the Rift


[JUDGED] Wolf meets Tiger [Saffron]

Öde Posts: 145
Aurora Basin Disciple atk: 5 | def: 10 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17 hh :: 4.5 HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Blu
#1


It was one thing to talk about seizing greatness, it was quite another to actually do it. Now a boy grown, Öde had certain responsibilities he was due to face, chief among which was climbing the social ladder of ranks and proving his worth. He already knew he was worthy, but no god could rule without faith and followers. He could only descend heaven on the steps of their prayers, and at the moment his name was dead on the breeze.

It would be hard work, but he was ready to get his hands dirty, and bloody.

The crimson paint was sure to decorate the world today, given the sizeable claws and fangs that his opponent bore. Öde stood before her in their arena of summer touched tundra, wondering if his pairing with her as his first battle was meant as a challenge they didn't expect him to rise up to, or if she was at the bottom of the ranks with him, his first fight not even worthy of his own kind. Öde preferred to assume the former, because although she didn't boast the same weapons, he was certain she was more than capable. Untested, he thought highly of himself, but he wasn't certain of this outcome. Still, a mantle of scars was something to show, so long as he could take them like a man.

Smirking, he moved slowly through the sparse pines that decorated their ring, wondering if they might aid him in a moment of need, their wooden shafts a shield he could bear when her daggers sought him out. This was a friendly fight, but he wasn't eager to limit himself on his first round - he didn't want her to hold back either. That's what healers are for.

Building himself up, intent to crush her beneath the divine righteousness of his existence, Öde snarled into action abruptly. Childishly he ran straight for her, trying to angle in at her left side in the hopes of avoiding her fangs, his horn lowered towards her as a further deterrent and a natural weapon of choice. She would be fast though, he knew that, but he thought he was pretty swift too, especially on this cushy summer soil. In an attempt to intimidate her, and to solidify his wavering confidence, Öde unleashed a valiant war cry as he charged, hooves pelting the dry grass with gusto.

He did not relent as the space between them closed, his horn a tool he meant to sink into her side, his hooves carrying his might which he would bring into, onto, and past her body if she didn't move. It would be easy with how short she was; a nice rug on which he could wipe his muddy hooves.

If he killed her, would he be celebrated? Would they let him decorate his own cavern with her magnificent pelt? He hoped so.


A: 1/3
@[Saffron]

Aurora Basin during TALLSUN. You will need to mention the sparse pines, the hot springs, caverns, etc and if your battle moves around, you can see the unfrozen lake, sentinels in the distance, etc. The ground is dirt with no snow, and crunchy grasses. Afternoon. 3 posts each.


THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY
Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, including death - no decapitating.
Be aware active magic doesn't work in his vicinity due to his magic!


62.5/62.5 HP
Helovia Hard Mode

Saffron Posts: 61
Aurora Basin Soldier atk: 5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 5
Mare :: Other :: 46" :: 2 HP: 58.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Lauren
#2
The Tallsun seasonal spar, paired with Öde - a complete stranger to me. But then, Arah was a complete stranger to me as well. Perhaps I shall meet the entire herd through these spars. My spar with Arah had not gone so well for me. Despite the vicious wounds I left her, she bested me in the end. My pride refuses to accept that she might be a more adept fighter than I, and I chalk it up to my being so young. And after all, that was my first spar. Perhaps I am still just learning, growing into my skin, becoming a true tigress, a hunter of the weak. But at the moment, I am the weak. I need to prove myself against this Öde, and this is the time to do it. I need to make a name for myself and this unicorn boy shall be the witness to it.

My paws knead the dirt and grass, leaving small imprints in the dirt, light due to the hardness of the Earth in the Tallsun heat. The smell of fresh grass fills my nostrils as I walk toward where these spars are supposed to take place: north of the lake, not far from the hot springs and caves. I'm not prepared for any sneak attack - I believe in fair fights with my spar partners. I see him standing there. No one else around, it is obvious that he is there for me. He doesn't say anything, and I do not say anything, matching his silence. I gather from his silence he is taking this rather seriously, and wants to do me more than a little bit of harm. I curl my lip, flashing my fangs at him - very well, I shall do HIM more than a little bit of harm as well. Perhaps I can enjoy watching HIM limp away from the fight like a whimpering pup.

