the Rift


[JUDGED] I want to learn [Torleik]

Serenity Posts: 78
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hh :: 7 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
Avis
#1



Location :: The Sky Island at midday during the winter, but since there is no snow, it's only a little chilly. The ground is the sand arena in the middle of the center of the island.
Type :: No time extensions except emergency absence
Length: 3 posts each

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Serenity had been so innocently excited when Torleik had been carried up to the island on clouds. She had flown beside him, circling, smiling, and so incredibly intrigued by his confusion. Hooves on the ground, she was bound and determined to show someone what she had discovered and pranced to the center of the bustling tents and trade. For once, she was the one who knew something and Torleik had to be the one keeping up.

When she saw the big arena in the middle marred by hoof marks and scuffs, she wondered if the big cow stallion would be interested in teaching her how to fight. Some had assumed that when she had escaped, she had had to fight her way through, but that was not true. Serenity had run away, hard and fast without looking back - no fight involved.

Now, she had a responsibility and a right to take care of and defend herself, but unfortunately, she did not even know where to begin. Such a big stallion surely at least knew something or could teach her the basics. Serenity walked closed, her hawkish eyes dancing between the big unicorn and the arena, contemplating exactly what she was going to say to get him to agree.

"Will you teach me how to fight?" she finally stammered in his direction, nodding toward the arena. "I want to learn." Big, golden eyes looked up at him with such desire and eagerness - like an innocent child. Her wings were tucked to her side, cool, winter wind carrying her blue mane and tail around her body in elegant tendrils.

"Please?"

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[words] [0/3]
No summary.
Permission given for Torleik to be written here already :)
Also, still getting stats, but will post the roll thread once I do





@[Torleik]

STARS FADING BUT I LINGER ON DEAR
STILL CRAVING YOUR KISS
(Please tag me in every post)

Torleik the Bloodskald Posts: 354
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 11 HP: 66.5 | Buff: SWIFT
Irelyn :: Plain Griffin :: Molten Dagger RedGod
#2
Torleik
The beard of glory...


Pride still smarting a bit from his immensely fearful ride up to this damnable floating island, the Bloodskald walked quietly behind the starry mare as she led him on. It didn't take him long to see she was heading towards what looked like a training arena and he quirked a brow at her. Was this why she'd brought him up here? To flail at him with her wings, or throw smartly barbed insults his way and hope he cried?

Serenity turned to him, affixing him with wide, needful eyes and Torleik frowned. Why was he so easily manipulated, so effortlessly twisted into doing what these women wanted?

'Because stupid.'

Torleik turned and leveled a flat glare at his bonded. 'So kind,' he drawled in return, sighing and looking back to Serenity. "You needn't beg - I will teach you," he rumbled, feeling the way the sand clumped and became somewhat of a problem beneath his feet due to the magic that seemed constantly attached to his hooves. Traction might be a bit of a problem in wetter patches of this aerated type of soil. As he covered the necessary distance from here to the ring, Torleik wondered if this spar would go the way his teaching spar with Liit had gone. The mare had been skittish, running away more than anything, and though quick, had poor form in her attacks. Did Serenity know anything about sparring at all?

Torleik wasn't certain he was qualified to teach a mare who could take to theair how to fight. He was stuck on the ground, tethered, with no way of altering this reality. Irelyn would do better than he, but she couldn't speak. It was too late to back out now, and the Bloodskald knew that projecting confidence as a teacher was necessary for the student to have any confidence in learning. Situated firmly in the middle of the ring, the dual-horned beast looked expectantly at his newest sparring partner.

"Show me what you know, and I'll show you what you don't," he said with a smirk, waiting for her to make the first move.



@[Serenity]


"talk talk talk"


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(0/3) | No summary | Serenity has the first attack

Credits: Image by Schwartze @ DA
[Image: 531c0b471919e]

No man is an island.
Pixel by: Tamme :D


Please tag me in all posts! Thank you!

Serenity Posts: 78
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hh :: 7 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
Avis
#3



Serenity was unsure of his grumpy attitude, and she wondered how he went around all day in such a storm cloud. He always seemed upset by something, and she was not sure that he would actually help her, even when she asked. She couldn't help but feel as if she was an irritant to him, despite him following when she walked across the grassy island. Finally, he agreed, and she nodded, frowning slightly. She was supposed to show him what she knew, which was absolutely nothing. The mare sighed a chilly breath of frost, and she tried to think of the best way to attack such a large creature as Torleik.

