the Rift


[PRIVATE] I Know I'm Not Forgiven

Bucephalus the Morningstar Posts: 292
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.1 :: 6 || Tallsun HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Azeeza :: Orange-breasted Falcon :: None Tribs
#1


I won't elaborate on the pain of my injuries. They were not better the next day, not by a longshot. I didn't want to move from my nest in a scraggly tree, my neck stretched out on a limb. But certain...things called, and with a deep groan i rose to my feet, bracing myself before jumping down, a wing unfurled to cushion my descent.

But it was not to be. My left foreleg hit the ground, stiff from disuse, and buckled beneath me. I stumbled, teeth bared and ears flattened before i regained my footing. These wounds wouldn't kill me, but damn if they didn't hurt like hell. Slowly i move towards the Oasis, skirting the herd. I didn't want to be seen like this, i'd approach Alija later for healing. Right now, i kind of wanted the pain. Sort of a wake-up call that i needed to get my ass in gear and bulk up more. Of course, how i would find time for that between my duties was beyond me.

My thoughts wandered to the Rotunda, to the work i had to abandon. My hooves hit water, and robotically i drop my head to drink my fill. Once finished, i raise my head, gazing at my reflection. I can pick out features of my father's, as i can pick out my own features in my son's. Son... Now wasn't the time to dwell on that; i loved the boy, but felt so... confused around him. Such a role model. My thoughts then flickered to Levex and Aeolus, my other 'sons'. Instant guilt hit me, and i ambled towards a dune overlooking the herd, searching for them amongst the crowd.

Of course i would loose them. Wonderful. If Aakesh wasn't attached to Alija at the hip, i probably would've lost him too. A faint snort escapes me, and i leave the dune before i am spotted, returning to the shade beneath my tree, to my thoughts and solitude.

"talk talk talk"

@[Morrigan]


Bucephalus
Art done by me
Table by Tamme<3

Feel free to tag Buce in all posts; permission is given for force against him provided it doesn't kill or permanently maim him(ask about the latter)

Pixel by Aud

Morrigan Posts: 93
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7
Mare :: Equine :: 16 hands :: 7 Orangemoons HP: 63 | Buff: NOVICE
Pongo :: Bongo :: None Xyroca
#2
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'Ouch!' The though ran across my mind as I struggled to collect a thick leaf from an aloe plant, the spiky edges trying to cut into the edges of my mouth. Clearly, yanking the fleshy leaves was not the most effective way to gather them. With one of the leaves still in my mouth, I tried a different tactic and bent the leave back until it snapped. Finally. I set the leaf aside and began to gather several more leaves, adding them to the pile each time. Before my training with Sikeax, I had known about the plant and recognized it's appearance, but it was thanks to her that I was even aware of the healing properties.

Once I was satisfied with the amount of leaves, I began the tedious work of weaving them into my mane, just as I had done with the bleeding heart. Until I was able to get a bag, I would have to settle for my hair. The bleeding heart was still carefully tucked into my mane, while the thorns of my aloe leaves helped to grip onto the looser strands of my mane. I looked pretty ridiculous, and the heavier leaves pulled and tugged uncomfortably, but it would have to do for now. I turned to head back to the herd, climbing up the nearest dune and walking along the highest point while humming quietly to myself. A black movement caught my attention from the corner of my eye, and immediately I glanced over.

As soon as I recognized the figure as Bucephalus, my auds pinned back against my metallic crown and I nearly stuck my nose in the air to carry on minding my business. However, there was something odd about seeing him walking along the sand. 'Strange, usually he's flying...' This thought made me stop in my tracks, peering down at him from my dune with scarlet eyes, auds relaxing from their resentful state. Bucephalus was...limping? My left foreleg lifted to go help him, but I froze. No, he didn't need my help. There were other healers that could tend to him, ones that he couldn't hurt so easily. No, let the son of a bitch suffer. I turned back towards the direction of the herd, but didn't get very far. I had not even gone halfway down the dune before the guilt swept over me, ashamed from turning away from him when it was my duty as a healer to help. I had been working so hard recently for this position, and he was technically my leader now. Auds flicked back and eyelids clamped shut at that little reminder, gritting my teeth together before finally turning about around. As much as I didn't want to help him, the better part of me knew I should.

