the Rift


[JUDGED] SO FRIGHTENING dragons and lightning

Ampere The Mother of Companions Posts: 719
Dragon's Throat Sultana atk: 9 | def: 11 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14 hh :: 6 years HP: 73 | Buff: DANCE
Kygo :: Green Cheek Conure :: None Blu
#1
ampere</style>
[Normal timeline. Magic and companions allowed. 3 posts each. Birdsong, on and off rain, Dragon's Throat oasis.]

Blue gaze leveled with the scaled mare that stood before her. She wasn't a warrior, at least not in title, but Ampere welcomed her interest in the arts. As she had told Africa last year, it was important that all of them knew how to fight. A slow smile traced a crazy line up her features as Ampere regarded her opponent. Like a gathering storm the blue pegasus felt the wild energy brewing between them, a sure sign that this fight would be one which she would enjoy.

It had been a while since she'd been able to lose herself into the battle dance, to actually be tested with some potential of unknown outcome. It couldn't have come at a better time either. Newly named Gladiator, freshly made mother, she had a lot of roles to fill in which she found little comfort - but this was not one of them. Here, in this battlefield metaphorically etched into the sands, she was confident in her place. Win or lose wasn't nearly as important as the fight; although victory was always something sweet to snack on, and after a losing streak as of late, she was more than willing to accept. Of course, accepting victory was not typically the hard part - earning it was.

A blue glance was cast towards some shrubbery where she left her son. Lips pursed in a thin line, a warning if he was watching to stay put. It was time for mommy to play.

I am the ocean, she thought, her focus centering on Amaris and what needed to be done to halt her body. Don't lose yourself a wiser part of her reminded quietly. She was here to teach after all, not to win or maim or laugh.

Quietly the wind raced through her mane, her feathers, pulling down a sprinkle from the heavens that dotted her already black coat darker. Muscles quivered with anticipation and wings hung loose, ready, at her sides. She'd let Amaris take the first move, if she'd have it.

"If you're comfortable, attack first - give me your best shot." Ampere grinned, confident she could take whatever the disciple threw at her. "If your not, then put up your shields because I'll be coming."
           I CAME HERE TO PARTY AND MESS SHIT UP.</style>

image credits


@ [Amaris]

SORRY HAD TO EDIT BECAUSE I GOT MY OPPONENT WRONG x.x all better now

Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, aside from death.

Amaris Posts: 299
World's Edge Philosopher atk: 5.5 | def: 8 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16h :: 4 years HP: 70 | Buff: NOVICE
Dramyrth :: Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Frost Breath Whit
#2
When the gladiator had accepted the girl's request to be taught more about what it took to become a warrior, she did not expect this.

Well, she did. But not so soon.

She wasn't ready. Not even a little bit.

Her mother and father had done all they could to teach the dragon-sisters self-defence, but being restricted with age and time, there was much left untouched. Natural fitness and stamina had been built up simply through living - and travelling - and spending time with their draconic counterparts. But none of that compared to what the girl faced now. Dragons might have teeth and tails and wings and fire, but their social structure was different to that of the equines (and pegasus and unicorns) of Helovia. They fought for different reasons, and Amaris was about to learn the weight those reasons carried.

A shaky breath was pulled in through quivering nostrils, as the girl attempted to mimic the gladiator before her, holding her wings out to her sides slightly, ready to take the battle to the skies if need be (a thought that horrified the girl). The head warrior was not tall of stature, but rope-like muscles were apparent all across her dark hide - at least the girl should not easily lose sight of her amongst the golden-white sands of their home. It was a pleasant enough day, at least as far as the weather was concerned - what was about to happen, Amaris was sure, would not be pleasant.

The girl lowered her tiara, mostly out of habit, wanting to appear smaller and more harmless like she did when meeting someone new for the first time. The sands were heavy beneath her hooved feet, recent sprinklings of rain making it less likely to churn up and obscure the view of her opponent - which also meant her pale golden and silver hide would be easily tracked as well.

Anticipation mingled with anxiety within the girl, combining until a confusing array of excitement won out; it was a necessary emotion for her to have if she were to actually go through with this. A gulp of air was swallowed as she nodded to the Gladiator's words; it was her attack. Attempting to call upon the lessons her mother instilled upon her of masking all the fear and worries that swirled within, the dragon surged forth, her path aimed roughly to meet head-on with the warrior, her speed that of a swift and serious trot. Ears slicked back as the girl swung her long, scythed tail to the right sharply, her hips following the path and swinging around too.

