the Rift


[PRIVATE] Broken Hearts Heal Different [Kaj]

Kahlua the Sunshower Posts: 662
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3hh :: 9 [Orangemoon] HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Khan :: Common Blue Dragon :: Frost Breath Sevin
#1
With the herd meeting completed, the queen watched her herd dissipate. However, she could not find it in her heart to do anything but stand there. Her heart was made of lead, her hooves were anchors that had hooked her to the ground. She was weak, hurting and feeling very much alone. She had tried to be strong for her herd, she hoped she had succeeded, but she could be strong no longer. Both her and Kaj had been through so much lately and perhaps the queen was finally beginning to understand what it meant for Kaj to have to run the herd by himself. Turning to him, before the last of their flock was gone, Kahlua pressed her head into his neck and whispered as a tear began to fall down her cheek. “Please, don't go...” She had been terrible to him, she supposed, but she needed him now. She had so much to say to him, so much to apologize for, and also so much to ask him about. She needed his advice now more than ever.

As she closed her eyes, she could still see her hoof beating against the snake's body, the creature writhing as it flew threw the air, and then lifelessness as it landed with a thud upon the ground. She could feel the heat of Aurelia's fire coming close to her but not burning her, the feel of Aurelia's hooves upon her skull. She hear the (imaginary) screams of her herd mates calling her murderess and feel her heart break at the realization that she had killed the innocent creature when all it had been doing was defending its bonded.

But she also knew that Kaj had been attacked, defended their family against a beast who was trying gain entry when they had been warned against her. He had faced his own hard battle, found his own bruises and proven his loyalty as much or better than she had. And in the past, all Kahlua had done to thank him for his service was run from their herd and try to find freedom. For the last month she had tried to stay home, to help him, to be more present, but poor silly Kahlua was more than certain she had done nothing to help.

So, when she finally herd the last of the herd leave, Kahlua opened her eyes and lifted her forehead from Kaj's neck, puffy blue eyes looked up towards her king. When she finally spoke, her voice was full of nothing but sincerity. She finally knew what it was like to carry the burdens that Kaj had carried these past months and she didn't know how to tell him. She didn't know how to tell him that she wanted to change, that she wanted to be better, that she was finally willing to share the crown with him.

However, she also didn't know how to tell him that she didn't think she could anymore. After all, how could a murderess lead a herd of peaceful horses in good conscious? So, in the end, the only words the queen found for her king were, “I'm sorry.”

@[Kaj]
Kahlua
Image Credit


Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Kahlua at any time
for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing her.

Please do not tag Kahlua unless it is in an opening post

Kaj The Aurelight Posts: 381
Hidden Falls Conscript atk: 4.0 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2hh :: 8 Years 9 Months HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Arabella :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya Brit
#2

{the stormbringer}
every day I'm cast away, a vagabond
battle born
</style>


In the silence that pervaded as their kin dispersed, what Kaj felt was not a loss of the weight upon his shoulders, nor a solution to the new one upon his mind. Instead he felt more burdened than ever before. At least this time he knew he could defeat it, could power through all that he approached on the path of leadership. As a militaristic man it was hard to advocate peace, and though he did, the threats around him were always met with a forceful returning shove. The Basin, Confutatis, Aurelia. He spoke of peace and love, unity and understanding, and while he meant every word he did not fear the process of war and destruction should anybody try to harm his family for their voices speaking up against such things he once embodied. It was a tough road to navigate, but a certain finesse had been bred into his bones, and the tangled web was no longer so daunting a process to explore. There was much to think over, and a tremble slid through strong shoulders with the desire to lurch into the sky. Flight erased the immediacy of his problems so he could deal with them, and while his body was destroyed from his fight with Confutatis, it was a solace he craved.

A soft, broken whisper kept him grounded. Did Kahlua know the power she held over him? She could stay him with a single look, break his morality with a scream for help, and she had done both in less than the span of a single motion of the sun and moon. Kaj could not deny he loved her any longer. Yet his love for her was starting to become convoluted as she changed and revealed every side of her dynamic personality. Instead he obeys her, silent and massive in comparison to her frail frame. She is healed. He is not. Bitterly he thinks that it's true, she has always been the favored Queen, the beloved ruler. Kaj was the one who had to play the bad cop, enforcing rules and punishing those who broke them. No matter how he tried to involve himself with his people, Kahlua spared all the time she could befriending them. He envied her that.

Against the curve of his neck her face was hidden, wet with tears and warm with presence. He bore her willingly but silently, awaiting the departure of every soul before turning to meet her gaze as she emerged from the hiding place he had substituted himself as. In the silence she spoke, and Kaj sighed, features fighting between acceptance and frustration. "For what are you sorry for, Kahlua?" He could not read her in that moment. Yet even with his own tormented emotions, his voice was soft, as if to comfort her from whatever blow she might give herself as she was so wont to do. Kahlua was her own worst enemy, and Kaj the only one stubborn enough to always stand between the blows she tried to land upon herself.


credit bronzehalo
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!
Plot with me here!

