the Rift


[JUDGED] Come on (Elsa x Midas)
Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#1
Midas
take away the pain inflicted on me, the hunger you're letting me feed
My breath came out in a frustrated rasp; muscled limbs carried this bulk in a sweaty dance that only a true soldier could appreciate. Dirt and dry grim flew in the wake of my concentration; feet took a swift but calculated prance that lead into sidestepping, warming muscles cried out for the first time in a long while. The air surrounding me felt stifling, green and thick. Wings spread themselves further apart, beating the hot humidity with a few measured slices.

Tallsun in a forest was very nearly suffocating and already I began to feel my body grow placid and weak in this draining environment—surviving here was much easier than in a desert landscape when it came to matters of food and water; but the heat was somehow more or less intolerable when one added in the damp humidity. It was almost simply to lay down and become fat and lazy, to draw out the lines of each passing day in a haze of clover and sunlight. I was not a violent creature, quite the opposite in fact; but the lack of training gave my muscles reason to grow tense. A warrior needed to stretch, his aroma was the sweat of effort, the battle drum, a thrum of wings and hooves slapping against flesh and sand.

I was ready to challenge the first opponent that broke yon cover of trees with a heart yearning for a spar. The dirt patch I pranced upon was adjacent to a wide meadow, it was hidden in a small cove of oak and vine that retreated to a stream. No annoying over-rip canopy to shield the sky, no tangling mess of vines to deal with…Just sweaty flesh, the dirt and the sound of blood beating across ears.

OOC: Setting is mid-day, hot, an average tallsun afternoon. Clear sky.

No magic
No companions

Attack (0,3)

Table by Neo, Art by Dark



[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#2
Tallsun was in full swing, it was hot, humid and annoying; the three qualities of Tallsun that Elsa always experienced. And for some reason, on what seemed like the hottest day since Hell, Elsa decided that she might meander over and begin to look for a spar. Smart choice Elsa, smart choice.

She began to wander through some trees, into a thickened forest. The air was so heavy with humidity she felt as if she were breathing in water. The skin beneath her wings began to sweat, and so Elsa lifted her wings to “air them out”. She looked like quite the comedian. She was sweating, glistening disgustingly in the sunlight, and had her wings lifted and shoulders hunched. She looked like a lunatic bird trying to stalk something in the underbrush. Congratulations Elsa, you have returned to raving lunatic bird; it’s like her signature now.

And, as if on cue, she broke through the tree line, and noticed Midas standing not far off. Quickly, everything snapped back into place. Her head popped back up, her shoulders relaxed, and her wings pinned themselves back into place. Elsa offered her leader an awkward, apologetic whinny as she approached, and then stopped a couple yards off. Her head curled down, and her knee under as she bent into a respectful bow, before pulling herself up. She smiled, and then her brain immediately began to turn into warrior-crazy mode.

With dirt beneath her, and a blue sky above, there was nothing that could ruin her day (well, except for maybe getting her ass handed to her by Midas, although she kind of expected it). Shoving off of the dirt, she bounded forward; her goal was to meet with Midas, slamming her own body into his, chest to chest. Sure, it may cause her a bit of breath, but it would be worth it if she could cause him some sort of pain. Hopefully pushing into him, she began to bite at his left shoulder area, or an area within range if she had managed to hit him.

Elsa couldn’t help but feel awkward in all of her movements. She felt like she should beat the crap out of her leader, but at the same time they uh…. kind of needed a leader. So she felt as if in sort of a bind, so she remained a little reserved in her attacks until she felt how Midas responded. If he wanted to bring hell to the surface, Elsa would bring the devil himself above.

