the Rift


[JUDGED] Depth of Field [Elsa]

Oxy the Addict Posts: 322
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2hh :: 9 [Tallsun] HP: 73.5 | Buff: DANCE
Unnamed :: Common Boggart :: Mayhem Sevin
#1
You hate this island with a passion- a very serious passion- and you're getting a little tired of being stuck up here. But then, you're not stupid enough to walk to the edge of the island and just hop on a cloud, thinking that it's going to hold up all of your massive weight. Nope. You've seem what happens to idiots who think they can fly when they don't have wings. They fall right down through the air, gravity playing the cruelest of jokes on them, as they crash down to the ground below and smash into a million pieces. And sure, you haven't actually seen it happen here on this island, but you're not dumb. You're not going to be the first sucker who tries and then dies while everyone laughs at you. You've got unfinished business as of yet- business with Krieger. And as soon as you figure out how to get off of this floating hell you're going to go smash him. But you haven't figured it out yet, and your locoweed supplies are running thin.

That's why, once the mildly obnoxious herd meeting has completed, you touch snowflake upon her shoulder and try to seize her attention over the hustle and bustle of dispersing bodies. “You need to train,” you command of her gruffly, all of the tenderness that had been in your voice in the blackness of the Heart has left you. It doesn't mean the care you have for her or the promise you made to her have been forgotten- far from it. Still, it was easier for you to connect with your emotions in the infinite blackness that had brought you two together not once, but twice now. Here in the open you are vulnerable; your feelings are hidden away under lock and key, protected by the layers of muscle and bone and flesh that surround your heart. “Your eye will make things harder for you.”

You usher her to a clearing, if she has followed you, trotting out past her and turning back to face her. “Now hit me,” you demand of her, your tone not leaving any room for argument, as you lower your head to hold your horns in front of you as a guard. In your bag rests the spear that Midas has crafted for you, heavy on your shoulder, but you do not unsheathe it now. It is not a horror for Snowflake to rest her eyes upon. It will become a nightmare for the beast who attacked her and ruined her vision. You'll drive it into his eye in repayment and leave him as blind as he has left her. Just the very thought of it makes you grumble in satisfaction. A shame he's still out there now. But you will get him, in time.

“COME ON!” you bellow then, louder, as you begin to shift on your hooves. You try to entice her to anger and bring out the warrior that you know hides within her. The shoes on your hind hooves grind against some gravel that litters the dirt here, the grasses beneath you smashing into the ground as your weight presses upon them. The sun above the pair of you lights the arena, the sound of the waterfalls in the distance creating a music that will play as a background to the sounds of bodies crashing together. It's a beautiful day out... you prepare to taint it with blood.


@[Elsa]
Unlimited Timeline| No
Setting| As described, magic/companions ok
Post| 0/3
WC| 575
OOC| Permission from Klare for some minor PP to set up the scene (if this is too much let me know and I'll edit!)
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Oxy at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.

Please do not tag Oxy unless it is in an opening post

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#2
ELSA
I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh. I can hold the weight of worlds.


Herd meetings no doubt have a monotonous drone. Usually, they were the updates that nearly everyone knew about, with a few “spicy” details added in if someone is promoted or demoted. The only thing keeping Elsa’s attention on the meeting was in case, in passing comment, they required the masons. Usually though, they were approached at later times and asked to take on certain tasks.

So, with daydreams floating about her head, the only thing that reminded her that the meeting was over was Oxy touching her shoulder. She jumps a little, but sighs, quite confused as to why he had done that. But, before the question could even spill forth from her mouth, he was commanding her. She narrows her eyes, trying to process what he had just said. It wasn’t exactly the most caring command in the world either. As she opens her mouth to speak, he quickly silences it again, bringing up a fair point.

But she had already sparred with Africa. And, considering the circumstances, the fight had been a little fairer considering a one-winged Pegasus versus a one-eyed one was a battle of invalid proportions. I mean, technically she should be fighting a completely capable warrior, but still.

