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02-05-2015, 07:27 AM
RIDERS ON THE_ S T O R M bronzehalo.deviantart.com |
please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts
I write what I feel at the time
and hope everyone else does the same c:
HELOVIA || The Way to the Sun
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[challenge] the silence has shattered [bucephalus]
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[challenge] the silence has shattered [bucephalus]
the Rift
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[challenge] the silence has shattered [bucephalus]
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please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts I write what I feel at the time and hope everyone else does the same c:
02-07-2015, 03:12 PM
I knew. Even as the words just slipped from my lips, deep in my gut there was a feeling that she would not simply accept her error, and I my own, and we would leave the border in moderate peace. No... No, she was too much like Gaucho, like all the other damn warriors here that seemed to resort to fighting more than any sort of compromise.
This day, needless blood would be spilled. Blood that could have been avoided, could have been prevented, had either of us been just a little less proud. "No." I almost wish to slump with resignation, for the mare has chosen which path she would like us to skip merrily down, further into our own destruction, all in the name of pride. I was not without fault, but I couldn't help the feeling that we could have avoided all this with ease. I offered her a chance, as did she offer me, yet both of us refused the trembling offer of peace the other extended. A blaze of pain tearing down my neck tore me from my mind, and I jerked back, just in time to feel her feet clip my chest, knocking the wind from my lungs. He roars, calling for her blood at the throbbing pain lancing through my neck, and I cannot agree more. Pride was at stake, for both of us, well, three of us. I am too tired to fight, my thoughts muddled and distracted, so for the first time in my life, I willingly surrender to him. I will deal with the consequences later. He takes rein, and for once we think as one. Our chest heaves, and for a moment we can't draw enough air into our lungs, too stunned by the hit across our chest. Then air finally pulls into our lungs, filling us up, and together we let loose a bellow filled with all the fury of a hurricane, calling blood for blood. Her back is to us, and we take advantage, rearing up to lash out towards her hindquarters, but we know the hazards, and the moment our feet drop down, we move. Vision tinted red by the throbbing pain in our neck and the increasing ache in our chest, we snarl. She would pay for every bruise and cut on our body, for every blow to our pride. Wings unfurl, pumping the air furiously, stirring the sand that already hovered in the air into a stinging frenzy. Against our own hide it lashes, adding to the rawness her teeth left across our neck, but it, like our fury, is directed at her. White teeth flash from peeled lips in a grin, for as we stir this little hurricane of sand and dust we move to the left, away from where we were, gaze focused upon the skymare before us. He wanted her broken, I wanted her apology, and while our goals were different, right here and right now we were one, intent on taking our pound of flesh from her. The sands would be tainted red this day. "Speech." WC: 508/800 Attack: 1/4 Closing Defense: 0/1 Summary: Caught off guard by Cirrus's initial attack, her teeth tears the skin down his neck, and he stumbles to the side just as Cirrus lashes out with her hind hooves, and instead of hitting his shoulder the blow lands across his chest. He is stunned for a few seconds, before he rears and lashes out in retaliation, aiming to plant his forehooves across her rump before he backs up. Then he unfurls his wings and begins stirring up the sands as a cover as he moves around to her left side. @[Cirrus] Bucephalus the Morningstar
watch out because I don't hold back keep pressing cause I'll never crack  Pixel by Aud
02-09-2015, 03:07 AM
please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts I write what I feel at the time and hope everyone else does the same c:
02-10-2015, 10:35 PM
