the Rift


[PRIVATE] !! I've Been Lost [Alleo]

Rasta Posts: 305
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: six (ages in Tallsun) HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Ettore :: Red-Tailed Hawk :: None Abba
#1
I can feel the heat on my back. It's a new strength. It must mean that Tallsun is coming. That should mean I can talk again, but I didn't know when that would happen. I didn't know if this was an illusion or just an idea that had filled my head.

All I knew was that as I took my gentle steps forward, and as I shuffled into the little grove in the Falls all I could see was the world beginning to fall black.

Confusion.

Uncertainty.

Panic.

All I can do is panic. Everything is gone. I'm reaching out with my maw for the trees, and it's almost as if all of my senses are realigning. The shock, the panic, it takes away my ability to take in the vibrations. No. I'm too shaken to try and take it all in. My maw opens, a knee jerk reaction. I was alone, lost. I needed someone there until I could get my bearings. And, that knee-jerk reaction continues as a hoarse, cracking, and frightened voice spins through the air. "ALLEO!"

I'm walking in circles. No, I'm prancing in circles. I don't know anymore. And, I don't even realize how close I'm getting to the water until my hoof splashes the cool liquid up and it bites at my pelt. I'm leaping forward, cussing under my breath. I don't even know if I actually spoke. I just know that I wish I had.

Please don't make me be alone.

I need something.

Anything.

Anyone... Please...
R
take another breathe

@[Alleo]

Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Alleo Posts: 115
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17.3 :: 12 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
ali
#2
alleo</style>
close your eyes, i know what you see
the darkness is high, and you're in ten feet deep
but we've survived more terrible monsters than sleep
and you know i will be here to tell you to breathe
</style>


"ALLEO!"

His head jerked upward, ears slammed forward as someone cried out his name. The voice was vaguely familiar and for whatever reason he found himself searching for Rasta even though he knew she couldn't talk. She hadn't been able to in quite some time so it couldn't be her, could it? While part of himself wanted to believe that it wasn't her another greater part of him knew that it had been her. Muscles tightened as he stood in place, trying to sort out his thoughts and make sense of someone screaming his name.

Finally he turned and trotted quickly in the direction that the voice had come from. Ahead of him he could see what looked like a river separating him from another piece of land. He slowed and stopped as he reached the water, eyes searching and finding the flash of a pale coat. Without hesitation he surged through the water, heart hammering in his chest. "Rasta!" He didn't know why he called the mare's name because she couldn't answer him.

A splash drew his attention toward a small pool and he saw her there, looking like she was muttering to herself. Alleo clambered up the bank and moved toward the mare. "I'm here, Rasta." He frowned to himself as he watched the way she moved. "You can't see, can you?" There was a mixture of happiness and disappointment as realization began to dawn on him. It was Tallsun and that meant that her quest was over. He had upheld his promise and she wouldn't need him anymore.

"Talk."


Credits

Rasta Posts: 305
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: six (ages in Tallsun) HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Ettore :: Red-Tailed Hawk :: None Abba
#3
Panic. All I can do is panic. I can't think clearly enough to focus on the vibrations, and I can feel myself smash against a tree. Only with those scrapes do I dare to stand still, legs trembling as if I might be attacked by anyone or anything at any moment's notice.

But my name, as anxious as I had shouted his name, he was shouting mine. My audits flicker back towards the sound, and spinning on my haunches to face him, blank eyes strain to focus on his face. "Alleo... Alleo..." Tears, they're so ready to fall, because all I can concentrate on is his existence and the fact that I can talk.

He must be watching how I move. It's the only thing that makes sense for how still he is. Either that or I'm still too shocked from my quick transition back into blindness to recognize his movements. Careful movements, uncertain steps, and a torn heart have me moving in toward him, hoping that he will accept me even when I am blind. "T-thank you..." I whisper, the anxiety still lacing my voice. "And... no.... everything's black again..." I explain, stretching my maw out to try and press up against his hide somewhere, anywhere. I just needed him. "Alleo..." there's a small pause as I attempt to gather my voice back, throat dying on me for a moment as it tries to remember what it was like to consistently speak. "Alleo, I love you... I wanted to say it earlier - I just... I physically couldn't..."