She grumbled in annoyance, but faithfully followed behind. She resembled a child sulking behind its father because she didn’t want to listen to him. Then, as soon as they hit the clearing, she sees him trot off past her. Was he seriously about to leave her here? But, as she looked around, there was no other opponent to be seen. Her eyes suddenly landed back on Oxy who was facing her. "There is no way in hell-" She was cut off by his own words. Her eye glared at him. Did he seriously think she was about to fight him in this state?! He must be crazy. I mean, he was half deranged last time and still managed to beat the ever-loving god out of her. She would be stupid to fight someone who she knew was a “respected warrior” and had iron beaters on his back feet. "Seriously, you have got to be jok-."

But, then he’s suddenly all Mr. Demandy Pants and stuff again. In no time flat Elsa was in a flustered rage. He stands there, and for a few moments all she does is stare, grumble, and seethe back at him. ’Fine, if he wants me to beat him, he just needs to realize he asked for it.’ With a little bend of her neck to her left, she offers him her signature winning smile. She’d expected maybe her beauty would distract her a little bit. ’There, take that in all while I work my magic.’ Her smirk widens at her extra-clever thought.

Hoping his eyes were all on her, she decides its time to give him a little frosty love-tap. Still keeping her eyes on him, she pulls the ice from the ground, a lovely spike, and attempts to shove it into his back right cannon bone. In usual circumstances, she’d feel pretty darn awful, but now… oh no. He asked for it, so she would play dirty. "I’ll give you one magical day, if you just let me." She adds in, with as much sass and venom behind her tongue as she can muster.

Then, she bolts forward, to add in a little extra backup in case he decides that she’s just not pretty enough to stare at all day. She pushes off with her back feet, and attempts to quick jump and close the space between them. As she hopefully nears, she reaches out her muzzle. This time, she won’t lovingly press it against his shoulder. No, instead, she opens her pearly whites and attempts to clamp them down upon his right shoulder and neck. ’There, a couple of love bites thrown in.’ She thinks venomously. Oh what a wonderful day this was turning out to be. In the back of her mind though, she is thankful for one blind eye. If she needs to, she can just turn away and attempt to ignore the pain that she could possibly be causing him.

"Talketh."
[1/3 attacks || 0/1 Defense || 692 Words]

I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask.. give you all I am.
but i'm only human. and I bleed when I fall down.

  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Oxy the Addict Posts: 322
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2hh :: 9 [Tallsun] HP: 73.5 | Buff: DANCE
Unnamed :: Common Boggart :: Mayhem Sevin
#3
You never considered that Snowflake would have done anything except follow you. Even her sigh at your touch does not give you pause or make you stop to consider her feelings. You are on a mission, determined to make sure that she can protect herself at times when you cannot be there to protect her yourself. And though she tries to defy you, to tell you that you’re joking, to act like she doesn’t want to fight, you know what’s good for her and you’re not going to take no for an answer.

At least your bellow seems to draw her awake, to make her find the rage that you know settles within those fragile bones of hers. So do you love her? Perhaps, but you dare not say the words. Not aloud, not to yourself in your head, not through your bond with your boggart. You’ve been shunned by society one too many times to trust that Snowflake will not turn on you as well, at some point. And perhaps the trouble is you do it to yourself.

Throughout your life, your abrasive personality has always driven others away from you. To help justify the fact that nobody ever wanted to be around you, you consciously made an effort to make yourself worse, make yourself angry and nasty, short and brutal, until the actions became more than just an effort. They become second nature, part of you, one and the same with your personality. And letting others in? Oh, you had a friend or two, but where were they when you were excommunicated? Where were they when you were exiled to the wastelands under the guise of mercy- after all, they could have just killed you.

