the Rift


my.twin.brother [Lloyd]

Lucius Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#1

[Set before the invasion]

Lucius was grazing near the edge, the sheer drop towards the sea, towards a certain death. The shrill voices of seagulls hurt his ears and the wind pulled his mane around so that it lashed him in the face constantly. Irritated he pulled his horned head up and shook it from side to side. Then he turned to face the wind so that his hair would be blown back instead. But it was equally irritating to have his forelock dance around between his black horns. So he picked up his giant feet and trotted off into the forest. Here the grass wasn’t as nice but he was shielded from the wind at least.

The bull’s mind began to wander as he walked from tussock to tussock. He knew he’d been to absent from the herd, to reclusive, hell he hadn’t even seen his brother for a long time. He couldn’t remember the last time he sparred, but he’d been keeping his body fit, climbing up and down by the cliffs and going on afternoon runs every day. Still it is not enough if I want to call myself a Conscript. he thought, regret clawing at his heart.

A familiar scent then brushed his nostrils. The cut in the right one parted as he widened them. It was Lloyd who had given him that cut. A dark day that was. And it was Lloyds scent he felt now. Lucius could ask him to spar! Surely it was time for some serious practice now?

0/4 posts
252 Words

[Setting: The Forest of Worlds Edge (can of course lead out of the forest too). Weather and surroundings: Hard wind blowing outside the trees, a few clouds. It’s mid-day and quite cold. Lot of leaves on the ground. Magic: Magic not allowed.]

Also I hope it's ok, I say Lloyd gave him the cut in his nostril that day when he stopped Lucius' rampage, if not tell me and I will change it :)



Lloyd Posts: N/A
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#2

Lloyd walked slowly along the edge of the forest, plucking up the sweetest bits of grass he could find. The chilly wind blew harshly on the stallion, sending a chill over his body and causing his mane and tail to thrash wildly. The gale whistled through the dying trees, rustling leaves that the branches still managed to cling onto. Amber leaves twisted through the air, around his head, through his legs, almost like a dance. Lloyd shivered and decided that he most certainly did not appreciate the weather in Orangemoon, as beautiful as the season was, and turned into the forest. Indeed it was a great relief.

The stallion shook himself, his skin still stinging from the cold wind. What Lloyd needed was to be warm again, something to get the blood flowing through his body quicker, to be active. As he walked through the trees he thought about what Mauja said to them at the Conscripts meeting, about needing to train and spar with each other, that would be a productive way to keep warm. But who with? He then remembered about what Seiren said "Perhaps we should practice tactics one time." Lloyd may just have to take that offer up.

His ebony nostrils suddenly flared at scent he'd caught. Though faint, it was one he would recognize anywhere. "Brother." he smiled then turned quickly, trotting towards what he was almost certain was his twin. After a minute or two of trotting he of course found him "Lucius," Lloyd nodded courteously "Long time no see. So, my brother, how about a friendly little spar, for old times sake?". Plus I'm freezing my butt off here he thought.

[ Yeah that's fine ^^ Thanks so much for the table by the way <3 ]


Lucius Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#3

Ah! There he came! A smiled tugged at the bull’s lips as his brother came into view. He cared for his twin more than he would ever admit and he hated the fact that that day would always be there in their past gnawing at their friendship. If he could Lucius would take it all back, the rage, the sorrow the hurt, but he couldn’t and thus they must both live with the horrible memory.

The black brute shook his head and returned to the real world. He walked proudly towards his mirror image his all black horns pointing to the sky as his sulfur eyes met Lloyd’s deep green. "Hello there, little brother." The bull said with a grin, he liked to point out, and did so quite often, that he was ten minutes older than Lloyd. "long time no see." "Yeah I was tired of that face of yours." he teased, not thinking about that Lloyd’s face was also his own face - apart from the scar in the wing of his nose. And the other scars as well. It was hard for two individuals to get hurt in the same way.

"Oh, brother I will knock you right back to those old times! Get ready!" Lucius grinned and got in position. "No butting our heads together, ok? We will only get stuck wrestling with our horns and I want to practice my moving." He usually gave orders like that, but Lloyd didn’t always obey, and that was good because often he was more right than his impetuous brother. "And I promise to not use my magic."

The first move was always the hardest and with an opponent the same, size, weight and muscle mass bearing the same weapons it was even harder to decide how to charge. But since he wasn’t the thinking type Lucius just threw his heavy body forwards. By tipping his tarnished muzzle down towards the ground and arching his neck so that the crest was the highest point of his body he loped towards his brother in perfect balance.

