the Rift


[JUDGED] Lie in Our Graves | Spar: Aurelia
Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#1


Restless. Every fibre of Gaucho's muscled body, and every fleeting thought that blew through his primitive mind, was restless. Anxious. Annoyed. Frustrated. Furious. Agitated. Confused. The beast knew none of these words of course - it was simply the burning, dark and energetic feeling in his gut that he knew. Mara of course supplied these words to his mind, but it didn't matter. She could sound them out all day for him, for all he cared. Naming the feeling did not alleviate it.

Gaucho rose into the air, away from the small meeting party who had found him upon entering Helovia. The Dark one. The Golden one. And the Painted one. The dark one had told him that he used to be a leader...and the golden one met him with an uncompromisable intimacy. But it wasn't that - the two knew things about him. Things that were impossible to know - had to be impossible - for he had never been here before.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Mara hissed loudly, throwing her body weight left and right in his antlers, to try and shake his blocky skull. Images - too many to focus on clearly - flashed within his mind. Images of battles and caves, of sunlight walks and crystal roses. Images of lightning and sweat. Have been here! She repeated - the same message she had been repeating since they arrived. Have been here before! "NO." Gaucho snapped aloud, his dark tail lashing against his hocks in frustration. "No here before. No here ever."

Then where is magic from. Why you know it appear when you come?

Huh.

Those were good questions, and Mara knew it. And markingssssss. Images of the blue stripes across his chest were thrust into his mind by the snake. He earned those when he became a general in the Throat, but that memory now eluded him. Ears against his skull, Gaucho landed just outside of the Threshold - before the trees became thick and the Deep Wood took over. Although it had been raining for most of the day, the grass was still fairly dense between his hooves as he landed. How did he know that he would have magic upon entering the Threshold? What explained the hesitancy to land, knowing that he might combust at any moment? "Gaucho feel it. Gaucho...in-too-ish-un." He replied, sounding out the word carefully. Unsatisfied, Mara smacked him on the nose with her tail, hissing unapologetically. And markingsssss?

Silently, Gaucho turned his antlered brow towards the clouds - his stormy gaze reflecting the churning landscape in the sky. The clouds, unlike his fleeting memories, appeared as though they could burst at any moment, flooding the field. Why markings? Gaucho repeatedly to himself, grunting brutishly.

To this, the dun had no answer.

Perhaps it wasn't a trick. Perhaps it was a test?




@[Aurelia] - IC spar, Let me know if you would like teaching notes as well. Setting is immediately after this thread.
[WC: 477
Setting: In a clearing before the Deep Woods. The rain has stopped and the ground is firm, although it could start up again at any time, and likely there are spots that will be soggier/muddier than others.

Attack: 0/3








Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Aurelia Posts: 307
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 7 HP: 62.5 | Buff: NOVICE
baylee
#2
Aurelia</style>
I follow him like a moth to a flame. He is certainly the flame. When he left the Threshold, he did this thing with his fire. It was really interesting, because it seemed to give him lift into the air. Does mine do that? I certainly couldn't tell the difference between launching myself into the sky with or without my fire magic. The funny thing is, now he is hot-- in both ways. His hooves are also on fire, but the strange part is that only his hooves and wings can be on fire. Why does the rest of him burn? Can he control what parts of his body can have fire and what parts can't?

I remember when we were flying (racing?) to the Veins of the Gods. He didn't have this magic then, so why does he have it now? Has he somehow found another source to get magic? These gods only work for Helovia, right? I wonder if he has found another god, somewhere else. Is there a god of chaos out there? I think I would be a loyal fan of his. After all, I am pretty good at creating commotion, drama, and utter chaos.

While I think, I do not notice Gaucho slip away from my gaze. We are here, at the Deep Forest. If he has wandered into the forests, I will never find him. I walk into the Deep Forest and out of the threshold, but before I walk into a wall of big trees and narrow pathways, there is a clearing. I step out from under the shade of the Threshold trees and into the open. There he is. I am alert as I begin to trot up to him. If he runs away from me, I do not think I will follow... Well, maybe.

"Gaucho...?" My voice is soft, almost a hushed whisper only making to his ears with the help of the subtle breezes that flow through the clearing. He was looking at the unfortunately grey sky. Fire and water do not go good. Gaucho and rain will not go good. Water isn't good for me. If it rains, I can't use my fire magic and that restricts me. I hate the rain. Fire is 100 times better than water.

"So, I think we need a rematch fight, because you don't remember our last one." I smile softly at him. "Will you spar with me, Gaucho?" I look at him with innocent eyes.

Walk walk walk walk walk
talk talk talk talk
ooc:
Attack: 0/3
Wordcounter: 413
Summary: Talk to gaucho and asks to spar.
Comments: Omg, ooc tips would be lovely! :D I have a quick question. Are his wings always on fire, or only when he beats his wings? Also, I just assumed he was on the ground in the clearing, but you never wrote him out landing. So sorry if that is wrong! XD Also, my posts will get longer when we start fighting. :3
oh, tell me, what's the matter?</style>

image credits

Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion.

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#3


The rustle of hooves in the moist earth caused Gaucho's dark ears to swivel, trying to locate the sound. Mara, whose skull could twist faster than Gaucho's blocky one, rotated her neck until her beady black eyes were fixated upon the dappled mare. Gaucho's stormy gaze followed soon after, falling flatly upon the girl. Why she follow? He wondered hollowly, turning his muscled shoulders to face her. Mara, who might have been more helpful in trying to suggest an answer, was too busy focusing on where the serpent she had seen earlier was. The steel coloured snake shifted uneasily in her bonded's antlers, black eyes searching the grasses around the dappled child for the snake.