The very memory makes you frown. You wish they would have. So you’ve guarded your heart, guarded your soul and your secrets, hidden yourself from the world, working only be respected and not to be admired. To be feared, instead of loved. And yet, you’ve let Elsa in, her persistent quietude and strong will in the face of danger has broken through your outer shell and left you vulnerable once again. So you’ve put up your last defenses, shields against your heart, and you protect yourself by refusing to admit to love; though, perhaps even the tendrils of this emotion have begun to sneak around the edges of the shield to capture the blackened heart that beats in your cheat.

At any rate, it is not Snowflake’s smile that distracts you, but feeling of something terribly cold and sharp suddenly assaulting your right, hind leg. Screaming loudly, you scuttle to the left and the ice luckily deflects along the outside of your leg. Oh, you’re still cut and bleeding, but at least the bone has remained intact, not fractured or shattered from the force of the ice. In an instinctive response, you begin to call upon your own magic just as she is rushing forward to bite you.

As her teeth clamp down above your right shoulder, you decide it’s better to act then to wait for her teeth to release you. You send your blood magic outwards, hoping for the familiar signs of gasping and weakness to present themselves in Snowflake. In the same moment, you rear up and you find two sources of pain suddenly assault you. From your shoulder, the raking of Snowflake’s teeth tears at the flesh and hair of your shoulder, leaving you minus a few hairs and plus a few bleeding tracts were her teeth had peeled away at the outer layer of flesh. The other pain comes from your right hind limb, where the flesh and tendons are still stinging from the first assault upon them. Your stance feels weak, like you won’t be able to support yourself in the air very long. At least it seems like the pain won’t last too long.

You waste no time, then, your massive hooves kicking outwards and attempting to beat against her spine. “You’ll have to do better than that,” you spit out through gritted teeth, feigning disgust so that she’ll try harder. She should show you no mercy, because you certainly won’t give her any. Should you feel bad or upset that you assault her, even after you gave her a promise of protection? Should you be ashamed that you attack a cripple? Maybe, but you refuse to believe that Snowflake will have to be relegated to a life of invalidity. You justify your actions by telling yourself it will make her harder, better, faster, stronger… Whatever helps you sleep at night.

After a few rhythmic beats from your hooves, your hind right limb can support you know longer and you let your body begin to fall back to earth, waiting for Snowflake’s next move.



@[Elsa]
Post| 1/3
WC| 798
Dark x Water Magic| Able to burst red blood cells, causing reduced hemoglobin levels therefore signs of anemia and oxygen deprivation. Symptoms include muscle cramping, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, disorientation and fade after 30 seconds.
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Oxy at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.

Please do not tag Oxy unless it is in an opening post

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#4
ELSA
I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh. I can hold the weight of worlds.


She can feel the ice move within her as it snaked up above the ground. At that same moment, she’s also trying to clamp down upon his shoulder. It seems that both ended up successful, but, as the scream escapes him, something within her begins to back off a little bit. Why was now different before? Why did hitting him seem so wrong? She knew his intentions immediately as he demanded her to fight, he wanted her to learn. So why was she so afraid to hit someone who demanded them to hit her? The thoughts were nothing she ever thought she would’ve considered. Especially in these circumstances, but recently everything had began to feel more precious and close. And if there was one thing she didn’t want to lose now, it was him- especially by her own hand, even if by accident, or by her own lack of mental willpower.

When her teeth are snatched upon his shoulder then, she releases, ready to stop. Her eye avoids any damage that had been done. She can’t do this right now. She has been told too much, and doesn’t want to cause him the pain that he had no doubt been suffering. It seemed that overnight Elsa had turned from not caring at all, to caring too much. Her mouth opens to speak, to ask him to stop, but then no words follow. Then, she is fearful for a very different reason; one much more sinister, and one that had been waiting to find a way to make her fear again.

Breathing suddenly becomes very difficult. It feels like a sock had been stuffed down her throat and she can’t get it out. Her eye darts to him panic stricken for a moment, trying to relay to him that something was wrong. But then she realizes, he had been keeping a little magic secret to himself. But then, it all starts to fall downhill.