“Well… I am unsure of where to even begin, so I suppose I’ll just… start…” she trailed off, frowning. He was much larger and strong, so she would have to try to dodge his powerful blows. Any strong hit would leave her terribly wounded, but she could not imagine her slight hooves would do much but bruise his thick hide. The two pointed horns on his brow were also worrisome. He wouldn’t try to stab her… would he? She gulped.

“Uhm, okay.” Serenity jumped forward, using her wings on instinct to balance herself. The wide, muscular appendages were unwieldy in such a small space for as useful as they were for flying. Quickly, she tucked them back against her body and tried to bite at the left side of his neck, but her inexperience left her back completely open for his attack. The desire to not hurt him kept her actions contained and not very powerful.

Not waiting to figure out if her nip to the side of his neck landed, Serenity ran away, trying to keep space between them just in case. The sun overhead was soft, and the sand beneath her hooves much the same. Her hawkish eyes watched him, unsure of herself, and she paused for a moment, having no idea how to continue a battle at all. All in all, she felt fairly hopeless.

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[340 words] [1/3]
Serenity derps in his direction and tries to bite him on the neck before running away. She has no idea what she is doing lol. Have mercy.





@[Torleik]

STARS FADING BUT I LINGER ON DEAR
STILL CRAVING YOUR KISS
(Please tag me in every post)

Torleik the Bloodskald Posts: 354
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 11 HP: 66.5 | Buff: SWIFT
Irelyn :: Plain Griffin :: Molten Dagger RedGod
#4
Torleik
The beard of glory...


He had reason to always be in such a stormy mood - nothing ever went the way it was supposed to. Ever. But at the current moment he was a little upended by the trip up here on a damned cloud!

Figuring out exactly how it felt to fly was not something he'd wanted to learn with the suddenness of 'here's a cloud, get on' and the ensuing ascendance that completed the experience.

Despite his (apparently) endlessly grumpy demeanor, Torleik's heart was no such thing and he readily agreed to help this pegasus mare learn how to fight even if he felt himself abysmally under-qualified. The Bloodskald instructed her to begin and he widened his stance a little in preparation for whatever she might throw his way.

'No want fight,' came his bonded's sullen pout in his mind.

Wintry eyes like the surface of a clear, frozen lake flicked to Irelyn, then to Serenity's wings as they flared out, and finally back to the mare's center of mass. It didn't matter where the wings went: Serenity had to go where her center of mass went. The feathered, powerful appendages could be a weapon, most certainly, but at this distance they were merely distractions.

That is, until she closed the distance between them. Taking an instinctual step back from his illusively larger foe, Torleik felt his body tense - and then strangely, relax. She wasn't a unicorn and had no deadly weapon fused to her crown. All she had were her wings, her hooves, and her teeth...and she was charging him, a dual-horned opponent, straight on? Obviously he needed to teach her this was a bad idea. So the much stockier beast held his ground and simply lowered his head, pointing both the sharp adornment of his skull directly at the approaching Serenity.

Her momentum seemed too much for her to change direction, and the Bloodskald very much did not want to wound this poor, untrained woman; at the last moment, he jerked his head to the right, hoping a horn might still clip her and give her something to consider before charging him like that next time. Unfortunately, this allowed her attack to continue and he grunted when he felt her teeth bluntly chomp his thick neck. That would throb for a while, and likely bruise. Irksome, but he'd live.

'I won't make you,' the unicorn finally replied to his owl-griffin as he watched Serenity scoot away quickly and put distance between them. "I have horns - you do not. I wouldn't count it wise to charge a unicorn unless you must. We're good at being pointy when you come straight at us," the Bloodskald called out with just a hint of humor in his deep tones, his hooves moving him towards the pegasus in a slow trot. The weather up here was cold, just as it was on the earth below, making the sand mercifully rather desiccated.

He would not be sliding around too terribly like an inept fool, it seemed. Still, this footing was not as secure as the stallion would have liked. Torleik did not have the cloven hooves of his kind, and if he got sloppy with his footwork he could easily step on a frozen chunk of sand from his own passive magic. Luckily it was the ground around his hooves that froze and not the ground directly beneath unless it held excessive moisture.

