The queen's body was healed, but not her heart. It was like a darkness had invaded her chest and was chocking her- compressing her lungs, squeezing her heart and leaving her gasping for her very life. Aly and Res had tried to reassure her that it was ok, that she had only been defending her home and her family, but Kahlua could not get over her newest nightmare. It had only been a couple days, but already Kahlua knew that this nightmare would not disappear so soon. She had gone to sleep only to be woken screaming for the last few nights. And every time she closed her eyes, the queen was left with images of flying snakes and burning wings.

She was exhausted and nothing seemed to help.

Aimlessly, the painted girl wandered through the Edge and wondered what to do. She felt that the best thing for her family would be for her to leave, to step over the shattered remains of her glass wall (so closely resembling the shattered remains of her glass heart) and never return. After all, could a murderess really lead the peaceful group of horses that lived in the Qian? The painted queen did not think so, but she was also a coward and leaving was not so easy as just thinking it. To leave them... to leave them would be to leave everything she had come to know and love in this past year and a half. To leave them would be like watching her family burn again.

Besides, if she left and had to go somewhere else, who would take in a murderess?

So the queen just wandered, head low, eyes downcast, trying to make herself as small as she could. She stayed away form the cliff edges, which reminded her too much of the battle and of Antheia's death some seasons past. She shied away from the copse she called her own, trying to do anything to change up her routine. But maybe... She sighed. She wanted to be around others but did not want to taint them with her evil. Still, the more she wandered, the more one name kept coming back to her head... “Evangeline?” The call was quiet. She dare not attract too much attention to herself. Who knew which of her herd members hated her now. Perhaps it was even Eva. The queen suddenly shuddered to think what she had called upon herself, but it was too late.

@[Evangeline]

As the trees and leaves began to crunch and crackle with Eva's approach, Kahlua's heart began to grow cold with something akin to fear. Though she called Eva friend now, instead of a frightening stranger, Kahlua was still not sure what exactly she wanted to hear from the philosopher. Was she looking for validation that leaving was the proper thing to do, or was she looking for dissent and insistence that she should stay? Maybe, she was looking for something else entirely- just an honest opinion in the only place she knew that she could find one.

Stiffing and Tallis unexpectedly flew overhead, Kahlua turned her head in his direction and found Eva emerging from the trees. And though she genuinely wanted to offer a smile, Kahlua could not find one anywhere within her heart. There was only a cold blackness, a sense of dread that overwhelmed her, and a hollow hole where there should have been beating flesh. “Oh Eva, I did something terrible,” she started dramatically, her voice not as hysterical as it had been when she had announced the news to Aly and Res, but upset enough to display her emotions. Kahlua had been drowning herself in the calming magic that the Lady Moon had gifted her- it was the only thing that had been holding her together these past few days.

“Aurelia attacked me with her companion and... Oh Eva, I didn't mean it. But the snake, it bit me and...” She stopped, shuddered, wondered if she should be telling, and still tried to figure out what exactly she wanted out of this conversation. She found no answers to any of her wondering or figuring. There was only more confusion. But she had already started her story, had already begun to betray her black heart to this knowledgeable mare, she could not stop now, so she pressed her, lowering her head in shame for what she had to say.

“And I kicked. I didn't mean it, it was a reflex, but there is no excuse. Aurelia's companion is dead because of m-” she stopped again sharply, looking up to Tallis suddenly with wide eyes. She had been worried about Eva, but now she remembered the dragon and wondered what sort of hate he would find for her. She shook her head wildly back and forth a few times, as if to say she would not harm him, that she was not a serial murderess, that she had not meant what she had done... She feared that she would feel dragon flame upon her flesh, that she would burn after having just healed. But she had to finish, had to find her strength, and so she swallowed hard and lowered her gaze back to Eva, voice just slightly wilder than it had been before. “What am I supposed to do?!”

Whatever whisper had spoken to the queen in the night, whatever demon had invaded her consciousness and convinced her that Aurelia had been the right choice for Seer, Kahlua was sorry now that it had ever happened. She had not known what folly had awaited her, had not dared to dream that her prophetic dream might have been nothing more than a lie. Perhaps it was saccharine whispers from the Traitor herself that had sparked Kahlua's dream in the night. Whatever it was, she was certain that Kaj would have known better, had she given him more time or consideration. The hearts of the young are foolish and fickle, though; they demand to learn from their own mistakes. Well, Kahlua had certainly made one. She hoped she would not have to make it again.

The gentle assurances of the flaxen mare slowly caused Kahlua to stop her flailing, though her eyes remained wide for a moment as she continued to regard the dragon. Nevertheless, despite her sudden fear, it seemed that he was willing to leave her uncharred for now. Be that because of his bonded's command or his own feelings was still lost the painted woman for now, but she finally began to relax as she accepted that he was not going to hurt her for now. And indeed, she was grateful, giving him a deep nod of thanks for his kindness.

