the Rift


[JUDGED] Oh yeah?!!? [Open!]

Rhoa Posts: 175
Deceased atk: 5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 3 HP: 65 | Buff: ENDURE
Odd
#1

.....


Rhoa

I belong anywhere but inbetween.


[I would prefer a fast spar! Feel free to just attack him!]

I can do this. I can.

I know I am muttering, I know that repeating this mantra over and over again is just a way to psyche myself up, but forgive me for taking comfort in it. Forgive me for wanting to find a little peace in the midst of all this craziness. I mean really, what is going on? Mother and Ivezho return, Ivezho isn't even talking to me, and Mother is pregnant? Things are being built, and life is continuing on for everyone but me. I have no place, I have no job. I am an errand boy, sent whenever and wherever Father wants. Those two mares - Aurelia and Destry - they said one say I would find someone to miss me. Someone who needed me.

But what was I supposed to do until then? Just wait around?

No. I am done with waiting. Today I take my life into my own hands, come what may.



The ancient rotunda is where I first met the bird lady, and if felt fitting to be here. She was the one who spoke the word that has haunted me since that encounter. The word I see in my mind when I close my eyes, and hear in the quiet hum of life as it parades by without me: bravery. Am I brave? No. Will I be?

I swallow. Am I just fooling myself? Can one just ... be brave? Just be grownup? I don't know. But I need to find out.

"HEY WORLD. COME AND GET ME." I force myself to shout into the silence. My voice echos outwards, and immediately I wish I could call the words back. Spinning nervously, I listen to see if my call will be answered. My ears flicker to try and catch sounds of an approacher - an opponent - and my youthful (albeit lanky) body spins in a circle around my forehand. I can see fairly far into the trees - the sun above has been doused by a light layer of clouds, and so there is little glare. Father might chastise me if he knew I were here, and knew I had waited until after Tallsun to try and train. He trains in the sun all day long. It makes him stronger and more agile regardless of the heat. I just ... I'm not there yet. So I waited for Orangemoon and the respite from the heat. So what.

Everyone has to start somewhere. And I am starting here.


Setting: Ancient Rotunda. Midday in Orangemoon. The air is much cooler, and there is a layer of clouds covering the sun.
WC: 410
Attack: 0/3





TAG: @[Name] | # WC | Notes if needed.

FOXX


Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#2

*"HEY WORLD. COME AND GET ME."*.

Okay, sure.

But first—I set you down a little ways away, letting forcing you to scuttle from my head and down my nose and off of my face because shit was about to go down. But it was a better kind of shit then what had happened before--and as you looked at me with your wide-open, sunlit little face, I gazed at you and knew I was about to teach you some hardcore stuff.

“Some lil’ bitch is ‘bout to get got,” I whispered lovingly towards you as you scurried near the crook of some branches for better grip and footing, “Just watch a little bit, ‘kay? I’ll come back for you.”

And in my head I could feel you beaming at me, excited for my own excitement, because you could feel it rising in me, the need, the desire to fuck some shit up--to fuck someone up building and becoming unbearable and itching in all the wrong places and here was someone asking for the first punch. Too perfect.

So what if there was blood somewhere, and the heat of battle, and I had no clue about it? Just as well. This itch wasn’t for glory; it was for bruises.

Leaving you there in the tree (which was harder than I imagined, damn), I approached the glass-topped thingy again, struck by the coincidence that this was where you were actually born. Huh. Don’t know how I missed that, coming here. Maybe I had just wandered here subconsciously, or maybe you were steering me there without my knowledge, in the back of my mind—

--the fuck am I talking about? There’s a fight brewing and I’m sitting here waxing eloquent on bullshit. Yikes, I’m out of practice.

It turned out to be some kid who had belted the call, some chump that stood out like a svelte grey shadow in the grassland. I didn’t bother saying hi or even giving a warning or any of that nonsense, because he was asking the world for a fight and it was bringing it. I snorted and the air in front of my face burned and buzzed and crackled with an intensity that caught your interest super hard for some reason—I dunno, I was trying to start a fight, I wasn’t thinking about much—and from the tip of my horn shot a thick stream of searing, buzzing lightning that broke the air around me, causing it to burst with a CRACK! as it snaked its way toward the boy-thing. As soon as the last of it left my horn, I bolted for the bro, because ranged fighting is for pussies and I ain’t built for that noise.

Square up, bud, I’m comin’ for that ass.




[WC:460
PC: 1/3]




talk

Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes</style>




Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Rhoa Posts: 175
Deceased atk: 5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 3 HP: 65 | Buff: ENDURE
Odd
#3

.....


Rhoa

I belong anywhere but inbetween.


At first I think that no one will come, and the relief that floods through me is tangible. Everything goes cool, and blue, and I feel myself relax. That doesn't make me a coward it just ... I mean, I tried didn't I? I called out and no one answered. Lots of people are usually around here, but today I guess they're all busy, who knows. I relax and lean back on my haunches, folding my burning wings against my flanks. Sighing, I let all of my anxiety disappear and turn for home.