Her whole body tenses as he rises into the air, her eyes are blurred from the lack of oxygen, so there isn’t much she can do. In vain she attempts to ask him to stop, to plead with him to reconsider because she isn’t ready. She can’t hurt him right now, and she most certainly cannot stand the image of another large hulking body looming over her again. Her eyes slam shut, and she turns her head away, attempt to avoid the worst of what is to come. Which is worse Elsa, seeing him as that thing, or not being able to stand up and fight?

Her right side is open to the pain that is to come. One hoof lands solidly along her back, making the rest of her body curve upwards in a simultaneous U-shape to avoid any more damage. It was quite a sight to see her attempt to wriggle out of the way. A stinging pain that feels like electric wire was strung along her back and causes her to blurt out in pain. The other hoof, glances off the point of her right hip, sending an ungodly “thunk” feeling through her hip. It would certainly hurt to move now. What can she do other than stand there?

And suddenly she realizes, that it is unlikely he will stop. So what is she going to do? Again, the ice, it seems to be the only non-physical form of attack that she can think of. Still looking away, she attempts to pull up an icy shield from beneath Oxy. If she is lucky, and he is still in the air, maybe he’ll land on it the wrong way and stop for a moment. Then maybe she can explain that she isn’t ready.

She knows if she looks up now, she’ll lose it. All she will see is a hulking white, red-mane-d beast intent on taking her out by any means possible. So, if this should continue, she will fight blind. It would kill her inside to see him like that, when he was nothing even close. That would be too painful for her.

What happened to the confidence Elsa? Was it so easy to think that she can just go fighting giants again? Compared to them, she’s just a measly David without a slingshot.

"Talketh."
[2/3 attacks || 0/1 Defense || 710 Words]

I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask.. give you all I am.
but i'm only human. and I bleed when I fall down.

  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Oxy the Addict Posts: 322
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2hh :: 9 [Tallsun] HP: 73.5 | Buff: DANCE
Unnamed :: Common Boggart :: Mayhem Sevin
#5
Does it hurt you to look at her as she gasps and panics from the force of your magic? Does it make you scared to know what you have done to her? Does it make you feel disgusted that you could do such a thing and not bat an eye? Simply put, no. You don’t feel hurt or scared or disgusted or upset. You feel like you’re doing the right thing. Snowflake needs this, you’ve convinced yourself, and so you only feel a sense of duty; in a strange, convoluted way, you actually feel like you’re doing a good thing. You’re making her realize what she can withstand and overcome. You’re desensitizing her to the fear that comes with magical onslaughts. Just imagine the warrior she’ll be, you tell yourself, if she charges into battle with full force and doesn’t blink an eye when she is attacked by a mage. Yes, you convince yourself, this is right.

As tower over her, throwing your hooves around, you never stop to consider that she might be having flashbacks. The evils that haunt you are pushed away into the recesses of your mind, distanced from your conscious mind by layers of haze and drugs and active denial. So the fact that hers are so close to the forefront of her mind is not an idea you entertain. But what if you did know? Would you stop? Would you coddle her and cuddle her and hug her close? Not here, not in the open where everyone can see. You held her close once, in the blackness of the sandy cavern beneath the earth, but that is a secret between the two of you that should not be shared with the rest of the world.

So you feel no remorse as one hoof and then the other slams down upon her, setting her back to arching but not her hooves to moving. “Come on!” you bellow at her, frustrated with her lack of interest in what you perceive to be a very important day in her life. “Stand up for yourself!” You are a slave driver, reckless and relentless, but you are convinced that you are doing this for her own good. All you know is war, fighting, clashing hooves and snapping teeth. Can you learn to know respect and love? Can you learn to be good and gentle instead of crass and crude? Maybe with time, but today is not that day.