Feeling the dull, smarting ache where she'd bitten him as his pulse hammered through his veins in anticipation and preparation for exertion, Torleik's gaze focused in, seeing her pause, and he leapt - literally - at this opportunity. Never stop moving in battle; that was one of the first lessons his father had taught him. Digging his hooves in for traction that was still unreliable at best, the stallion's lunge towards Serenity's backside was not as swift, nor as powerful as he might have achieved on solid ground. The Bloodskald did not lower his head again, nor did he try to rear; instead, he sought to barrel straight through the pegasus mare to show her that stopping meant your enemy could reach you and harm you much more easily.

Whether he would succeed or her quickness and ability for flight would render this a moot point remained to be seen.

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WC: 724 | (1/3) | Torleik lowers his head for Serenity to run herself into his horns when she charges, but turns away at the last moment to avoid completely impaling her. After she bites him and runs away, he waits until she pauses to charge her like a bull with intent to run her over as punishment for being a lazybones on the battlefield.

@[Serenity]


"talk talk talk"

Credits: Image by Schwartze @ DA
[Image: 531c0b471919e]

No man is an island.
Pixel by: Tamme :D


Please tag me in all posts! Thank you!

Serenity Posts: 78
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hh :: 7 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
Avis
#5




Serenity cringed when she watched Torleik so easily lower his thick, muscular neck, and she tried to put on the brakes. She tilted the angle of her wings so that they caught the wind, and she tucked under her hips, skidding through the sand. The force of the wind hitting her feathers halted her rather quickly. With a gasp, she dodged out of the way just in time as he pulled his head away, narrowly missing getting scratched by the two, demonic cow horns on top of his crown. Barely, she managed to avoid his horns, quickly tucking one of her wings to her side, and she still managed to land a bite on his neck. He tasted rather… clean. Hm.

Not wanting to hurt him too badly, she released his skin quickly from between her teeth. Something about biting him seemed far too intimate, and she wondered now about how so many called battle a dance.

His words would definitely be considered from here forward, and she quickly rounded to be able to face him again, simply waiting. The cold weather did not bother her very much, as she was accustomed to flying at high altitudes where the warmth of the earth did not reach. Serenity, still very novice at fighting, had no concept of continuing to move or keeping her head in the game. While she had watched foals box for fun, this was entirely new.

As such, she was unprepared when Torleik leaped in her direction, and she tucked her wings to her side, trying to jump out of the way. Still, her reactions would never be quite as fast as his actions – not if she wasn’t ready. Moving from a standstill took half-seconds too long, and she felt one of his strong, muscular forelegs catch on one of her back legs. He looked to have been aiming to run into her, but she had moved out of the way fast enough to avoid being tackled completely.

His knee caught in the junction of her stifle and belly, and she felt the ache of the delicate area as she yanked her hind, left leg away from him. Serenity grunted at the ache and then caught her balance again, feeling the muscle there tighten in response to being stretched too far. She shot him a look. “Hey, you don’t have to run me over!” she barked, a little bit of attitude hiding her embarrassment.

She remembered not to run at him head on again, so instead, she lashed out with her back hooves, aiming to hit his chest with the brunt of her small, feminine hooves. The starry mare had no idea if that was the right move or not, but it seemed to fit the level of her temper. With a quick turn on her haunches, she flashed out her wings again, not caring if she buffeted him in the face (even though that wasn’t entirely her intention). She pushed downward with great force, lifting her off the ground and sending the dry sand flying in all directions, and she gave herself more space between her and Torleik to plan her next move. This way, at least if he ran at her again, she would have more time to react.

Running was something she knew very well. She had spent her entire life running, but now, she was here to stay. And staying meant fighting. Fighting for what you cared for. Serenity took a deep breath and tried to calm her temper, remembering what this was all about. Helovia was her home, and she needed to learn how to protect it.


[2/3] [604 words in word]
Summary: Serenity's back, left leg is caught by the motion of his knee, and then she kicks out at him and glides away.





STARS FADING BUT I LINGER ON DEAR
STILL CRAVING YOUR KISS
(Please tag me in every post)

Torleik the Bloodskald Posts: 354
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 11 HP: 66.5 | Buff: SWIFT
Irelyn :: Plain Griffin :: Molten Dagger RedGod
#6
Torleik
The beard of glory...


Though it was not something the general would admit out loud, he was learning in this battle, too. The dual-horned stallion had never fought a pegasus before and his sharp mind took note of every move and instinctual tactic Serenity used to protect herself. If he knew the instincts, he could predict the movements. So it was with keen interest, though forelock and horns, that the Bloodskald observed the star-blanketed mare tilt her wings to halt her momentum and dodge his intrinsic weapons. The wings could change her position not only in the air, but also on the ground.