But she did not commit to the attack - she didn't want to strike the Gladiator down with the bony scythe that marked her as different amongst even her own hybrid kind. Amaris didn't want to draw blood - and perhaps that would be her downfall. So instead of striking with her tail, the girl darted forward from her new position, and instead kicked out with both hind legs, hoping to meet the dark mare's pectoral region with at least one of them.

[520 words
1/3 attack posts
0/1 closing defence ]
bg - table
No need to mirror my post length - I have a horrible case of the rambly writer syndrome!
I like being tagged!
You are always welcome to 'try' and use force/magic on Amaris, but similar to spar posts, leave it to me to decide how the damage is taken please~

Ampere The Mother of Companions Posts: 719
Dragon's Throat Sultana atk: 9 | def: 11 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14 hh :: 6 years HP: 73 | Buff: DANCE
Kygo :: Green Cheek Conure :: None Blu
#3
ampere</style>
If only Ampere had some insight into Amaris' thoughts, then she could know this strange girl whom called upon the art of war, but did not labor under it. She could have seen the insecurities that the hybrid trifled with, she could have soothed them (maybe). Whatever prejudices Amaris had faced before did not roost in Ampere's thoughts; she was far too concerned with trying to combat the natural armor the mare wore, wondering if it slowed her like the crafted kind, if it was heavy, or itchy, or strong. Not one fond of defensive items herself, Ampere nonetheless found it fucking awesome.

Probably for the best Ampere didn't know her thoughts, she had enough of her own to concern her. Besides, Amaris was hardly mysterious. Although she was noticeably reserved, she was a far cry from shy; with little more than a second thought Amaris picked up speed and coursed through the sands, battle upon her 'brow. Ampere grinned, proud to see such courage.

While Amaris initiated, Ampere worked to transform the dust kicked up in her wake. The smaller particles of organic matter were easier to rearrange into its purest form of energy. Although thousands of grains of sand littered the space at her hooves, to separate them out was nearly as consuming as dealing with something large and whole, so the gladiator used her opponent to her advantage. Blue sparks blossomed like flowers from the discarded dust, humming softly as they spun into something larger behind Amaris.

Lightning touched gaze flicked from her work to the mare at hand as her approach obliterated the space between them. Muscles tensed under a black coat, ears which had tilted back to hide from the rain sunk lower as war buzzed between them. Ampere prepared her teeth to deflect the dragon mare, to find out for herself just how strong that golden armor built on blood was. Ready, steady, she told herself, poised to evade the head on collision. Or she was, until Amaris suddenly spun away to the right.

Eyes, so hungry for motion, darted as the spiked tail swerved sideways. Ampere's flesh rippled in response, head thrown back, teeth slipping beneath their fleshy sheath as Ampere is forced to retreat. Front legs stiffened as her ass tucked, body jerked backwards, but too late, too slow despite her agility and her speed. Such was the downfall of standing instead of moving; momentum was harder to engage when it was stationary, a truth for any being, be they slow or fast.

Maybe if it had been the scythe which whipped into her Ampere could have beaten it, but like a magician, Amaris used it as a distraction technique, her hooves swinging into the space and time which was left, unfurling heavily against Ampere's exposed and taut breast. One hoof even collided with her throat, her short stature no doubt throwing off the taller mare's aim. The impact of their force was immediate. Ampere staggered backwards, almost toppling over as sand caught about her hooves and darkness swam in her vision, but her flared wings managed to keep her upright. After a few useless steps Ampere stopped all together, though hardly by choice. Her body warred with itself, legs splayed wide to maintain balance while Ampere's head dropped, abruptly heavy. Her gaze blurred and blackness crept in at its rims, a threat of unconsciousness as a result of her windpipe collapsing momentarily. Thankfully they had just started fighting, so Ampere's muscles were not so greedy for oxygen that she couldn't recover after a few gasping, hacking, awful moments of suffocation. Still, it brought her to a complete standstill, assisted with the resounding fire that blazed its fury across her chest, deep bruising affecting the musculature and its flexibility. Swelling was already obvious, a testament not only to Amaris' mark, but also her strength.

In that moment Ampere knew that she couldn't afford another full strike from Amaris, friendly spar or not. In an effort to occupy the golden dragon, Ampere sent the electricity she'd harvested. Shaped into a serpent the blue mass swerved along the sands towards Amaris, its outline crackling and at times marred by violent arcs of lightning which popped free. It tried to strike up Amaris' left front leg, electric fangs seeking to numb and disable that region of her body for the time being. It would give Ampere time to recollect.

Time was short either way. Gritting her teeth Ampere forced herself into an unsteady, limping trot. She kept close to Amaris, winding a circle through the sands, eyes trained on the surprising disciple. Every step hurt, but flight would only compound the effects of her bruises even more. "Stay moving," Ampere croaked, though if to herself or Amaris was uncertain.