The bull aimed for his brother’s left side meaning to crash the point of his black shoulder into Lloyd’s. In a second the brute pondered his twin’s numerous options; he could rear up and aim a kick to Lucius’ head as he passed, he could simply step aside and maybe try to scrape Lucius with his horn, he could move so that he took the hit directly in his chest and thereafter rear up and clip Lucius’ chin with his knee. Even though he saw the flaws in his charge it became too late to change tactics and the bull stuck to his indented shoulder hit. Maybe Lloyd would think he was feinting and step right into his charge? Well, one could hope for a stupid brother.

1/4 posts
476 words

[Lucius charges and aims for Lloyd’s left shoulder]


Lloyd Posts: N/A
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#4

Memories flashed back to Lloyd as his brother looked at him with flavescent eyes. Training together, the day their father died, Lucius' rampage, the war of Helovia. The only really happy memories were when they were playing as foals. At least they were on good terms now, mostly.

Lloyd smiled as his twin spoke. Yes, little brother, always had been, always will be, even if he was only younger by a few minutes. He rolled his eyes at Lucius' comment, which had basically just insulted himself. That was why Lloyd liked to thoroughly think things through before he said them.

"Haha, we'll see about that!" Lloyd laughed, then flashed a fiendish grin as his brother told him the rules "And my magic would be no use to me here, so nor will I". In a way Lloyd was almost jealous of Lucius' magic, it was more useful in battle and honestly, quite cool. His heart jumped a little when he saw his brother charging straight towards him, and panicked for a second, unsure of what to do.

Lloyd then bounded in forward too but veered slightly left, thinking he could get past Lucius with no harm. Alas, he was wrong. He hit his twins shoulder at some force, and a sharp, but brief pain left his shoulder sore and throbbing. At least he felt somewhat warmer now, right? With a hasty buck as he passed his brother the stallion kicked out his back legs hard, aiming for no where in particular, just to hit somewhere on his brothers hind quarters.

[Lloyd is hit by Lucius' attack, then when they pass each other Lloyd aims a kick for somewhere on Lucius' hind quarters]

This was a really bad post, sorry .__.


Lucius Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#5

Adrenaline started pumping through the bull as his twin lurched forward. If neither of them swayed the clash would be very painful as they were both bringing with them an enormous force because of their heavy built. But he trusted Llyod to evade and so he did, but to the wrong side… Since Lucius was aiming for his left shoulder Llyod, who was moving to the left, would have to move quite a bit to avoid Lucius’ broad chest and shoulder, but this he didn’t have time for and thus the Bull happened to ram his brother’s right shoulder instead. Pain! Not being prepared to take the impact on that side Lucius’ left foreleg buckled and the momentum pressed together his spine, driving his weight to his forequarters. His right hoof slid away on the rotten leaves and he would have toppled over if he hadn’t used the momentum to fling his rear end to the left - redirecting his weight.

Twigs and leaves rattled on the ground and crunched as his big hooves trampled around in an unbalanced circle. His head rushed uncomfortable along his brother’s spine as Lloyd passed and then he was facing the black rump of his brother. As Lucius was beginning to feel the throbbing of his shoulder Lloyd kicked up, enormous hind hooves came flying directly towards the Bull’s face and he didn’t have time for anything else than to fling his head up and trying to lift his forequarters with it, even though he didn’t have his weight balanced where he wanted it.

He would never had made that move, leaving his gorge wide open, with a lighter, faster horse, but he knew Lloyd was too heavy to be able to kick him in the throat. And as he managed to lift his front from the ground his twin’s hooves landed right in the chest. An easy hit to take, with minimal pain.

Lucius chased after his brother. He tried getting in close to his rear, then he snaked his head around Lloyd’s left hip and tried to grab a hold on the soft tissue by his back knee. If successful he planned to hold his grip and press his chest to his brothers rump. That way his kicks would not hurt so much.

His battered shoulder bothered the Bull and he guessed it would feel sore for a couple of days, but he ignored the pain and tried to keep his head in the game at the same time as he tried not to become too caught up in the moment. Last thing he wanted was to rip open Lloyd's old emotional wounds - even though every spar they had rouse memories - he didn’t want to appear too savage or his twin would maybe think he had lost his mind… again.

2/4 posts
468 words

[Lucius spins around as their shoulders clash. When Lloyd kicks he throws up his head and forequarters so that the kick lands on his chest. Then he jumps forwards, chasing Lloyd and trying to get close to his rear. He leans in and tries to grab a hold on the skin where the left back leg meets the abdomen

This is so fun! I love analyzing and coming up with fight posts!]

