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Breakdown.

Kaj had hit his limit, the load which he could safely hold upon his shoulders. Even mountains were capable of crumbling into the sea, Gods capable of tears, of faults. His exhaustion was something he could no longer hide from his family, despite the valiant efforts he took to conceal his nightly terrors from their awareness. It was one of the blessed advantages to sleeping in solitude, where nobody was aware that said 'sleeping' did not transpire. He did not bother anyone when he awoke with a choked yell captured in his sea-glass throat, visible to all who could have been bothered to care to see how pitifully obvious it was that his nights were not spent in peace. His patrols had ramped up, their numbers spiking as he gave Protectors more and more patrols off, taking their spots if only to keep himself awake along the path. His knees ached, his hooves more so, but the pain kept him lucid against the insanity of his lack of sleep.

His heart was far more worn and battered in the process.

Fighting with Kahlua had taken his heart and smashed it upon the ground, leaving Kaj slinking back to retrieve it after he'd walked away from her in his fury, his regret. Losing the two brothers he'd always depended on the most, forcing down his secrets, his emotions regarding the fight and everything he'd lost - Resplendence had been too fragile in the aftermath of Quilyan's abandonment, he couldn't have gone to her. Losing Evangeline to Thor, who had reacted to him with anger, with prejudice and jealousy. Yet another who Kaj had let down, another failure to add to his ever-growing list. Then the Goddess, losing Archibald to the sorrow of his losses, helpless to aid him in his recovery. Unsure he would even welcome the Storm Bringer's advances when all the buckskin did was bring about further damage.

Then Destrier and Quilyan had waltzed back into the Edge, never deeming to seek out Kaj, never caring enough to spare him of the horrors he still faced. So he carried on, ever weaker, wondering whether it was appropriate for him to cry. His father, the bastard, had never allowed him that kind of release. It was something shameful, to be scorned, for a stallion to cry. Kaj had no doubt it was the truth, but he desired so deeply to just let it all go.

How he'd ended up at the medic's tent was beyond him, but his eyes were swimming with black dots. Vengeance for his ever-evasion of the sleep his body so needed. The king stumbled, making a racket even as he tried to be quiet. His soul yearned for the only companion he had left, broken heart piercing all his internal organs as the shards jostled about with his wandering steps.

"Zus!" he cried, voice broken with the promise of tears that he couldn't shed. Knees buckled and he swayed, lurching into the nearest tree to prop himself up. Praying to all the Gods that existed above that Resplendence was near, that she was where he'd thought she'd be. "Aardbei, alsjeblieft! Ik heb je nodig!" There was no way she could understand what he was saying, aside from the nicknames he so often used for her. But the cries were plaintive, and he hoped that she would come running, because he needed her. He was so broken, so ruined. She was supposed to be a doctor, right? Surely she could fix him?

@[Resplendence]

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Were he in a less dire state he would be ashamed of how he could not bring himself to care for her state of health in that moment, but he could hardly even concentrate on where he was much less how his savior was faring. He managed to prop himself off the tree, stumbling towards her when he recognized that his calls had been answered, she'd come for him. Fate had played the cards in his favor for once. It was a small mercy, one he prayed he deserved.

A touch against his shoulder, warmth. His wing was limp but a pitiful twitch managed to get it up and over Resplendence's frame, allowing her the room to help prop him up, no matter their size differences. She was warm and solid against him, one of the few constants his life had ever offered him. How odd it was that someone so broken was also the only one who continually supported Kaj in all he did and stood for. How others could not see her worth was beyond him. Perhaps she was like Cassandra, always mistaken as something else, a lie that could not be believed in except for sinners like him. Her prophecies always held worth, but nobody ever cared to turn an ear to them, thinking her a broken thing incapable of such wisdom. At least Kaj was not so blind.

Words soothed themselves into his ears, but he cannot meet her gaze that searches so valiantly for his. Instead, Kaj turned and tucked his head into the crook behind her jaw, closing his eyes tight against both the tears and the idea of having to look into her face in his moment of weakness. For what little he had left, pride was still among them. Comfort weaved itself into the torn fabric of his very soul with her soothing promises, and he let himself be rocked down and to the ground where he was less likely to harm himself or her. Claws prickled at his shoulders, claws soothing in his mane, and Kaj allowed it and desired it equally. It helped him concentrate on the actual words she was speaking, gave him a medium to speak through. Granted him the ability of a tongue she could understand, once more.

"I loved them," was all he could choke out before her words finally took effect. Kaj had never allowed himself to cry wholesomely. His last memory of it was fuzzy, distant. Years of grief and struggle broke into pieces at her command, and he sobbed into her skin, a mighty thing that was wrenched from the very marrows of his sorrow to spill across his tongue like ichor and turpentine. It was both horrifying and relieving, to feel so weak and broken and yet sense the newness beneath the rot. Perhaps he'd been cracking for too long, and Ophelia had been the one to drive the pick into his brain - a loving lobotomy that had allowed the man to break apart at the seams and become something better once stitched back whole.

"Kahlua-" it was the broken shard that he choked out, nothing more capable of following it. "They leave, they hurt me, god it hurts!" He wailed this newfound agony into her skin, imprinting it upon her. It was a child skinning its knees for the first time, the shock of newness more painful than the experience was likely worth. Except for Kaj, the pain was truly worthy, but the shock factor was still in place. His mighty frame seemed to shake like an earthquake, a mountain crumbling to pebbles. It was a wonder how Resplendence didn't shake apart right beside him, drawn down and smashed upon the rocks, he a boulder tied to her flightless form.

Somewhere in the stride between sobs he whispered a sentence more manageable, comprehensible. "I've given them everything," he whispered, fragile beyond measure or words. "It wasn't enough." It wasn't enough to keep Kahlua at his side, to make Evangeline love him, to keep Quilyan or Destrier as his brothers. They had turned the weapon of his own benevolence upon him, his own gifts striking him down so they could croon and coo over the patterns his heart made when it splattered upon the ground.