It was cold. Very cold. I awoke, shivering and wondering where the hell I was. The last thing I remembered was leaving my blackened dove looking out upon the white crested chariots of Poseidon. My gut was telling me that now was a very long time ahead of that one. Somehow time had escaped me, rollicking ahead gaily with no thought to how I would catch up with it. Yet again, I had been broken down and tormented by my very own psyche. Tortured soul that I was, it seemed that this was only par for the course. Nothing looked set to change or improve.

I dug my front pillars into the earth’s crust and attempted to drag myself up and onto my hooves. Every inch of me ached, so that even this simple move was agonising. The ache was well within my bones, along with the cold. It made me pray for death, if only fleetingly. My joints creaked as if I was far older than my few summers spent upon earth. My pools looked out fuzzily from my dial. Everything was slightly blurred, as if there was fog upon the hills. I shook my cranium in frustration, as if to shake the webs from my altered brain, and in turn from my sight. Alas, it failed, and everything remained indistinct.

I tried to place one foot in front of the other to move forward, if only in direction, rather than life. But again, like every other fibre of my being, my pillars didn’t want to co-operate. I tripped and stumbled onto my knees, scraping them on the hard dirt surface. I winced as the soil scraped against my raw skin, causing a few drops of my life force to spill.

Enough was enough right? I grunted as I pushed on past the pain and forced myself to move forward, towards home. Where was home, or more importantly, where was I? I couldn’t remember a thing. All I knew was that I was in some serious pain, and severely dehydrated, my mouth was rough and thick with the lack of water. I bellowed out in frustration, a deep, guttural sound that shook the birds from the trees with an almighty clatter.

Slowly, as I stood there contemplating my next move, my instinct kicked in. It pulled me due north stumbling and tripping through the undergrowth blindly for my eyesight still refused to clear and my joints were as stiff as a corpse. It seemed an age before I started to recognise anything remotely familiar, but finally my nostrils picked up the familiar desperate scent of the threshold and safety.

My bones were screaming at me stop, my eyes were longing to drift closed and my brain was so tired that I occasionally didn’t pick up my hooves and nosedived into the earth. But eventually I made it, knees bloodied, banner tangled, pelt dulled and pools leaden. Virtually unrecognizable to all bar the few who hopefully knew me well enough. My commander, perhaps. My dove, oh I could only hope!

I wanted to continue, forth to the marsh, to where I could find my fellow brethren. But for now the threshold would have to do as my body had revolted and refused to do anything I asked of it..

Standing there. Cranium held low. Exhausted. Broken. Tormented. How much longer could I keep fighting this? Each time left a little bit more of me behind. I was a puzzle with several missing pieces. A novel with the final chapter missing. A priceless vase with a chip in it. Compare me to what you like, but at the end of the day, it didn’t change the fact I was no longer whole. I was so terribly and irretrievably flawed. Some part of my soul was twisted beyond repair.

Could anything or anyone ever really dare to put me back together again? Was it even possible? Perhaps I should have just asked for death there and then. It would have been the simplest answer for everyone. Something within me however, told me to keep on fighting. Much like the instinct that pulled me home, it was strong, primal almost. It overrode my being, taking over, forcing me to choose life.

Peace and quiet. That was what I needed right now, to salve not only my wounds but my mind. The endless blue was what I needed. The sounds of the waves crashing to shore would be the balm to ease the pain, and the salt water would aid my joints. But, for right now, here would have to do, my lack energy preventing me from getting the help I needed. My eyelids drooping, my consciousness becoming a glorious haze as I slowly started to doze off.

My pools flew open, still hideously blurred, as my ears detected something crashing through the undergrowth towards me. Something within my subconscious stirred, as if to remind me of something. The noise was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. I primed myself as far as I could, as prepared as I could be to flee. But in all honesty, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I was the most vulnerable I had ever been. At least I wouldn’t see what was coming at me, death would be an unexpected release. As the noise grew closer, a recognizable scent filled my nostrils, pungent and musky, though I still couldn’t place who or what it belonged to. My heart started to race. Perhaps death wouldn’t be such a release after all.

A harsh voice entered my ears, again one I was desperate to place, but without being able to see properly it was proving rather difficult. Whoever it was in front of me was a sizeable threat, as they had blocked out the light beaming through the trees in front of me. I could only hope they took pity on the sorry state I was in. My brain wouldn’t work as fast as I wanted it to, he spoke as if he knew me, and yet he wasn’t one I remembered. I snorted, impatient at myself, as the pieces started to slot slowly into place. I could remember a fight, I had torn him asunder. He hated me for sure, and yet what was his name?

I listened as his rough tones rang through the air again. His odd way of speaking finally jolted into place. Oxy. Of course.