I will definitely try again tomorrow. Tomorrow maybe I'll go to the heart! Or to the-

I had been turning mid-thought, slower than I had been before now that I wasn't so worked up, when I saw her. She could have been any size, any colour, any species and I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. My breath caught in my chest and I just froze, my gaze falling upon her in astonishment. I couldn't make out any details - if you had asked me right then and there I probably couldn't have even told you my name. My mind was completely focused on the impossibility of someone having shown up.

"Nononononononononononono" I whispered with increased hysteria as I continued to stare, thinking that perhaps I could just wish her away. Wait! I didn't need to wish her away, I could talk to her! Mother had taught me a little about politics and negotiation. I'm sure I could make her see how this was all some big mistake. Maybe I could even tell her that it wasn't me who had called out. That it was some other chicken-shit kid, and that I was just out for a stroll. Oh me? Of course I fight. On any other day I'd love you take you up on it, but you see I have this horrible cramp...

That would work, wouldn't it?

I wouldn't have time to find out. Instead a bolt of lightning rushed towards me and I heard myself shriek as I jumped to my left. No fair! We hadn't even agreed on rules yet! Wasn't that how it worked?? As I felt pain rush through my right thigh I realized just how clueless and fucked I was. I had no idea how any of this worked. But there was no time to dwell on the hysterical panic rising through my body, instead my mind was completely swamped by the pain which now felt more like a fire. It felt like it had spread all over my right leg, but if I really concentrated, I would have said it was just my thigh. Then again how should I know, I've never even been in a fight before, much less shocked or burned or whatever had just happened.

I have a dim hope that maybe I could still talk my way out of this, until I realized she was running at me. After I had jumped to the left to try and escape her lightning (#failure), I had once again just stupidly stood still staring. As her body rocketed towards me, I let that hope die.

I was definitely dead. I had fucked up. Well, only one thing left to do.

Opening my mouth, I screamed. And I mean I really let myself wail. I screamed for Mother and Ivezho, for Father and how absent he had been, for the bird-lady who had ruined my childhood with her stupid riddles, for Adelric and his companion and their fucking amulets. For Mordecai and Einarr and Meg, and for just how absurdly useless I had become. I let it all out as I ran towards her. I wasn't very fast - I've never had to ignore pain before and so I wasn't very good at it. Spreading my wings which pulsed and glowered like burning embers, I hoped to at least freak her out. Maybe she would think she'd be burned if she came too close. Hell, maybe she'd run away. Doubting it, I braced myself for impact. I tried to keep her sort of on my left side, so that my left shoulder might hit hers, but who knows. I pulled my wings in close so that I wouldn't break them just before I thought we were going to hit.


Setting: Ancient Rotunda. Midday in Orangemoon. The air is much cooler, and there is a layer of clouds covering the sun.
WC: 703
Attack: 1/3





TAG: @[Name] | # WC | Notes if needed.

FOXX


Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#4

OH GOD HE STARTED TO SCREAM.

You were hearing it without even having to rely on my own senses through our bond, listening to the majestic echos of a poor boy's terror, and I swear if tiny shit lizards had the vocals to laugh, your ass would’a been grass and gone because you were rolling in my head at the poor kid. I wasn’t even touching him yet and there was probably a steady yellow stream running thick and free down the side of one o’ his legs. What a shame.

There was a part of me—a protective sort of part, a part that had a weakness for tiny things—that begged my charging ass to take it easy on him. Turn around! Slow down! He’s not worth the fight! Look at him—he’s falling apart at a charge! Don’t scar the poor children, Ros! It was the only voice that cried out so passionately amongst the other parts of me in my head—some twenty-seven voices I would guess? All of which promptly ignored her ass, and good thing, too. Because this boy had literally picked a fight with the world and the world will eat you alive even when you try to mind your own damn business—and this kid needed to learn how to take the teeth of the universe or sit your ass down somewhere to avoid the bite.

I’ll be honest. I probably would have fell out laughing like you if I weren’t already in battle-mode. And in battle-mode, you don’t actually think about what you’re doing. It’s action-reaction. So when the boy screamed, I belted right back at him, except my scream was more like a ROAR and my eyes widened into something fierce and nuts and I peeled back my lips and there was a little tongue showing somewhere--

--and I kept running for the crying babe—right up ‘til the last minute, where I straightened my out my legs and dug them into the ground, skidding to a stop. I had been moving too fast to stop all too quickly, which was perfect, because I was aiming to jab the point of my left shoulder into him as he passed and I hadn’t wanted to accidently pass by him—

--but as we crashed I was caught off guard by how large this man-baby actually was, not really a mountain of a thing but still taller than me with a thicker chest than I had estimated (and flaming wings too, gosh, what’s with all the flaming wings--) and even though I had barreled into him with the full force of my charge I still hit something a lot more solid than I intended, and the shock of it jarred my shoulder blade all the way to my back and down my vertebrae and yeah, that was gonna be a nasty bruise for sure.

