Numbness was a sensation I was familiar with. The removal of all emotion, the silencing of all feelings, physical or otherwise, was something I lived with. Thoughts of happiness, of peace, of chaos, of violence were all fleeting, never filling the void that existed within my soul, even as the world around me carried on in its blissfully ignorant way. I thought of the faces that were familiar to me now, the ones I had met since your parting, and their images brought me momentary joy, fleeting pleasure that faded like a flash of light in a dark abyss - by the time you registered it was there, it was gone again.

I found myself exploring the realm that had the strange structure again. The last time I was here, it was raining - by my own bidding. Rain did not fall from the sky now, but a chill had entered the air, and I knew that it was not entirely my own creation. Though wind and breezes often swirled around my form, I did not control the tilt of the earth, the way which the seasons danced across its stratosphere - though I recall my father speaking of a time when the Sun Lord extended his glorious TallSun, baking the earth for far longer than it could really survive. No, I was no God, nor did I have any desire to be one, to hold such responsibility for the lives of another.

I winced at a memory, of causing snow to fall in the midst of TallSun, of hurting the blind mare who only sought to help me (though I had previously helped her, too), and I confirmed to myself once again, what a poor God I would have made.

I peered inside the building, nostrils flared, eyes widened to catch sight of anything that might be creeping around. Last time I was cornered by an unhappy unicorn, though his companion seemed friendly enough. What would I find this time?

My cerulean gaze peers into the marbled room, and in the moonlight, and the faded glow of stars upon my hide, I spied the pale form of one resting. I longed for your sense of smell, though my own could discern the gender and race of the belle who laid her horned crown upon the smooth surface of the floor. I felt blind without you, lost, like I was only seeing half the world, like I missing critical information that I otherwise would have known had you been by my side. I murmur a low wuffle, before I bow my head low, wings tucked to my side, my footsteps as light as I can make them, though the hard, rounded edge of my hooves echo against the smooth marble below.

"Mind if I shelter here tonight?" I ask quietly, hoping my presence did not wake her if she was asleep already, hoping she would not mind that I simply wanted to rest my empty, hollow body so that I could face another day living a life without you in it.

the Wind Dancer

eagle-cry-designs & larfsalot @deviantart

The girl spoke, and I felt as if I were hearing an echo of myself. The void, expressionless, monotonous words danced along the Rotunda and to my ears much like the broken fragments of my soul clattered about the dark abyss within me. An absurd giggle rose in my throat at the recognition, though it did not go so far as to vocalise itself. Were there others like me, others so broken and hollow they no longer knew how to live, how to function, how to interact with others in a way that didn't depress the mood or expose the weakness that was their empty, void-filled soul? I wondered if the fracture of my own soul was obvious now, having gotten only worse over time, instead of better - could observers see it upon me at just a glance now?

"Thanks," I murmur quietly in response to her admission, bowing my head as I pull myself further into the domed structure. My eyes catch on something that reflects the light given by my own starry hide, and I blink in surprise at the presence of what I can only assume is a dragon. The light is not strong, and as I test the air I do not detect the scent of ashy breath and smoke, which I usually associate with the reptilian creatures. I give it a small nod too, an acknowledgement, and I hope it does not fry me in my sleep. I am surprised by its presence - I thought they only ever bonded to equines, but perhaps I was wrong. Or perhaps the girl was not entirely unicorn.

Memories flooded forth of another who was not entirely unicorn, though she held a horn upon her brow. It was a fuzzy memory, one I wasn't entirely sure was true - it was the day of my birth, a stormy, wet and torrent occasion, my father's dark shadow watching over me, bellowing a greeting to young horned girl, at least a year my senior, who had come to share in the joy that was his expanding family. She was dark framed and crimson tipped, but her name escaped me. Was there a time when she graced the sands of my former home once, as well? I blinked back the memories, my limbs folding beneath me as I found a pillar to lean against.

I had barely settled before her words came again, this time probing, poking, dissecting at those areas most private and protected. My ears reflexively bow down beneath a layer of thick, dark tresses, though the gesture is likely lost in the darkness of our environment. "Because I am alone," I say simply, almost childishly in response to her first question, but her second I let linger in the air for some time as I chew upon an appropriate answer. Oh, the details I could go into, the stories I could weave - but there was only one thing I felt inclined to say to her, one word that completed it for me, one syllable that defined me and the current state my soul was in for an unknown stretch of time before us.

"No."

the Wind Dancer

eagle-cry-designs & larfsalot @deviantart

The unicorn seems intent on pursuing a conversation I am more than willing to give up on in the name of exhaustion and sleep. She shares information about herself, that we are similar, and inwardly I scoffed. None were like me - none had held the bond shared between companion and soul mate and then had it torn away. No one else had to live with the gaping abyss that existed within the confines of my soul - no one else had to experience a life once shared with another completely and utterly alone. At least, no one else I knew of, though Rasta spoke of knowing the feeling, I selfishly and immaturely denied it - she was too whole, too complete, too perfectly adjusted to her life, wherever it was she now resided.

I bit my own tongue to halt the reply that would insult and deter the unicorn girl, or potentially provoke her into an act where I would have to defend myself - I didn't want to fight anymore, I didn't want to argue or struggle anymore. I wanted to live, and I had slowly been integrating myself back into the world - but something was holding me back. A fear of rejection, a horrible sinking sensation that I would be ridiculed for my choice to flee when the world turned dark, a choice I have been punished for over and over again, as each day passes and you are not with me.

My cerulean gaze raises to view the dragon who hums by the side of his bonded - it is a certainty now that the girl must have equine blood, for a dragon could not bond with her otherwise. "Once," I say after a time of silent contemplation, an internal argument that resulted in the single word being spoken. It was better than the insult I had prepared earlier - one I swallowed determinedly again now. "Now I am here with nothing and no one." There is no bitterness in my tone, no sarcasm or dry, rough insults. Instead, there is only raw, open sadness, exposing so much through those simple words that I wonder if the pale one can feel the abyss that I am trapped within, the endless torment that is my existence.

I sigh as my nose drops to the ground level, my eyes drooping as the smog of fatigue settles over my brow.

Ooc :: Sorry for the wait love. Feel free to mindrape Cirrus - she'll think she's dreaming ^^

the Wind Dancer

eagle-cry-designs & larfsalot @deviantart