As the stallion was limping along, it was fairly easy for me to reach him at a light trot, approaching his shady tree carefully. A low nicker to announce my presence came as I approached him from the side, slowing down to a walk. Now that I was closer, the injuries that laced across his skin were more prominent and that pesky pang of guilt returned in my heart. "You need a healer." I stated the obvious, standing over him while searching for his golden eyes, giving it my all to hide the pain and nervousness I felt around him. Whether he liked it or not, I was not going to leave him alone until I could do my job. Before he could deny my statement, which only a fool would, I reached over my shoulder for the bleeding heart flower. Carefully I pulled out a small bunch, gingerly holding the plant between my lips and placing them on the ground before him. "Eat these, flowers, roots and all. " Not only would the root help with the physical muscle aches and pains, buy the flowers were supposed to act as a calming agent.

Looking closer, I noticed that the wounds across his back were blistered and lightly burned. Lowering my muscle carefully, without touching, I could feel the heat rising from the burns. I turned back to my mane again, pulling out the largest leaf I had collected and started chewing softly to loosen the juice and pulp. On the end that hand been split, the crushed insides of the plant began to ooze out like gel. Quickly I leaned over the stallion and tilted my head to the side, letting the gel slide out of the leaf and smear onto his burns. I kept softly chewing on the leaf, working to squeeze all that I could out of it.

Image By Tribs
[Image: spiderglowingsoftly_by_schwartze-d82gn7s.gif]

Verbal/Physical Abuse permitted, no permanently injuring or killing please.

Bucephalus the Morningstar Posts: 292
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.1 :: 6 || Tallsun HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Azeeza :: Orange-breasted Falcon :: None Tribs
#3


I had not wanted to be seen, i had wanted solitude this day to reflect upon my injuries, upon the clarity they brought me. Bucephalus... damnit if he wasn't a pansy. First sign of pain and he bolts. So i was enjoying my solitude, enjoying my time where my mind and body were my own, my actions were my own. And who should find me? The one person i do not wish to see me like this.

Morrigan.

It started with a whicker, a call that drew my head up to spy the webbed mare as she crested a dune. Of course it would be her... As she approaches, my throat works, mind wheeling for words. "MorriganI'mSoSorryIShouldn'tHaveSaidSuchThingsI'mAJackassNeedISayMoreForgiveMe" The words tumble out in a rush, embarassingly so, but i could care less. Number one goal? Repair whatever damage Bucephalus manages to cause.

I fall silent, avoiding looking at her until she orders me to eat some flowers. Curious and confused, i did so without complaint. Okay, one thing we need to get straight. Those bastard were foul. But, only the faintest twitch under my eye gave away my digust at the taste.

But she wasn't through, oh no. Stinging, sharp pain lashes across my back, and my right wing jerked, body ready to haul ass before the pain turned to a cooling sensation, and i relaxed. Now my gaze regarded Morrigan with curiousity. Someone certainly had been learning a thing or two. I watched her work the plant's ooze onto my back, and won't deny the sigh of relief that escaped me.

"Thank you Morrigan." I said quietly, watching her before i dared to speak again. "I want to apologize, my behavior... it was out of bounds. Like, way out." Ears pinned back, and i turn away, leaning against the trunk of the tree to help keep weight off my leg and shoulder, prepared to return to my solitude once her presence faded away, as it no doubt would.

After all i had said to her, or the me she believed had spoken, why would she stay?

@[Morrigan]



Bucephalus
Art done by me
Table by Tamme<3

Feel free to tag Buce in all posts; permission is given for force against him provided it doesn't kill or permanently maim him(ask about the latter)

Pixel by Aud

Morrigan Posts: 93
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7
Mare :: Equine :: 16 hands :: 7 Orangemoons HP: 63 | Buff: NOVICE
Pongo :: Bongo :: None Xyroca
#4
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His first rush of words fell onto deaf ears, ignoring his words since I could barely comprehend them in the first place. I continued covering his burns with the aloe gel, pausing for a second when he flinched. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that he had eaten the plant without the slightest bit of protest, resisting the urge to smile at the fact that he didn't even question what the plant was. It was a good thing I was comfortable with that particular plant, having used it quite a lot in my youth for the calming agents. Hell, I could have given him a poisonous flower that would make him shit himself for days and he would've eaten it right up. It was that humorus image of Buce bolting to use the bathroom that tugged at the corners my lips ever so slightly. Naturally I would never do such things, but it made me feel better nonetheless.

Once all of his burns were covered in the thick gel, I stepped away to toss the used leaf to the side. I could feel the stallion's eyes on me, and I was beginning to wish that I had eaten a flower or two as well. One ear flicked towards him as the other ear ducked back, nervously listening to his words while dropping my gaze to the sand beneath our feet. With his apology, my scarlet eyes shot back up to see him lean against the tree. With some leftover resentment and bitterness, my ears flicked back slightly. "Yeah, you could say that." My tone still showed that I was angry with him, incredibly offended with everything that had happened between us.

