the fight, especially of her mounting frustration with her missed attack.
:: Really great job with this part of the rubric, I like what you did here. Keep it up!


Prose [+2]
:: “Eris would take it in her stride, other would whine about it.”
:: “Eris waned to pull the hair out from her tail,”
:: “The Empress prepared herself of attack.”
:: “hoping and praying that the little mouse before her would escape this attack.” I don't think Eris wants Elsa to escape an attack.


Readability [+2]
:: The way Eris' first attack on Elsa was wondered was a little awkward. I had to read a couple times, since your writing seemed to skip forward and backward through the timeline.
:: For the most part, everything was incredibly clear and I didn't have to go back and reread.

Finally tally: 53+7.5= 60.5HP

*******************************************

ELSA
Realism [+3]
:: Having figured out what Elsa's first attack was, I think it was sort of an awkward attack to make, especially in the snow. Horses don't slide very far under the best of conditions. In knee high snow I think she's probably just plow into the snow rather than be able to slam into Eris. (Ah, I see you read my mind in post two!)
:: “In a psychotic, laughing rage Elsa reared up near Gingers front left side,” Careful to say you're trying to rear up near her side, not that you are! This puts your opponent in a tight bind, where they almost feel forced not to move.
:: In general, I think you did a good job translating dice roll to damage. I would have liked a little more descrription of the injury in your last post, but I think you did quite well.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: I like how you set up Elsa's emotions right from the first post, letting me know her mood and making me laugh!
:: I'm still laughing in the second post, but now Elsa seems a little all over the place. Why is she in a psychotic laughing fit? It's ok to say this, it just seemed to come a little out of nowhere. Just make sure to explain well if your character is going to go through a big emotional change like this!
:: “Elsa would never say that though, she would never let her enemy know that she had respect for her.” I don't mind Elsa's emotions growing and changing through the battle, but try to make sure there is some continuity. At the beginning of the spar, you said that Elsa would like to make a new friend, even if they did battle.


Prose [+1]
:: “Not in any stretch of the mind was in comfortable.”
:: There are a variety of small mistakes littered throughout your second post. You seemed just a little rushed in this one. Be sure to take your time, slow down and reread to make sure everything is written how you want it!
:: “A grain plastered itself upon gingersnaps face,”
:: “Here, she would not bulk,” Should be balk.
:: Your writing is quite good, but there are a lot of grammatical errors (particularly with apostrophes) littered throughout your posts. Just be sure to double check!


Readability [+2]
:: I read Elsa's first attack three or four times and I still only kind of think I understand what she's doing. Make sure that your attacks are always clear to the reader, not just in your own mind!
:: Other than that first mishap, everything was really clear and easy to read. Thank you!

Finally tally: 57.5+7.5= 65HP


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