The sand is doing it's job, and while our own eyes are squinted against the onslaught of sand from every backstroke, we care little. At her struggles to see, we grin like a wolf, the satisfaction welling within our breast is a delight, and we savor each moment she flounders. Let the bitch be blinded by the very place she desired to call 'home'! Let her see that fucking with the Morningstar was the worst idea she could possibly think of! Already we can picture her forced apology, sweet and delicious as revenge tends to be. Loosing mattered little to us, truly, we would still have the satisfaction of seeing our marks upon that coat to remind her that we were not to be trifled with. Suddenly, she moves, differently than before, sending something hurtling towards us, something of a silver as wicked as Mara's belly. We bend our forelegs quickly, sending us to our knees as we drop to avoid the silver streak. Searing pain slithers across the top of our right shoulder, the weapon leaving a long yet shallow wound. Heat, something not exactly wanted in the sun's growing presence, drips down from the gash, and the pain tinges our vision red. The. Fucking. Bitch. Oh, she was going to REGRET doing that. She draws close, and it gives us a chance we relish. Quickly, spine bends taut like a drawn bowstring before we explode into movement, trying to shove against the mare on her way past us and into the sky. Hopefully that would disrupt her flight enough to give us a chance to get airborne as well. Swiftly we get to our feet, sprinting away from the dust storm we had created, our strong wings pumping the air, demanding that it carry us into the realm of danger and adrenaline. We are granted entrance. Quickly our body ascends, gaze locked upon the sky-mare as we gain altitude, every feather practically singing, each one oh so critical to the maneuvers we hold dear. In this, she would have the advantage... if she could only blind me as I had her down below. Her dark head and legs, and the top of her wings did not change as the sky did, no. That was our clue, that was her weakness. "Tell me dear woman, have you ever danced with a falcon?" We call, flashing a grin towards her. Our angle changes, and we climb, higher and higher to try and put distance between our body and hers. The wind was our lover, our mistress, the entity that never let us down(except for when she did. Then it hurt). We take a deep breath of the crisp, cool air as we climb, taking stock of our various pains. Worst of the wounds seemed to be the tear down our neck, it burned and hurt and throbbed and shit did it hurt. More than we would have thought, considering how little it had hurt when she first introduced those lovely pearly whites to our dark hide. We shove the pain inventory away, focusing our thoughts as we reach prime altitude. Our gaze drifts, focusing upon the dark head of the sky-mare, picking her out with ease due to her dark points. We hover for less than a single heartbeat, the wind shifting our position and our feathers make changes accordingly, before we tuck wing and dive. We have control over this, each feather playing a crucial role, keeping us on trajectory with the sky-mare, twitching and making minuscule adjustments to keep us balanced an in control. A piercing whistle fills the air as the wind is sliced by our wings, the screech only growing louder the faster we go. We move as we near her, opening our wings and dropping our rear, tucking our body in like a hawk ready to snatch it's prey. However instead of grabbing, all four legs curl against our body, then snap out in an attempt to barrage her right side with four strikes backed by the weight of our body and the momentum of our dive. The very same momentum carries us onward, and we go with it willingly, dropping a few feet in height before we get the wind beneath us, and once more we ascend, trying to put distance between our body and the sky-mare's. We do not move slowly, muscles are milked for every ounce of speed we can manage. Stamina would be key in this fight, although we didn't know this mare's limits as we did Gaucho's. All in all, we were fighting(mentally) blind, against an opponent we did not know well enough. And Gods it was exhilarating. Summary: Cirrus's spear hits Bucephalus across the back, rather than the side, and it leaves a long but deep cut across the top of his right shoulder. As Cirrus moves to her left Bucephalus rears, hoping to knock her ascension off-kilter(Since he moved to her left side and she ran towards her left) before he too takes to the air. He climbs into the sky, then falls in a controlled dive to try and hit Cirrus's body with all four hooves, slowing his descent somewhat before he lets his momentum carry him onward, where he attempts to fly off and keep distance between himself and Cirrus. WC: 778 according to wordcounter.net Attack: 2/4 Closing Defense: 0/1 Tag: @[Cirrus] Other: 8I I'm having too much fun with this. Bucephalus the Morningstar
My revolution carries me... My revolution sets me free... Pixel by Aud
02-13-2015, 03:05 AM
please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts I write what I feel at the time and hope everyone else does the same c:
Bucephalus defaults to Cirrus, +0.5VP
per request of Tribs
02-24-2015, 09:40 PM
By my verdict: CIRRUS is the winner!