Good to know.

His eyes darted continually between her wings and her body now as he trotted around in a semicircle, keeping his blood flowing and his limbs moving. The cold air raked his lungs and made him feel alive. Every breath hurt just a little, and the sand beneath his feet reminded him of the coastline at home. Now all that was missing was the smell of salt and brine, the calls of the seabirds and the sshhwwsshhh of the waves as their unbroken rhythm ebbed and flowed with the tides. But daydreaming had no place here, not if he was to be an effective teacher.

This mare had asked for his aid and she deserved the best from him. Torleik’s focus shifted like the lens of a camera, blurring before honing in on the object of desire: and this object had become unmoving. His sudden leap was preceded by the sensation of slipping before the stallion finally managed to gain traction, but once he began to barrel at the pegasus he wasn’t about to stop. Either she’d get out of the way or get demolished in his path.

The Bloodskald figured she’d be quick, and his assumption was right; Serenity started away, wings tucked tightly to her starry sides, but she was not entirely swift enough. His left foreleg crashed into the soft flesh between her hind leg and belly and the stallion heard her grunt in pain as she yanked away. Torleik’s momentum pushed him through her mass for a meter or two before he turned to face the mare once more, smiling as she barked at him. She certainly had a temper, didn’t she? And that temper was about to cause him a good deal of harm.

The timing of his turn coincided with Serenity kicking out towards his form. Failing to turn his gaze as swiftly as the battle demanded, Torleik did not see the mare’s hooves hurtling towards him and turned right into her kick, unaware and wholly unprepared. His head was dipped lower from his charge and her aim, which normally would have been appropriate for striking at his chest, landed her attack firmly on his jaw. The hollow THWOCK! that came with the violent collision of hoof and bone was followed by a loud grunt and a reflex to jerk away that was too little, too late. Doing so brought one hoof off the ground and back down quickly, causing the rabicano to step on frozen sand that proved to be no fair footing. He stumbled to the left as Serenity flung sand everywhere and moved…somewhere.

The Bloodskald was too disoriented to tell what was going on: the pain ricocheting through his skull was debilitating, and his senses weren’t working properly. The bite on his neck was utterly forgotten in light of this new agony. His vestibular system was addled, his vision swimming from the impact, and balance was a dim notion of the past. Staggering sideways still, step by jilted, jerky step, Torleik blinked deliberately, trying to clear his scrambled brains. A flash of intense anger suddenly burned through his bond with Irelyn and his focus shifted from regaining his utterly obliterated balance to stopping his companion from making a foolish choice. “Irelyn, no!” he called out, the cloudy sky swimming when he jerked his head in her direction. Gods, he felt like he was going to empty his stomach onto the ground right in front of him.

The owl-griffin did not listen to her bonded, for like Serenity, she had a temper that did not easily relinquish its hold once roused. Blazing emotion fueling her little body, it manifested in glowing beak, wing-tips and talons that dripped with liquid fire – liquid fire that Irelyn fully intended to use on this pegasus bitch who’d hurt her bonded. She didn’t know what the word really meant, but Torleik had thought it before about a mare who was supposed to be a friend but hurt him deeply – it fit here, right? Hurtling down from on high, the owl-griffin plummeted like a molten meteor, ready to slam her scalding, magma-tipped body parts into any star-printed flesh she could find.


"talk talk talk"


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WC: 796 | (2/3) | Torleik gets the snot kicked out of his head because he wasn't ready for it, derps around afterwards, and Irelyn gets pissed off. She drops from above Serenity, using her molten dagger ability, not caring where she hits the pegasus - her only aim is to cause whatever damage she can.

@[Serenity]

Credits: Image by Schwartze @ DA
[Image: 531c0b471919e]

No man is an island.
Pixel by: Tamme :D


Please tag me in all posts! Thank you!

Serenity Posts: 78
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hh :: 7 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
Avis
#7



Serenity had not expected her kick to land so thoroughly. She felt the vibrations radiate up her other leg as one of her small hooves kicked his jaw. The sound was like nothing she had really heard before too, and her heart hammered in her chest. The crook of her leg smarted as she shoved herself away from his body, yellow eyes narrowing ever so slightly. She felt the joint groan under her weight when her hooves hit the sand again, and she inhaled shallowly, gritting her teeth. Serenity had not intended at all to hit him in the head, only in his chest to keep him at a distance. Learning was not supposed to cause pain like this.