At the sound of his name, Gaucho's black ears flattened against his skull, as his wings rose high and aggressively from his dark flanks. It carried an odd intimacy, although perhaps the beast was simply imagining it. Imagine, if strangers knew your name, how it might seem and feel to have them speak it against you. To hold their knowledge of who you are over your head, while their identities remain unknown. Is there not an intimacy in that? The flames that lingered heatless on the top of his appendages cast a bloodish hue against his hide, that rippled and wavered ominously. Golden Trick-ster he named her silently, wondering what other lies she would tell. Was the dark one here too? SSSSiiilk Mara offered vaguely aware of his thoughts, though still searching for Shilva. Perhaps he was hiding in the shadows ... perhaps this was an ambush.

So, I think we need a rematch fight, because you don't remember our last one.

A dark grin parted Gaucho's lips, revealing oddly white teeth. Whatever hoax they were trying to force upon him, insisting that he had been here before - that he was a leader of a dragon's throat - was hard enough to believe. But the child had told a lie that he knew to be false: Gaucho would never forget a fight. They had gone too far in their deception. It couldn't be true. Part of him was relieved - the idea of having indeed led here, only to disappear, was a troubling one, even for Gaucho's primitive mind. And yet...yet the darkness in his gut still lingered. There was still something not right here, though the WildFire still could not place it.

"Gaucho never forget." He grunted deeply, picking up his large hooves and sweeping forward animatedly in her direction. "And Gaucho never turn down a spar."

Moving easily into a trot, and then a brisk canter, Gaucho moved swiftly towards Aurelia. The ground was not fully firm beneath his hooves due to the rain, which required more diligent footwork, but that was fine. The girl was smaller than he - he did not need speed to crush her. His bone-spiked collar moved loosely on his shoulders with each powerful stride. As he approached, Gaucho's antlered brow lowered - he aimed to simultaneously throw his bulk towards Aurelia's left shoulder with his own, and to hit her left wing (the underside if she left it raised, or the muscled portion should it be against her flank), with his antlers. His own wings were held up and slightly back. As he neared, he dropped his left shoulder to compensate for the height difference, to try and gouge the muscles of her shoulder. In his antlers, Mara hissed wildly with a chaotic glee that only Gaucho could sense. She of course remembered Aurelia, but Gaucho was right - Aurelia would have known that he would not turn down a spar. Besides...there was still the matter of Shilva...Mara's black gaze searched out for the snake that had accompanied the dappled child in the Threshold. It had appeared young, but then again Mara hadn't had time to get a good look. Did she have poison, as Mara did? The thought of Gaucho falling prey to a bite other than her own, made the mamba snake furious.

Gaucho hoped to feel Aurelia's lithe frame wilt beneath his bulk - to tear at both feathers and flesh simultaneously - and make this trickster pay for her lies. Perhaps, when red replaced the gold on her coat, she would answer him truthfully.

Gaucho veered away sharply to the right, after he gauged he had pasted her barrel, to try and mitigate whatever retaliation she might attempt. Though it was not just her she was worried about, nor was it her companion - Mara had that covered. Instead, his gaze searched through the trees, trying to find her accomplices. Would the painted one - Cheveyo - be here as well as Silk? Hiding in the trees, waiting to ambush him for phase two of whatever plot they were concocting?

@[Aurelia]

[WC: 800
Attack: 1/3
Gaucho still thinks Aurelia is lying to him, but won't turn down the opportunity to spar. He rushes towards her, trying to injure her left shoulder by knocking into it with his own/collar of spikes, while trying to hit her left wing with his antlers. He then dodges to the right to avoid retaliation, and looks into the trees for Silk/Cheveyo.

OOC Teaching Notes
Okay! Regarding your questions from your post.
1. Gaucho's Magic: A really helpful tip, is to research your opponents before a spar (or at least, once you know you'll be sparring them). For instance, I always look up my opponent's profile, as well as the magic listed on their character record page, just to make sure that I understand #1 What their magic is and #2 What its limitations are. So for Gaucho, on his profile it says that he has two upgraded magics, and one passive. They are:
:: [Magic: FirexTime (U) | Able to call upon spirits composed of fire for assistance whenever his blood is spilled.]
:: [Restrictions | Spirits can be 5 small (medium dog and lower) or 2 large spirit.]

:: [Magic: FirexWind (U) | Able to beat his wings and produce an outward blast of fire.]
:: [Restrictions | Limited to a radius of 30ft. Flames and heat begin to fade towards the circumference.]

:: [Magic: Fire (P) | Wings and hoofprints burn with heatless flames.]

So to answer your question, his passive magic is what allows his wings and hooves to burn, but those flames do not give off heat. It was his FirexWind magic that he used int he threshold thread, which creates an outward blast of fire.

Other things you might want to note about Gaucho for the purposes of this spar are: Mara has an elemental ability, and is fully grown; Gaucho has deer antlers (but no dreamcatcher anymore), and he has his bone collar of spikes. These are all things to keep in mind. :3

So for instance, I know that Aurelia's body can burn for 20 seconds, and that her companion is only 2 months old. Of course this doesn't translate into IC knowledge (although Mara might be able to sense that the snake is younger, but that certainly wouldn't give her the knowledge that 'she doesn't have an elemental ability + isn't capable of mindspeech', but 'young' is something that they can definitely use.

2. Regarding where Gaucho is positioned: In my first post I wrote, Ears against his skull, Gaucho landed just outside of the Threshold - before the trees became thick and the Deep Wood took over. Although it had been raining for most of the day, the grass was still fairly dense between his hooves as he landed. So I did write him as having landed, and hinted at the setting - a clearing before the Dark Woods, where the grass was not completely saturated with water. I also expand on the description at the end of my post, to indicate that it could rain more (leaving it open to you, if you wanted it to suddenly pour :3 ). So Aurelia's description at this point is sort of confusing, because Gaucho hasn't actually entered the Woods - the clearing is not in them, it's before them. So suggestion #2 is going to be to make sure you read your opponent's posts! If you misinterpret something that the judges thought was clearly written, you will loose marks for that, if it alters something your character does. If it's confusing, you can always get out a notepad, and write down what is happening. Just simple things like, "Goes LEFT", "Attacks RIGHT SHOULDER", so that you can quickly reference what's going on.




Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Aurelia Posts: 307
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 7 HP: 62.5 | Buff: NOVICE
baylee
#4
Aurelia</style>
He seems smart when we talk about sparring, or when it actually comes to sparring, but I feel like this intelligence fades as the subject changes from sparring. I do see moments of intelligence, but other then those short bursts of 'I get it now,' he is a caveman to me. Perhaps I try to befriend him because of his raw sex appeal. After all, in my book-- he's a possibility for a future (or present) sire to my children. His voice bursts into my thoughts and demands all my attention. My brain works to string together his words. "And Gaucho never turn down a spar." Hey, what do you know? That was almost grammatically correct. Does he always drop the 's' after saying a verb? I find it odd he talks in third person. Would people think I'm weird if I did that? I can't help, but think they would. Again, Gaucho rips me from my thoughts in a way only a violent caveman's actions could. He is already coming towards me, and I have little time to react.

I try to move myself to the right, away from him, but it's already to late. I feel spikes stab into my left shoulder. I can't help but let out a little yelp as I thrust all my weight to the right, nearly knocking myself to the floor. I don't know how, but one of the many prongs in his antlers stabs my wings. Luckily, all it does is pluck a few of my shorter feathers. As each feather is ripped out of my skin, there is a pinch... or maybe it's sting? The feeling is kind of a mixture of both. The feathers that have been pulled out drift away from my wing, and as they do, my ears slip backwards against my neck. As he runs past me, I kick out in where I assume he is with my hind legs. With my weight still mostly on my right side and my hind legs in the air, all my weight is on my front right leg. This is uncomfortable, so I don't let my hind legs stay in the air for long. As soon as he attacked and left, I am back on the ground. Now, that my weight is equally on all four of my legs, I feel the small puncture wounds his necklace has given me. Each little wound stinging uncomfortably.

I just stand there now, feeling my wounds sting. The punctures seem to go as low as my shoulder point and as high as my actual shoulder. Luckily, his necklace wasn't thicker with more rows of spikes. I look down at them awkwardly, seeing how the spikes on his necklace punctured my skin. I note that the spikes bore into my skin and were dragged an inch or two before coming back out of my skin. Of course, only the front part of the wounds actually got deep enough to bleed. The blood stays around the cuts and does not drip down and soak my entire leg with blood. I bet Gaucho would've liked to see that happen, but it won't (not now, at least). Too bad for him.

I know that there is a good probability that Gaucho will turn around and charge my butt, but I always waste too much energy running away, today I want to stand and be a strong defense. I figure that a strong defense is equally as good as a strong offense, if not better. I do not know if this is Gaucho's theory, but it's mine. "Ow," my voice is only a whisper meant for me to hear, not Gaucho. I slither a few steps forward to see if the cut hurt worse if I walk. They don't really hurt more, but they certainly don't hurt less.

Walk walk walk walk walk
talk talk talk talk
ooc:
Attack: 1/3
Wordcounter: 650
Summary: The spikes on her collar hit her shoulder point to shoulder, creating 1 inch long cuts. His antler is able to pull a few feathers out of her wing, and this causes her to feel a pinching feeling for a few seconds before it goes away. After his attacks, as he runs past her, she kicks out, having no idea where she will hit. She only knows that she may hit anywhere from his shoulder to his tail. As she balances her weight back out, she feels the cuts stinging her shoulder as her weight is put back on that leg.
Comments: Okay, I fully understand his magic now! xD Also, that's where I tried to describe she was, but I can see where it'd be confusing x_x
We are here, at the Deep Forest. I meant she was at still in the Threshold, but looking at the deep forest. I walk into the Deep Forest and out of the threshold, but before I walk into a wall of big trees and narrow pathways, there is a clearing. I guess here is where I got confused. I meant we are in the deep forest land, but not in the trees. :3 I see how I messed that up. Also, I don't know if I took enough damage here? XD
oh, tell me, what's the matter?</style>

image credits

Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion.

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#5



That she shied away ignited a fury deep within Gaucho. Her body should have crumbled under his weight - that pristine pelt soiled forever by her own blood. Unlike Aurelia, who was thankful that his spikes were not longer, Gaucho was suddenly irritated that they were not. They should have penetrated down to her very bones. The idea of the dry white-hot poke of his spikes against hardened bone was more enticing than simply shedding skin. Skin could heal - could scar in ways that perhaps a stallion (or a mare, he wasn't one to judge) might find alluring and enticing. But damage to the bone, was forever. She would remember him for the next few days as her wounds healed and slowly disappeared. But if his attacks could permeate to a deeper level...well then she'd remember him for the rest of her life.

If she wanted to remember him for something, let it be that. That he was the cause of a canter stride that was not quite balanced - of a gallop that was no longer smooth. Whatever game she - they - were playing, had consequences. If they wanted to remember him, that was fine. But he would be the writer of those memories, not some phantom leader of a 'dragon's throat'.

Darkness swam before his gaze, as this hostile and all-consuming irrational anger sullied both his vision and mind. Spots of black began to blur the edges of his vision, as soft white feathers fluttered down his dark nose, from where they had been senselessly torn from Aurelia's wing. Mara mentally hissed, shocked and frightened by this sudden dark twist in the primitive thoughts of her bonded. Gaucho, for all of his strength, had never been one to injure another needlessly. He had said it himself, that this was a spar, and yet his mind was trying to calculate how to break the bones (and spirit), of this wrongfully accused trickster. Sssssssssspar She urged, rattling her body around to try and shake the hold that his anger had over him. As she had done in the threshold, she flashed images of Gaucho and Aurelia playing when she was much younger: Playing tag, aerial chases and yes, even Aurelia's foolish attempts to flirt with him. Aurelia. Play, in Dragon'sssss Throat.