Kahlua the Sunshower Posts: 662
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3hh :: 9 [Orangemoon] HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Khan :: Common Blue Dragon :: Frost Breath Sevin
#3
“For everything,” she insisted dramatically, looking at him, pleading with him, to understand her heart and soul. But of course he was no mind reader and she was just a silly child. But as she sighed and looked down, noticed his broken body, she nudged him softly in the direction of a nearby spring. “Res won’t like it if I let you stay bloody,” she insisted, walking with him if he would walk and staying with him if he would rather stay. She would not force him- she just wanted to be with him.

But what was she really sorry for? She had to think, to grind the rusted gears of her dusty mind, to search deep into her very soul to find the words that she wanted. And when she finally said them, when they finally came out, the painted girl wanted to bury herself under a mountain of dirt and the shattered remains of her wall. Nothing would ever be so hard as admitting she was wrong. “I’m sorry for not taking my position seriously, for leaving you so many times while I ran off to have fun. You look so much more tired than I remember you before. And you deserve so much better than me.” She cut short as a sob broke past her lips, a gasp of air filling her lungs, and the emotional queen pressed against him again, softly so that he would not flinch away when she inevitably hit one of his many bruises.

“Kaj, I… I…” and she wanted to say it, she had to say it because he had to know, but gods what would he think of her? “Kaj, I killed Aurelia’s snake!” And before he could say anything, before he could answer or pass judgment, before he summon a storm and destroy her with his might, she hurried on, too many words jumbling together too fast, but she had to say them all before he banished her as well, because he at least needed to know the truth. “I didn’t mean it, it was an accident, it bit me and I kicked, and I wouldn’t have except that I wasn’t even thinking because Aurelia was running at me again, and it flew through the air and it hit the ground and I couldn’t do anything and Aurelia wouldn’t stop!” She gasped again, taking in air, filling her lungs since they had been emptied by her rambling.

And then she looked at the ground, because she could not dare to look at him. She could not dare to see the pain and hatred and loathing that she was sure would be in his eyes. She did not want to know the exact moment when their relationship turned from what it was to hate. She could not bear it. If her heart was shattered now, his disapproval would break her very soul. She did not know what feelings she had for him, did not understand them because she did not really have a word for them, but she knew that if he told her she was wrong, or bad, or evil that her very world would be destroyed. His opinion meant more to her than anyone else’s. He was her rock to steady her, her sail to guide her, her wall to lean upon when she was weary. If he would turn her away, who else would she go to? Who else would matter?

She had known this type of heartbreak once before when she lost her twin in the fire. And as she remembered how much she had hated everything for that year when she had wandered aimlessly, she knew that she would throw herself off the cliff when this was all done, once Kaj had finished condemning her, because she was weak and she could not bear to live with herself again, knowing that she had once again failed the ones she had loved. And then, in that terrible fear-filled moment, she knew exactly what the feeling was that she had for her king, her friend, her hero- Love.


@[Kaj]
Kahlua
Image Credit


Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Kahlua at any time
for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing her.

Please do not tag Kahlua unless it is in an opening post

Kaj The Aurelight Posts: 381
Hidden Falls Conscript atk: 4.0 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2hh :: 8 Years 9 Months HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Arabella :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya Brit
#4

{the stormbringer}
every day I'm cast away, a vagabond
battle born
</style>


Oh, the dramatics she employed. Yet she used them in a sincere manner, for in her mind they were warranted. Kaj merely shook his head in quietude, casting aside her frantic apology, knowing there was far more hiding behind those two simplistic words and awaiting when they would come flowing out. He respected her for withholding them, no matter the duration, for she had learned a great deal of control and responsibility in her time as Queen. Perhaps not as much as others, himself included, thought she might need. But it was still honorable that she had grown up from her naive mindset in any way.

He is weak to her in many ways, and he goes without a fight as she nudges him with hardly the pressure of a butterfly landing upon his skin. He does not intend to bathe, knowing it would do nothing but wash the drying blood away and reveal the gore of his wounds to her. She does not need such a sight, not when the warble of her voice revealed to him that she likely could not handle the additional reminder of the violence they'd both suffered through. "Healing will come in time, Kahlua. I do not wish you to see my wounds beyond the blood." His eyes are sincere as they turn to her, words soft and calm as if caught in the eye of a storm she cannot possibly see. The Storm Bringer indeed...and it seemed he would suffer through the same storms he brought about. If it meant preserving what was left intact of her innocence, he would not bathe until a Doctor tended to his wounds.