A: 1/3
D: 0/0
W: 799


YOUR POST

You did a great job on your post, as expected considering your long experience with fighting :P

You had a great distraction attack, always a good idea when starting and going head on, as otherwise it's hard to imagine why it couldn't just be dodged. I also like the motivation behind not following through with the attack which was the distraction, her tail, which ties in the realism nicely with emotion. You kept your timing great and explaining their relative positioning well so that I had no problem following you with how this attack went down.

I would have liked to see more of what Amaris did after landing, especially since you had the words left. It's a great way to set yourself up for better success in your next post, so that it's more realistic if you need to dodge my attack or even make one of your own. You don't have to go running away, in fact I rather dislike that because there's not as much time as people think in fights and you usually can't be running away far, plus it really restricts your opponent's possibilities (which in and of itself can be an advantage...). However just stating something like, "As Amaris' hooves all came back together on the sand, she drew into herself, ready to bound forward or to the side if the gladiator retaliated, wings at the ready to aid in balance or deflection..."

I thought you had some good emotion in this, particularly the bit where she tried to make herself look smaller. So I definitely felt Amaris all in the post, however I wanted to know more about why she was doing this, or more about what her past was like. You touch a little bit on her parents teaching her some skills, and the differences of dragons vs. horses, but you had the room for more detail. For instance, was the teachings of her parents what encouraged her to continue her training now? Why is she a disciple instead of a warrior? Does she consider herself a horse, or a dragon, and how does that impact her choices to fight since as you say, there's different motivations for each species? What is she hoping to gain from this? How does she feel about her opponent, intimidated because it's the gladiator, uncertain because she's small and loud etc?

You did great bringing in the scenery and talking about the rain's affects on the sand and their coloration on the sand, but you never really used it when you attacked, so it's not really holding a lot of worth. If you had said something like, when Amaris turned suddenly to fire out her kick, some wet sand clinging to her also flew out perhaps hitting Ampere, or it was harder to turn on because the top layer was slightly wet, that would have really solidified it. Same with the breed references, you touched on them, but didn't use them much. Amaris has a huge strength score compared to Ampere, so that might be a good thing to mention in your next post since I'm assuming Amaris didn't intend to cause that much damage.


MY POST

I really struggled with emotion and good wording in this post. I feel like compared to some it's rather barren as far as prose is concerned, so knowing this, but still needing to post, I tried to focus on some other aspects of my score to make sure this wasn't a complete failure.

I focused on ensuring that I took enough damage for Amaris' 6 roll, although back to my wording issues, I hoped I conveyed enough of how extensive the injury was. I'm already anticipating to have Ampere severely hindered in movement and therefore attacks/defenses because of the chest attack - and the chest is really part of everything a horse does. However, for proper injury consideration, I need to make sure it's explained enough here, so hopefully I did! It's always easy to explain injuries when you're bloody, or burned, or falling, but something like this wasn't as noticeably horrific since it's more internal, but those can still be full damage if written correctly.

I also tried to bring in more breed and surroundings mentions, hence having the sand help trip up Ampere and commenting that maybe Amaris kicked her throat because of their big size difference. I also bring in Amaris strength and Ampere's speed and agility (even if she failed to utilize them), however again my wording weakened their inclusion a bit so hopefully they still left an impact!

Because I had Ampere standing still when Amaris attack, it cut out a lot of believable options. That's why I set up ahead of time Ampere's magic attack, because otherwise it wouldn't have been realistic for her to suddenly recover and attack Amaris like normal - that would have been discounting her injuries and the depth of damage Amaris dealt with a 6 roll.
           I CAME HERE TO PARTY AND MESS SHIT UP.</style>

image credits

Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, aside from death.

Amaris Posts: 299
World's Edge Philosopher atk: 5.5 | def: 8 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16h :: 4 years HP: 70 | Buff: NOVICE
Dramyrth :: Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Frost Breath Whit
#4
Had the girl known that her hooves were so powerful, she never would have used them, or filled them with all the power her generous haunches held. As it was, the girl was hardly expecting to be too good at her first ever true strike against another being, she was convinced that her hooves would meet nothing but thin air, that she would simply complete her bucking kick and then fall to whatever attack came at her from her opponent. But she didn't feel the seamless flow of her legs arcing up into the air. No, she felt the jarring impact of hoof-against-flesh, and it sent a torrent of horror through her.

Whipping her crown around her right shoulder, she tried to see what damage she had wrought. The gladiator before her seemingly crumpled, and Amaris watched with panic as she struggled to stand and breathe. I've killed her, the girl thought with terrible guilt and shame, wanting to rush forward to help the gladiator who now didn't seem so big and indestructible, but rather frail and breakable.