Now all of this you must understand, basically pushed Gaucho's mental computing power over the top. No more ram available, means no more windows open. Load the 'think rationally' tab? Sorry. As Mara's mental images forced yet another process to run in Gaucho's simple brain, his mind did what we would all expect: it shut off. Blue screen of death.

As his brain blanked at Mara's attempt to awaken memories, so too did it reject the anger that had darkened his vision. Time slowed as his long strides began to pull him away and to the right of Aurelia. His sweeping gaze which had already begun to look for intruders in the woods saw nothing, and in the slowed seconds that occurred, while his brain began to reboot, things didn't seem so bad. That was of course because his brain couldn't process emotions at the moment, but it was the first bit of peace Gaucho had felt, since the 'ambush' in the threshold.

However his hard reboot was interrupted, by what felt like a dull pain in his right thigh. Was it a cramp? Reality came crashing back around him, like a cold wave starting from his ears and finally ending right around where Aurelia had kicked him, and Gaucho realized that no, it was not a cramp. As her hooves collided with his thigh, his hips swung left to try and compensate. His large hooves slid haphazardly upon the wet moss, throwing up clumps of mud as he tried to right himself. As his head lowered to try and aid with balance, a misplaced step caused his thick neck to curl further inwards to try and remain stable, forcing his own spikes to gauge his lower lip, but luckily miss his throat.

As pain now radiated upwards from his already-bruising hip, and downwards from his dark lower lip - bloody and ragged from his own spikes - his primitive mind slipped into default mode. Finishing the spin Aurelia had started, he allowed his hindquarters to continue to swing left, until he judged he was once again facing her - or near enough, this wouldn't have to be terribly accurate. Raising his blackened wings, he spread them wide and back until they nearly touched over his dorsal-stripe. With a grunt that caused blood and snot to fly from his nose, Gaucho beat his wings at Aurelia, causing a wall of fire to fan from his flame-kissed feathers.





[WC: 790
Summary: Aurelia kicks him on his right thigh, as he had already began to move away from her. Moving away from her kick and sliding on the moss, Gaucho lowered his neck/head to try and help with balance, which caused him to injure his lower lip on his spikes in the process. He continues spinning and flame-attacks.

Attack: 2/3

OOC Teaching Notes

Great post! I might have liked to see some more emotion from Aurelia though. The beginning is good - mentioning his speech, Aurelia's need for a sire, etc., but that sort of isn't the interesting emotion. How is she feeling about the spar? Gaucho has been gone a while, is she better at sparring than since they last met? Is she disappointed that (if she is better), that without his memories his won't be able to appreciate it? Is she disappointed or hurt that he doesn't remember her? I think those are things that will help to motivate Aurelia's emotions during this spar.

Some things to watch for:
  • " I can't help but let out a little yelp as I thrust all my weight to the right, nearly knocking myself to the floor. First, it isn't the floor. The 'ground' would be more appropriate. And secondly, while Aurelia is smaller, if she had fallen over, I think that would have taken points off for realism, and so even your mere suggestion that she almost fell, seemed out of place to me. However, if you wanted to emphasize things, a better way to do it would have been to mention their size/breed differences, and to cite the slippery footing. I mentioned in my opening post that while the rain had stopped, there were areas that were more slippery than others.
  • Damage-wise, I'm not entirely certain you did take enough. The most damage Gaucho can do, is 13.5pts (7.5 (his attack stat) + 6 (highest roll)). This attack was worth 10.5. So if you mentally think, "If Gaucho attacked my character at full strength, what would that be like? Would it break bones? Would I be burned?" etc. So this roll was basically 78% of full strength, and you interpreted that as a few feathers being plucked out, and gashes that penetrated, but not enough to bleed or cause more discomfort when moving. Then again, not all your damage needs to come from Gaucho - you could easily have written that when bucking, Aurelia strained her right leg some what (since you mention that all of her weight was put on it). My advice, is when trying to interpret damage, look at what damage was rolled in proportion to the maximum damage that character could have done, and go from there.
  • I think one of your previous judges mentioned this as well, but be careful you aren't relying too heavily on your summary at the end. There, you state that After his attacks, as he runs past her, she kicks out, having no idea where she will hit. She only knows that she may hit anywhere from his shoulder to his tail. As she balances her weight back out, she feels the cuts stinging her shoulder as her weight is put back on that leg. The 'from the shoulder to his tail' is completely missing from your post. In the old judging, you'd lose -1 for directionality of that attack. In the new system, you might lose points on readability of your posts. Your summary at the end should be super brief, but not any more informative than your posts.
  • Watch your grammar: I slither a few steps forward to see if the cut hurt worse if I walk. They don't really hurt more, but they certainly don't hurt less. - Do you see how there's no agreement here? 'The cut' is singular, but then you jump to 'they'. Or, but it's already to late, should be 'too'. Just small things to keep in mind :)

So when I go to write my posts, I often read over my opponents several times, to make sure I understand what's going on. You rolled an 11 - which is the most damage Aurelia can do. However, I don't think I can straightforwardly take the damage from her. I mean, she sort of awkwardly kicked out, so either she's going to need to pinch a nerve or something that makes her awkward kick stronger than it should have, or the environment is going to have to play a factor. I ended up going with a combination of both to try and make things realistic - both in the sense that Gaucho took the damage that was rolled, but also that it came from appropriate sources.



Image Credits
Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Odd the doer of things Posts: 115
Administrator atk: 23 | def: 42 | dam: 108
Mare :: Other :: 5"2 :: 27 HP: 108 | Buff: badass
Odd
#6
Please do not default. Aurelia will continue.

Aurelia Posts: 307
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 7 HP: 62.5 | Buff: NOVICE
baylee
#7
[quote='Aurelia' pid='102313' dateline='1402382767']
Aurelia</style>
I kick him and the satisfying sound of my hoof hitting his thigh makes me smirk. I don't think I can hurt him as much as her hurts me, but I can try. Small, but mighty, right? He begins swinging his hindquarters around until he is facing me. He looks dark and evil. He doesn't look like... Gaucho. He looks like a fucking caveman. And as he begins to rear, I realize I'm upset at him. He can't just leave and then come back. Why had he even left in the first place?