As you fall back to the earth you crash into the ice shield she has made. It shatters beneath you, as expected by your girth, and you feel some of the ice puncture your skin while other parts of it clatter to the ground where your hooves will land. The pain especially strikes you as your mass lands heavily on those shards. Still, you can’t help but feel like the attack was half-hearted and unmotivated. Where is her next motion? Where are the flying hooves and gnashing teeth and beating wings? Why does she stand there like she doesn’t want to do this? Doesn’t she know this is good for her?

Whatever her reason, you’ll have none of it, but clearly getting her to accept her disability and fight with it is going to be more difficult than you previously imagined. Never fear, though- you have a plan and you press off of your painful front hooves to move forward. You try to position your body, if Elsa has still not moved, perpendicular to and directly behind her, so that you two will be making a T. Lowering your head, you reach to the right and fling your head upward, attempting to scrape your horns across her ass. Now, you don’t want anyone to think you’re stupid; after all, only a moron would stand directly behind their opponent and not move, right?

Wrong. You’re not a moron, but you’re definitely not trying to move. You’re directly where you want to be. “Now KICK ME!” you command, words bellowing into otherwise calm air, the order given for what you perceive to be her own good. For good measure, and perhaps to help drive her to motion, the boggart uses her magic to lift a nearby rock and try to fling it towards Snowflake’s head. Tensing your muscles on the right side of your body then, you await the assault that you expect to come. Already, your right shoulder is twinging, thoughts of the rock that is embedded deep within the tissue being assaulted anew causing your muscles to react accordingly. Regardless, you try to stand strong in the face of the danger you are putting yourself in. But this is not the Snowflake you know, and you need to bring her back. You need her.


@[Elsa]
Post| 2/3
WC| 792
Dark x Water Magic| Able to burst red blood cells, causing reduced hemoglobin levels therefore signs of anemia and oxygen deprivation. Symptoms include muscle cramping, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, disorientation and fade after 30 seconds.
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Oxy at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.

Please do not tag Oxy unless it is in an opening post

Elsa the Icebound Posts: 644
World's Edge Protector atk: 6 | def: 10.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Pegasus :: 16.2 Hands :: Six (Frostfall) HP: 73 | Buff: BULK
Edgar :: Plain Zephyr :: Arctic & Wakiya Klare
#6
ELSA
I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh. I can hold the weight of worlds.



The fact that two different minds were trying to meld inside of one… it was terrifying. Her mind was being pulled in so many directions that she didn’t know what to think anymore. One wanted to love him, to show him she can’t hit him. The other one is pure fear, causing a scene to blossom in her vision that isn’t anywhere near reality. She can see a large, white hulking body, but she can hear the voice of the one she trusts the most. The juxtaposition was killing her.

Even as he yells to be more confident, she can’t focus anymore. She can’t decide which hurts worse, the bruises that are blooming on her back, or his voice that was chastising her. She hated pain, and she hated not being strong enough for him. Her eyes open, but they are facing the ground. She cannot look at him, not at Krieger, or at Oxy.

A sound crashes through her mind, forcing her to look at Oxy who has now fallen upon the ruins of her shield. The shards are littered across the ground, glittering in the sun. They were so small, yet so vicious. How could she do something so evil? Her mouth opens and utters a cry, a look of shock falling upon her face. It seems that she is more hurt by this than he is.

He does not pause, and he probably does not care. Before she can even register what is going on, he is behind her. The urge to kick out crosses her mind, but instead she stamps a hoof, and pushes her ears against her skull. She refuses to hurt him anymore, and her mind is made up-

Holy. Shit.

It’s a little too late to do anything now. His horns puncture the flesh on the left side of her haunches. Elsa yells, the pain searing through her back like a hot knife. The wound isn’t deep, only about and inch into her flesh, leaving a ragged circle in its place. As it removes itself, she can barely move. This attack was literally her fault. In the process of avoiding kicking him, Elsa had bunched up the muscles in her rear. Her lineage made her haunches strong, so any small movement would cause a contracting of muscles. When she crunched up her butt; Elsa caused little lines of muscles to stick out of the soft flesh flesh. That is where Oxy had managed to pierce it. All because she's too scared to attack, or to even move for that matter.