“Hold on there. Slow down a little. Rose Red? I’m afraid you’ll have to explain. I’m not quite following..” I rumbled gruffly. This was starting to hurt my head. Him talking in code was not helping my brain make sense of it all. As far as I knew Oxy hated me, and now he was talking as if we were comrades. Perhaps I had forgotten more than I had thought..

The brute standing in front of me was clearly not all there. Not that I could hold that against him of course. In fact it made me warm to him a little. He showed no compassion for the state I was in, standing there broken, basically snapped in half. Again, that should have pissed me off but it made me respect him. I couldn’t say that I would have shown him any sympathy if I needed something from him. I thought back to our battle. It had been an epic fight, one that could have quite easily have gone the other way. I could have been the one who walked away bitter and defeated, rather than victorious. I remember the feeling that we could have been friends if we didn’t have such pride. Perhaps camaraderie could finally be an option now, perhaps we could work together. He clearly had a bone to pick with the crazies, and I wanted out. I couldn't face them any more, I couldn’t fight for the insane any longer. It would kill me to leave my dove behind, but I was sure she was doing fine without me. She had most likely even forgotten my existence, or more probable she hated me for leaving her side.

His attitude towards me made me stand a little taller, prouder. Even at my lowest point, he still saw me as someone to ask for help. It didnt matter that I was most likely a pawn, someone of little consequence, but still, it meant something, and it gave me something else to focus on. I watched as he struggled to explain himself. He seemed confused by himself. It seemed that we had more in common than either of us realised, and were too stubborn to admit, even to ourselves.

I listened as he started to explain himself, and what had been happening to my clan whilst I had been away. He struggled to keep the disdain from his voice, which I was assumed was for the fact that I had absconded. It was more than fair really, I was a deserter after all. Which was supposedly punishable by death.

As he spoke, it slowly started to click that he was talking about Eris. Eris had taken his, well really my position within the Asylum. But I couldn’t care a less that he had jumped in my grave quicker than a cat on hot coals. But it gave me an excuse to fight them, to jump ship. It meant risking the wrath of the rabid bitch, but hell, I didn’t have much to live for any more.

I just had one question before I joined forces with my supposed nemesis. “Okay Oxy. I'll help you, on one condition.” I rumbled. “Can you tell me how the blackend dove, the seeker is doing?” It made me look weak, sure, but he couldn’t afford to be picky right now and I just had to know, so I could let her go. She had to be okay. “Whatever you have planned, I need to know she won't be harmed.”

I might be a broken shell of myself, but it didnt mean that I had forgotten just how deeply I cared for her. There was no way I would let her fall into harms way. I would kill the brute before it came to that, even if it meant I fell to my death. At the least it would be an honourable way to die. I wondered what exactly he had planned for the ones who went bump in the night...

His words were like a calming salve to my soul. The warm balm of the sun after a long night waging war on myself. She was okay, better, she was doing well for herself in my absence. I couldn’t deny it didn’t sting a little that my disappearance had barely entered her radar. But her well being was the reason I left in the first place, when I noticed that I was slowly losing my mind. I couldn’t bare the idea of placing her at risk, in harms way of the abhorrents that lurked within my very core. She had been the reason that I had managed to keep them dormant for so long. They would know of her meaning to me, they would have torn her apart. Her last breath would have been taken from her, with her thinking her undoing was down to me, when the truth was is that I would die before harming a hair on that pretty dial of hers.

A slight flash of the green eyes surged through my veins as it registered with me the look on the brutes face when he spoke of her. It was the way I looked when I thought of her. This stag, the one who had caused me trouble from day one, the one that I had just agreed to enter into collusion with had the very same feelings for my dove that I did. Would this be a problem? I mused over it briefly. I decided not. If he had gotten close to her, I was pleased. I was glad that she had someone else to look out for her. Not that she needed it of course. She could more than look after herself, for she had proved it time and time again to me. But still, it never hurt to have someone on your side. It wasn’t a feeling I had all too often these days.

I returned my attention to him as his guttural lyrics started again. I blanched a little as he spoke of taking them down from the inside. It meant returning to the clutch of the crazy. Something I hadn’t planned on, at least not yet. Not until they sent the rabid bitch snaking after me at least. But plans and intentions changed on a dime in times of war. I, of all beings knew that, being a warrior from birth. This was to be my next move, I knew this now. I had returned at this very point to ensure that this were to happen. Oxy and I finally had a common goal, a reason to work together, rather than against.

I was grateful to him. He didn’t treat me with pity, or barely alluded to my poor state of health. He clearly knew well enough that I was perfectly aware I wasn’t currently the best sparring partner. My ego wouldn’t cope with having it thrown in my face right now. I would get myself fixed, it was well within my best interests as well as his. “Very well, I'm with you, for as long as our interests meet. I will enter the fray again, with you as my equal. The question now is, is when?” I wanted to know if he had anything in mind, or if this would be a meeting of the minds, and we would come up with something together..