Damn him. Damn the Throat. Damn cave horses. Everything is so messed up right now that I just want to crumble into a heap of flesh. I don't want to be Aurelia anymore, I want to be a wraith. Is that a crazy idea, or what? I like evil.. it's a thing for me now, and I certainly would not second guess turning Gaucho into a wraith. If I could just make him be on my side... Imagine how unstoppable we could be. "How did you find Helovia? You are no longer welcome here." I turn to face him straight on. He doesn't scare me. Nothing scares me.

I turn into a beast, on that craves blood and death-- one that doesn't feel pain. I try to block out the pain. I try to become a machine. I want to attack. No more feelings. I rear up as Gaucho's wings stretch out behind him. I want to lunge forwards, to ram myself into him, but instead, Gaucho does something else. His wings make a wall of flame explode in front of me. I try to land back on the ground and back pedal as quickly as possible, but Gaucho is too fast.

My muzzle is burnt badly, blistering hideously. My chest is also burnt, with blisters proving it. I breathe in deeply, but the stench of my burnt hide fills my lungs and makes me freeze momentarily. The pain is too great to block out. I'm too hurt. I don't want to keep going. I want to leave, for him to leave. "Why did..." My voice is raw. My entire face hurts. Speaking hurts. Moving hurts. Breathing hurts. "you come back? I liked it when you were gone!" There is a quiet rage behind my words, no more nice gal.

I turn away from the stallion and begin walking towards the nearest tree. I halt next to this tree, my hindquarters facing Gaucho, but I am not close to him. Actually, I'm about three cantering strides from him. The thing is, I know what is happening. I had spotted Shilva before Gaucho (I think), silently crawling towards him. Then, I see her mouth open wide, exposing long fangs. She lunges towards his left hock in hopes to bite him. This is when I turn on my fire magic once more and gallop towards where I think he is, but the smoke billowing from the orange flames that coat my body obscure my vision somewhat. I aim to hit him, but I don't really care where. If he turns, I'll have no problem burning his flank. If he doesn't move, I can burn his chest. Who knows, he could just dodge my attack completely.

I hope Gaucho burns and gets poisoned. Let him remember me, but not as the frilly girl that tries to get him to mount, but as a warrior. That's what I want to be now. No more hiding and running. He probably doesn't remember anything, so this is my chance to make a new impression. I want to be the one no one messes with. I want to be the bite sized bomb, the one everyone fears. Can I achieve this? Can I make Gaucho remember me one last time? If he leaves one more time and forgets everything, I'll just have to continue to burn him, now won't it?

Walk walk walk walk walk
talk talk talk talk
ooc:
Attack: 2/3
Wordcounter: 653
Summary: She is burnt severely on my muzzle and chest. She tries to somewhat block out the pain. She turns away from him and walks a few strides, increasing the space between them. She turns around to face him once more and notices Shilva attempting to bite him, she seizes the opportunity for a fire attack and lunges at him, hoping to hit him, but she doesn't exactly aim. She kind of just hopes she can burn him x3
comments: SO sorry for the wait, aud! x_x I was on absent for 16 days, so I wasn't able to reply! My replies should be coming in quicker now. :3
oh, tell me, what's the matter?</style>

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Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion.

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#8

You are no longer welcome here.

Loading....loading....loading...ERROR.

That was a new one. First they tell him that he lived here - that he ruled a dragon's throat (that idea still didn't make sense to him), and suddenly now he was no longer welcome?! Rage once again burned brightly in his unresponsive mind. He wouldn't be fooled by their lies, by their games, and he certainly did not take orders from them. From her. Even Mara, who only moments ago had tried to suggest that he and Aurelia had been friends, was silent on the issue. Was there any truth in her words? Was Gaucho truly unwelcome here? Or was it just a last-ditch attempt to hurt the stallion who had been oblivious to her physical advanced?

It didn't matter. He would not stand for her lies. He was not going anywhere.

The gold that laced Aurelia's sleek and feminine chest began to sway and bubble, as flames licked and lingered. A cruel and twisted smile parted Gaucho's dark lips, as his hooves slammed down into the moss, still burning harmlessly. If he couldn't break bones, at least he could fuse those pretty golden fibers together. That would take much longer to heal - possibly it might burn away the follicles, leaving a dull patch of skin where the golden hair had once been. That would do nicely. If he couldn't tarnish her movements, at least he could forever mar her hide.

I liked it when you were gone!

Comprehension began to slowly dawn upon him, as his mind began to regain its normal functions. The ebbing pain from his lip began to pulse and radiate once again, as his eyes traced to where the mare danced forward. She stood facing away from him - was she speaking with someone? Was there someone else?! He had looked around before - stormy gaze had surveyed the circumference of trees and found nothing - had he been fooled? HURRTTT YOU IDDDIOT Mara screamed inside of his brain, reinforcing the imagery of her blistering chest and muzzle and also her words, seemingly laced with a different sort of pain. This did not compute. Aurelia had wanted to spar; she had asked for this when she had joined up with whatever cohort was behind these lies.

Just as Mara was about to send another wave of reprimands Gaucho's way, she spied a copper body moving in the grass. MOVE She immediately demanded, to which Gaucho obediently obliged. As his powerful forelegs pulled him forward he felt the ghost of a bite on his hock. Not enough for the snake to sink her fangs into, but enough to draw a small amount of blood. Gaucho haphazardly bucked as the bite blossomed into sharp pain. In his antlers, Mara hissed furiously. The only one allowed to bite her companion was her. If Gaucho wasn't moving at a faster pace, she might have slipped down to the ground and put Shilva in her place. As it stood now, sinking her own fangs into Shilva's bonded would be sweet enough revenge.