The girl wasn't given much opportunity to worry however, as in her distraction, the gladiator had proven her multitasking capabilities were sharp. A snake like none she had ever seen before (and yet she could call it nothing other than snake) , crackling over the sands, slithered towards her left side. As she had just been looking to the right, when it struck at her as fast and suddenly and randomly as lightning would strike, her reaction was all grace.

The girl reacted much like a cat does when startled - she leapt into the air, wings unfurled to give her some (but not nearly enough) lift, tail lashing wildly, head tossing. A startled snort left her maw as the thing latched onto her left foreleg, the sensation not dissimilar to that of her own spirit companions' touch - only it had much more inconvenient lingering effects. The sharp jolt lasted only seconds, but in its aftermath Amaris found herself landing upon a leg she could no longer feel.

An ear flicked to the croaking voice of Ampere, an order to stay moving being heard, but not quite enacted. As she went to take a step forward, she could not tell when her left fore touched upon the sandy basin and so nearly fell upon her own face as it remained uselessly bent too round - she had basically tried to take a step onto her knee. Snorts erupted multiple times from her nostrils as frustration and panic built up once more, the girl without realising it calling upon the magic that summoned her spirit companions in her fluster.

As she steadied herself, she trained her eye upon the movements of her gladiator, who was sketching a circle around her. Stay moving, she had said, but Amaris could not no such thing, not yet. So when, seemingly from nowhere, a bright red light and green light appeared, the girl almost cried for the joy and relief she felt. They did not distract her with pleasantries however - they got straight to business.

No fire, the girl pleaded as the dragons whined mentally at her command, but like the loyal companions they had been when alive, they obeyed, and helped their mistress as best they could. As the red screeched a sharp call as near to Ampere's ears as she could get, hovering somewhere to the left of Ampere's head, the green darted in from the other side, and tried to fly directly into the electric blue gaze of the Gladiator.

The raw feeling of a soul clashing into one's body was nigh impossible to describe, but it was not nearly as devastating as the magic Ampere had wrought. With a nod Amaris then pushed herself forward, clumsy as feeling groggily made its pins-and-needlely way back into her foreleg, hoping to catch up with the dark mare (should she still be moving), and place a bite upon her right flank, well behind the wing joint but not out of reach of the feathers the joint held aloft. Teeth designed for ripping flesh were revealed, and again the girl hesitated, not wanting to draw blood - but finally, she resolved, she might have to.

She was too dragon to be entirely equine, but too equine to be entirely dragon. Among one species, she was too soft, among another, too hard. As her teeth reached out for the flesh of her momentary mentor, she abandoned her equine heritage, farewelled it with a savage bite as she became a huntress, a dragon queen. Her companions regathered their bright soul-lights somewhere above them, prepared to return should the girl only ask.

[ 784 words according to MS Word.
2/3 attack
0/1 defence
@[Ampere]
MY REPLIES WILL GET FASTER I SWEAR SORRY D: ]

bg - table
No need to mirror my post length - I have a horrible case of the rambly writer syndrome!
I like being tagged!
You are always welcome to 'try' and use force/magic on Amaris, but similar to spar posts, leave it to me to decide how the damage is taken please~

Ampere The Mother of Companions Posts: 719
Dragon's Throat Sultana atk: 9 | def: 11 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14 hh :: 6 years HP: 73 | Buff: DANCE
Kygo :: Green Cheek Conure :: None Blu
#5
ampere</style>
It gradually got easier as she moved. Not because it hurt any less, but because the pain became such a constant it wasn't so assaulting anymore. Ampere always appreciated fights for the hurt you gained though. Battle provided the unique opportunity of immediate and honest results. Do poorly, ouch, do well, you get to wipe your opponent's blood off. How many other areas of life doled out such just and fair retribution? None, came her heart's instant response, weighted with the lies and the scars it bore from countless moments of unclaimed righteous vengeance.

Here, in the dirt and the sun, with the sweat and blood, there was always justice.

It came for Ampere as her magic took hold of Amaris' limb, startling the hybrid into the air like a cat. Despite herself Ampere let loose a quipping laugh, though it hurt enough to quickly quiet her, suggesting she focus on moving through the sands as she had advised earlier. Each stride prolonged the ache of her stricken muscles, reminding her that she needed to end this spar sooner than later. Time to get in there, she pushed herself, teeth gritting as she suddenly dove to the right, towards Amaris. In that time however, the girl had summoned her phantasmal friends, their bodies a spinning swirl of Christmas colors that were directed straight at Ampere.