[Words: 420 || 1/3?? || 0/1 defense || @[Midas]]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.
Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#3
Midas
take away the pain inflicted on me, the hunger you're letting me feed
Moisture slide between my flanks and slithered like tiny serpents down my chest, slicking the smooth fur back and making ebony glisten in the sunlight. The hot flesh of this body responded beautifully, but my lower limbs burned from the lack of training I’d received in the past few months. I was rusty, no doubt about that. Soon there was the welcoming sounds of someone approaching. The dirt around my feet was finally allowed to settle, crown twisted toward the noise—brows climbing above the dripping sweat that ran between sockets and down the length of my face.

Ivory feathers spread aside, fanning gently against the stagnate air to create a cooling breeze. Their relief was felt almost instantly. Elsa stepped clear of the trees, her body a sweaty sheen, sensually outlining every female muscle that said woman possessed. I grinned like a youthful fool, offering her a small dip of crown when she smiled in my direction and bowed.

Lips began to part, starting to form some apology for being in such rough state. But the apology would never get a chance to form, nor would anything else. This fragile flower wasn’t a soldier, but she muscled up as one. Gaining advantage by my distraction and personal obviousness (who would have thought that this dainty looking woman could possess battle skill?)

Her lengthy frame came flying across the ground, for a split moment I was dumbstruck—half shocked to see Elsa of all people willing to charge, and then caught between masculine fascination of her female frame in action. That lapse of judgment, coupled with a failure to jerk aside was all Elsa needed to gain ground and come ramming toward my collared chest. I whinnied, snorting dust while swinging my head down in an attempt to protect the fragile folds of throat and neck. Wings slammed shut as I made a rapid adjustment and succeeded in only halfway twisting to the left; muscled shoulder caught the full force of her blow. The pain seeped forward as violently as an electric jolt.

She’d captured my attention; I couldn't dodge the pain of her teeth that so easily came through a protective mat of hair that did little to detour or defend. This affliction came as a sharp pinch that spread a hot fire from the point of contact until it pooled down my nape. Sun kissed feathers slipped from my barrel on the left, I pushed that appendage free from its protective cage at full force. Seeking to forcefully bat against her exposed head or various adjacent parts. Hindquarters spun round and my body followed my retreating head as I turned to give Elsa the weight of golden daggers in the form of a half buck that sought out both her forelimbs, with special attention toward the knees or forearms.

OOC:

Word count: 471
Attack: (1/3)

Table by Neo, Art by Dark



[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#4
Talking was for the formal, and for some reason, today was dubbed as Elsa’s informal day. Midas may have wanted words, but he surely would not get any on this fine day. For, in only those few moments, Midas had been barely able to turn. Elsa was numb for a moment as her body collided with his strong, muscled shoulder. A sharp breath wheezed down her throat, her body’s desperate attempt to bring oxygen back into her body. However, she could spare no more than a simple moment, tender loving care would have to wait until after a victor had walked out of this predicament. And thus ensued one hopefully painful bite, planted as lovingly as possible on the one that she blindly followed. Her teeth dug into his flesh, no doubt causing a sharp pinch that should be shocking to her leader. She wanted to prove her worth as not only a lowly mason, but as a kickass ninja warrior.

Although, it seemed that she could not use shock to purely incapacitate Midas. Quickly, his wings unpinned, and looming golden feathers clouded her vision. Suddenly, flurries of feathers were released upon her head. Whack, whack, whack, thrice these wings beat down upon her. A dull pain bubbled in her skull, like a pressure headache. Elsa growled, and reached up her mouth to bite or pull out a couple of feathers. He cannot just beat upon her like a child!

Then, Mr. Golden Feathers had the idea to try and kick her. Still a little distraught and confused from the flying feathers, all she could do was take a step back. Midas’ back hooves just missed her legs, and scraped the bottom of her chest. A small bruise would no doubt form, but it had kicked a little air from her. Already being low on her oxygen consumption, Elsa hissed a breath in again, and pushed off her back legs to follow.

Hopefully coming up along Midas’ right side, Elsa shoved her body weight, shoulder first, into him. She hoped he had not moved, and was still moving forward in order to cause the most trip-up. Maybe, if she were lucky, he would trip and fall! Although she seriously doubted it, Midas seemed to have his shit together when it came to fighting. However, she would not take feathers to the face again! After hopefully pushing him off-balance, her teeth aimed to snap at the joint of his wing. She hoped it would make him a sore flier!