In the silence as he dipped his legs into the stream to appease whatever worry still gnawed at her mind, the beginning of the stream gushed from her lips. Turning he let pale blue eyes settle upon her form, watching her in a silently attentive manner, hanging on her every word as he always had and likely always would. Often he wondered if the Moon Goddess made Kahlua Queen only because she knew Kaj would do anything, give everything, if the painted maiden asked it of him. But her self-deprecation would always pull at his heartstrings, no matter how tired he was, in every manner of the word. Turning, he caved into the pull that demanded he comfort her, attempting to brush pale lips against the bare expanse of her forehead, smoothing dark tresses from her pained features. "I deserve better? Kahlua, you are a fine Queen. You love your people and give them all the time you can muster. You befriend them all, commit every face and name to memory. You are a Queen of Queens, Sunshower. And in your title lies your true gift; you bring light to the lives of all those around you. And when we are so gripped by at times dark circumstances...it is a magic all in itself."

His name is the beginning of it all, and the true pain eating at her tumbles free in a rush that nearly sweeps him off his feet. Her emotions are so volatile and warrant to change that the simplistic Storm Bringer often found himself drowning in the ever-shifting tides, but he had learned how to be buoyant in the seasons he had grown close to her. Shifting back to regard her seriously, attempting to catch and hold similar blue-hued irises, his voice rumbled like the thunder he wielded to command her attention in a somber manner. "Kahlua, you are not the soul-bonded of Aurelia's serpent. You would have never brought a babe into battle at your side, I know you would not, no matter the size nor prowess of your companion." Kahlua's heart was too pure to demand a companion aid her in an arena of challenge, of intentions of usurping and commanding a crown Aurelia did not deserve.

"It was Aurelia's choice to bring her companion into the challenge. It was Aurelia's choice to not command her companion not to strike you. I do not believe you would ever have intentionally attacked her snake- it was self-defense, it was instinct to lash out against a bite. When a fly bites, you flick it away without a thought because it is pain and reaction." He is blind to her realizations, to whatever is going on in the silence where her tiny chest heaves and tears prick at dark lashes fluttering with every blink like obsidian butterflies. Even in her agony she is stunning.

"Aurelia did not stop. Like you said, it was an accident. Aurelia's serpent may deserve a reserved mourning, yes, for no companion deserves to suffer death at the will of a foolish bonded. But there is nothing you could have done, Kahlua. Do not upset the memory of her companion by holding it in your mind when it is not due." Kaj reached forth in a motion to place his muzzle beside hers, to dip his crown and let her breathe the same air as he in a cloud of warmth and comfort. Tilt crowns together and form a bubble of peace and solitude.

"I would have done far more for your safety, Kahlua. I would have killed Aurelia herself had they not stopped me. You did all you could, and the death of her companion while a sorrow in itself was not and never shall be your fault." There was no room for argument in his tone, nor any shame in his admission. In the moment of rage when he had found them at the precipice...Aurelia's blood would have been splattered across the pale flesh of the rock in moments had his herdmates not contained him. He did not regret nor deny those desires, for he would make the same choice a thousand times over should he ever be sent back to change his behavior. Kahlua's physical and mental safety was worth worlds more than Aurelia's life in the eyes of the Storm Bringer.


credit bronzehalo
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!
Plot with me here!

Kahlua the Sunshower Posts: 662
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3hh :: 9 [Orangemoon] HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Khan :: Common Blue Dragon :: Frost Breath Sevin
#5
Her king protected her from the world in ways she could not know or guess. Saving her from the gashes on his hide, the blood that would pour from his body, was just one of those many moments, until he told her, and she loved him all the more that he would protect her from some the horrors she could not see under the stains of blood. He was as considerate as he was brave. And though it pleased her to see him step in the water anyways, she still turned her head away from the spring so that she would not see the way the clear blue of the pool turned crimson around his limbs. He was right in his unvoiced opinion, that it was too much for her to bear.

Still, she was lucky to have Kaj and so many other friends who were willing to stand by her side and coddle her during all of her dramatics that came straight from her heart. And as she now poured her heart out to him, as he watched her patiently from up above as he always did, the queen took in the last sight of him that she was sure she'd ever see. It was a shame, really, to know that her last memories of him would be of a bloodied version of the stallion she had always remembered as so proud and strong. But, she sighed inwardly, happy at least in the knowledge that she could always choose to remember him from a time in the past when he was strong and grand, when he was as brilliant looking as he always was of heart. That time when he had saved her from running away from Helovia, perhaps... she had always appreciated that moment of theirs together.

But then not once, but twice, gentle words came from his mouth... she could have died of happiness. He did not blame her for being a poor, reckless excuse for a queen? He did not think she deserved death for her crimes? She could have sang a chorus with the angels and been as radiant as them all. His benevolence had saved her from exile or worse, she was sure, and she pressed on into the water to be closer to him. Not to lay her side against him, though she longed to do so, but rather to lip at his mane and blow a soft stream of air against his neck. He was her savior as well as her king. She owed him so much.

