Since parting from the Secret Grove, I’d felt quite off. I couldn’t be rid of the feeling of the –imaginary?- flies that had violated me in ways that I did not care to mention ever again. At times I could nearly hear their incessant buzzing about my head and I couldn’t help cringing involuntarily when their ghosts reappeared. The memory itself was too much to think of or to bear at any given moment of time, let alone when it conjured itself in broad daylight here in the Edge. My body ached frequently and despite my best efforts, nothing seemed to cure it completely. I wasn’t sure if I was falling ill or if my experiences in the Grove and the Steppe had somehow left me with a mark of their presence. I dreaded the idea and often dismissed it with a shudder, hoping that it would in turn vanquish everything all together… though no such comfort was ever found. Coinciding with the strange apparition of the flies from the Grove, my wings had grown entirely too tender for my liking. They ached when the cold of the wind touched them and they sent sparks of intense pain down my spine were I to move them, even minimally so, along my wide back. There were too many ailments bringing me down at once that it was getting harder and harder to pretend that this had nothing to do with the faceless assailant that harassed me not one, but twice, on two separate occasions.

What was happening to me?

As I tenderly navigated through the Moon’s sacred land, I decided that I could no longer avoid whatever was affecting me. I had to find a way to deal with it or seek help, though I wasn’t sure what kind of help would be acceptable. I feared that seeking a Nurse would only enrage whatever spiritual forces had plagued me with their sinful medicines. So I quietly resolved to deal with the consequences alone without the help of anyone or anything.

As I crossed the tree line of the thick wooded forest in the Edge and into the wide clearing that overlooked the raging sea, I noticed a pale mare perched near the lip of the sheer ledge. However, she did not face the curious sea as she howled at her back. I could hear the impatient ocean beckoning the pallid girl for her attentions from below, whooping and squealing at the cliff until she realized that her efforts had gone unnoticed. I smiled, knowing that the briny waters did not take well to being ignored and so I approached the mare with as much ease as one, so pained as I, could muster. I called out to the mare above the roaring of the waves upon my ascent, hoping that she would not be alarmed by the limping stud before her. “She’s calling to you, you know?” I tried to outweigh the rushing of the salty waters as they danced and twirled far below our balanced hooves, more than happy to be the focal point of any conversation.

As I approached the ghostly figure of the mare, which I could not place by name, I motioned eagerly to the steep cliff, hoping she would follow. As I neared the lip, close enough to look out over the wide expanse of the sea in its entirety, I smiled as she laughed and chuckled upon seeing me. With the hope that the pale girl had found her way to my side, I gestured to the ocean once more. “She’s quite the selfish little thing, isn’t she? Always performing, but never quite getting the appreciation she deserves.” Without turning to look to my companion, I rocked in a slow painful rhythm to the waves and their jubilant song. “I’m Thor… I don’t think we’ve have the pleasure of meeting just yet.” Quietly, I let the ocean and her tunes overwhelm us both. I knew that I wasn’t the only one here seeking serenity. This girl was just as troubled as both the sea and I and I was not a man to deprive her of the nurturing she needed in order to heal.

They said pinks washed in to the shore this morning. Some were salmon –colored, others were as fair as new blossoms in spring. Some stretched their arms wide, some stained the sand with their brushes before receding back to the sea… gone away until the next sun arose. That afternoon, yellows and oranges thrust themselves upon the beach. Burnt oranges and pale gold’s, all dancing and all singing as they spread merriment along the coast. Though, it wasn’t long until they too retired to the ocean to wait for another noon. Sometime later there came dark blues and deep blacks. These were the most unusual of all the colors to sweep across the sands, for they came with long veils and sheer cloaks. These muttered, these groaned, until the moon was high in the sky. Then and only then, would night fall over the sea, and the colors would be washed away once more. Rise, celebrate, repeat. A new day would pass, a new color would wash away. Rise, celebrate, repeat.