She couldn’t hold back now, the pain, the anger and the fear caused her to lash out. Elsa shifted her weight onto her front hooves and attempted to kick him in his barrel. The littlest movement caused her entire bum to radiate with pain, and she yelped as she kicked out. It was odd, shifting from afraid to suddenly barbaric. It was like the sublimation of emotions, and no middle ground was in between.

When her back hooves returned back to the ground, her emotions then swung towards deposition; Elsa was horrified. What had she just done? She intentionally hurt him! Her eyes slammed shut as she attempted to ignore the horrifying reality. Instead of listening to her heart, she was reacting with her head now. Elsa was succumbing the knee-jerk reactions of pain. She couldn’t stop now, could she? He was relentless, and he would not her stop. Which is worse Elsa, the emotions or the pain? At this point, they seemed pretty damn equal.

"Talketh."
[3/3 attacks || 0/1 Defense || 593 Words]

I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask.. give you all I am.
but i'm only human. and I bleed when I fall down.

  • Any force can be used against Elsa.
  • Please tag any posts that involves Elsa.

Oxy the Addict Posts: 322
Hidden Account atk: 5.5 | def: 7.5 | dam: 8
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17.2hh :: 9 [Tallsun] HP: 73.5 | Buff: DANCE
Unnamed :: Common Boggart :: Mayhem Sevin
#7
Ok, sure, you said kick. But you meant kick. Not… kick. Except it seems like that message wasn’t all too clear, because- Ho. Ly. Fuck. Your horns tore into her haunch just the way you wanted them to, years of practice giving you just the finesse you needed to pull off such an idiotic attack; however, it seems like you kind of fucked up somewhere along the way because your head is ringing like the Liberty Bell on the day of the declaration signing. So… what exactly happened? Let’s find out. Bob, can we get a replay? Thanks.

So like you so said, your horns dug into her skin, leaving blood on the tips of your horns and leaving you none too worried about what you’d done. So where was this mistake? Oh, yes… there it is- right there. That moment where you got so distracted looking at the blood on your horns that you forget to pick your head up and out of the way. And look, Snowflake just seized that moment and made it her own. Bob, that was just some really good offensive work on her part, don’t you agree?

Replays aside, you really are hurt. Snowflake’s hooves kicked you square in the side of the head- you know the part, just behind the eye where everything is super sensitive? Yup, one of them got you there. And the other one? You’re not really sure… you think it hit you on the bridge of the nose, but with the hits caused everything in your head to start spinning and go wonky. Your sinuses hurt. Your teeth hurt. Your eyes feel like they want to just go ahead and escape all the pain by evacuating themselves from your body.

And yet, despite all the pain and the fact that you kind of want to just curl up on the ground beneath you and not move for maybe like five minutes, you actually couldn’t be happier. Because that was the Snowflake you know. So yeah, you kind of screamed like a girl for a second there when she hit you, but now that you’re over it you start laughing. And the laughing doesn’t feel good at all, mind you- it hurts like hell, actually- but you’re laughing, because you’re happy, because that was what you needed.

“You did it,” you croak out betwixt grumbling giggles, and when you speak you find that there is some blood dripping out of your mouth. Did you bite your tongue? It doesn’t matter. The whole world is kind of spinning with the pounding of your head, so blood from your tongue kind of seems like it’s probably lowest on your ‘things to worry about’ list at this point. Besides, you’ve got other things to focus on- like walking. You try to move up Snowflake’s left side toward her front, stumbling like an idiot along the way, trying really hard not to crash into her or hurt her. Except maybe you do? Nothing’s really clear right now.