And yet, as gentle as his words might be, they were also commanding and the compliant queen listened with rapt attention as he thundered on. His wisdom was true and he saw so much more than what she had seen. True, she would not have brought a companion onto the battlefield. True, it was Aurelia's choice to let little Shilva fight. True, it was an accident. And though his words calmed her for a moment, this moment, it would take many more days as weeks for her shattered soul to really heal from this hurt that had been thrown upon it. But she would try to please him, for she would always try to please him.

Then his muzzle came so close, his breath and hers becoming one, and the queen welcomed him into her space, tilting her head into his, his breath as electrifying as the storms he could create. And as he spoke on, though he spoke of terror and violence, the queen reveled in her closeness to him. He did not frighten her, though he spoke of death. She did not fear him, now that she knew he would not send her from this place. But as she stood here so close to him, accepting his words and wanting to speak no more of the subject, the only other thing she could think to say seemed so silly and so out of place. But she said it anyways, because she felt she had too. “I'm afraid of you,” she whispered to his muzzle closing her eyes but not moving her head away from his. Her words were cryptic, but she could not yet find it in herself to go own.

She was afraid, but not for her physical health. She was afraid because, knowing now that the feeling she felt inside of herself for him was love, she could not help but think of the implications. She knew so little of the subject and even less of how she was supposed to act or what she was supposed to say. And all she could see in her head were chains, wrapping around her ever tighter, squeezing the life out of her and rooting her in place. She saw the branches she had seen when Lace had trapped her in the Edge and all she had wanted to do was exit the walls. She saw the glass wall she had built growing taller and wider, stronger than ever. She saw her mother, heart growing ever colder, trapped in her father's cathedral. She saw nothing but capture, a prison, and a death sentence. She was a free bird not meant to be caged, not meant to be tied down or rooted. And in all of these things she saw only fear, so she feared Kaj because she knew that she would have to tell him. She could not keep secrets.

It did not even occur to her to be afraid that he might not return her love, might not feel the same way that she felt. Her selfish fear of containment was enough to occupy her mind. She did not want to be in love because it would destroy every piece of her that she had ever grown to know and love. But she was and she could not deny that fact. So, when she opened her eyes and saw him still there she shied back, unsure of what to do or what to say, the words sitting on her tongue and making her as sick as they made her happy. But she knew that she would have to speak them eventually, because her fear for the death of her soul (already mangled into pieces as it was) was not so important as her feelings for Kaj. Her voice was but a whisper, shallow and hollow, short and shaky, when she finally spoke. “I love you.” The queen who always had so much to say found herself short of words. So instead she looked up to him, a tear falling from each eye as she put herself in jail and watched the wind blow the key off the cliff into ocean below.


@[Kaj]
Kahlua
Image Credit


Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Kahlua at any time
for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing her.

Please do not tag Kahlua unless it is in an opening post

Kaj The Aurelight Posts: 381
Hidden Falls Conscript atk: 4.0 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2hh :: 8 Years 9 Months HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Arabella :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya Brit
#6

{the stormbringer}
every day I'm cast away, a vagabond
battle born
</style>


Eyes avert as the water muddies with the color of his blood, and he smiles softly to himself. He had anticipated her inability to stomach the sight of his lifeblood swirling from pale coat into the water below. She was too gentle and untainted for the images of war and the aftereffects of such. He envied her that, but in many ways he was grateful that such a trait was not one he possessed. After all, he was the protector, the warrior. Such liberties were not only useless but dangerous. Kaj would shoulder the weight of such lack of innocence if it meant she was safe and sure in her own grasping of it. They stand in silence and he is unsure of what more words he can say at that point. Her fear of him leaving had been swept from her visage with the words he had spoken firmly into poised ebony aurals, and he was grateful in his own way for understanding the Helovian language well enough to have comforted her adequately.

Strong words commanded attention as most of Kaj's actions did, and though he despised having to use such tactics on the sweetly mannered maiden, he could not stand to let her be consumed by her own self-doubt and fears. She had triumphed over Aurelia fairly, and he would not cast her away for it. Why, when he had done the exact same to Confutatis? He would have harmed Mongrel too had the kitsune attempted to harm him or any of his flock. He would have never desired to kill her, but had it ever been necessary he would have done so no matter his moral qualms with severing such a precious connection.

In moments she has received him, their brows touching, and he thanks for once that he is not the supposed purer race of unicorns, for they would never be able to know the comfort of such an embrace. Even as his heart turns cold as she speaks, a breath of a confession. I'm afraid of you. He pulls back as if her skin has burned him, staring at her with uncomprehending eyes. Her words are the most painful he has ever heard, and he loses his grasp on the language he has worked so hard to adapt for his people. She has driven the knife of her words deep into the flesh of his heart, the one he had offered up to her so trustingly. "Ik zou je nooit pijn doen," he choked, bewildered as his voice breaks, backing away from her as water splashes round earthen ankles, wondering why she would stay so near if he frightened her so. He was a macabre villain drenched in the blood of foes he had sought to protect his Beauty from, and in the end had only accomplished striking his disease of war and ruination into her unimpeachably genuine heart.