Pulling away, she prayed she had left little reminders to Midas that he had a kickass mason. With the sun beating upon her beautiful hide, and the light kissing her, nothing could take her down from her pedestal.

[Words: 456 || 2/3 || 0/1 defense || @[Midas]]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.
Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#5
Midas
take away the pain inflicted on me, the hunger you're letting me feed
The Mason was swift with courage and seemingly educated in this dance. When the initial shock had a chance to wear off, an approving smile flared in my eyes. Darkening the bottomless center with amusement and equal astonishment. It had been a long while since a warrior proved themselves skilled enough to take me by surprise.

Feathered wrist bone grew tense, vibrating as it’s hollow but solid weight thrashed against her crown, narrowly keeping the fragile primary feathers sheltered just behind the joint. Those pink jaws snapped out like a turtle who’d been teased once too many, they sought revenge for a minor lashing. Yet, thankfully failed to shred a single plume. (There was little cause for celebration though), the force wasn’t enough to provide distraction and seemed to only intensify her concentration and eagerness to push ahead.

Elsa’s counter against flailing limbs was calculated with shocking speed, I listened keenly for the shuffling of those glassy feet and caught a side glimpse of that frosted bust slipping in reverse. There wasn’t energy to be spent for further pondering or even time to grieve when my hindhooves failed to firmly scrape or buckle against their target; she’d wisely managed to avoid a majority of the force that I’d been hoping to deal.

Effort spent wasn’t entirely meant to be wasted, golden toes did manage to brush past some portion of her body. Though I’d been unable to see where, given my limited vantage point. Not more than a second later, amber toes came rushing back to earth. Forelimbs unlocked just as she came barreling forward, with every apparent intent at angling toward my right. Left wing sliced closed, pennons coming to fall snuggly against a feverous side. Velvet ears fell across skull in anticipation, I was tempted to turn head for a better visual but instead relied on the slight rise of one dextral ear to catch the muffled sound of daggers rushing against hot dirt. I shifted this sweaty bulk counter clockwise, spinning tight with head hooking in toward my left barrel as far as it would stretch.

This action fortunately left Elsa with nothing but shimmering humidity to thrust and bite into. Droplets of sweat darkened the flesh around patched girth and pits. A cloud of soil rose from our shuffling, flinging heavenward. A swath of grit clung to sweat, successfully staining my ivory parts a faint rustic color. Mouth slipped open, air coming forth as a heavy pant then closing as nostrils tested and drew in moist humidity along with her tantalizing wet fragrance. Pearly neck snaked out, teeth seeking a gold tipped wing that was no longer available for penetration. (I was none too eager to feel those grass stained molars again.)

Ebony jaws slipped briskly apart, I angled down for her left gaskin, pink gums glimmering with saliva as teeth widened toward attempting to sink into the forgiving flesh with an intent to bite hard enough that she’d feel pained movement for the remainder of this fray. Ivory tailpiece slashed back and forth, a thrashing deterrent to hopefully keep her jaws away from my rear should she get an idea to snap. Left wing emerged from painted barrel, aggressively swift with the resolve to advance against her left side and hopefully push my opponent a step or so off balance – or in more likelihood press tightly into the wing joints enough to prevent said appendage from altogether unfurling.

OOC:

Word count: 573
Attack: (2/3)
Table by Neo, Art by Dark



[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#6
She just keeps snapping and snapping. All she wants is one goddamn feather! But Midas the untouchable seemed to be keeping everything to himself today. She growled as not a single feather fell. Not even a little baby feather. She pouted, but was not giving up (yet) for she had a few tricks up her sleeve. She couldn’t miss all the time… right?