The starkissed mare turned and looked, watching as if everything was happening in slow motion. He was paused, looking rather disoriented, and she took a single step forward with furrowed brows. Was he okay? Worried, she made to end the battle and close the distance between them, concerned more for his well-being and safety than anything else. Apparently, that concern was not at all seen by the cute feathered cat owl who flew at her looking rather angry.

She had not expected the fire.

Torleik’s voice shouted out, but the creature seemed to ignore him. Serenity watched her dive and tried to move out of the way. She gathered her hips beneath her, feeling the ache of her stifle as she jumped through the sand, spreading her wings again to take flight. But the much smaller companion was faster, and her talons and beak managed to find her spine and dig on. The area of the burn was small only because she was a small animal.

That did not make it hurt any less.

How could anyone have a companion do something like this? Griffins were not normally violent creatures, were they? Irelyn had no thought to herself it seemed, and Serenity yelled in pain, having never been burned before. The skin felt as if it was far too hot, and she wanted nothing more than to go bathe in a cold river. With every flap of her wings, she felt the skin pull, and she turned to land back into the arena, running at Torleik to try to get her to stop.

Maybe if she closed the distance between them, she would stop with the fiery pain. Serenity aimed to bite at Torleik on his neck again to snap him out of whatever was going on. “STOP!” she yelled, glaring at the little cat-owl. Despite herself, tears streamed down her blue cheeks, and she hated that her emotions were so wired to her tear ducts. Serenity just wanted the pain to go away, but this burn would stay with her for a while.

The pegasus mare glared at Torleik as she stayed close, angry that his companion had attacked her so viciously. Out of this anger came a temper, and she tried to bite him again on the neck, ears pinned against her head. “What was that for?!” she hollered again. “I thought you were going to teach me! Not burn me!” The emotion in her voice made it tremble, and she retreated again once she was sure that she was safe from being burned.


-----------------------------------
[3/3] [545 words]
Serenity gets burned on her back on a small area and then tries to get close and bite him... and then tries to bite him again >_>;





STARS FADING BUT I LINGER ON DEAR
STILL CRAVING YOUR KISS
(Please tag me in every post)

Torleik the Bloodskald Posts: 354
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 8.0 | dam: 7.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.3 :: 11 HP: 66.5 | Buff: SWIFT
Irelyn :: Plain Griffin :: Molten Dagger RedGod
#8
Torleik
The beard of glory...


If Serenity's perspective was in slow motion, then his was in slow motion, underwater and tumbling sideways. Torleik didn't know what had happened or why Ireyln was suddenly so angry and hellbent on harming his sparring partner. Trying his best in the moment to stop her was fruitless and the Bloodskald watched the scene unfold before him. Unable to effectively focus on such a fast-moving object as his owl-griffin, the brightness of the magic coursing through her tiny body was what guided his gaze with a growing sense of despair as it arced towards the starry mare on the ground.

He willed Serenity to move, to get out of the way! - but she did not execute her evasion in time and his chest caved with her pained yell.

No.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be, dammit!

"IRELYN, STOP!" the baroque Friesian thundered, the effort and pressure that such yelling took making his head explode in pain. Starbursts like Serenity's pelt popped all across his vision and his eyes rolled back behind closing lids, giving him no defense against the mare's bite when she she drew near in a tornado of flailing appendages and anger and pain.

'NO! NO HURT! NO! HURT! ANY! MORE! NO! HURT!' repeated the owl-griffin in punched-out staccato over and over and over, like an obsessive mantra driving her beyond the power of her will to resist. The words bit through the fog of his brain in that precious little sliver of time between sensing the closeness of Serenity's muzzle, feeling the humidity of the moist air expelled from her teeth, and actually experiencing the pain her pinching clutch on his flesh delivered.

Pure instinct and shock spurred him to do something perhaps counterintuitive: Torleik yanked his head - viciously angry nerves howling at his every movement - down and in the direction of his attacker. Doing so curled his neck away from in just enough, and let him jab his horns towards her breast and shoulder. If he was lucky, he'd stick her with enough force to get her to stop biting him and -

For a sweet moment, there was release. Then she bit him again!