"Ik zou liever sterven dan je pijn," he presses, even if in the back of his mind he knows she cannot hope to understand him. His mind is in shambles of confusion and self-hatred. For truly it was Beauty who held the key to slay the Beast. Was that why the Goddess had named him the King to stand beside her? Tamed beneath her celestial whims through the bidding of Kahlua? Lyrics teem with heartbreak, the chasms in his understanding widening when no explanation is forthcoming. Had he failed her?

And then, impossibly, she speaks.

"I love you."

The Beauty had stabbed her silver sword into her Beastly defender's heart, only to kiss the shredded flesh and whisper "It's for your own good." He stared at her, wings limp and standing amongst crimson stained water. All had been drained from him, he couldn't find the words to speak, couldn't summon emotion past the numb of shock and confusion. Her lone tear only made everything so much harder to understand. Why did she torture him so?

Was love not a joyous occasion for her? Why did she cry when confessing her feelings for him? Crown shook slowly and he stumbled gracelessly backwards, water splashing awkwardly up the backs of his legs as he retreated from a harmless being made dangerous by love. "Why do you cry as you say it?" His tone is tortured and so hopelessly, childishly lost. His emotions are too convoluted to know how to respond, in either positive or negative. Did he even possess the heart to deny her anything she wanted? "You fear me, and yet you love me? Kahlua...weet je wat het is je voelt? I...I do not understand." He is a lost foal beneath her gaze. What is she doing to him?



Translations:
Ik zou je nooit pijn doen --- I would never hurt you
Ik zou liever sterven dan je pijn --- I would rather die than hurt you
Weet je wat het is je voelt? --- Do you know what it is you feel?


credit bronzehalo
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!
Plot with me here!

Kahlua the Sunshower Posts: 662
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3hh :: 9 [Orangemoon] HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Khan :: Common Blue Dragon :: Frost Breath Sevin
#7
Ah, the poor queen, she should not have spoken her heart. She should not have said what she knew to be true, not have spoken the words that had boiled up in her heart and spilled up out of her mouth. She should have censored herself, should have stopped herself from saying what she really meant. But how could she say anything else? How could she lie to him? It would have created a void between them, a rift, a gap; however, was any distance as great as the one that opened up when he pulled away from her? It could have been inches or feet that was between them, but Kahlua felt like it was miles. She could see him here before her and yet he was so far away. She longed to reach forward again, to rectify the mistake she had made, to close the distance... but she was stopped. Foreign words rolled from his foreign tongue and she looked at him with lack of comprehension in her eyes. But there was something else there- a new kind of heartbreak. What had she done to him? Oh, just one more member of her herd she had hurt through her actions. Was she destined to cause such destruction in the bonds she had created?

And perhaps it was so, as his wings limped and fell into the water, the crimson fluid that had washed him of some of his sins, only for Kahlua to lay her own sins upon him. And she did not know what to do other than watch him back up, lifting her hoof up as if to move forward, but she hesitated. He wanted to move away, so why would she follow? He wanted to distance herself from her, so why would she go near? Did he hate her? Had she made a mistake, did he not feel the same? She should have considered it, should have said nothing... it seemed certain to her that this had all been a terrible, terrible misunderstanding on her part. But then words, solace to her heart, in a way. He spoke, and she hung on his words as though they were the most important thing the world to her. And her heart broke anew to know that he did not return the feeling, to know that he only wanted to know of her tears. She looked at him sadly. He knew nothing of cages the way she did. Would he understand? Could she explain?

With a sigh, she stepped forward, entering the bloody waters, staining the white portions of her limbs red. Red for love, or red for the bleeding of her soul? The metaphor was lost on her. She was thinking only of her king. Her Kaj. Or perhaps not hers, it seemed. “Do chains not scare you?” she asked him at first, not sure how to explain what it was she wanted to say. “Do cages not make you tremble in fear?” She paused. She sighed. She looked left and right, up and down. She splashed in the water. Anything to give her peace from this torture, anything to save her from having to explain her fear. Would he think her weak? Or maybe, just maybe, he would begin to understand. Could he understand why she ran from the Edge for days on end? Would he want to? Or would he just think her weak? Kahlua could not see anything in his blue eyes. Would he even understand? “I cry for my lost freedom... Wouldn't you?” But no, of course he would not. He was stalwart, grand, steady. He would cry for nothing, perhaps. She walked backwards out of the water and looked at the distance she had created between them. Perhaps she had discounted the cliff too soon...


@[Kaj]
Kahlua
Image Credit


Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Kahlua at any time
for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing her.