As she ran up along side her most perfect leader she narrowed her eyes, and pushed inward. Of course though, he had to have good hearing too. Older men are supposed to have bad hearing right? So how in the hell did he hear her? Granted, he was still in his prime, but Elsa liked to think that everyone except herself was older than dirt- especially leaders. But anyways, the point was, he still managed to get away. All she was left with was an ugly clack of her young, vibrant (dust colored), teeth as they attempted to bite at a Midas that was no longer there. At least she was able to bite the memory of Midas, right? Well, that is what she said to keep herself in good spirits anyways. He had just been there, so in theory, she bit the memory of her leader. Haha, good one Elsa. She thought to herself.

Just because she thought she was being clever though, did not mean Midas was stupid. He too, was “in it to win it” so to speak, and wasn’t going to let her win just because she was a bad shot. In fact, he had turned so tightly (a move she knew well herself), and was coming to bite her in the leg!

No, no Mr. Midas! Didn’t anyone tell you it is bad to bite a lady? She growled, and pivoted on her hind legs, as she attempted to put herself in line with Midas’ body, and kicked outwards. She hoped she was fast enough, and was coming in with enough force, that her kick would feel like the dickens.

However, she too, did not get out unscathed. Although his bite had missed because of her turning, he still had another trick up his sleeve. Because she had been stopped, and he had the force of a freaking freight train, when he pushed into her left side, she stumbled away from his body. Her awkward leg crossing created an unforgiving “twinge” in her front right foot that had bent awkwardly to take the impact. She yelped a little, and felt the pain go up to about her knee. The poor thing would be sore.

She growled then, deciding then and there she had to beat him. Not only for bragging rights but because she would look like a freaking idiot if she walked home limping. I mean, Midas beat like everyone (or so she thought), and she wanted to walk out of here on a high horse. So Elsa put her plan in motion. Stepping off, she attempted to follow back in step beside Midas. As she hopefully approached, she attempted to reach out again, and pull at his right wing joint. If she couldn’t walk out of here very well, then he shouldn’t be able to fly! And right about now, she was feeling that twinge get worse and worse. This just needed to be over soon, she didn't want to keep running on this leg! And not to mention, this dusty ground was about as unforgiving as Midas himself.


[Words: 579 || 3/3 || 0/1 defense || @[Midas]]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.
Ascended Helovian

Midas the Gallant Posts: 1,164
Deceased
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 14.3 hh :: Immortal :: Soul is 7 (FF) Buff: HUNTER
Fina :: Common Zephyr :: Phoenix & Wakiya & Neve :: Common Zephyr :: Arctic Angel
#7
Midas
take away the pain inflicted on me, the hunger you're letting me feed
Fast and sharp, it was the sound of our breathing, escaping in tight little hisses between flared nostrils; beads of perspiration slide down my face and across markings upon either cheek. Out the corner of my eye I caught sight of her left rear quarter muscle quiver, a minor signal that Elsa was ever aware of my attempt to slash teeth against the soft skin of her gaskin. Those alabaster limbs thrash out, throwing off my aim when I reflexively jerked crown away. Jaws snapped close with an irritated ‘click’, my gums burned, flustered by anticipation and an obvious missed opportunity.

Left wing had managed to push against the solid bulk of her barrel, the lanky lass lost her balance and cried out, retreating to nurse some unseen injury I caused – her sudden vocalization was surprising enough for both ears to fall flat against crown in confusion. I hadn’t meant to cause real damage to my Mason; whatever brief triumph might have come from skillfully dodging or applying my skillset was tainted with slight concern. Was I being too harsh?

I retreated three large steps in reverse, trying to put distance between us; crown shifted to its normal height with gaze searching for signs of surrender and omission. They watched Elsa with an almost bemused expression. It quickly became apparent that she wasn’t so wounded after all, at least not to the point of stopping this fray; pained cry turned into an almost predatory snarl, the flesh along my spine flinched, trembling.