He charges me like a foolhardy child, ignorant of strategy, ignorant of self-preservation! I crouch back on my haunches, fangs exposed, growling my warning. He can take whatever part of me he wants but I will inflict my own pain upon his flesh and leave him suffering. Black as the night, blood red hat painted on top, the sun shines bright on his coat. I wait for him, waiting for the impact, waiting to strike when he is within my grasp. His cry does nothing to intimidate me, cause me fear, or weaken my resolve. If anything it just makes me more centered on my goal of showing this boy who truly rules here. I try to move at the last second to avoid his attack, but he has more momentum than I thought, and I fail to find true purchase on the hard earth. His horn pierces the top of my right ear and his propulsion sends it through, raising up as he slams into me, tearing through the top of the ear to free his horn. A fierce roar emanates from my chest, and spit flies from my mouth in rage. My roar cut short as his knees knock into me, terminating the breath that sustained it. I gasp to catch my breath, and I feel blood begin to trickle down my ear, matting the fur beneath.

Sustaining a wound is no reason to remain passive in a fight. I gather my hindquarters beneath me and lift my torso in the air at his passing carcass. Assuming his momentum carries him farther past me, but not out of reach, I hope to land extended, outstretched claws into his obsidian hide. The red paint he carries on his crown is not enough for me - I seek with perverse joy to lend him slices down his barrel to color him a little more crimson. After all, red and black go so well together. My body twists to grab him, tail outstretched to balance me. 'I dare you to remain so close to claw and fang, BOY!' Never mind that his age is likely the same as my own: my prey shall always be like newborn babes to me, ripe for reaping!

"Speech."
688 words
@[Öde]
1/3


SAFFRON
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*You may do anything you wish with Saffron excluding dismemberment and death.

Öde Posts: 145
Aurora Basin Disciple atk: 5 | def: 10 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17 hh :: 4.5 HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Blu
#3


She didn't move fast enough to avoid the oncoming horn, but neither did she perish beneath it's might. It brought a strange sensation of both victory and defeat, and it left Öde with a craving to vanquish her in the dust, to eradicate that wavering sensation of failure beneath the overwhelming presence of success. He only understood the promise of his ascension to the throne and beyond - anything else was improbable to him. He had never done anything to have ever encountered the bitterness of complete failure. When Lena denied him of her teats he felt the sting of it then, and he knew the absence of greatness when he stood beside a horse which was bonded to a companion, but he had never truly applied himself to a task and lost.

He didn't even think he could. Not even death won over him.

Smiling, Öde embraced the enraged roar that she delivered in the wake of her ruination. That her spittle flecked his coat dis not phase the dark prince in the gritty moment of war. Still, Öde was little more than a child in a game intended for those much older, much more polished than he. He should have been playing at it in his youth, but he'd whittled it all away in the shadows instead. Now he had the height of his age, the strength of his years, the ignorance of his existence, and the dull tapping of his balls against his inner thighs; each strike a testosterone laced blade sunken into his veins, fueling him forward with stupid aggression and bravado. He lingered too long beside his cat, reveling in the glow of half-wins. She rose in a wave of fur and fury, her claws reaching for the folds of his flank as Öde drove first into, and then past her. The crimson wash of his eye flicked to the corner of his skull to watch her, and in that moment he saw the swift retribution she intended to deliver.

Snorting, head tossed back and forth with energy and outrage that she might touch him, Öde fires out a low kick from his left hind leg. The swing of his head had been low, perfectly balancing his shift in weight, and the firm ground holds him steady even with his momentum. Yet, his speed, his motion, his delay in response all keep the kick short and weak compared to what he could manage. It would hopefully be enough to deter her pursuit, would probably connect with her body since it was so low and so close, but it was not enough to keep her at bay. In fact, he might have helped her tiny swords find purchase in his flesh, his motion jarring them further down the length of his left haunch, albeit the taut muscle and swift kick also helped keep it shallow.

The wet feeling of blood tickled his flesh as his leg retracted back beneath him, propelling him forward with a flare of fire and a weaker support than before. She had drawn four red lines from his left hip to his stifle, opening up the casing of his black hide to reveal the red that laid beneath. It would not be enough to truly affect him, much more surface based than it seemed, but even so it infuriated him. How could she make him BLEED. "FUCK HER!" his mother screeched in the back of his mind, her raucous cries like a crow echoing the alarm throughout all of his body. "SHE SHOULD NOT DEFILE A KING!"