As Aurelia's body burst into flames and began to move towards the primitive duo, Gaucho was not deterred. We've all run our fingers through flame before - the trick to not getting burned, is doing it quickly. Gaucho's larger strides covered the ground quickly - his body position was aiming directly for her chest - although closer to the left side rather than square on. He needed to pass her, not collide with her. Would her golden flesh, now burned and bubbled, peel away if his spikes made contacted? Would her body now crumple under his weight, as it had failed to do before?

These dark thoughts were no longer chastised by Mara. Another snake had bitten her bonded. It was on.

Gaucho leaned his shoulder left and inwards, trying to accommodate for the height difference between the two, as he aimed to slam into, and then ricochet away from Aurelia. He wasn't sure if he could force his shoulder and chest into her own, for she seemed to be weaving - her strides seemingly random and unguided.
Mara, poised in his antlers, lunged as soon as she judged she was close enough: holding on to his antlers with her tail, she lashed forward, poison-ready fangs aiming for the left side of Aurelia's sleek neck. The pair did not linger however, as the flames from Aurelia's body began to painfully singe and fuse together the hairs on Gaucho's shoulder and chest. Diving to the right and away from Aurelia, Gaucho's lips parted in a bloody smile.

If any of the golden girl's accomplices were out there, they had not interfered. They had left her to the WildFire, and she had been burned.




[WC: 797
Summary: Mara see's Shilva and urged Gaucho forward. He receives a small bite, but is not poisoned. He runs towards her, aiming to collide with the left side of her chest, and pierce her burned flesh with his collar. At the same time, Mara tries to bite the left side of her neck. Then they dodge to the right to escape further burns.

Attack: 3/3

OOC Teaching Notes

I really liked this post! I seriously got chills when Aurelia said that Gaucho wasn't welcome in Helovia anymore Q____________Q . I was waiting for her to lie and say he had been banished or something. I would have loved to see that part fleshed out a little more. I really enjoy her saying she wanted to be a wraith again - wonderful historical reference. The part at the end, where she wants him to remember her as a warrior - and how this can be her new first impression - is also really awesome!

There were a few grammatical/spelling errors. Try to watch that, as it will immediately detract points. I think realism/injuries might be an area for improvement. I think you took the damage well, but I didn't see you continue to write Aurelia as being injured, after the initial burns. If her chest is blistered and burning, every step she takes is going to hurt. That skin is going to be tight and tender - and if her own hide is on fire, how does that effect her burns? Any heat near a burn is going to hurt, really badly. I would have liked to have seen her limping more. Also, writing that she is just running towards him and would be happy to hit him anywhere, makes it difficult to respond to. I mean, she's got to be aiming roughly to his some part of him, with some part of her. You should tell her opponent that much. Even if its, Her goal was for her shoulder to hit his barrel. But if she collided with any part of his left side, she would be happy with that. You need some directionality. Because it isn't as though she could realistically hit him anywhere. Also, she would likely be trying to kick at him, I should think. If her chest is injured, she won't really want to be using it to ram into him.

Having Shilva just sort of appear there, came across really cheap to me. One way to avoid this, would be to spend more time describing her. A few sentences saying how she had been laying in wait in the grass, just in case Aurelia couldn't handle things herself....or how she had been watching and was angry because Gaucho had burned Aurelia and now wanted to poison him in return...just anything to suggest that she really had always been there, but why she hadn't moved until now, so that it didn't seem like she was just appearing when the going got tough.





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Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Aurelia Posts: 307
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15.2hh :: 7 HP: 62.5 | Buff: NOVICE
baylee
#9
Aurelia</style>
Shilva slithers towards Gaucho's large body, but I fear that Mara has already noticed the snake. That damn snake better not hurt Shilva. My mouth sets into a hard line as I glance towards them, the scene unfolding. Shilva lands a weak bite on him, but I am truly pleased with the snake. Landing a bite on Gaucho is something to be worthy of. His fighting prowess is unmatched and his determination to win is uncanny. Either Gaucho has gotten weaker, or we've gotten stronger. Today, I wanted to spar, not die. Though it seems to me, Gaucho only seeks to destroy me. He was not this angry last time we sparred.

I am the only one doing the talking today. He remains silent (is it because he doesn't know enough words to answer?). As Shilva begins to retreat from the stallion, she lets out a strong hiss followed by what seems to be a serpent smile. Her forked tongue stretching out into the air. Her golden body is somewhat covered in mud, camouflaging her well, but she does not seek to attack again. She has already done her duty. She begins to slink back into the woods, where she will watch the fight, and attempt to distract Gaucho and Mara with hisses. Her beady eyes are glued on Gaucho as I turn to face him. My body erupts with hot orange flames as I charge towards him, but Gaucho is quicker than I give him credit for.

Gaucho, I hate to admit, is much wiser than I assumed. He drops his shoulder, spikes ready to cut and slice me. I shudder at the thought of him cutting me with them again. When they raked across my skin the first time, it felt as if a bear had dug it's claws into my shoulder and then ripped my skin before releasing me. I skillfully dodged his spikes, but I am not prepared for what happens next. The usually still snake that hangs out in Gaucho's antlers is very much not still. She lunges at me, her jaw wide and fangs filled with venom ready to seep into my bloodstream. I let out a soft squeal as I feel pain lace across my neck. Mara has bitten me, and the pain is great, but I fear the poison more. Will I drop dead right here, right now? My body's flame ends with a crackling sound. As Gaucho begins to move away from me, I use all the strength I have left (which may not be much, but it is enough) to try to kick out at him with my hind legs. There is pain covering my entire body. As I kick, this pain multiplies and I shriek. I will not fight anymore. This is going on too long. Despite how long this spar feels, it has not been long. Gaucho has just managed to injure me pretty much everywhere in this short period of time. I have much to learn.