My mind went back to the day that the strange pink winged mare was found yelling at him from the borders of the land, and I shut my eyes with a heavy sigh. Had he not seen me that day? Did he not have any idea that I heard the way he spoke to her? Did he not have any idea that I knew she was carrying his children? It was for the words he threw at her that made it harder for me to take his words seriously. As much as I wanted to turn and run, leave him to wallow in his solitude and continue to hide from him, I stayed. I yelled and screamed inwardly to myself, further insulting myself for acting like an idiot and not running for the hills.

My eyes flutter open to look at him, scraping together every ounce of kindness and courage I could possible muster to speak to him calmly. "I can't forgive you that easily, I won't let myself." I shook my head, my chest beginning to feel hollow once again, and I turned away so as not to look at him. "There is so much that I want to say to you, that should be said to you. And I doubt an ounce of it would make a difference, not when you say one thing then act on another." The desire to drop my head low, to show the betrayel I felt through my body language, was overwhelming. For a moment, I almost gave in to the instinct. But just as I was doing so, a memory of my mother came flashing back to me. I was still quite young, recieving the crown she made for me and hardly being able to balance it on my head. I could hear my mother laughing, saying I will grow into it. 'My Morri, my little princess, remember it is not the hateful words or actions that matter. Wear your crown with pride, never forget this. Remember these words, and carry your crown like a Queen.'

The words had brought a comfort to me growing up, the silver crown a constant reminder to at least try and respect myself first. With a sigh, I honored her words and lifted my crown proudly to look back over my shoulder at Bucephalus with skeptical eyes. It was possible that I knew more than he thought, granted it was possible that he knew more than I did as well. I suppose I would never know without mentioning what I had overheard. "Especially when you speak and act differently towards others..." A glint of anger flashed in my eyes, the slight wrinkle of my brow almost pleading for him to tell me everything that I had seen and heard was nothing more than a dream, an act, anything but true.

Image By Tribs
[Image: spiderglowingsoftly_by_schwartze-d82gn7s.gif]

Verbal/Physical Abuse permitted, no permanently injuring or killing please.

Bucephalus the Morningstar Posts: 292
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.1 :: 6 || Tallsun HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Azeeza :: Orange-breasted Falcon :: None Tribs
#5


Her anger is to be expected, so i do not get offended by it, rather i am resigned. She's quiet for a while, and i remain silent, anticipating a storm of words from the webbed mare.

I am not disappointed.

Her words come, and i listen with both ears swiveled towards her. As she speaks i raise my head, gazing down at her, still silent. I wait until she stops speaking before my own lips part. "Then say them." Three simple words with a message i knew was not so simple. Something nags at my mind, an idea, and i mull it over.

He hates it. I can feel him swelling, prepared to fight me tooth and nail for what i intend to say, to offer her in hopes of forgiveness. I silence him before he can even begin; this is MY body. My life. He does not go easily, and my attention leaves Morrigan, my eyes closing as if in resignation. In truth i'm fighting to keep hold, and i win. He's gone once more, giving me another hour, another day to live and breathe and act, rather than being a watcher from the sidelines.

By then she has said something else, but i didn't catch it. So i raise myself up, then bow my head to her, chin touching my chest. The move causes a flare of dull pain through my shoulder, but i ignore it. "Ask of me any three things, Morrigan, and i swear by Blood and Bone, by Wind and Sky, by Light and Song, i shall answer with no lies."

Of course the oath here holds no power, no reign over my tongue. If i so wished, i could lie and shatter the oath with no consequences save that of her anger. But i am not so dishonorable as that; no He would do that, not I. I drop my head from the growingly painful position, watching Morrigan with a gaze holding an exhaustion i hardly knew i held as i waited to see what she would do, how she would react.

This was her dance, and i handed her the lead with enthusiasm.


@[Morrigan]



Bucephalus
Art done by me
Table by Tamme<3

Feel free to tag Buce in all posts; permission is given for force against him provided it doesn't kill or permanently maim him(ask about the latter)

Pixel by Aud

Morrigan Posts: 93
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7
Mare :: Equine :: 16 hands :: 7 Orangemoons HP: 63 | Buff: NOVICE
Pongo :: Bongo :: None Xyroca
#6



Softly my crown shook as he told me to say everything I wanted, needed, to say to him, wishing he could see that it just wasn't so simple. How could I? The truth was an ugly heifer, especially when the truth was that I had very little reason to base everything off of my emotions towards him. I twisted my dial to watch as he raised himself up and tucked his chin towards his chest, my auds flicking back with curiosity and my own dial tilting to the side just slightly as I watched him with narrowed eyes. His choice of words were by far the most unexpected, bringing with them a flurry of a emotions that battled with each other within my heart and mind. My scarlet orbs narrowed with skepticism, lips pursing together in doubt as he swore that he would answer any three questions I would have to ask. But my gaze could only linger on him for so long as the impassioned waves crashed around me.