My eyes are searching for something, anything to lock onto. And still they cannot find it, they cannot focus, I'm not even sure I'm looking at him and it sickens me. I need to get over this panic. I need to be strong. I need to be able to function. I've grieved, admitting my hawk's death to someone I'm not close with will close that door (or at least I'm fairly sure it will), and then I can move onto the next portion of this quest.

But, I can't do this without Alleo. No. I won't do this without him. He's been here for me and I.... I don't know if I can put up with my heart being ripped in half again should he not want to be around me anymore.

I want to be whole again...

I don't know if that's possible without him...
R
take another breathe

Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Alleo Posts: 115
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17.3 :: 12 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
ali
#4
alleo</style>
close your eyes, i know what you see
the darkness is high, and you're in ten feet deep
but we've survived more terrible monsters than sleep
and you know i will be here to tell you to breathe
</style>


It was hard to believe that so much time had passed between them meeting in the deep forest and right then. He didn't want to believe that his purpose had come to an end. With her quest done she could get her companion and would no longer need him to watch over her and protect her from everything that was even remotely threatening. He frowned as he watched her search for him, calling his name and admitting that she couldn't see. After a moment he stepped toward her, his muzzle brushing against her pelt to let her know that he was there. When she pressed against his side he almost believed that she still needed him, still wanted him, but he refused to get his hopes up.

"Alleo, I love you... I wanted to say it earlier - I just... I physically couldn't..."

He was stunned by what she said even though he knew it. He had known it in the caves when she'd drawn that heart on the ground and tugged him into it. He had known with the way she looked at him, had sen it in her eyes, in her smiles. To hear it put to words made it more real. More tangible. His stomach flip flopped and his heart fluttered in his chest as he tried to comprehend what he had heard.

Belatedly, Alleo realized that he had been silent for far too long and Rasta might think that he didn't love her. But he did. Just thinking about being without her was unbearable. He felt sick even thinking that she didn't need him. "I..." He paused, realizing that he had only ever told his sisters and his grandmother that he loved them. No other mare had ever captured his attention or his heart as completely as Rasta had. "I love you, too." He whispered as he brushed his muzzle gently across her forehead.

"Talk."


Credits

Rasta Posts: 305
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: six (ages in Tallsun) HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Ettore :: Red-Tailed Hawk :: None Abba
#5
RASTA

hey sister, do you still believe in love, i wonder?

I press up against him, needing to feel his heartbeat - to be able to concentrate on something, anything. And, as I finally started to get my bearings I allowed my voice to meekly speak up - to say the words I hadn't been allowed to say due to the quest. But, he's so silent. It almost seems to take too long and I'm slowly beginning to worry. What if he doesn't love me back? What if it was all for nothing.

The panic must be showing on my face, for he starts to speak, pausing a little before he finally says it back. I don't realize that I'd been holding my breath until I go and gasp for the air. And it's like a shock to my system. He feels it too. I'm not alone. Someone else cares.

But he must have so many questions. I know he must, as I allow my forehead to press into his maw. I relished the few moments of silence after this, letting all of it sink in. A few more breaths, so that my voice didn't die, and then I allowed the words to slide from my maw. "Feel free to ask anything you'd like. I'll do my best to explain... since I know I couldn't do that at all earlier..." The words were only at a whisper, but they were confident and true. I was willing to explain if he wanted to know. It was only fair, after all, wasn't it?