I wonder why we never took to fighting in the air. We are pegasi, right? Why have we stayed on the ground? I could show him how good of a flier I am. I remember before, I was a lousy flier, easily shot out of the air like a goose shot by hunters. I do not fall out of the sky anymore, though. I unfold my wings. They are blackened with soot in some area and bald in other areas. They are not too horribly injured, though. I should still be able to fly, right? I flap my wings a mere one time, but I can't go on anymore. The wind my wings create brushes across my injured body, stinging all the cuts and burnt areas. I will be stuck to walking for a while, I assume. I begin to fold my wings loosely. This fight is over. I have hung up my crossbows and guns for now. I begin walking home, to the World's Edge. I wonder if they'll be surprised that I have gotten injured. I'm sure they'll assume it was a Hidden Falls horse. After all, I did attack that herd, and burnt quite a bit of their members. I glance backwards, is Gaucho still there? Maybe I secretly wish he would follow me, but I know that the chances are slim. With a long sigh I begin to think of why Gaucho would forget everything. My thoughts are disrupted as I am looking backwards. I see Shilva slithering behind me. I halt for a moment, allowing the snake to climb onto my back (perhaps the only un-injured part of my body), and we begin limping home again. The pain is unbearable, but I know I need to get home, so I suffer through it.

Walk walk walk walk walk
talk talk talk talk
ooc: <3
Attack: 3/3 (Last attack)
Wordcounter: 797
Summary: Dodges his necklace, but Mara gets a solid bite in. Aurelia does not start to feel the effects of the poison yet, only the sting of the bite. She attempts to fly, but the pain is too much, so she is restricted to the ground. She begins walking away from Gaucho, Shilva following her.
comments: This was a blast! :D <3 I hope it's okay that I wrote her leaving? The fight is over accept your closing defense, so I thought it'd be okay to write her leaving. :3
oh, tell me, what's the matter?</style>

image credits

Success isn't the result of spontaneous combustion.

Ascended Helovian

Gaucho The Wildfire Posts: 1,004
Deceased atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2 :: 12 HP: 85 | Buff: PINNACLE
Mara :: Black Mamba Snake :: Paralyze & Vorsa :: Plain Zephyr :: Phoenix Odd
#10


Mara's mental cries of joy fill his darkened mind, dousing the annoyance that had begun to linger there. His spikes had missed their mark. His chance to peel away her burned flesh had been squandered. But how? Perhaps the flames that licked Aurelia's body had altered his perception - made her appear larger than she in fact was. If that was the case, it wasn't surprising that he had missed. Justification however, did not distinguish his frustration; Mara's victory on the other hand, did.

Recoiling easily, Mara spat the last of the poison that hadn't fallen into Aurelia's blood stream, on the ground, as Gaucho dodged to the right. Although Aurelia's kick is laced with pain, it hits its mark. The price for Mara's satisfaction, was an instantly bruising u-shape on Gaucho's right thigh. Aurelia's shriek was suddenly mingled with a hasty and angry snarl from Gaucho. Pain smarted brightly across his thigh. His blackened tail lashed angrily, as if the sting and swell of her kick could be shooed away like a fly. But it could not. The pain radiated outwards, drumming with each step. Allowing himself to pivot, Gaucho regarded the golden child's retreating form with cold, dark eyes.

Mara's own beady black gaze sought out the other snake - a distant cousin by the look of it - and hissed mercilessly. She knew that (if all bonds were the same) the snake could feel - even if only mentally - the poison now working its way into Aurelia's system. Feeeeeeeel it, Mara thought devilishly. Cowarrddssssssss! Although the serpent knew that there was no plot against her bonded, her reason was blinded by the bite that stung gently on Gaucho's leg. In that moment, she would have been perfectly happy should the receding pair have turned around for another few rounds. She certainly had the poison for it.

"GAUCHO FIND YOU." he bellowed loudly after Aurelia, his voice powerful and unwavering. ""Gaucho find all of you!" He continued, his gaze and voice now sweeping the perimeter of the trees, addressing any who might be hiding there. Even though they had left Aurelia alone to fight him, they might still be listening. Perhaps now was the time when they would attack - when he was weakened. Did they really think this golden child, with her infantile snake, was a match for him? As if to prove this, Gaucho reared onto his hind legs, ignoring the weakening and bruised muscle of his thigh, and the sting near his fetlock. His barred forelegs struck the air, as his flame-tipped wings fanned open to aid with balance. As he returned to the ground, his antlered skull tore at the air before him, daring those who might be lingering to test him now.

As much as he wanted to shift his weight to the left, to release some of the weight his bruised thigh had to bear, he forced himself to remain as he was. He would not show weakness now.

He would not show weakness ever.



[WC: 504
Summary: Gets kicked on his right flank.

Closing post.


OOC Teaching Notes

Totally fine that you had her leave!

You had some more grammatical errors in this post. I know that they are hard to catch sometimes - especially since grammar doesn't show up all the time as being incorrect, but I think it will ultimately hurt you score, where it doesn't really need it. When I write posts, I usually go back and read outloud ( even if it's only under my breath), because this forces me to slow down and actually read what I wrote, instead of skimming things over. Trust me, I know how easy it can be to miss obvious things in your own writing, and usually it's just because you read it too fast.

I was a little surprised that Aurelia dodged Gaucho's spikes, but took Mara's attack. Mara is long, but in order for the pair to be close enough for her to have attacked, it sure seems like Gaucho's spikes would have hit her as well. It could be done, but I would have liked to have it explained more. The way I explained it in my post, was that he was thrown off by the fire across her body, and misjudged how close he actually was - you could do something like that. But if you had, I would have liked to have seen some thrill from Aurelia. I mean, yes she got bit by Mara, but she did just dodge Gaucho who is MASSIVE. That's quite an accomplishment, right?