The grating, high-pitched noise of her yelling at him slid hand-in-hand with the pain that had taken over every inch of real estate in his head and merged with the cacophony of Irelyn's mental raging in a confluence of greater magnitude than the general could handle. "WILL ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT! UP!" roared the Bloodskald, the threshold for his patience finally exceeded like the levees of a dam giving way. "YOU!" he snarled at Irelyn, who looked shocked to find herself on the ground. The stallion hadn't the slightest clue when or how it'd happened but he thanked the gods for it. "STAY PUT AND DO NOT MOVE!"

Having grounded one of the winged thorns in his side, Torleik turned his storm to Serenity. "And YOU! You think I WANTED her to do that?! Did you not HEAR me telling her to stop?! If you won't use your damn head, I can't teach you," he spat, furious with everyone in this arena, including himself. This was his fault. The rabicano knew he hadn't tried hard enough to do it right, and it had all fallen apart.

But how could he have anticipated Irelyn's actions? She didn't like battle. It didn't matter. This fight was done. The roar of pain in his head wasn't going anywhere anytime soon - his yelling serving as the exact opposite of a panacea for anything - and Serenity was clearly in no fit state to reason her way through a situation like this. A feeble voice of advocacy tried to tell him that maybe he should not expect so much from her but he quashed it. Torleik had not expected skill from her, but he would be damned if he couldn't expect some semblance of self-control from someone who was no longer a frail little filly.

'The same goes for you,' the stallion said sternly to his companion. They would have a talk later about her own failure to self-manage. Later. Everything later. Right now, his hooves carried him to the edges of the arena in an unsteady gait.

He was done.



"talk talk talk"

@[Serenity]

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WC: 717 | (3/3) | Summary: Torleik tries to jab Serenity around the chest/shoulder area with his horns just to get her to go away and stop biting him. Then he metaphorically flips a table at both Serenity and Ireyln for their actions and is so done. So done.

Credits: Image by Schwartze @ DA
[Image: 531c0b471919e]

No man is an island.
Pixel by: Tamme :D


Please tag me in all posts! Thank you!

Serenity Posts: 78
Outcast atk: 4.5 | def: 9 | dam: 5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 15 hh :: 7 HP: 60 | Buff: NOVICE
Avis
#9



Serenity was still, more or less, a child, stumbling through life and unaware of her surroundings. She was an untrained, untested and barely functioning enough to defend herself from harm. In a way, her damsel in distress qualities could be endearing, but she was also incredibly insecure, relying on anger and cutting remarks to act as her buffer. In a situation outside of battle and away from pain, she could be perfectly pleasant, but this situation was turning petulant.

The pain on her back was so real, visceral in a way she could not describe. All she wanted to do was roll in cold water, end the searing, stretching sensation she felt as she moved. Thus she pit at Torleik, angry, wild, outside of her own body. Her teeth met his skin, pinched, and she growled angrily, only letting go when his skin pulled away. Untrained as she was, she did not anticipate him to tilt his head and jab her with his horns. The two points punctured her lower chest and behind her elbow, and she jerked to the side so that she would not impale herself further.

Angrily, she pinned her ears back, aiming to bite him again and succeeding. Her teeth pinched at his skin again, and not until he yelled did she let go. The power of his voice shocked her, and she took a few steps back, glaring at the companion who burned her. This was a cruel relationship to cause such pain during practice, and she stood, shaking in her own turmoil and pain. Serentiy glowered at Torleik, his words stinging.

“So you are blaming me when your owl-cat decided to burn me?!” she howled back furiously. “You were supposed to teach me! Look at my back!” Serenity displayed the crisscrossed, painful folds of skin that were hairless, raw and bleeding. The mare shook some more before releasing her powerful wings, feeling her emotions and adrenalin mix foolishly. “I don’t… you… This wasn’t helpful! This wasn’t what I expected. I just wanted to learn how to defend myself and…” she had to stop herself from babbling.

Serenity supposed that yelling verbal jabs at him would not make her point, and she took a deep breath, trying to compose herself just a little. “Thanks… for trying.” The words were flat but at least they were spoken. The starkissed mare frowned and backed out, wondering if she could find a healer.

Ow.


[[[(400 words) (closing defense!)]]]





STARS FADING BUT I LINGER ON DEAR
STILL CRAVING YOUR KISS
(Please tag me in every post)

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#10
By my verdict: TORLEIK is the winner!