--- time for all the .o. stuff


Image Creds | Coding by Schwartze

Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Alleo Posts: 115
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17.3 :: 12 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
ali
#6
alleo</style>
close your eyes, i know what you see
the darkness is high, and you're in ten feet deep
but we've survived more terrible monsters than sleep
and you know i will be here to tell you to breathe
</style>


"Feel free to ask me anything you'd like. I'll do my best to explain... since I know I couldn't do that at all earlier..."

He was quiet as she offered to answer any question that he might have, and he had quite a few of them. Some of them she had been able to answer in their games of charades, but more often than not she left him more confused and left to come to his own conclusions. He didn't know how true they were, though, and so he would end up having to ask her to be sure. But he didn't know where to start. The beginning when she rolled him into the water? The middle when she'd refused his gift to her? Or the end when he was the first one that she'd called out for? Or the things that had happened in between?

Alleo rubbed his muzzle against Rasta's neck, both breathing in her scent and trying to reassure her that he was there and wasn't going anywhere. Not unless she wanted him to. "Do you still need me?" The question slipped past his lips before he could stop it. Yes, she loved him but she could love him and not need him anymore. What would he do? His whole purpose had shifted from caring for his sisters exclusively to taking care of Rasta.

"Why me?" His next question came. She could have chosen anyone to take care of her and yet she'd picked him. Had it been a twist of fate that had brought them together or a conscious decision on her part? He shifted his weight as more questions ran through his mind one after the other until he settled on one last one for the time being. "When did you start to love me?"

"."


Credits

Rasta Posts: 305
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: six (ages in Tallsun) HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Ettore :: Red-Tailed Hawk :: None Abba
#7
RASTA

hey sister, do you still believe in love, i wonder?

He rubbed up against me, maw pressing against my neck in a comforting manner. He was here. He was HERE! Thank the Gods. I was not alone. This was not a dream. I shifted my weight a little, pressing into his touch and awaiting the sound of his voice, the first question that I would undoubtedly answer because he wanted to know.

Though, I will admit that the first question took me by surprise I bobbed my head. "Yes... I still need you. Without you I wouldn't feel whole... I need to feel that..." another pause, "And if you mean physically, that as well. I move off of vibrations, the subtleties of the land. Those are washed out with thunderstorms, waterfalls, other loud things that can shake the ground. I'll always need someone... but I want that someone to be you..."

Then, his next question. Why him? It was a good question, an awkward one but a good one. A sigh, a tilt of my head and I allow my audits to perk up towards him. "You managed to understand me when no one else had... you knew my name... It was the best choice I had at the time... I didn't want to go back and be shunned, but I couldn't go out on my own..." sadness swirled around my voice as I ducked my head, pausing just long enough for the third question to fall from his maw.

When? A breath in. "It... wasn't immediately. I didn't think I'd be able to feel it again. And, if I felt it earlier than in the caves, with the heart, then I didn't recognize it as love... I knew I trusted you with my life, by the time we were back in the Foothills and your... sister, I believe, healed me. I just didn't connect it until far later..." There was a pause, and I glanced up towards him - as if I could still lock eyes with his gorgeous multi-coloured ones, "You? When did you?" And then, I press up against him, resting my head against his chest and feeling the rise and fall of his barrel as he breathed, relaxing in the comfort that it brought me.








Image Creds | Coding by Schwartze

Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Alleo Posts: 115
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17.3 :: 12 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
ali
#8
alleo</style>
close your eyes, i know what you see
the darkness is high, and you're in ten feet deep
but we've survived more terrible monsters than sleep
and you know i will be here to tell you to breathe
</style>


She anwered each of his questions and each answer he got left him lost for words. Even as she told him how much she needed him he found it hard to believe. No one aside from his sisters had ever needed him so much. And even they didn't need him anymore. Lakota had pretty much disowned him after he had tried to make her more indepedent. How long before Rasta would discover that she was independent enough and didn't need him anymore? How lon until she threw him away like his own sister did?