The snow princess came at me again, stepping for my right; pearl colored neck snaking, aiming for some part of my body that I wouldn’t allow said girl to reach. When the warmth of that sweaty frame was drawing to close for comfort, the full weight of this bulk slide back on hunches and I carried this body into a standing rear. An animalistic grunt escaped by pressing past the folds of my throat. Once balanced, painted forelimbs had the freedom to kick in and out, I purposely extended them high and coiled low, trying to bat against her skull with one or both blunted hoof. My neck curled tightly right, carrying crown aggressively toward the warm matting of mane which was slung across both junctions of muscled cords; ebony jaws slide apart so Elsa could see the ivories.

Pale pinons unfurled, both feathered appendages thrusting outward on either side of my barrel. I swept at the dirty ground, the tips of my sunkissed hollows kicking up dust that spun around our heels – perhaps it would create enough of a cloud to interfere with her vision, perhaps not.

OCC:

Word count: 440

Attack: (3/3)

Table by Neo, Art by Dark



[Image: 5388c9b80fe59]

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#8
One thing everyone fails to tell a young one at birth, is that the truth is a lie. The harder you try, the harder you fail. I mean seriously, Elsa was “Exhibit A” of that at the moment. She kept trying and trying but were her attempts bearing any fruit? Sure they were, but when she tried to eat them they were poisoning her and trying to kill her. And to make matters worse, why was Midas so damn hard to hit! She’d have better luck trying to make it rain apples.

And again, she was proven right. Her teeth, as they reached out were so… confident. As they snapped closed though, what were they given; nothing but the nasty, sweaty air that followed Midas around. Her eyes widened, and then narrowed again. If she hadn’t been fighting him with her own body, she would totally be calling him a cheat. She almost wondered if he had some magic voodoo juice that he got from the gods. She could never be sure… sometimes the way Midas talked made her wonder if he was a little… like… not right in the head or something.

But, then again, he still knew how to kick some ass. As she was trying to find a way to hit him again, he was up on his hind legs. ’Damnit…’ She thought. And the thought wasn’t even scared; it was more like a condescending thought about her own body because she knew she was about to have her ass handed to her. There was a slim to none chance that she could escape by reeling backwards, and of course, her attempt at doing that, was again thwarted by Mr. IM STRONG AND CHEATY AND I KNOW IT. But in reality, he was just much, much better at this than her.

Hooves pounded in a feeble attempt to move backwards. Suddenly, pale hooves were flying at her face. She yelped, and before she knew it, she was seeing sparkles! One of the hooves came down cleanly, clipping her above the right eye and leaving a small gash before narrowly missing her eye. She couldn’t feel the blood that dripped in a little line down her face; she could only focus on the fantastic sparkles. Blue, red, white and gold exploded across her vision like a fireworks show. It might have been a pretty sight, until another hoof cracked down in between her eyes. The thud created a resonating ringing, and her vision went all white. She yelped, this time realizing if she didn’t move, she’d be in some real danger. She ducked her head, and moved to the left of Midas, attempting to avoid any more hooves landing upon her face. But gosh it hurt to move! Her stupid leg hurt so badly!

As soon as she deduced it was safe, she stopped. Her sides were heaving and she lowered her head down to in-between her legs. A small drop of blood fell off her muzzle, feeding the dry, unforgiving ground. As her vision returned to a somewhat normal (but blurry state) she lifted her gaze to look at Midas. "What in the hell..." She stopped to catch her breath again, looking to the ground. It was starting to spin again, fan-freaking-tastic. "Are you. Were you born with like a power to not be touch or something?! Seriously. What the hell." She was in utter disbelief, and a tad angry. Mostly though, the anger came from the fact that she would no doubt look like shit for a few days, and if they asked, she'd have to respond like; "Midas beat my ass." That wasn't exactly something to be proud of.


[Words: 617 || 3/3 || 1/1 defense || @[Midas]]
[Thanks for the spar Angel! <33]
"Talking"
Elsa
  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9

By my verdict: MIDAS is the winner!