SERENITY
Realism [-1]
I definitely felt you were true to Serenity’s inexperience through the fight, especially with you yourself as an experienced fighter, which showed in how well you took your attacks and defenses. I did struggle a bit with Serenity just flapping her wings from a stand still and gliding to safety though in your second post. What I didn’t see was well explained injuries. You told me you were hit and where, but not what the damage really was (what kind of a burn, how deep of a puncture, when she was hit, did it bruise?) and not necessarily what the pain was or how it affected her (when he hit her did she stumble, did it hurt, when she was burned did she run slower?). Perhaps because of this, I felt you took too much damage in both your third and fourth posts.

Additionally there were a few occasions where you backtracked too much in your post to your previous post. For instance in your second post you explain Serenity’s wings as flaring out to slow her and thus avoid his horns, yet you still manage to land a bite on him. This doesn’t make sense first of all, because the success of the bite was dependent on her forward motion towards him, but also you already described in your first post her running, trying to bite, then leaving. You cannot then go back in and add in new moves to that old timeline, it’s done and gone. You do something similar in your fourth post, where you say because he attacked you with his horns you bit him a second time, but you had already made that second bite in your third post. What you can say is the anger from his horn attack only made your decision to bite him twice all the more solidified, but it did not in itself create the action.

Finally I would have really liked to see more breed and surroundings. You did utilize the sand as a possible distraction in your second post, but otherwise it felt ignored. You also said something against your stats. In your second post: “Still, her reactions would never be quite as fast as his actions”. She has much higher speed, so yes they could. I think what you were trying to say was regardless of her speed, if she was standing still she couldn’t react fast enough to him, but that is not necessarily true and didn’t really come off that way with your wording. That being said there was a lot of breed differences that had potential to be utilized in this fight.

Overall, focus and take the time to go in depth and describing your actions further, especially if you have the word count available.


Emotion [+1]
Although I got some emotion from Serenity, it all felt very superficial and told rather than shown. Her posts actually read abnormal to me compared to some of her other threads and at times the emotion seemed forced. However you clearly got across her trepidation and girliness with the fight.


Prose [+2]
You have good prose throughout, it just felt generally plain and rushed.


Readability [+2]
In each post I had issues with determining your positioning in relation to your opponent. I never knew how you were near him when you started, nor when you would run off. You would just describe it as she ran away, not on what side of him or what direction or how far. When you attacked it often wasn’t said which side or from where you came, perpendicular, parallel, in front of him, beside him?? I really needed a lot more visual cues.


Finally tally: 32.5+(4*2)= 40.5 HP

*******************************************

TORLEIK
Realism [+3.5]
You had really strong realistic aspects all throughout the fight, especially noted with how much attention you gave the terrain. I especially loved your consideration and use of his passive magic’s effects on that. I was hoping for some more breed references given their big differences, but you never quite went far enough for me to count it.

Your attacks and defenses all made great sense and were well described, however your injury descriptions and damage amounts could use improvement. In both your first and last post you took her bites, but didn’t explain what the causes were from it (bruising, torn skin…), and given that a 3 damage was rolled for each, I’m expecting a bit more than a bruise (that’s more like a 1 damage). In your third post I enjoyed how much you continued to have his head injury affect him, and considered that you might have been using some of that paint o count towards your damage for that post, however you never explicitly said so (just that it still hurt), not to mention since that damage was taken from a prior attack it couldn’t be counted anyway. What would have worked is if you took self inflicted damage from your horn attack. Although at the time you don’t know if it’d hit or not, you could describe that if it hit, the impact would further rouse your injury, along with just the general throbbing from moving your head. That being said, you took excellent damage with the critical hit, especially given the weak attacks she provided you. I also really enjoyed you keeping him debilitated that post and attacking through Irelyn instead.

Speaking of Irelyn I would really like to know how she suddenly was on the ground in your third post. She can’t just be angrily pursuing Serenity and then out of no where be on the ground with no explanation. I assume this was a word count conflict, but it felt like a black hole of activity that shattered the realism for me.

Overall, excellent job, just pay more heed to your injury descriptions.


Emotion [+2.5]
I really felt excellent emotion throughout the fight, particularly with his head injury and the bond with his companion.


Prose [+4]
Beautiful prose all throughout.


Readability [+2.5]
Some minor typos, otherwise readable.

Post 1:
“...pointing both the sharp adornment of his skull directly at the approaching Serenity.” (A word or something was left out, doesn't make sense).

Post 2:
“...though forelock and horns...” (through).


Finally tally: 37.5+(12.5*2)= 62.5 HP


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