CIRRUS Realism [+2] You’ve got a great eye for fighting mechanics as you handled your attacks and dodges very well. You started really strong in your first post, especially using the sand to assist with your attack. In your second post I really felt you needed more injury given the damage rolled was a 5 and all you took was a bruised right hind which then never seemed to hinder you the rest of the battle. I really liked your spear attack, but felt you needed more time/distance to get that abrupt lift off that lead into your second attack and aerial maneuvers. You had excellent references to scenery though. In your third post I enjoyed seeing your comparison of the injury sustained in the air vs. the ground, but again the damage sustained didn’t seem to be enough, especially considering the attack used the very rump damaged not long after. I’d liked to have seen more attention paid to the difficulty of fighting in the air, regarding the need to keep and gain momentum since there’s nothing for you to push off of. Emotion [+2.5] I really loved her motive to fight, especially in that first post where she’s trying to get back into her old home, live up to her father, and become the wild warrior that was previously always held in check. I could definitely feel the tension racing between her and Bucephalus the entire fight. Prose [+3] Lovely and consistent writing throughout the whole fight! Readability [+1] Easy to understand, just some typos or grammar issues that popped up. Post 1: "From rage." (fragment) "...neither were the far..." (they) "...left side of her face or neck region" (his) Post 2: Several times you switched up tenses. Post 3: “A deep grunt exited the mare's lungs, and again she ground her teeth as her ears dove deeper beneath the dreadlocked mane atop her poll, casting cruel, vicious glances at the dark stallion.” (run on) “...darkening surrounds too…” (surroundings) Finally tally: 50.5 + (8.5*2) = 67.5 HP *******************************************
BUCEPHALUS Realism [-3] Although you had some good attacks and overall a sense of timing, I really felt that you weren’t taking proper damage or generally providing enough detail in your posts to bring out sufficient realism. For instance in your first post Cirrus had rolled a 6 damage, but all you took was a tear to his neck and a buck to his chest, which winded him briefly. A 6 damage should leave an injury that constantly affects you the entire fight - Buce goes on to rear and strike at Cirrus, with the very chest muscles that should have been in agony! Be careful too, you worded it like powerplay in saying “Her back is to us” - you cannot say for certainty that it is, you only have control over your own character, Like emotion I need you to not just tell me something hurts, but how it hurts, why it hurts, and what the hurt causes (i.e. restricted attacks/movement). In that same post you did great using the sand to make a whirlwind, but I see no effects from the sand on you, which should have been happening especially since Cirrus included the sand specifically in her kick attack. In your second post you sustain appropriate injury for the damage roll of 2, but again there’s not enough detail for me to really feel like it hurt and affected you at all. The realism really fades for me when Bucephalus, from the ground (which I thought kneeling was a great evasion!), shoves his shoulder into Cirrus as she’s attacking him on her way by. You never said he stood up, and in fact a sentence or two after his attack say that he stands up, so I’m not even sure how he managed to do that. On top of that, you never really say if Cirrus’ attack hit him or not, and if so what the injury was, so it felt like you mostly ignored her second attack there. I would have liked to see more attention paid to how Bucephalus flew off so well, especially given his hurt chest, and how his attack of kicking down with all 4 legs towards her gave him enough momentum to continue flying up and away. Aerial battles need a lot of detail about how speed and momentum are obtained/retained since you have nothing to push off of. I liked you using Cirrus’ dark points to track her in the sky! Emotion [+2] I really felt you handled the emotion excellent in this fight, especially in that first post where Buce let Atlan consume himself and the usage of “we” and “us” from then on - even the clarifying statement that you wanted different things from the fight was a nice touch. Prose [+3] You had some beautiful and consistent writing all throughout the fight! Readability [+2] Mostly everything was clear, just a few typos detailed below and also I would have liked to see more explanation of who He (Atlan) is, especially in your first post. Post 2: "...us down(except for..." (space needed before parenthesis) "...were fighting(mentally) blind..." (space needed before parenthesis) Finally tally: 31.5 + (4*2) = 39.5 HP | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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