Nervously I took a step back, dropping my gaze to the ground to keep from looking at him while I considered his offer. How could I possibly trust that he would tell me the truth right now? There was no way for me to prove that his words were honest, no way for me to put any sort of faith behind them. He couldn't possibly believe that merely saying he would answer without lies meant I would immediately trust him, could he? Again, how could I? While the inner turmoil pulled at me, a self-degrading thought chastised me as I gave a slow nod in acceptance towards Bucephalus. But I would have to word my questions carefully in order to get the answers that I was truly seeking, without him being able to weasel out of them with minimal effort.

All while doing this, I fought to bring my gaze back up to him. Oh but it was just so difficult to try and read his expressions, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to. I couldn't look at the stallion before me, the one who first welcomed me to Helovia, who brought me to the throat. I couldn't look at his wounds, even in my anger towards him there was not an ounce in my body that truly wanted to see him harmed. I could not look at the way his mane danced in the wind, brushing against strong muscles and reminding me of the dance we once shared. I couldn't look at his large wings, the massive wings that caught me gently as I fell, whose feathers I had ripped out bitterly before spitting them at his feet. No, I couldn't look at any of these features. Not the glisten of his ebony coat in the desert sun, the golden speckles that adorned his hide and feathers, the stricking ivory markings...But his gaze...There was a physical pain in my chest that pulled at me when I felt his golden gaze on me, making it damn near impossible to face him while I stood there in fear.

Slowly and struggling, I lifted my gaze from the sand, up his legs, chest and neck, finally settling on his eyes. 'Damn him.' The thought came with the little leap in my heart, and a deep sigh emitted from my lips at last. "I...fear you, Morningstar.". There. There was everything I needed to say to him wrapped up into four simple words, carrying the weight of a thousand words behind them. Everything, from how I called him by his title to my choice of describing my emotions...They all lingered on those words, telling him just how much I distrusted him. Admitting that I did not know him anymore than I knew his name, how I felt as though there was a huge difference between the Bucephalus that danced alone with me in the desert than the one that I fought with in the fields and overheard at the borders. This stallion...The Morningstar...I did not know him, I could not believe him. He was nothing but a stranger to me by comparison.

Finally, with a lick of my lips, one of the most agonizing questions formulated in my mind that I simply could not keep to myself. ...H-how many...How many mares have there been, mares you either fucked or tried to fuck? As you so delicately put it before." I don't know what possessed me to ask that particular question, nothing good could have possibly come from it, by no means would it make me feel any better. Perhaps it was just a masochistic sense of interest that made me pry for the answer. As I waited for the stallion to answer, I thought back to the pink winged mare for a split second before trying to think of my next question.

[Image: spiderglowingsoftly_by_schwartze-d82gn7s.gif]

Verbal/Physical Abuse permitted, no permanently injuring or killing please.

Bucephalus the Morningstar Posts: 292
Hidden Account atk: 7 | def: 9.5 | dam: 4
Stallion :: Pegasus :: 16.1 :: 6 || Tallsun HP: 67 | Buff: NOVICE
Azeeza :: Orange-breasted Falcon :: None Tribs
#7


"I...fear you, Morningstar."

She feared me. I wanted to yell, to plead, to tell her that the Morningstar before her was the one that danced with her across the sands, the one that she had introduced beauty to in a songless land. Not the one that so callously tore her budding trust to pieces, the one that laughed when she cried and who sneered at her now, at me.

But to say so would be madness.

So I bit my tongue, watching her with a strange calmness, a faint cloud to my thoughts. It was...disturbing. I attributed it to the plant she gave me, and he hissed. He would believe that she would poison us, that she did so purposely to glean the answers she sought from ou-my lips.

But her question, the first of three, is one that has me rocking back on my heels in shock. Out of all the questions she could ask, out of them ALL, she chooses this one? One of the most trivial? Or...trivial to me, perhaps, but I cannot fathom her logic behind it, behind asking that. Who have I fucked or tried to. It's rather...awkward, really.

"Well... I have only truly 'fucked' fou-...well five women in my life. Aramere, Rhoannon, Ampere, Arvakl and Alija." Huh. I seemed to enjoy the 'A' mares... Weird. I blamed the plant for that rather amusing realization.