It baffled me that this Brisa had not seen the celebration every morning; she had never witnessed the magic of the Edge as I had seen it. When her eyes fell upon me in that distant way, I couldn’t help but feel her unease turning my heart away. There was clearly something haunting her, perhaps a ghost from the past… or just a lingering pain that made her hard. No light of understanding touched her eyes and when she was forced to look away at my recommendation, I was hesitant that she would ever come back. But she did. Her soft voice reached up from the depths of her evident sorrow and lanced the silence that had once more grown between us. I didn’t want to press her for answers and instead decided that by keeping things shallow, I would evade her troubles for the time being. After all, she didn’t appear all too willing to share. Why push for answers that one cannot give?

“I’ve been here for quite some time my friend. But what about you, when did you decide to call the Edge your home?” I was more curious now, wanting to share something with her that might be able to resurface later in life. I wasn’t looking for favors or opinions… just a friend. Somehow, I felt that Brisa needed a friend as well after all there was something lonely about her… a distant image of happiness that had been robbed of her some time ago.

Shifting awkwardly at her side, I tried my best to adjust to the ghostly pain of my body. It quaked and murmured softly in agony- agony that I tried my best to hide. But it always found its way to my eyes, making them squint and hide from the suffering in an attempt to erase the things I’d seen on the Steppe. I feared the things that now affected me, but I was strong enough to deal with them accordingly even if I found no solace from the pain. I didn’t want to seek out help though, because something in that weakness made me want to hide my ailments forever. I guess I was just hoping things would pass, sooner rather than later. However, my wings… they had begun to shrivel slightly. They were too sore and too fragile now, far beyond their deformity. Whatever was happening to me now would surely come to pass… and hopefully I would be made all the better for it.

Quietly, I turned my attention back to Brisa in hopes of finding distraction in her company, though I knew that when I tried to find her own curiosity it would be hidden somewhere beneath the waves before us…. “Is something troubling you dear?”

There was a familiar distance about her, a certain breaking of the heart that had been worn so nobly on her sleeve that now served to resonate deep within my own chest. It reached for the open caverns within, with hungry arms seeking to open parts of me that I’d hidden from myself in an attempt to evade the agony of my past… But something in this mare had lit the flame anew and it was not a comforting feeling that flared up from my gut and to the surface of my emotions. My insides seemed to clench and spasm with the thought of Essetia and the memory of Tamira and my loss of the throne. This mare’s sorrow had awoken my own and I could not commend her for it; in fact, there was a part of me that admonished her for singling out this forgotten part of me, admonished her for bringing it back into the light. The Edge and her almighty power did little to soothe the warring feelings as they dipped and roared throughout my body like the plague. This was a new and overwhelming reconciliation that I’d hope to avoid and yet here it was, grown tall and green like the trees in spring, pressing upon my mind like a weight that I could not lift.

This was my reckoning.

However, as Brisa and I lost ourselves to the uncertain oblivion of our conscious, both contemplating whatever troubles lurked behind the dark curtains of our performance in life, her words finally reached the dead air in a fashion of disconnect. They were clearly an echo of the many conversations she’d had since her issues began but I was determined to see their end. I knew that we could relate on some level of understanding, I just had to bring out the truth so that both of us could look upon the specimen and honor it before casting it aside for later reasoning. This life was not meant for pain and suffering, it was meant for living and there was certainly no life in this mare’s eyes… just the death of herself as she wasted away in the past as I had done for far too long. “Time is a funny thing, don’t you think? But I don’t believe rewinding it is worth the effort. It’s in the past for a reason, hm?” I didn’t turn to look at her as I spoke because I knew how she would perceive me or at the very least I could make an educated stab at it. I’ve always thought there to be a right and a wrong way to deal with the past but looking back on it had done little for me in the time I’d found solace in the wilds, so I knew that it would do nothing for her.

It had a certain way of destroying someone.

Still, Brisa appeared distant and lost in her thoughts in spite of my attempts to bring her back to earth. The most I spoke, the more she flew away from the land of reality and into her own inner prison. Yes, my body ached and protested and yes I longed to retire for the night… but that was not who I’d grown to be. Mirage and Torasin and Tamira and so many more that taught me otherwise. You don’t abandon your family. I wasn’t going to leave them anymore even if I had to start over with a total stranger. “That is certainly something we have in common… but sometimes it’s just fine to let go...”