Öde turned suddenly and sharply, guided by the retribution he and his mother sought. His haunches tucked into the melted tundra, sliding faintly, but held by the thawed soil. He turned into his right side, giving his left the break it needed, even if it would have been faster to turn upon it to return to the cat. His fore hooves shoved on the ground, spinning him in a roll back, as he about faced. He poised in mid-air for a moment as his energy churned within him, knees tucked and toes off the ground while his ass rippled with muscle (and pain). He bellowed out his own roar of defiance and blood lust. He landed with his neck bowed, horns aimed for her striped right side, or whatever of her was still nearest after his abrupt flip of direction. He charged after her, head sweeping up in a foolish attempt to lift her with his rack and toss her behind him. Although he was not actually capable of doing that, he was sure as fuck going to try, and at the very least he might eviscerate her.

A: 2/3
D: 0/1
W: 790

@[Saffron]
please do not tag me!


THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY
Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, including death - no decapitating.
Be aware active magic doesn't work in his vicinity due to his magic!


62.5/62.5 HP
Helovia Hard Mode

Saffron Posts: 61
Aurora Basin Soldier atk: 5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 5
Mare :: Other :: 46" :: 2 HP: 58.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Lauren
#4
I am young, a tigress of only two. It seems just yesterday I was rolling around the cave with Zima, enjoying being a carefree youngster. Though cursed by the absence of any sort of role model or care giver, both Zima and I did well for ourselves. We worked together to hunt, learning how to take care of each other, and then how to survive alone. But battle, battle itself was a concept unknown before I entered Helovia and certainly it remains a fairly foreign concept. I'm not opposed to it nor am I fearful of it, but no matter my appearance or the reputation of my species, I am as unseasoned at this as a yearling. The only benefits I maintain are my natural weapons: tooth and claw.

But unlike a yearling, I feel the rage of a tigress scorned, of a predator unused to being wounded by prey, of a deep, unfathomable desire for bloodshed that I have yet to see in any foal. Retribution is what I see when my claws extend for the hide of my enemy. My rage blinds me to the weak kick he sends my way. He brushes my hide, knocking me slightly off balance so that I must retract my attack before I can do much damage, if any at all. Did I even strike? I can't be sure and I can't take the time to run some sort of inspection. Against my will, I must withdraw and land back on the ground, off to the side.

Öde roars with rage and bloodlust - the sounds so akin to my own, even if distorted through the voice of a unicorn instead of a tiger. He half-rears, and I watch hesitantly at his momentary suspension. How do I prepare for his next attack? He seems so much stronger than I, I feel so disadvantaged. What do I do? At first I want to turn toward him, to launch at him as he attacks me head-on, but to do so would be to expose my chest and my face. It's poor strategy, so I abandon that plan. Instead, I brace myself and try to step back. I have no long-distance ability to attack, so I must stay within range, even if it means taking a brutal attack.

But this attack is more brutal than I had imagined. The raging hessian makes contact with my body, and I'm lucky that he doesn't spear me like a stuck pig. That horn is not to be underestimated. The tip starts at the bottom of my belly fur and lifts up to the sky, carving my flesh like a sushi knife across a limp fish. There's nothing I can do to stop it, and the only reason I don't lift into the air is because of the two steps away from him that I took at the last second. A howl of pain leaves my lips and I close my eyes as he slices my side. Blood soaks my fur, blurring the black, orange, and white into one mess of crimson. His horn shall drip with my blood, and I wish I had already gotten his blood on my claws as a souvenir. Only my blood drips onto the dirt below, staining it a darker brown, almost black.

The force of the attack shoves me a few inches away: still in range of my enemy; and make no mistake, Öde IS my enemy. This encounter has only enforced my suspicions that there are no friends here the Basin, no easy passes. Like a pussy cat's tail being stomped on by a bratty child, I react on instinct and turn my head, jaws wide to clamp onto the right foreleg of my attacker. Canines unleashed upon the canon bone if he stays within reach, I hope to let loose hallucinations upon the unsuspecting beast. If not that, then I hope to at least start a nice blood flow from those delicate pinions. 'Let me taste your blood at last! Let YOUR blood saturate this good green earth!'

"Speech."
677 words
2/3

SAFFRON
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*You may do anything you wish with Saffron excluding dismemberment and death.

Öde Posts: 145
Aurora Basin Disciple atk: 5 | def: 10 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17 hh :: 4.5 HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Blu
#5


Her agony is like a balm to his pride, wounded to the point was it was inflamed and throbbing, engorged on assumptions of righteousness and arrogance. The blood which dripped from his horns and onto his head, freckling him with murder and mayhem, was his medicine. He hadn't even known how sick he had been until he took it, instantly soothed and coddled with the milk of the heart. Yet she doesn't die, Öde thinks, the red wash of his gaze snapping to the side as she twists just out of his reach, wounded, but alive.