Her first experience with them was the shrill scream that the red delivered into her ear. Too slow she pinned them to her neck, jerking her head away to the right side, but the echo of the song continued to rattle within, distracting her from the second dragon that dove just past her. The act of wildly slinging her head around had saved her from the undoubtedly uncomfortable sensation of having spirit dragon goo in her eyes, but all of it left her very scattered and ignorant to Amaris' unsheathed teeth. By chance Ampere had already started to flap her wings in an attempt to chase off the specters, a movement which helped deflect the fangs that Amaris aimed at her right flank. Instead of the blood the disciple was pondering, only a local bruise remained as proof of their clash.

The sensation of passing teeth drew the gladiator's attention back to her opponent, the dragons having spiraled into the sky. Ampere utilized the momentum she had acquired from her initial lunge and proceeding evasion, all of these events happening in rapid succession. Her feet spun in the sand, chest aching as it stretched, forelegs striking the air as Ampere shoved herself onward with the strength of her coiled haunches. Lips withdrew to return fire at Amaris, stretching up to reach the tall mare's neck where she intended to set her bite and test the armored scales and hide for herself.

Ampere had meant to arrive on the right side of Amaris, but fell short from the stiffness in her chest, her mobility further diminished by the giving ground of the Throat desert which crumpled beneath the forces she applied. Set more in front of Amaris, Ampere didn't let herself miss the new opportunity. She reached out with her airborne forelegs; they were already coming down from her lunge, her forward motion continuing to press her towards and into Amaris, but Ampere swept them towards the ground with extended emphasis, trying to catch one of Amaris' fore limbs in the process. Were this a more serious battle Ampere would have tried to disable her opponent by going for the knees, but in this, she only wanted to help Amaris shave her legs, and hopefully force the girl back in a subconscious show of submission.

"Take every opportunity!" Ampere grunted when she pulled her head back, lips resettling over her pale dentures. "Don't waste any moment, any movement! Ampere had always been one for the environment, but only in battle did she also become a conservationist.


A: 2/3
D: 0/0
W: 657

@[Amaris]


YOUR POST

I really enjoyed your set up of your attack. It really trapped me into it, leaving me few options for a realistic and successful evasion, and flowed seamlessly with your writing and realistic timing! Similarly I felt your defensive response to Ampere's magic attack was great, especially with the numbness affecting your ability to stand at first. I did just need a bit more clarification on the injury part of it though, since rolling a 1 damage meant hardly no injury was sustained, which I did gather, but it wasn't overly clear that the effects were brief and overall undamaging.

Similarly I felt you trying to mention the surroundings when she tripped in the sands due to her numb leg, and the sand, but it still felt like you were just saying "oh I tripped and there was sand" rather than "I tripped because there was sand". For instance, a couple more words would have made that a great scenery mention, if you had clarified that the sand gave under your landing, coupled with your numb leg, which caused you to fell and how harder ground probably would have left you in a smoother recovery.

Overall I felt a lot more disconnected from Amaris in this post. I was really expecting a big emotional response from her for how much damage she dealt Ampere on her first attack, and how that was going to influence her attacks hence forward. Was she proud of herself? Did she find Ampere weak because of it? Was she going to intentionally curb her attacks from then on? I did get a little bit of surprise, but it was fleeting. I did also get a small sense of her reigning in her power, such as asking the dragons not to burn Ampere, but then you also go and have no issues trying to bite her until she bleeds, so it conflicted a bit. More clarification with why she was asking the dragons to hold back would also have helped give her visible motive and emotion.

MY POST

I was feeling a bit better with those post, even if I struggled for hours with it (distracted, lol). I really loved your attack and knew that to make timing work I would also have to be fast, so I made sure to mention that in my post, since sometimes clearly explaining everything can make it feel drawn out. I didn't want that feeling to remain, so I made sure to visibly state my timing, adding to the realism and readability.

I love whenever I can use a defense into a counter attack. In this post I was able to take Ampere's rightward turn of her head, and take it to lead her into her turn towards Amaris, driving her assault. Similarly whenever I can take one thing and make it work a couple times, just awesome, so her wing helped her deflect the dragons, and Amaris' bite. It helps save time and words, so a win win.

Because of how big the damage was last post I knew I had to be sure to not only mention it this post, but have it affect me, hence having Ampere's attack fall short. Rather than have that end my attack though, I let her use it to her advantage, turning a negative into a positive which can work really well with a sprinkle of emotion. I also utilized scenery, having her stride shortened by the sand, and breed, mentioning how she had to reach and stretch to bite Amaris (which in turn aggravates her injury again).