There was a crack in the ice, a fissure of water that grew steadily larger until the dam broke free of Brisa’s cold, unfeeling distance. It was as if a light had lit the upstairs window of the abandoned house down the lane and while curious eyes looked on with astonishment, I was the only bystander willing to walk inside. With the door hanging wide open before me, I could see that the landing within was dark and quiet with the silence only marred by the faintest of songs wafting down from the upper levels of the house. Slowly I walked on, still the only one brave enough to venture into the mansion’s depths and mount the staircase to the top floor. With measured steps I sought to find the source of light as it waited ominously above behind the cracks of a door, still closed. I’d been the only one courageous enough to turn the knob and throw it away from me so that I might glimpse the ghostly shade of her pallid face… a face yet so full of beauty and light and loneliness. “Hello…”, I’d said… and she smiled.

I’d allowed her a moment to gather her thoughts, another long moment that I’d handed one more to the silence and her cool façade. I’d simply have to dance around this ghost and convince her to bend to my will, if only to extend her my waiting hand. It was clear that she required a bit of nurturing and I was more than willing to provide her as much, if only she would permit it. “By taking everything in life with a grain of salt. You cannot change what has been or will be my dear… but you can change how you respond to it. Your life is too short to stop living it so early…” My voice grew gradually softer before tapering away between us like a fine piece of silk slipping between one’s fingers.


However, much to my surprise the wordless quiet did not stretch into eternity, but instead, my sentiments were more eagerly returned. I had gained something in this exchange after trying and failing numerous times before. The light had finally come on and I was so overjoyed by the fact that I couldn’t fight the slow smile spreading across my charred lips. With a little more enthusiasm than intended I shot back in an attempt to keep the ball rolling. “Then stop rewinding. Your troubles only exist in your head… If you like, I can soothe the pain for you…” It had been a rushed decision and one that I’d yet to make since healing Tamira alongside the God of the Earth. But what a moment it would be.

I’d used my magic one time- for Tamira. I had acquired that magic for her and here I was, resisting its weak calls and the warmth of its power bubbling from deep within. I could delve into Brisa’s thoughts and seek out her loneliness if I wanted, but I wasn’t truly certain that I did. Perhaps I’d spoken too soon… perhaps she would think it a joke. Either way, I still had trouble facing the power inside that had been granted in the name of my beloved, in the name of my child’s dead mother.

My heart did sing a similar tune and it intermingled with Brisa’s own worries just as I imagined it would, especially after so much contemplation and remembrance. But the weakness that wafted up from the recesses of my mind was a monster I’d rather have forgotten the day I chose to bury it. Yet here was this slight, little mare that lived in her pain daily, shifting across the land like a wraith of sorts with no cause or purpose in which to continue living. I knew where that path was leading her and it certainly wasn’t anywhere good. That loneliness would only swallow her whole if she’d let it… and then where would she be? My time in the Wilds flitted through my mind as if on an endless reel; there were so many empty days followed by even emptier nights. Yes, the pain had coursed deep and yes I’d imagined easier routes to my own final chapter… but I had survived even if Tamira hadn’t and she would have wanted me to live on to lead a most regular life full of love and happiness.

Her own dark ending left little to the imagination for those who loved her, but sometimes I liked to pretend that my image had been there to comfort her upon passing through the ethereal gates of heaven. Perhaps she would look down upon me now and smile because I had so recently remembered a great part of myself that she had taken away in death. Overcoming that sadness had been my release or what I considered to be my new beginning. “I disagree Brisa. There will still be something left when it’s gone and that’s you. Whatever life you lead now is little other than the bare bones of who you are and I can’t say that it qualifies as truly living… you’re already dead Brisa. Don’t give up on yourself because that’s a cruel way to go.” I didn’t feel the need to look at her up delivering the words because my anger had flared up in the wake of my own revelation.

Tamira had stopped living as well and when she did I was the one who had to carry her burdens. I knew there was someone out there who cared for Brisa like I did for my beloved Tamira, and Brisa’s grief was being lifted upon someone else’s shoulders even if she didn’t know it. “Tell me, what is it that you’ve lost? What is it that keeps you from yourself?” Still, I could not find it within myself to look her in the eye for I feared that I would find Tamira looking back… I didn’t want to see her face anymore, no matter how much the idea still pained me. After all, a life taken was a life given and I no longer wanted to take mine for granted. However, I also didn’t believe that the great Gods above had anything to do with my unhappiness in life as Brisa so clearly did. I had chosen my battles and I was left to fight them when the sun went down. Whether or not I won was up to me and the same could be said for Brisa. “Believe what you like dear… but only you possess the power to mend yourself. I speak from my own experience and there is nothing quite as brilliant as freeing yourself from the fog.”