Onward to the next topic... "As for those I have made a pass towards... I know not the number." I'm not ashamed to admit such; how can one be expected to remeber every single almost-one-night-stand? The mares I had named, those I did end up screwing... they made impressions. Otherwise, honestly, I wouldn't have put forth the effort.

Aramere had been my beloved, my first and truly my last; my first to love and my last to love.

Rhoannon had been my mentor, my mistress, who seemed to enjoy teaching me all the facts of life...and it's pleasurable moments.

Ampere had snagged my attention from the start, snared me in her wildness and play, and admittedly I still longed to fly with her across the sky and continue our little affair.

Arvakl had been quite the interesting lay, and still keeps me on my toes about the safety of my twins, but she amuses me in her sarcasm and screeching... guess I like the banshees.

And Alija... I almost consider her a friend, as much as I can consider any. She does not despise me for what occurred between us, or the result.

I do not say these things to Morrigan, she does not need to hear them and I do not need to tear her wound, her trust, open more. Ironically, oddly, fascinatingly... I questioned which of us was the patient, and which one the doctor? Or were we both hurt and injured, seeking treatment from one that could not provide a full cure?

@[Morrigan]

"Altan's speech."
"Buce's speech."



Image Credit

Pixel by Aud

Morrigan Posts: 93
Hidden Account atk: 4 | def: 7 | dam: 7
Mare :: Equine :: 16 hands :: 7 Orangemoons HP: 63 | Buff: NOVICE
Pongo :: Bongo :: None Xyroca
#8



The seconds that ticked by seemed prolonged by the anticipation while I waited for the answer to my question, the least important of the three that I was going to ask however still holding a level of need all it's own. Auds flicked towards him as he answered me, the curiosity I felt only moments before suddenly dissolving into a disgusted nausea in the pit of my stomach. My muscles tightened as the stallion went so far as to mention their names, I resisted the urge to distort my face into an expression of utter revulsion as names I even recognized slipped off his lips like they were a part of his inventory list of the items in his bag. My crown popped back slightly, hardly noticeable as I realized that he listed Alija, scarlet orbs widening with surprise. Alija...I should have known, why I hadn't made the connection to her child earlier was beyond me. Part of me wanted to blurt out the question "Why her!?" Yet, I knew I couldn't sacrifice the other questions that I needed to ask him.

The names ran through my mind over and over, a glazed look overcoming my gaze as I pictured the warrior mare...Ampere. I had never met the blue vixen, merely recognized her from the times we would cross each other's paths to go about our days. The other names I didn't recognize at all, though I knew that at least one of them had to belong to the mare with rose colored wings that I had overheard at the boarder. I barely comprehended his words when he mentioned that he didn't know how many mares in total he had made a pass at, and for that I couldn't not really blame him - as much as it disheartened me. Instead, I was picturing the three mares that I knew about. Alija, Ampere, and the mystery mare...'Huh, evidently he is a man that prefers a woman of color.' A purple mare, a blue, and a pink winged paint...It was mildly interesting in distracting me.

While I mulled it over, I decided that the Morningstar was indeed keeping his word about telling the truth. There was no way I would be able to prove as such, but it was a number of mares that I hadn't even thought about in the past. 'Keep up this trust bullshit and you'll be added to that list...' The derogatory voice hissed in my ear again, but I pushed the self-humilition to the back of my mind in order to focus on the man before me. I wasn't sure how to respond to his list of names, at a loss for words regarding the entire situation. Why the hell did I even want to know that!? "Oh...Okay." Oh yes, lovely reaction. Moving on.

I knew what I wanted to ask next, but I fell short on just how I wanted to word it. "How-no. No, who-...No that won't work either." To be honest, I was losing my confidence in my ability to even get the questions out. My mouth had grown dry, my tongue feeling rough on the roof of my mouth and my lips beginning to stick together as though they were trying to keep from sounding any more foolish than I had already presented myself as. Finally, I settled on the best way to articulate what I needed to ask. "Why do you behave differently, speak differently, as though you are someone completely different than yourself in the presence of others? I've seen you change with little provocation, in the blink of an eye, from the night of our dance to the last day we spoke." Rubies now locked with the golden eyes of the stallion, narrowed slightly as I waited for his answer. It was a difficult question to even ask, what kind of answer would I even receive? 'I don't know what you're talking about?' Or perhaps 'I'm bipolar?' Or even 'Because I can?'


@[Bucephalus]
[Image: spiderglowingsoftly_by_schwartze-d82gn7s.gif]

Verbal/Physical Abuse permitted, no permanently injuring or killing please.


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