Lloyd Posts: N/A
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#6

"Damn"Lloyd muttered under his breath, he'd only managed a simple kick in the chest. The beast glanced behind him, Lucius was incredibly close to his rear and was chasing him. He tried to out run his brother, speeding up and spontaneously changing directions: his efforts were almost successful.

Lloyd winced as he felt a sharp nip on his lower belly. He began bucking and kicking wildly, trying to be released from his twins grip. He flinched with pain when he finally did; some of the skin on his abdomen wet with blood and stung, especially when he moved his back leg. He tried to ignore the small bite wound, and leaped forward to launch a counter attack on his brother.

Lloyd cantered towards Lucius and just as he was a stride or so away from him he pushed off from the ground, his strong front legs folded beneath him. If all went well from here then Lloyd would be able to hit his brother side on in the stomach, using his heavy chest as a battering ram.

[2/4 Lucius grabs the skin on Lloyd's belly and when he finally breaks free the skin is ripped and is bleeding, but not profusely. Lloyd runs at Lucius then springs into the air when he's not far away from him, and tries to hit him in the stomach using the front of his body.
Ugh, that post is so short D:]


Lucius Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#7

As the bull close his maw around the soft skin of his brother he forgot for a second that this was only a spar. He held on to Lloyd like his life depended on it as they both continued forwards. Lloyd’s hooves scraped his knees repeatedly as they were shoved up between his front legs. But he was as glued to his brother’s rump and the pain caused by his hooves wasn’t even worth considering. But as his twin continued, fiercely kicking and bending his body Lucius woke up and recognized that this was not a matter of life and death. He began parting his teeth and at that second Llyod tore himself free of the bite.

Lucius slid to a halt and shook his heavy head. He tasted blood in his mouth and a wave of regret hit his heart. This was his brother and they were only practicing, why did it lead to bloodshed? But he had to get back into the spar and forget his sadness quickly as Lloyd turned around and charged towards his side. He was coming like a missile, a big-ass missile, and he didn’t seem to have minded the tearing of his skin too much.

The bull jumped forwards, too late to avoid impact, but fast enough for Lloyd to ram his hindquarters instead of his side. It didn’t hurt very much as he pivoted his rear away from his brother. All the while he spun his forehand around as well and extended his neck reaching for Lloyd’s withers. However Lloyd’s speed was too great and if his bite landed it would probably land further down his twin’s back.

His raven black tail whipped behind him as he completed his turnaround. He collected his weight and pushed it back towards his muscular hind legs. As he reared up he hoped his bite had landed and that it had made Lloyd to turn around. He pawed at the air with heavy hooves. If Lloyd kept going forward he would bound after him and if not he would try to land a few blows at his shoulders. He would hold back though, he didn’t want to hurt his twin more than he’d already done.

369 words
3/4 posts


Lucius Posts: N/A
Unregistered
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#8
-poke- Maybe judge unfinished?

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9




L u c i u s | L l o y d
- - - - -
By my verdict LUCIUS is the winner.

LUCIUS -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: charges left shoulder

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read

LLOYD -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: takes the shoulder hit
+ 1| Attack: bucks at hindquarters

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy read

LUCIUS -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: injured by your own ramming attack
+ 1| Defense: buck to chest
+ 1| Attack: bites at the back knee (back knee = the hock or the literal knee of the horse, which is more up like in their ‘thigh’ in their hind end?)
+ 1| Injury: mention of shoulder injury pain

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Easy Read

LLOYD -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: bitten and bleeding
- 1| Attack: jumping forward to attack makes no sense as he is behind you.

[Prose]
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read
0| Emotion

LUCIUS -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: knees scraped by the back hooves
+ 1| Defense: hit in haunches instead


LUCIUS

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 1| Health
+ 1| Surroundings

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Loved that you took counter damage from your own attack and you described it so beautifully.

Comments: I don’t really have much to say you fought very well in this spar! My only advice would be to provide more emotion. You definitely offered it and it was present in every post, but it wasn’t quite enough to get me hooked in the feel of the battle or feel like I was within Lucius’ head the whole time. Otherwise fantastic, you have the fighting mechanics down!

LLOYD

[Bonus]
None.

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a very strong start to fighting here. You definitely seemed to understand good horse attacks, but sometimes I think positioning got you in a bit of trouble, trying to envision where each was in relation to each other. I would suggest being more specific with the locations of your attacks and maybe reviewing horse anatomy. Don’t forget to include sizing up your opponent and utilizing your surroundings, not only do they earn you some good bonus points but help add to over all realism :)

TOTAL
LUCIUS - 67
LLOYD - 57


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


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