Öde hasn't the self control to grip rationality and sense through this haze of war he's plunged himself into. Given more practice and time he'll have the refinement to step back and recognize that her demise does not necessitate his victory, that her pelt is better suited on the flesh of her body as a Baisiner fighting alongside him, then the decorative rug in his bachelor pad-cave. In this moment though, Öde only sees her as denying him what he wants, and like the spoiled child his mommy raised him to be, he was enraged by it.

Hooves hit the soil, supple with traction this time of year, as he sunk on his ass following the completion of his assault and its subsequent partial victory. Saffron was hot on his heels, literally, their matched agility and nearly comparable speed revealing themselves in this moment. Her teeth flashed, as ivory as the white walls that Öde's vision lost themselves too. Still high on his adrenaline-braced tantrum, his own speed was swift to rescue him.

Reacting rather than thinking, as only a fool would do, Öde shot straight up into the air, his body bowed against the curvature of his spine, all hooves free of the dirt as he crow hopped. It was enough to rip his leg from her aim and low stature, but she still nicked him on the way up, black flesh peeling away on his right front cannon. It was a long, but shallow gash that bled little, being mostly ligament and bone. As for her magic, well his magic trumped her on that, efficiently nulling her sorcery as it did all others. It was a double-edged sword which served him as a shield in this moment.

Öde's airborne venture was shirt lived though, and down he came, but not with any aim for the cat, nor with any focus on the battle at hoof. He had gone into a complete rage, resulting in a quick succession of two more crow hops, and ending with a powerful buck which he dealt blindly. Perhaps Saffron was still close by, the rodeo he serviced quick enough to linger by her if she stayed, but certainly prolonged enough she could scuttle off.

When his energy finally faded into a dull thud, Öde landed back on all fours and released a thunderous snort. "Kill her," came the deadly calm of his mother's voice in the back of his mind, waiting out the tempestuous storm of his youth. "Reclaim your nobility in her sacrifice. Reap your vengeance from her innards." Öde's stare was hard as he directed it towards the cat, black lashes blinking against the backdrop of crimson vibrancy which claimed his skull. Beneath dark lips, the boy smiled, and it belonged to a crocodile.

This was the part of himself he hadn't yet learned to recognize - this black hole of desecration. It was why he bathed it in the name of his mother, though her corpse had since rotted, and her voice was naught more than his own consciousness pounding on the corridors of his being. This was the remnants of his wraith illness, the worms which had fed on his rotting cadaver, the testament to the DemonKing he was born worshiping. This was the emptiness he carried.
"Go," his mother bode, and with all the grace of a dog of war that thought himself the master, Öde obeyed.

He moved forward at a swift trot, horns hung low and head shaking them, like a trainer with a whip and a chair trying to stave off the beast. Öde moved towards the tigress, but did not resort to his dash and stab as he did before. Instead he tried to use the threat of it to drive her towards the hot springs nearby. He wanted her to fall into them, and there he'd try to hold her down until her breath exhausted itself. If not, well he always his hooves to strike her with, wet or not. If she bit, he'd bite back. If she clawed, he'd thrust his blades into her for the third, and probably last, time today.

Mostly he wanted to see her run.


A: 3/3
D: 0/1
W: 797/800

:: [Magic: DarkxLight | the magical abilities of characters fail to work within his vicinity.]
:: [Restrictions | Limited to a maximum radius of 30 ft; Ode cannot bond to a companion while in the possession of this magic]

@[Saffron] SORRY FOR THE WAIT ;-;


THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY
Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, including death - no decapitating.
Be aware active magic doesn't work in his vicinity due to his magic!


62.5/62.5 HP
Helovia Hard Mode

Saffron Posts: 61
Aurora Basin Soldier atk: 5 | def: 8.5 | dam: 5
Mare :: Other :: 46" :: 2 HP: 58.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Lauren
#6
Of course the black boy is quick to hop away from my assault. His crow hop into the air denies me the pleasure of sinking my fangs into him, and instead I only get the uppermost layer of skin, sliced like the peeling of an apple. My magic seems to have no affect on him - but perhaps it was because I did not get a good grip? I can't stop to think of the how's, the why's, even if I wanted to. My rage is too great, my frustration too overpowering. I toss my head back as his blood stains my teeth, and I turn it away to avoid a smack to the face with a flailing hoof.