ELSA
Realism [+2]
- I am a little confused as to why Elsa attacked Midas in the first place. She seems to come at him out of nowhere, but at the end of your first post, she is reserved in her actions?
- If Midas was aiming lower for her knees or forearms, then how did he hit her chest by missing? He would have had to kick higher or she would have had to somehow squat, but you didn't write that happening.
- Overall everything was very realistic to me, but I would have enjoyed reading more of the effects of her being a pegasus in this battle. After your first post, I didn't see anymore of how her wings would help or hinder her battle, and even though one of Midas' attacks was aimed at pinning her wing, I didn't see a response to that.


Emotion [0]
The emotion seemed to be very much back and forth between the entire battle and a little manufactured. I never got the sense that she was feeling the pain or the intensity of battle - just playful remarks here and there. I felt the most emotion in her indignation, but otherwise, I was left confused most of the time by what she was feeling. Since the beginning of the battle was just her running at Midas for no reason (I didn't see one?), the entire situation felt a little off to me. Why is she trying to prove herself as a warrior if she is a mason? Was she ever scared at all?


Prose [0]
- "So she felt as if in sort of a bind"
- Very many word repetitions
- " just needed to be over soon, she didn't want to keep running on this leg" - like Midas, two independent clauses need to be separated by a conjunction
- Also please watch out for the amount of run-on sentences. A few for impact make for great prose, but when there are too many, the entire post reads very choppy.


Readability [+2]
Everything was very easy to read, straight-forward, and, for the most part, clean!

Finally tally: 42.5 + (4x2) = 50.2 HP

*******************************************

MIDAS
Realism [+3]
- "action fortunately left Elsa with nothing but shimmering humidity" -- be careful with statements like this. Even though you control what damage you take, this kind of statement can be minor powerplay by stopping any possible counter-measure she may have written in her next post.
- I feel that you not only have a great grasp on battling, but also a great grasp on battling with a pegasus. The environment was mentioned often, but I would have liked to have seem more of the effects of being in a forest. Was the forest dense? In the way? There was some running involved, so where were the trees? You had enough words left for your max limit to include some of these fine details to improve the overall picture.


Emotion [+1]
While I didn't feel much emotion from midas throughout this battle, that is reasonable. This is only a spar for him. However, I wanted to see more of his reaction to being suddenly attacked by one of his herd members. Was this planned? Did he know this was going to happen? What is going on? I liked how he struggled to consider his battle prowess against her well being, as that made the battle much more real to me. The score reflects this battle as not being one of what I felt was much importance, but the emotion was still present.


Prose [-2]
- "Moisture slide..."
- Though not a huge issue, watch out for your run-on sentences
- "calculated with shocking speed, I listened keenly for the shuffling of those glassy feet" - these are two independent clauses, so they need to be separated by a conjunction, not a comma
- "entirely meant to be wasted, golden toes did manage to brush past" - another two independent clauses separated improperly by a comma
- " fell across skull in anticipation, I was tempted to turn head for" - another one
- "rustic color" - I think you mean "rusty" color because rustic means of or relating to the countryside
- "reflexively jerked crown away" - I think there is a word missing here
- "Jaws snapped close with an irritated ‘click’, my gums burned, flustered by anticipation and an obvious missed " - this sentence reads very awkwardly. Since "jaws snapped" and "my gums burned" are two separate sentences, there needs to be a conjunction, or you could just say "gums burned", though this is iffy for me
- "push against the solid bulk of her barrel, the lanky lass lost her balance and cried out, retreating to nurse some" - another one
- "bulk slide back" - I think you mean 'slid' back, otherwise there is a verb tense issue

Every single post had multiple grammar or verb tense issues. While the posts did not seem rushed and there were no spelling errors, the grammar needs attention.


Readability [+2]
Easy to read with good attention to detail!


Finally tally: 65.5 + (4*2 = 8) = 73.5 HP


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