Please do not tag Kahlua unless it is in an opening post

Kaj The Aurelight Posts: 381
Hidden Falls Conscript atk: 4.0 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2hh :: 8 Years 9 Months HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Arabella :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya Brit
#8

{the stormbringer}
every day I'm cast away, a vagabond
battle born
</style>


At times the truth hurt far worse than any lie or omission, and Kaj wondered if this was a time when the truth should have been concealed. He had never envisioned such an atmosphere surrounding the confession of emotions he had only ever known to be beautiful and freeing. Why would she cry? Why would she curse such a pure emotion? Had she encountered the loss of a mate, the heartbreak of inconsequential, unrequited love? But even if she had, why would she consider it a ball and chain? Kaj could not understand, for the life of him, why she was so torn and damaged over love. If he were to profess he loved her in turn, would it repair the damage she inflicted upon her own heart? Or would it cage her, as she so seemed to fear?

Even as words fell from his own lips, unable to be understood, he couldn't seem to calm the hurt of his own heart to reword it into a language she could comprehend. There was nothing more to be said on the matter, after all, for as she wiped clean the slate he found himself wordless and lost. Briefly he wished Evangeline were there, for she always seemed to clear the air and point out to Kaj the truth that hid behind the muddled analogies Helovians favored. Wished the orange maiden was there, to help him understand why he always seemed to ruin whatever he touched. Or maybe Destrier, so he could bury his head into a shoulder as strong as his and not feel ashamed for the tears and the agonized howling of anger and torn dreams that were bottled up inside away from Kahlua's innocent eyes.

But there is nobody there to help him overcome this hurdle, to help him understand. He has fought since his hooves first touched Helovian soil to understand them, and no matter how far he manages to climb he still feels worlds away from the people he called family. So instead he stares, silent, vapid, as she wanders into the depths of the water. Staining innocent achromatic skin with the taint of carmine depravity, woe and affliction, taking upon herself the malfeasance that seeped from his own skin to rot her and warp her untarnished soul with the physical reminder of his demoralized nature.

Incarceration flows from fathomless, sable lips. Attempts at clarification, unpretentiously imploring understanding from a faulty mind incapable of such a proclivity towards comprehension. Adoration was a parcel, a benefaction, one she cast aside with scorn and displeased ennui. Love...he could not comprehend how she could cast it in such a damned light, even as clarity began to clear away the clouds consuming the space of his foremost thoughts. She believes love to be a horrific thing, a ball-and-chain round her ankles. She believes I am to chain her forever should I return her love.

Such a realization is stunning, benumbing enough to cease all attempts at sealing the fissure she fabricates with the sullen removal of her limbs from the tainted pools he remains inhabiting. Flavescent lips gape in soundless understanding, words unforthcoming for long, interminable moments where silence is the only ally remaining at sunken flank. Freedom was what the patched maiden sought, and yet she would succumb to what she conceived to be a death sentence, all for him. No matter how he may be able to convert her thoughts in time, the immediate consequence of answering in any positive fashion was the removal of what made up the core of her soul.

No matter what his heart said on the matter, he could not do such a thing to her.

"The love I hold for you is convoluted, complicated. But it is present." No matter how he desired to succumb to the beseeching of his heart, demanding he speak in the same forthright, adoring manner he had envisioned as a boy, he did not want to cause her to flee with fright at such a blatant response. "But...but I cannot take from you your freedom. What I see love as, something beautiful and freeing, something that grants you wings and the ability to see heaven in another mortal's eyes...in that oppositional mirror, you see a cell with cold bars." He attempts to seek her gaze, only to drop his own in defeat as he realizes it will only harm the flesh of his heart further to see her elation at the prospect of retained freedom.

"In time, perhaps I could change your way of thinking. But until you see, on your own, that love is different to me...I cannot rip from you the freedom you cling to so fiercely." The gavel bangs in his mind and where he anticipated tears, there is only numb acceptance. How could he have anticipated an alternate outcome? The Beast did not deserve the Beauty, no matter how fairytales painted their endings. "When...no, if...if you ever see being with me as more than a lurch from a cliff, as defeat...then I will love you, with all the intensity and devotion that you deserve." Strength is imbued in his words, orbs lifting in an attempt to catch her own flighty gaze. For she deserved all the gold and riches of the earth, all the precious stones and anomalies that made the world so beautiful. She deserved servants waiting upon her, a pedestal high enough to graze the clouds. And he desired to shower it upon her, to love her with the intensity of a typhoon and the gentleness of loving hand upon a sleeping child's head.

"But I cannot take from you your freedom, not for my own selfish gain. I cannot love you when you are incapable of loving the idea of loving me." Defeat. Submission. Briefly he considers departing, wishing to vanish from her gaze and give not her, but himself, time to heal. But he is a martyr and a masochist, and the Beauty held her dagger deep in his heart, and even while he bled for her he crawled upon his knees for her to allow him one more chance to kiss her lips, driving that ivory blade deeper with every reach he made for her illuminated figure.

Death would be kinder in that moment than the fate he suffered by remaining.


credit bronzehalo
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!
Plot with me here!