I like that you didn't have Aurelia fly away. I think that's very realistic. She's at almost half health, so it makes sense that her first thought would be to get home. I liked that you added in her considering what the herd would think about her, especially in light of recent events. What I found a little surprising was that she didn't say anything to Gaucho when she left. She went from asking him to spar, then saying he wasn't welcome, to just leaving? The last post was so emotional, that I suppose I was expecting more here. She IS injured though, so I can see if she's more focused on dealing with that, than dealing with him.

Great spar bay! I'm glad we finally finished one :P


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Please tag me in every post! Magic/Force is allowed on Gaucho at any time.


Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#11
By my verdict: GAUCHO is the winner!
Gaucho receives 1.5 VP

GAUCHO
Realism [+2.5]
Your first post started off really strong, as you included scenery, breed differences and had a really good attack lined up with great explanations. However you seemed to struggle with injury throughout the fight.

For instance in both your second and your fourth post you took a kick to your hip/thigh, in both instances the way I read it, you should have taken the damage to your left side, but each time you took it to your right. I sat here for a while trying to figure out if I had read it wrong or if it was possible for you to take it to your right side, but in all instances it really had to have been your left. Additionally with your injuries you fail to go into detail about what kind of pain they’re causing or how they’ll affect you the rest of the fight, especially the kick you received in your second post - did it bruise, swell, does it impede movement, what? What about when Aurelia slightly burned you in your third post, was the skin raw, blistered, painful?

Otherwise I liked your inclusion of slipping on mud and injuring yourself in your second post and felt that all around you had good attack strategies.


Emotion [+2.5]
As always Gaucho has a lot of strong emotion that does a wonderful job of drawing the reader in, especially with his new hilarious idea that everyone is out to get him. I wasn’t particularly fond of the computer references in some of your posts - I didn’t take anything away because of it since it’s a personal opinion, but I felt it clashed with his primitive theme. It’s not that because he has a primitive theme he can never do anything fancy, but caveman and computer are such extremes that it sort of threw me off and distracted me, is all.

Fantastic job conveying all his thoughts and feelings though, the relationship between him and Mara is precious <3


Prose [+4]
There’s not much to say here, you have very strong prose, always maintaining a nice flow and style to your posts.


Readability [+2]
Your posts were definitely easy to understand, but in nearly every one there was a typo.


Finally tally: 58 + 11(x2) = 80 HP

*******************************************

AURELIA
Realism [+1]
I believe that you have the ability to write great attacks and defenses, but that to get there you need to explain how the attack/defense is happening. Especially considering in almost all your posts you still had some word cushion, so you could have filled that with being more detailed about your actions. Often you can make something believable, just by telling us why we should believe it.

i.e. you had Aurelia dodge Gaucho’s spikes in your third post, but got hit by the snake. As that stands, I don’t really believe it, because the snake and Gaucho’s spikes are probably around the same length, so when I read it was you wrote it:
“I skillfully dodged his spikes, but I am not prepared for what happens next. The usually still snake that hangs out in Gaucho's antlers is very much not still. She lunges at me, her jaw wide and fangs filled with venom ready to seep into my bloodstream. I let out a soft squeal as I feel pain lace across my neck. Mara has bitten me, and the pain is great, but I fear the poison more.”
Like this I don’t believe it’s anything more than you avoiding damage that should have been taken (given that you took the Snake’s damage). Especially when you say “I skillfully dodged his spikes…” tell me how you skillfully did that, and maybe then I’ll consider it believeable. Maybe if you flung your wing out to protect yourself, and Mara bit that, as you shied to the side, that’d make more sense.

This would also apply to Shilva abruptly appearing in your second post. There was zero mention of her in your first one, so I originally thought this timeline was happening after she had been killed already, and that Gaucho and Mara were looking for the snake simply because they didn’t know. I only thought this because you didn’t even mention her once. That’s almost a form of god moding then just having her appear, out of nowhere, in the perfect spot to land a bite on Gaucho considering him and Aurelia had been attacking and dodging all over the place already.

And my last example for this, in simply taking the time to describe something further, is your flame magic. When I first read your second post I thought somehow Aurelia was still on fire because of Gaucho, to which I went, huh??? I shouldn’t have to go into the records to understand your fire magic, you should clearly explain in your post that you are using your magic and it works like this _________.

I think taking time in general is something you want to consider, because I’d also like to see more inclusion of your previous injuries and how they affect Aurelia during the fight. For instance you wrote her receiving lots of blisters on her chest from being burned, and yet she’s galloping not a paragraph or two later. I would imagine that’d be far to painful to move that fast that soon! Similarly you responded to Gaucho rearing in your second post, when he never reared.

I think the damage that you sustain is pretty good, and I liked your realism in not having Aurelia fly away because of her injuries, so I think just taking the time to work on everything else and you’ll be an awesome fighter.


Emotion [+1]
I struggled with Aurelia’s emotions during this whole fight. I did see an increase in emotion in your second and third post which I liked, but each post was so drastically different from each other that it sort of distracted me. For instance you start in your first post seemingly fond of Gaucho, having him in your ‘book’ of possible child sources, but then for no apparent reason you hate him with ever fiber of your being in the second post and start screaming at him, to then in your third post walking away without so much as a single word. It all just sort of left me going, wait, what???

I’m sure all of those feelings were plausible, but they were so scattered that it was hard for me to believe in them. If you explain why those feelings shift so abruptly, it’d be easier for me and other readers to understand her. For instance, maybe she starts of loving Gaucho in her first post, but then she gets so angry at him in the second post because she can see he’s trying to injure her more, or because fighting alongside him reminded her of her time as a wraith which then causes those memories to combine with her current ones making her a bit crazy etc.


Prose [+1.5]
I thought you started off really strong! Your first post was great, however as you progressed your writing got a bit more choppy and was just harder to follow overall, it felt like a completely different person was writing as the fight progressed.


Readability [+0.5]
I found lots of typos and other grammar issues, and it just all around felt rushed and unpolished. Don’t forget to re-read your posts to catch this minor mistakes that can overall affect your score!


Finally tally: 34.5 + 4(x2) = 42.5 HP


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