His rage is tangible, though I wonder if we lined up one against the other if one would be much greater than the other's. This battle isn't strategic, it's raw and animalistic, wild with pent up... there's no one word for the feelings that we both have. With this raging turmoil inside of me I cannot process Öde as my fellow Basiner, only as my enemy, my prey, a threat to my safety and not the least my pride!

His crow-hopping continues a second, third time, followed by a wild buck. I'm trying to move out of the way, but wild legs and hooves are not always so easy to escape, and one of his crow hops brings a hoof down to slice against my ribcage, leaving a bleeding gash behind. The blood begins to soak my hairs, matting them down against my skin. I wince, and howl in pain, moving away from the rest of his writhing movements. I can't stay close, but I can't move any farther away. I need to be within reach for any of my attacks to strike home. The stallion has moved away from me, and the look he gives me as he glances over his shoulder is one of fierce menace, and my hairs stand on end as I let out a fierce hiss at him, my hackles raising, skin wrinkling with whiskers and ears flat against my skull. He moves toward me at an easy trot, carrying little of the wounds that I carry, still able-bodied and ferocious. I back away like the beast from the tamer and roar vociferously at his approaching mass. My own weight moves back and forth from one paw to another, feeling the ground, the air, trying to map out my surroundings and future course of action.

Defeat at the hooves of Arah was bad enough, but understandable because it was my first spar with an equine, or really anyone but Zima. Defeat at the hooves of Öde was perhaps more respectable concept because he was more built for fighting in his stature - more muscular, rugged. But at the same time, I feel that since he is still an upcoming young stallion, and this is my second 'go' at sparring, that I should be faring better than I am. (And is it not obvious from our wounds that I am faring worse than he?) To join my pure rage at the thought is the fear of shame, hatred of him for his current success. It's the potential for a grudge that I will be slow to let die. But even if defeat may be near at hand, that doesn't mean I won't fight to the end.

But what he attempts to do takes me by surprise. He drives me back toward the hot springs with the threat of his horns. I am slow to move, reluctant to give up ground, but he blocks my attempts at escape. I hiss again and soon enough I'm back in the water. Luckily for me, I don't mind the water or the warmth, and though I may move slower now do to the resistance of the liquid and the weight of my wet pelt, I am not finished in this battle. The water burns my wounds at first, but quickly becomes soothing, and I'm prepared to launch my last attack. I leap head-on toward him, my fear of his horns coming second to my desire to make him hurt. My hind paws take purchase on the slope of the pools, propelling me toward Öde's head with front paws and claws extended, aiming for crown, neck, whatever I can reach to bring him back toward me, into the water with me. Of course, I'm at risk of being stabbed in the chest, but logic doesn't accompany my moves, only the raw emotions that send me at my enemy with crazed eyes of the wounded and reckless.

"Speech."
772 words
3/3


SAFFRON
Image Credits
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Plot Thread

*You may do anything you wish with Saffron excluding dismemberment and death.

Öde Posts: 145
Aurora Basin Disciple atk: 5 | def: 10 | dam: 5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 17 hh :: 4.5 HP: 64.5 | Buff: NOVICE
Blu
#7


Yes, he thinks as she backs off, rightfully giving in to him.
"Yes," his mother coos in his thoughts, delighted at the forced defeat of the hunter.
"YES!" he roars, his voice like thunder rolling over this plain of perceived victory.

He feels fire inside of him with every step he takes that was once hers. The power burns through him, deliciously filling as it scorches away the marrow in his bones and replaces it with obsidian and greed. He can nearly taste her blood upon his tongue, practically feel the plushness of her pelt as he rests his head upon her ass at night... and yet, and yet it is too soon to be proud.

The battle has not ended, and she reminds him of this.

He trips on the very trap her laid for her, a hoof stepping off the even field and sliding down into a nearly boiling pool of water. His balance sways, and his head is thrown up, but it had already been down to guide here, and then is when she reached out to punch him back into reality. Both sets of her claws hooked on him. Her right tore though his nostrils, cutting off the fiendish smirk that had grown upon his lips, while her left paw gripped the edge of his eye and there, hooked and ravaged him. His eyes were red, but now they bled.