Kahlua the Sunshower Posts: 662
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3hh :: 9 [Orangemoon] HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Khan :: Common Blue Dragon :: Frost Breath Sevin
#9
He had never known love to be so terrible? He had never heard much of her past, had he? It was only fair that she explained it to him. She didn't want to hurt him, didn't want to make him feel bad, didn't want him to feel the knife driving into his heart that was also driving into hers. But she couldn't change so quick, couldn't see love as anything except a long walk off a short dock like he wanted her to. She couldn't think that love was butterflies and happy days. Her entire life was seen through rose colored glasses, but only because love had conveniently stayed locked in a corner and hidden from view. She waited until he was done speaking, shifted, hesitated, and then sighed. If he didn't understand, she could at least explain to him. He still wouldn't understand, she supposed, but at least he might know why she was the way she was.

But first she had to deal with a realization of her own- he loved her but he would withhold it from her, to keep her safe. To keep her happy. To allow her to keep her freedom. Could he be more perfect, more honorable, a better mate? Could she have fallen for a better, more trusting, more helpful stallion? And here she was resenting the fact that she loved him, hating the fact that love would require her to be honorable only to him, despising the fact that there was nothing she could do to change her heart. But if she could not change her heart, she could at least share with him what she had shared with nobody else since she had arrived here in Helovia.

So she talked, though it killed them both to stay together.

“Do you know I was a princess when I was born?” But there was no smile on her face for a history long past, no joy to tell the story of her birth. But tell it she did, wading through the water closer to him, because she was a sucker and the distance between them was too great. “Avalon divided itself into lights and darks- the good and the evil. Mother and father were queen and king...” Of which side? Oh, he'd never believe the answer she gave. “Of the dark kingdom.” And she sighed, closing her eyes as the warm waters splashed against her cannons. It all came swirling back to her.

“You know what kind of love that got mother? Nothing. She was isolated. Father kept her locked up in his cathedral all the time, just her and him- but where was he? Always in his head thinking, brooding, watching his kingdom. But not watching his mate, except when he wanted a little fun.” She had loved her parents the way a daughter was supposed to but now, looking back at how they had been and how they had acted... Well, Kahlua was not sure she should have loved them at all. What did they do except mope in the shadows?

“There was Nachtfang, the oldest, mother's first child. He wasn't daddy's, but daddy adopted him anyway. He would rule when daddy died. You know what kind of love the rest of us got?” She shook her head, eyes opening again. “Enough love that we were fed and housed... you don't know the things I did to get attention Kaj. You don't know!” And her voice grew a little shrill as she remembered them herself. To say she had been an awful slut... well, that would be an understatement indeed. But she was strong, and that was only the past... right? She calmed her voice, refusing to let a new terror eat her up this day.

“Then there was my twin brother Fuhrer, me, and a younger sister- Umbriel.” Umbriel's name was said with some distaste. “You know why Umbriel was born? Politics.” And her voice grew bitter. “Daddy loved my mother so much that he sent her away to his duke to forge an alliance. He loved her so much that he would let another have her because he was too... too what?” She didn't even know what. “Too stubborn, too foolish, too stuck in his own head that he couldn't forge an alliance in another way?” She snorted and stamped her hooves in the water.

“Love got mother nothing but chains and a life of loneliness, a brood of children she didn't want and-” she stopped short as a sudden realization came to her. She had realized that she was taking this past out on Kaj, sweet Kaj who had done nothing to her but love her like the queen that she was. She was not isolated- she had been allowed to run free. She had no children to tie her down. He had not even asked her to love him. He was not her father but she was treating him like he was... She sighed again because she just didn't know what to do. She kicked at the water, splashing, trying to sort out her emotions in her head.

“Kaj, I'm sorry,” she cooed softly, looking at him and wondering what she should do. “I'll try Kaj, I just need... time.” And so she began to back out of the water. She waited for his response- wanted his response. She needed to know what he had to say to her, but she did not want to stay longer than she needed to. She did not want to pain him more than she already had. And what was there for her to do but leave? She could not solve his hurting heart by staying. She could not change herself in an instant but she didn't know how to change herself with time either. Of course, she'd brought this upon herself.
Kahlua
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for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing her.

Please do not tag Kahlua unless it is in an opening post

Kaj The Aurelight Posts: 381
Hidden Falls Conscript atk: 4.0 | def: 9.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 17.2hh :: 8 Years 9 Months HP: 69.5 | Buff: ENDURE
Arabella :: Common Zephyr :: Wakiya Brit
#10

{the stormbringer}
every day I'm cast away, a vagabond
battle born
</style>


There is a war waging in enigmatic azure irises, and the golden stag watched each battalion march and clash and fall in succession as her silence broke like daybreak and from it came a tremulous beginning of a thread that was woven into an entire blanket of existence. A story, a tale of her life, and the lives intertwined. And though he had no words to give her, he granted her his ears and all the open-minded patience he could muster. Did not flinch or stare at her oddly for her confession of dark alignment, nor older crown mimicking the one she wore in present before him. If Kaj were to ask of her the attempt to change her viewpoint and her heart, he would grant her nearly everything donned upon her lips begging realization. If listening to her explanation was the first step he'd waste away a thousand days tending to her past with eager aurals and quieted lips.