So, when you think you might be near her head, you go ahead and try to be “romantic” by nibbling along the top of her neck. You use nibbling loosely, since your head is still throbbing and you have no idea how hard you’re biting. God dammit, though, you’re trying, and you’re in the open, which is more than she’s gotten any other time she’s been around you. So maybe you bit a little too hard on accident, and maybe you crashed into her on your way up here, and maybe you hurt her when all you wanted to do was love on her and show her how happy you were that she was back to being herself.

Or maybe none of that happened and you were like the prodigal drunk who managed to speak the alphabet backwards, touch all your fingers to your nose, follow the pen with your eyes and walk a damned straight line down the sidewalk. Everything’s a little fuzzy. But your head is starting to clear up and so you try to do that whisper thing. You know, the thing where you talk really soft so everyone for miles around can’t hear your conversation? Yeah, that thing… you’re not really good at it, but you try anyways. “You have to be strong,” you croon, attempting to hang your head over her neck to pull her close.

And for once you find that you don’t care that you’re in the wide open where everyone can see. Let them see. This is your Snowflake and you will protect her. ‘Don’t leave me,’ she had said. You won’t.


@[Elsa]
Post| 3/3
WC| 775
Permission granted to use magic or physical force with Oxy at any time for any reason to any degree, with the exception of killing him.

Please do not tag Oxy unless it is in an opening post

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#8
21 days have passed. Oxy receives .5 VP, however Sevin has requested partial judging which may change the VP awarded.

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9
By my verdict: OXY is the winner!

ELSA
Realism [+2.5]
I thought all your attacks and defenses were great, I was just hoping to see a bit more detail with the injuries and how they affected you throughout the fight. You also didn't mention his Boggart's attack. I didn't see any mention of surroundings and only a brief mention of breed (the David Goliath comment, which was awesome). However I think with this fight both of you were focusing a lot more on the character development and emotion which was definitely fantastic, but took away a bit from the realism aspect of a usual fight.


Emotion [+2]
I really loved the emotion you portrayed in the last 2 posts, however the first one felt very emotionless to me. You mentioned things, but you told me rather than showed me, so that first post brought your overall score down, however the last 2 were wonderful. I especially loved how Elsa was averting her gaze in the second post.


Prose [+2.5]
Throughout the fight your prose got better with each post, however initially it felt rushed and rather basic writing, which to some degree was maintained throughout each post, but I definitely saw improvements as you went along.


Readability [+2]
Your posts are readable, but you frequently have typos and utilize “but” to start sentences which isn't correct - however that got better as the posts went along.

Post 1:
“ I mean, technically she should be fighting a completely capable warrior, but still.” (this sentence read weird to me because of the “I” when you’re whole post is third person.)
“...maybe her beauty would distract her a little bit.“ (distract him).
“...attempts to quick jump and close the space between them.” (attempts a quick jump, or, attempts to quickly jump.)

Post 2:
“Why was now different before?” (than before).
:...attempt to avoid the worst of what is to come.” (attempts or attempting).
“... she realizes, that it is unlikely he will…” (don’t need comma).
“What happened to the confidence Elsa?” (confident).

Post 3:
“...and he would not her stop.” (not let her?).


Finally tally: 28.5+(9*2)= 46.5 HP

*******************************************

OXY
Realism [+3.5]
You had great attacks and defenses, given the situations and what was motivating Oxy, since some of them weren't realistic for a typical fight. I thought you had good injury descriptions and for the most part had them affect you through the fight, although i think you took too much damage in the first post based on the damage roll. I really enjoyed the way you took her critical hit though and how you kindasorta attacked afterwards! You also really did not mention breed or surroundings whatsoever, but I recognize both of you were focusing your word count on emotion and character development.


Emotion [+3]
You consistently had stunnin emotion all through the fight.


Prose [+4.5]
Your pose was just lovely all throughout, particularly the last 2 posts.


Readability [+2.5]
For the most part your posts were readable, just some typos in your first one.

Post 1:
“...beats in your cheat.” (chest).
“...your hind right limb can support you know longer…” (no).


Finally tally: 41.5+(13.5*2)= 68.5 HP


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