Of course, Eva was always quick with advice, with demands, and no sooner had the queen proposed her self-pitying question than the flaxen mare was there with an answer. Pull herself together... was it so easy? Eva made it seem like it was. Hanging on every word that the mare spoken, having realized from their past conversation what a benefit she provided, the queen tried to take in as much as she could. But, if nothing made much sense in her heartbroken soul, at least Kahlua could rest assured that Eva would have done the same.

As for what she was going to do now... “I'm afraid,” she admitted. Afraid that they would not love her... “I don't want to run... but I don't think I can stand in front of everyone when they find out and see them all hating me. Do you really think they could all be as understanding as you?” Although, somewhere in the back of her head, a thought trickled through her head. Surely Eva was more outspoken, more demanding, than any of the other denizens of the Edge. If even Eva, headstrong as she was, had been willing to forgive her, wouldn't the others be just as able? “And what of Aurelia... she attacked me, but still... how can I ever repay her?” However, the question was not so forlorn as it might have been. For once, she was actually trying to consider what might be appropriate. Was eternal pain and suffering not the right answer?

Although Eva might have thought the information she was imparting on the queen was obvious or well-known, it was all a surprise to Kahlua. Of course, she knew that they thought highly enough of her to call her queen but... adore her? She had always felt she needed to do more, needed to try harder. She had done so little for so many of them and yet... Eva said otherwise. And Eva so often knew exactly what the truth was, it seemed. “I just...” she started, after Eva asked if she took their affection so lightly. Except she trailed off, because Eva had forced the addled queen to actually use her brain. What of Mauja? Hadn't he told her of his own tale of murder- killing Torasin out of fright and a need for self-preservation. And hadn't she forgiven him, despite hardly knowing him? Perhaps Eva was right... no, who was Kahlua kidding? Eva was always right.

I also don't think its the herd hating you that you need to worry about, but you hating yourself when there is no need to. It was an interesting statement, one Kahlua had (of course) not considered on her own. She did not have to hate herself for her crime? It had seemed like such an easy choice- after all, when a wrong was committed, didn't somebody have to be at fault? Didn't somebody have to be the one that was... wrong? Surely Aurelia had not been the one in the wrong...

But of course, in much the way that she always knew what to say, Eva also has a grand habit of almost reading Kahlua's mind with her advice. Aurelia instigated it, it was her fault. Kahlua listened, but somewhere in the shadows of her heart, she still felt that she needed to do something. Maybe it was to put herself at peace, but was that so wrong? But the queen's melancholy finally broke, if only for a moment, when Eva's final statement made her smile. Queens do not lie with dogs. A smile turned up the corners of her lips, a familiar light returning to her eyes, and she suddenly remembered something that she and her king had found time to speak of sometime between the herd meeting and now.

“You always know just the right thing to say, Eva.” Her voice was still tired, strained, weary, but was that a hint of a bounce, of the dancing lilt that usually tinted her words? It seemed so. “Let me ask you something... Kaj and I have our council to manage the ranks, but we need someone whom we can come to with advice or confidential matters, who we can trust to give us the truth even when we do not want to hear it...” She paused, blue eyes catching Eva's, curious to see her reaction. “We want you as an adviser, our Emissary... would you accept our offer... Please?” The fact of the matter was that Eva already fulfilled the requirements of the position they were asking her to take, only Eva's acceptance was needed to make it formal.

As the dragon swooped from the tree, Kahlua still couldn't help herself from starting slightly. She believed Eva, in that she trusted that Tallis would not harm her, but she couldn't help the reflex. Still, she was able to remain quiet and composed, as eager as she could be through her depression, for the smart mare's response. Of course, it was just like Eva to be so blunt about things. Well... yeah, Kahlua wanted to say. In her head, it all made perfect sense. A warrior fights, that doesn't mean you don't find a general. A spy will sneak about, that doesn't mean you don't find a Specter. But Kahlua was not feeling exuberant enough to laugh at Eva's silliness or roll her eyes at Eva's modesty, so she just sort of watched and waited, wondering what answer would come her way.

But it seemed that even Eva could not resist the honor of a title and recognition. She accepted and finally let herself smile, let her heart glow with warmth. Out of all the evil that had befallen their herd as of late, at least some good was coming. In fact, as Eva rattled on in preemptive apology, Kahlua shook her head and felt her heart growing lighter. Would they have asked her if she wasn't the way she was? Kahlua almost exploded from her depression. “Oh Eva, thank you!” and she burst forward, no longer afraid to reach out and touch her friend. If Eva did not shy away from the sudden exuberance, Kahlua would throw her neck around Eva's own in a grateful hug.

“We wouldn't expect anything else,” she added as she stepped back. She knew that they could always trust Eva to keep guide them with their best interests at heart. “Thank you so much for everything,” she smiled kindly then. “I think I'm going to pray at the Lady Moon's shrine. Perhaps I'll find some more peace there.” Nickering softly, she lingered for a moment to catch any of Eva's final words before turning to leave, ready to travel the well-known path between the Edge and the Veins.