As such there is nothing verbal to greet her on his behalf as she wades closer with the sound of disturbed water accompanying her movement. Instead he turns to face her better, attentive; allows her to love as close as she desired, keeping his own limbs motionless to ensure she could decide her own boundaries. Listened. Even as her voice grew shrill and dangerous with anger aimed at an older era, another generation, he did not shy away from her escalating voice. A subtle drop of his head, minorly submissive in hopes to bolster her into a stronger mindset, was all he allotted. He didn't quite understand why she took the example she clearly knew was wrong into her own experience, why she held such similar thoughts on love and romance when her anger and injustice was a conspicuous sign that such a way of thinking was wrong. But he would not push her any further, fearing he would cross some sort of line when her state of mind was already fragile with the multitude of intense problems they'd encountered in a singular day.

Whomever her father was, Kaj deemed him one of the worst kinds of fellows, but he kept his face carefully pliant and open for the same of the distraught fae across from him. Speaking only when she slammed to a half mid-sentence, some sort of dawning realization Kaj couldn't access spreading through her delicate, lurid features. "Their mistakes do not have to imprint themselves upon you, Kahlua. I hope you do not think me capable of treating you as your father did, but I will honor your reservations. Thank you, for trusting me enough to share such details with me." Euphonic lyrics were soft, encouraging. Sincere. For he would take the information and hold it close, attempt to use it to grow closer to Kahlua, better understand her.

So when her tone gentled and her words slowed, mind returned to the present after a waltz through the shadows of her past, Kaj offered a tiny understanding smile, only dampened by his exhaustion both physical and emotional. Her retreat was unhampered. "I understand. I will give you as much time as you need." Summoning his courage he stepped forth to tentatively brush muzzle across her forehead fondly. Inhaling her scent to hold with him in her absence before tearing himself away with sorrow and understanding dancing across azure irises. "I hope you will find peace, no matter your answer." And so he released her from her chains, retreating to allow her to walk away from him, to find the answer he feared would not be the one he desired.


credit bronzehalo
Please only tag starting posts, spars, and threads collecting dust!
Plot with me here!

Kahlua the Sunshower Posts: 662
Outcast atk: 5.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Equine :: 15.3hh :: 9 [Orangemoon] HP: 65 | Buff: NOVICE
Khan :: Common Blue Dragon :: Frost Breath Sevin
#11
The gentle understanding that he offered her, the sweet silence and knowing eyes as she told her story... Oh, the Sunshower appreciated it more than she could know. And though he did not understand how this past has shaped her the same way that his past has shaped him, Kahlua thought it was more than enough that he could just stand there and accept what she had to say after all that this day had cast upon them. First they had been bathed in the scorch of fire and death, then doused in the wickedness of the World Eater, then drowned in the torture of the meaning and intricacies of love. Still, their hearts were strong. Together they would live to weather another day.

His silence was as soothing as his words were and she was glad that she had been able to tell her story without interruption, her way, without questions, without straying too far from what she had meant to say about it. All she had grown up knowing of love was that it was a thankless job and though the rational mind might declare the past a folly, a terrible mistake, a wrong-doing of great magnitude, the heart could not be convinced so easily. Still, when Kaj finally did speak, his words could not have been better spoken. His heart and head were mysteries to her, but mysteries that contained only the greatest of wisdoms.

It was therefore that she accepted his touch willingly, his nose upon her forehead, the warm breath of air tingling her skin as she pressed softly against him. She wanted this, and she didn't want it. She needed it, but she needed to retain her sense of self. Not yet, she told herself though the temptation was great to fall into his chest and let him have her love fully. She would find her peace, in time, his gentle words feeding her promises that not all lovers also practiced the art of caging. If only she could tell him that now. But false promises were no promises at all, and what if her heart couldn't find the road it needed to lead her from this blackness. No, better to stay silent on the matter. Soon, though... her heart could not stay buried forever.

“You'll have to tell me the story of your home sometime,” she finally said as the silence had begun to drag on. “Find Res, heal yourself,” she suggested gently as she ultimately found her hooves moving away, towards the little copse of trees she called home, the safety of their branches where she could be alone. “I'm so sorry Kaj, I just... I just need to think.” She echoed her earlier sentiment. “But we'll talk again soon, I promise,” she ended. That was one thing she could promise, for what was a kingdom with a divided crown?

As her form retreated into the trees, she sighed softly and gave one last longing look to the king that she had proclaimed her love for. Why was it that her heart demanded a chasm between them? If only... There were so many if only's...


OOC| Kahlua out <3
Kahlua
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Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Kahlua at any time
for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing her.

Please do not tag Kahlua unless it is in an opening post


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