It was clear that the patchwork I’d thought to be mending was clearly something I was ripping apart. The bright understanding that seemed to alight in her eyes, so blue, had all but dissipated. My frustrations had tempered my preference for kindness and I’d done nothing more than bring light to Brisa’s follies and past memories that were best meant to stay buried. An unwelcome frown tugged at my lips as she stared at me with a look that revealed a sense of disbelief and uncertainty. I hadn’t meant to upset her in such a way and now I was sent backpedaling through the mire of my wordy mistakes. But the mare was full of acceptance and though I knew that my sentiments were not met nor truly understood, she went about conversation as if I’d never uttered them in the first place. Her heart was pure even if troubled… and I admired that about her immensely.

Have you ever lost someone in your life that makes it hard to continue on without them?


Her works struck hard against my ill-defended heart. For a moment, I feigned contemplation of the sea and her antics, but I knew that my interest had been swayed. Of course I knew loss and heartache and pain. Of course I’d seen my fair share of trouble and uncertainty… but I had grieved and I had let go. “Yes”, I whispered to the curling breeze. I wasn’t sure if I’d meant for the admission to find Bria’s ears or not, but my mind was too heavy to worry over such matters. I wanted to forget the things I’d seen and the things I’d felt, but this mare had a way of bringing them to the surface when I’d finally considered myself healed. I didn’t appreciate her drudging up topics so near and dear to my heart, but I also couldn’t fight the weakness that overwhelmed me and caused me to remember.

I couldn’t find purchase to say much else but Brisa had no problem filling in the gaps of conversation where I lacked. Her stories were similar to her mood though- sad and disheartening. I’d witnessed my own fair share of loss and tragedy, making it hard not to relate and instead of acting as if I’d never heard such woes, I nodded meaningfully here and there until her sorrow’s close. “Come closer.”

It was the only thing I could manage to press past my iron lips anymore. Instead of trying to treat her with a lesson on regret, I simply allowed her a shoulder upon which to lean. Her eyes had swelled enough to suggest the coming of tears but I would not hide from them as she’d chosen to do. Instead, I moved forward until my shoulder touched hers. This was someone I considered family and friend… To run from her now would be cowardly but to offer her comfort and remorse would be strong. Maybe we were both broken in some way but at least could weather the storm together…

Softly, Brisa moved into my shoulder. Whether that meant she had finally come to terms with my advice or if she truly only needed but one shoulder upon which to lean, I was unsure. But either way, I would call myself her friend. I would not leave her to wither beneath the sun without water and nourishment. The Gods only knew we only had each other to rely on. Sometimes it took one mended heart to nurture another and that was enough. I’d endured such dark days and lived to tell the tale… The sun did shine down upon us this day and that was a blessing within itself. I only hoped that she would see the warmth in its rays instead of the blinding of its light.

When the mare’s eyes found my own looking back, I noticed something lurking behind the darkness of her gloom. It was time, time for her to spread wings and fly once again. “It was not an easy thing to do,” I mused in response. “But with the help of good friends and a loving family I was able to heal. Pain is still a heavy thing that consumes me at times because not all of my problems have been provided a solution… But you are one woman. You cannot be expected to take up the responsibility of many,” I offered more severely.

I knew naught of what Brisa did here in the Edge, but I did hope that she would somehow find a way to occupy her active mind with purpose. Perhaps I would allow her the opportunity to join me in patrol or idle participation in the somber moments before evening gave way to darkness. Clearly she’d spent too much time alone and not enough time striving toward accomplishment. “You know… I’ve also found mindless work to be relaxing. Perhaps you’d like to accompany me sometime- if only to keep you occupied?” I questioned softly.

I’d committed to her friendship and I would not let her fall now that I’d made the silent promise to maintain her well-being.