I probably could have given a bit more of emotion myself, especially since I had the words to use for it, but I'm happy with balancing the beginning, and ending, and leaving crumbs in the middle of Ampere which should hopefully impact the judge. The biggest thing with emotion isn't that it has to be massive or even impressive, just that it has to be there, everywhere, because it holds hands with the realism. You act because of a thought, a feeling, a desire, so link them!
           I CAME HERE TO PARTY AND MESS SHIT UP.</style>

image credits

Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, aside from death.

Amaris Posts: 299
World's Edge Philosopher atk: 5.5 | def: 8 | dam: 6.5
Mare :: Hybrid :: 16h :: 4 years HP: 70 | Buff: NOVICE
Dramyrth :: Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Frost Breath Whit
#6
The girl’s actions were clumsy, as her foreleg dragged a shallow trench in the sand, still partially numb from its clash with the static snake. It forced her to use muscles differently, to strain as she urged swift movement from it, to grow ever more anxious as the idea of fighting fought with her desire to not hurt anyone, to appear harmless and small and not like a dragon. But she was a dragon, and as she embraced this fact she felt that anxiety within her turn to resolve, and ultimately, she accepted her fate. The queen within her would roar triumphant this day, as the dragon-girl became less of a girl and wholly and completely a dragon.

Wings flapped their dander-ful feathers in her face, the dust of the black mare's movements causing the dragon's path to deviate and soften. The salty crimson liquid was not felt upon her tongue but instead the sandy, gritty texture of dirty fur and skin. Annoyance didn't flicker through the young dragon's mind, but rather relief - though she was slowly embracing her vicious side, she wasn't quite there yet - she still did not want to hurt Ampere to the point of disability or death (but then, she wondered, when was the fight ever going to end, if all she did was tickle and taunt?)

The two echoes of very real dragons above her thought differently, and their lustful natures coursed through her, feeling the queen rise within her and clinging to it. This is how you will finish the fight, they said to her, this is how you will win. But Amaris did not want to win, she did not want to be responsible for hurting another- even if that other is hurting you? The thought was a bold one, a loud one, sent by the more tenacious red spirit she had called upon today. It was against this thought that her ears did flatten tighter against her poll, before the girl felt a flaring pain on her right cheekbone.

The flutter of wings and sands had obscured much of the pegasus' motions, and as such, the teeth that scraped against the bony protrusion of her facial crest caught the girl almost entirely off-guard. Outrage surged within her, though it was not originally from her - the dragon above could not contain their fury, as they dove. No fire! the golden one pleaded, and while the blue obeyed, the red was far less willing to listen. The scrape upon her cheek stung, the skin having been peeled back by tooth and friction, stopping at the abrupt blaze of scales that ran down the centre of her visage. Her eyes watered from the pain, and as such, she could not see her draconic friends anymore, and was relying entirely upon feeling their motions and intentions.

As the red dove and circled to try and put herself behind the dark mare, the blue winked out of existence. Just as Ampere's forelegs came crashing towards her own forelegs, Amaris lifted them, aiming to push herself forward and into the other mare so that the fire that was to come did not burn her. Her left foreleg seemed to gain its normal feeling back just in time for her to feel the scratching scrape of another blow from the mare, as fore-hoof struck cannon bone and ran its length. But Amaris' mind was too focussed on other things, too scared and afraid at what was about to unfold.

As the red's maw opened to release a river of flame aimed at the dark mare's haunches, Amaris pushed herself forward, ducking slightly to her right so as to aim the bulk of her chest into the shorter mare's shoulder and barrel, unwittingly attempting and attack that could leave the other mare in the dustpan that was their home. "LOOK OUT!" she shouted even as Ampere voiced her next instructions, her own voice full of worry and panic as she flared her leathery wings wide in attempts to absorb the worst of the flames on them. It was far batter for her dragon-scaled hide to simply grow warm from the flame's touch than for her Gladiator and mentor to become a roast chicken. Her right wing felt some of the flames, but that meant nothing should she fail to prevent her master from being scorched.

The red's hold upon her was tight; it took immense concentration for Amaris to cut ties with it, to send it back to its other dimension. Even among my own kind, monsters exist, she thought tiredly, pulling away from the mare with a wincing step, wondering if she was about to be berated for losing control, or perhaps calling and arranging a funeral for a mentor she had accidentally cooked.