Anguish colored Öde's voice as he squealed out. His head had flung up to save himself as he stumbled into the hot spring, but it had also kept him from the full brunt of her strength. Thick lines drawn in crimson of his own making marked each side of his face, but the bony composition, however sensitive it was, of that region meant she was not able to go deep. His left eye was held shut as pain lanced through it, but once the dust had settled and the adrenaline faded, Öde would still be able to see through the swollen tissues. He had come close to losing it, but she'd caught him just above, and skipped down to below where she'd finally hooked in and raked the rest of her swipe down his cheek and jaw line.

Still, the surprise hurt of it all and the lack of clear vision slowed the ravaging beast that he had become, faltering the machine of war and the god of mortals. He lumbered, splashing around, tripping, crying out, before finally, stopping.

Silence.


A: 3/3
D: 1/1
W: 422/800

<3 awesome fight!


THE GLASS IS HALF EMPTY
Tag me only if starting a new thread.
Magic or force permitted any time, including death - no decapitating.
Be aware active magic doesn't work in his vicinity due to his magic!


62.5/62.5 HP
Helovia Hard Mode

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#8
By my verdict: ODE is the winner!

ODE
Realism [+2.5]
:: You weren’t supposed to take any damage in your post 2/3.
:: Good use of scenery in your final post! I love that Ode tried to drive her towards the hot springs.
:: I would have liked a lot more mention of previous injuries carried into subsequent posts.
:: Breed differences were mentioned, but they were really cursory. There was so much room to build on how strange it was to be fighting a tiger. I would have liked to see more of this!


Emotion [+1.5]
:: Not even death won over him. Love this!
:: You’d been telling me about Ode’s inexperience through the fight. The first time I really, honestly believed it was when he had a hissy-fit on the battle field and crow-hopped around in post 3/3. Great!
:: I can’t count it in your score, but the beginning of your defense post was brilliant!


Prose [+2]
:: The crimson paint was sure to decorate the world today, given the sizeable claws and fangs that his opponent bore. I don’t know if you meant that to have a double meaning or not, but it was so beautifully subtle that I couldn’t help but pull it out. Crimson paint meaning blood, of course, but also Ode could be called a crimson paint since he has the red medicine hat.
:: but neither did she perish beneath it's might its
:: That her spittle flecked his coat dis not phase did
:: wounded to the point was it was inflamed and throbbing, that it was?
:: Öde's airborne venture was shirt lived though, short
:: All throughout the fight you had a habit of switching from past to present tense. I think some of it is stylistic, but sometimes it was distracting.
:: Your posts didn't seem as well edited as I usually expect from you.


Readability [+2]
:: In your post 3/3 I was a little confused at first about how Saffron got behind Ode. Ultimately, I decided that it was because after his critical hit, Ode was still running, but I didn’t read it that way the first time and I didn't find it to be well-clarified in the writing.

Finally tally: 49.5+(8*2)= 65.5HP

*******************************************

SAFFRON
Realism [+1]
:: I wasn’t totally convinced that you took enough damage from Ode in your 1/3 post. Maybe if you had described the effects of Ode knocking the wind out of Saffron, and how that affected her subsequent attack, that would have helped. Otherwise, I thought it was a little lacking.
:: By your second post, I especially wanted to see Saffron take more damage. Ode just delivered a critical hit- Saffron should really be affected by this. And maybe she is, but I didn’t see it in your writing. Same for your third post.
:: I would have liked a lot more mention of previous injuries carried into subsequent posts- especially the critical hit.
:: Breed/species differences and scenery were mentioned occasionally, but both were cursory. I would have loved to see a lot more of both!


Emotion [+1]
:: I liked the way you set up to take the critical hit in your post 2/3. Saffron’s thoughts on strategy really helped me to understand why she wasn’t moving away.
:: Even so, all throughout the fight you keep telling me what Saffron is feeling, but I never really connect with her and believe that her emotions are motivating her actions.


Prose [+2]
:: The way you write Saffron reads very choppy. The prose lacks the flow I’ve come to expect from you.
:: He brushes my hide, knocking me slightly off balance so that I must retract my attack before I can do much damage, if any at all. Did I even strike? I can't be sure and I can't take the time to run some sort of inspection. I took this as trying to make up for the fact that Ode took damage when he didn’t need to. Mostly, I thought it just broke up your writing unnecessarily. If your opponent makes mistakes, let the judges deal with it.
:: My magic seems to have no affect on him Effect
:: Defeat at the hooves of Öde was perhaps more respectable concept a more respectable…


Readability [+3]
:: No comments or concerns.

Finally tally: 24+(7*2)= 38HP


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