But her words were so convincing. She claimed that she'd always need someone but she wanted it to be him. "You're sure?" He asked, skepical that she actually needed him as much as she claimed. Oh, but he wanted her to want him and need him. It gave his life purpose. His ears tilted forward as she moved on to his next question. It made him smile but the smile turned to a frown when she spoke of being shunned. "Why would you be shunned?" He asked. "And by who?"

He didn't expect an answer right away because he had already posed questions that needed to be answered. The final was when she realized that she loved him and the answer he got made him smile again and that smile stayed in place when she asked the same question of him. "I knew I cared about you when you rolled me into the water... if I didn't then I would have just left then." He said. "But ... I think I realized I loved you when I gave you the clip for your hair. When you rejected it it hurt ... I think that's when I knew." He was quiet again as he thought before finally asking the question that had been plaguing him since then. "Why did you do that?"

"."


Credits

Rasta Posts: 305
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: six (ages in Tallsun) HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Ettore :: Red-Tailed Hawk :: None Abba
#9
RASTA

hey sister, do you still believe in love, i wonder?

All of the questions. I should have known that there would have been so many. After all, we had been together for almost three seasons and I hadn't been able to say one word during that time. He asked if I was sure about needing him, needing someone and I nodded my head. A gulp as I pause, I will explain that once I've finished answering the rest of his questions. And, the questions about being shunned I also told myself I would answer at the end.

He answered her question, saying he knew he cared when I'd rolled him into the water and then loved me with the clip. There was a pause before he finally asked why I had done that. But... what exactly was that? I supposed that I would just answer both parts, the shoving him into the water and why I had rejected the clip. But, first the other couple of questions.

"I'm positive..." A small break, as I shift my weight and listen to his gentle heartbeat. "It's that need that's gotten me stuck in the horrible situations I've been in... I've tried to be strong, independent. But... It never fails that I end up needing someone... and I've always wound up with the wrong someone... The ones who used me because I was to weak and I knew I'd need their help again. Use me until I was too afraid to leave them. And.. as far as the shunning. I felt as though, if I came back mute, that they would push me away, they wouldn't understand. I already felt outcasted as I was the only non-winged creature in that herd, I just didn't want to be used again - to not have the ability to say no..." Would he understand? Could he understand? It was a lot to ask, so much to ask.

"As far as why I did that, since I'm not sure which I will explain both." My chest tightened, my heart started racing. "Pushing you into the water... The waterfall...it sounded too much like thunder. Thunder and rain, and... It was all too much at the time..." my voice breaks and I pull my head away, in order to look out at the water, to look away. "But, the scars on my back... they're faded now I think... he trapped me under a tree that fell with the lighting striking it... I-He-My back almost broke. I was pregnant with his child... his child he forced me into having... my back couldn't - it doesn't matter..." I stopped, eyes squeezed shut, as if they could force the images out of my skull. "He left me right after a miscarriage... It was too much in the memories... I just... I couldn't escape them. I thought you were him... I wanted him dead... I'm sorry. I really am..."

I couldn't continue on right away. I was trying to force the tears down, but it was obvious that I was holding my breath in order to accomplish this. My back was twitching where my scars were and I couldn't bare to look towards him, after admitting the reason I had tried to drown him. Deep breaths in and I'm quiet for a minute or so until I can speak without my voice wavering. Even though I know the next one will make me choke up as well.

"With the clip... I-I'm not worth getting nice things for... All the gifts have come with being hit, kicked, bit, broken. I... I don't deserve the extra ornamentation. If anything, it made me more of a target. I attracted more attention and everyone of them who'd fooled me into believing they loved me... they despised that fact and I would get beat for it." I can't hold back the tears, they're finally falling. However I'm trying to stop it. I'm squeezing my orbs shut, I'm forcing myself to stop speaking.

Deep breaths, tons of deep breaths. And I apologize again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." a break in my voice, "I've lived my life for hundreds, thousands of years as worthless... and I've accepted it by this point..." A few more deep breaths and I finally allow my eyes to search for his gaze that I will not see again. "Continue with the questions. I'll answer them, even if it's slow..."