[ 798 words according to MS word.
3/3 attack
0/1 defence
@[Ampere] ]

bg - table
No need to mirror my post length - I have a horrible case of the rambly writer syndrome!
I like being tagged!
You are always welcome to 'try' and use force/magic on Amaris, but similar to spar posts, leave it to me to decide how the damage is taken please~

Ampere The Mother of Companions Posts: 719
Dragon's Throat Sultana atk: 9 | def: 11 | dam: 4.5
Mare :: Pegasus :: 14 hh :: 6 years HP: 73 | Buff: DANCE
Kygo :: Green Cheek Conure :: None Blu
#7
ampere</style>
Although so different at first look, Ampere and Amaris had a lot more in common than either of them realized. It was apparent enough in the way the golden girl had a natural affinity for war, born a fighter even if she didn't wear it by name. She had to be, to fight the demons that raged on inside. Both of them battled with themselves on a daily basis, equally combating the world. It was a shame they used their energy to fight each other, rather than the darkness that seeped in at the edges of the horizon and in their hearts.

Sometimes you had to fight friends, to be strong enough to fight your enemies. Ampere did not seek to maim the dragon, only to test her, to know her in this most intimate of ways. In doing so they would both be lifted up, hardened and fortified with the dust of the desert and the sweat of their spar.

Ampere smiled against the rough scales of the dragon-girl, invigorated by the strength she found when she'd reached out, looking. Although she had no right to it, Ampere felt pride for this spitfire of a mare. The feeling swelled as Amaris took the surprisingly bold decision to push into her, rather than retreat from her onslaught. Ampere's delight could not withstand the girl's might however, and though their close proximity didn't give Amaris the strength she needed to fully uproot Ampere from the sandy surface, she certainly had the power to drive the Gladiator back.

Ampere's hind legs grappled with the red dust as she dug in to try and resist the dragon titan, but having just regained her balance, and not being as solidly built, Ampere was forced to resign to the fate of stepping back, of giving ground like a coward. Gritting her teeth with well contained anger Ampere swung abruptly to her right, an attempt at breaking the force as well as seeking relief. The musculature in her chest unable to maintain the charade of fortitude and balance; it still ached with the residual damage that was stiffening with every stride she pushed it through. Although she'd gained plenty of stamina in her line of work, Ampere couldn't play this game forever, least of all with her ragged forehand.

Amaris seemed to have similar thoughts of ending this, choosing to go out with a flare.

Before she could even register what she was seeing, fire descended upon the left of Ampere, its warmth preceding its hurt. Swift, merciless, the dragon fire fled on the heels of Ampere's turn, and spurred her into forward momentum. Likely still close to one another, Amaris certainly provided a nice shield of flesh and scale, but it didn't keep the flames from licking at Ampere's ass, even as she tucked it and bolted forward as quickly as her small, stout body could carry her. Fire lit up the inside of her thighs; a very outward source of heat than the internal one she was accustomed to in that region. An indignant squeal erupted from Ampere's nostrils as her head dropped between her bruised, ruined chest, the counterweight motion giving her hind legs the freedom to sail outward. It was an instinctual reaction to the pain she felt back there, and it was shortened by the staggering agony that flooded in her chest as she forced her weight onto it fully. Her hind hooves shot out fast and furious, but low and light, nearest to Amaris' left hind.

Meanwhile embers crawled up Ampere's tail, while smoke wafted off her posterior feathering. Though hard to notice, the black hairs on her coup had been singed away to reveal her black skin beneath, raw and aggravated by its naked exposure to the extreme desert. If not attended to quickly, the burn could cause later damage to her flesh, drying and cracking it. They were done here, thank the gods!

"Enough!" Ampere croaked, winded, as she landed from her impromptu buck, finishing off a few paces away while she'd reigned in her kinetic energy and her hurt. "You fight well," she praised upon turning to set the blue of her gaze upon the golden dragon, "but I wish it was me you were fighting." Ampere's head tilted, perplexed with the disciple before her. She'd noticed, now in the aftermath of it all, that Amaris had warned her with a shout (confusing noise in the midst of it all), and had used her own body to purposefully block Ampere. She'd been fighting something else out there, but regardless of what or who it was, the mare was a spitfire. "You're welcome to be a warrior of mine any day." Ampere grinned.


A: 3/3
D: 0/0
W: /800


YOUR POST

I was really blown away by your post! I thought you did an excellent job all around with portraying solid, constant emotion, and a great, well detailed attack! I had a hard time actually figuring out how to respond to it, keeping to my damage roll.

With that in mind though I do think the judges might nail you for taking too much damage, since you end your post saying Amaris takes some of her own attack (which is awesome), but I felt she already sustained enough damage just from Ampere's attack in this post. You either should have lessened Ampere's damage to her, or made your writing more open ended for Amaris to potentially take the damage from the fire next post.

Your prose was lovely in this too, some really awesome quotes in here <3

MY POST

As I said above I had a hard time figuring out what I could realistically do to fit for my damage roll of 2, because your attack was killer! I might still get nailed for some unrealistic maneuvering as it is, more so timing wise than anything, but hopefully I explained it fully enough - at this point it's taken me days to get this reply up so I'm ready to finish and be happy that I got my word count wrangled under 800 lol.