Weaker movements press me up even closer to him - needing his strength to continue, but not wanting to leave him in the dark any longer. Anything else he wanted to know I would do my best to explain to him...






Image Creds | Coding by Schwartze

Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say

Alleo Posts: 115
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 4.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17.3 :: 12 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
ali
#10
alleo</style>
close your eyes, i know what you see
the darkness is high, and you're in ten feet deep
but we've survived more terrible monsters than sleep
and you know i will be here to tell you to breathe
</style>


He had wanted an answer to his question about the water and at the same time he didn't. He was fearful of what horror stories Rasta had kept locked inside of her head over the seasons that she had been mute. He had known when she was scared, could see it in every line on her face, in the rigid contours of her body, hear it in her sobs. He wanted to know and then he didn't because not knowing would keep her a mystery to him. But not knowing wouldn't undo the wrongs that she had suffered at the hands of others. Knowing would help him make it right, would help him prove to her that while there were bad souls in the world there was still good. He was good. At least he was when she was around.

"Rasta..." He murmured her name as she spoke of her back and the miscarriage. Alleo rubbed his muzzle gently against the pale scars, an ear tilting in the direction of Rasta's voice as she apologized. "Its okay." He couldn't say that he wouldn't have done the same thing, and how could he fault her for a psychotic episode? As long as it didn't happen again, and it hadn't as of yet, he would be okay.

"I'm not like them." He said. How many times had he told her that alread? "Have I done anything to hurt you yet? Have you ever even thought that I wanted to hurt you?" No, no, a thousand times no! His parents may have been worthless, violent trash but he'd had the guidance of his grandmother that made him gentle and understanding. She had molded him into what a stallion should be. A protector, only dangerous to those who threatened his well-being or the well-being of those he loved.

"I've lived my life for hundreds, thousands of years as worthless... and I've accepted it by this point... Continue with the questions. I'll answer them, even if it's slow..."

"Thousands of years?" Had he heard her correctly? Surely she had to be exaggerating because no horse could live that long.

"."


Credits

Rasta Posts: 305
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 10 | dam: 3
Mare :: Equine :: 14.1hh :: six (ages in Tallsun) HP: 62 | Buff: NOVICE
Ettore :: Red-Tailed Hawk :: None Abba
#11
I'm dead in the water, still looking for ya'

My name, the way he pressed his maw against my scars. Delicate, caring, quiet, everything that wasn't pain or terror. He says it's okay, but I can't quite believe it. How could it be okay? I had nearly killed him. There is a sigh, and then I lean into his touch. The gentle rub of his maw against the scars was actually welcome, something I hadn't thought would be the truth. The light movement and pressure upon my muscles back there actually could serve to loosen it up should I stay there long enough - should he continue to do it for long enough.

My explanation of the original denial of the clip which was situated in my hair caused a stronger reaction, though. He said that he was not like them, asked if he had ever done anything to me or made me think he might want to. A gentle shake of my head was the response. "No- I didn't think you would but… it is an instinct," I whispered, still pressing up against his touch.

However, the next question I had expected. It seemed seldom believed when I offered my actual age. Either they thought it to be an exaggeration, or they thought me to be off my rocker. Either way they didn't believe me. A sigh before the words slide from my maw, "You heard correctly. A thousand years. In my land before this I had been a leader - the only mare, and I had also been granted immortality. I could not die from age, however mortal wounds or sickness could have taken my life. I'm assuming my immortality was stripped upon crossing the borders here - as my companion was. For, now I can actually feel the creak of my bones as they age, and the tiredness that I had rarely felt."


And so, I gently tilted my head, to press it against his chest. So I could listen to his beating heart - so I could remind myself it would be okay…



Image Creds | Coding by Schwartze

Mystified, just spinning 'round in circles
Drowning in the silent screaming with nothing left to say


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