You can see I included some breed references again, trying to use them to explain Ampere's reasonings and actions, and similarly I had her injury affecting her here (you did great with your injuries in your post!). I probably could have done more with the surroundings, but I wanted to focus on giving myself room to explain my evasion and maintain some emotion through the post.

           I CAME HERE TO PARTY AND MESS SHIT UP.</style>

image credits

Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, aside from death.

Sevin the Sucky, I mean are you a # or vacuum? Posts: 161
OOC Account
Mare :: Other :: 5'5" :: 25
Sevin
#8
Default to Ampere

Parital judging requested

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9
By my verdict: AMARIS is the winner!

AMARIS
Realism [+2]
:: In your post 2, you definitely could have taken slightly less damage from Ampere’s attack, considering that she only rolled a 1. That said, Amaris’ response to the attack was beautiful. I loved that she was surprised, and the way that she responded to that surprise.
:: In post 3, I’m glad you’re still remembering your injuries, but I still think that the electricity damage you took was too much, considering the lower dice roll.
:: while the blue obeyed, Is this a new dragon? It was green in post 2.
:: I love that you took some damage from yourself in post 3. Great job! It really worked in well with the emotion.
:: I never really got any mention of breed differences from you, and the scenery mentioned was very cursory.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: I felt like you wanted to give me good emotion in your first post, but I wasn’t entirely grabbed by what I read. I felt more like I was being told what she was feeling, and less like I was experiencing it.
:: There is so much possibility for depth of emotion with Amaris- I want to know so much more about why she’s feeling the way she’s feeling. In some ways it’s good that you’re able to draw me in, wanting to know more. In other ways, it’s bad that I feel like I don’t have enough.
:: Why no fire? You keep bringing it up, but I don’t really know why yet. I understand she doesn’t want to hurt Ampere, but I feel like there is something deeper here.


Prose [+2]
:: When the gladiator had accepted the girl's request to be taught more about what it took to become a warrior, she did not expect this. I’m not sure exactly what about this is off, but it read super awkwardly to me. That said, the intent of the sentence was a great grabber and way to start a post.
:: So instead of striking with her tail, the girl darted forward from her new position, and instead kicked out with both hind legs, hoping to meet the dark mare's pectoral region with at least one of them. Just another awkward sentence. I think this easily could have been split into two.
:: Stay moving, she had said, but Amaris could not no such thing, not yet. Could do no such thing?
:: the dragon above could not contain their fury, as they dove. Dragons.
:: unwittingly attempting and attack that could leave the other mare in the dustpan that was their home. An.


Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns.

Finally tally: 42 + (8.5*2) = 59HP

*******************************************

AMPERE
Realism [+3]
:: Great response to Amaris’ attack in your post 1. I know you were running out of words by that point, but I would have liked to see some mention of how Ampere being hit so solidly might have affected her magic that was otherwise just pooling up behind Amaris.
:: Set more in front of Amaris, Ampere didn't let herself miss the new opportunity. Don’t decide where you are in relation to Amaris, especially considering how much your positioning has changed since Amaris posted.
:: You did a good job of consistently working in breed differences. The scenery was used once or twice, but I would have liked to see how the sand was affecting Ampere’s movements. Alternately, mention of how her training on the sand made it so that she was not hindered would have worked.


Emotion [+1.5]
:: Not one fond of defensive items herself, Ampere nonetheless found it fucking awesome. I giggled. Nice!
:: Even so, emotion in your post 1 was a little bland, considering the depth of Ampere’s character.
:: The act of wildly slinging her head around had saved her from the undoubtedly uncomfortable sensation of having spirit dragon goo in her eyes, Also funny- I love the humor this fight is bringing out in Ampere!


Prose [+3]
:: Probably for the best Ampere didn't know her thoughts, she had enough of her own to concern her. Just being nit-picky here, but I think that comma would have been better as a semi-colon or a dash- something slightly stronger than a comma was needed for the effect I think you were going for.
:: Ampere's flesh rippled in response, head thrown back, teeth slipping beneath their fleshy sheath as Ampere is forced to retreat. Tense-switching.
:: Though hard to notice, the black hairs on her coup had been singed away Croup, I presume.


Readability [+2.5]
:: I know you tried hard to clarify the time frame of that the long list of events you had to write about in Post 2. Even so, it still seemed a little dragged out and difficult to piece together, although I’m not sure there was much of a way to fix it.

Finally tally: 38.5 + (10*2) = 58.5HP


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