He was still moving passed me and his flame-crusted (heat-less?) wing sort of clipped me upside the head a little as we came close, scratching my eyes and obscuring my vision for a moment-- but I had dug in at just the right time to come to enough of a stop to gather myself underneath me and pivot on my hind hooves toward my left, turning my body to follow his movement—

--and as I launched myself at him in our close quarter range, a was roaring a great big RAAAAAAAAAARGH, with an ugly sort of snort-snarl in the back of my throat (okay bite me I was laying it on kinda thick) as I bared my teeth and aimed for the left side of his neck, to sink as much of my teeth in him as possible; to make him squeal a little bit more.




[WC:627
PC: 2/3]



talk

Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes</style>




Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Rhoa Posts: 175
Deceased atk: 5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 3 HP: 65 | Buff: ENDURE
Odd
#5

.....


Rhoa

I belong anywhere but inbetween.


When she started to scream back at me, it felt like it was all over. For one brief glimmering instant, I realized that regardless of how badly I got my ass beat today, it would be okay. And do you know why? Because it's my first fight! Surely everyone is bound to lose their first fight? (A nagging voice in the back of my mind reminds me that Father probably didn't. Father, the undefeated, probably never experienced this agonizing worry and fear. He always knew what to do. Apparently I had not received the innate fighting gene the way Zenobia did.) As Roskuld's screams reach my ears, I let myself sink into the reassuring thought that no one could possibly expect me to win. There is no standard or bar that I need to meet, there are no expectations. It is reassuring, and almost a little calming.

I don't have a lot of time to think on this, because our bodies have just collided and all I can see is the super-imposed image of Ros's teeth and tongue blurring over everything, and all I can feel is the shock and pain of having run smack dab into something running right at me. I can't think of my attack as successful, because my shoulder is now screaming with pain. She's shorter than I am, and having never considered where we would actually impact each other, I hadn't realized that it would be the meaty, muscly part of my shoulder that would hit her, rather than the slightly stronger bony part. I gasp for air as my long legs pull me away from her. I vaguely recall (or at at least I think I do) seeing her slow down. Everything is a blur. She could have sprouted two heads for all I know. Panic has gripped me now, and there's no turning back. I can feel my breathing quicken, and it's making me feel light-headed. Or perhaps that's the pain in my shoulder, I don't actually know. Though I am quickly realizing that I am not good at dealing with pain, even minor bruises.

I am too lost in my own chaotic mind to realize that Ros must have stopped, or at least slowed down, and is now moving the same direction as I am. I'm not sure why I thought that perhaps everything would stop now, but I must have, because I was entirely unprepared to feel her face pressed against my neck, and her teeth pulling at my skin. I heard a scream leave my lips as unbearable pain shot up and down my neck. (In hindsight I might say that the pain wasn't so bad; it was bad, but not crazy bad. Not worth screaming about the way I was. But you have to understand, at this point in my life, this was the worst pain I'd ever felt.) Instinctively I tried to throw myself to the right, away from her. My wings flailed from my sides to try and aid with balance - then again if I smacked her with my left one I wouldn't mind.

The calm serenity of knowing that I would lose this fight and that that was okay had entirely disappeared. I now realized that the only way I would be in a position to tell Father that at least I had fought was if I made it home alive. I thought this fight would stop after the first hit, but it hadn't. How many more would it take? Would she keep coming, all screams and teeth and that horrible tongue lolling out of her mouth? Would she keep throwing lightning at me, then biting me? Was she trying to cook me? Oh Gods is that why she was licking her lips?! The thought was nonsensical but it instilled fear in me just the same.

In the milliseconds that it took for these thoughts to take hold of me, I realized that I did not want to die here. And that meant making her stop long enough to get away.

I felt my head lower as my body continued to move slightly to the right, still propelled by my flailing away from her. I really wasn't sure where she was, other than vaguely behind me somewhere, so my buck wasn't very well aimed. I kicked out with both my hind legs, which I realized immediately was a stupid decision. My front left shoulder squealed with pain as I forced it to endure more weight, and my right thigh echoed that call as it extended. Having no experience dealing with pain, I felt my lips open as I screamed, as if somehow the sound of my voice would be able to dull the pain I was feeling.

It didn't work.




Setting: Ancient Rotunda. Midday in Orangemoon. The air is much cooler, and there is a layer of clouds covering the sun.
WC: 794
Attack: 2/3





TAG: @[Name] | # WC | Notes if needed.

FOXX


Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#6

I had a mouth full of horseflesh and he was screaming again and some piece of me on the inside squirmed around uncomfortably with his obvious pain and terror that I was causing—but it was such a small part compared to the exhilaration I felt with the taste of horse-meat in my mouth, the elation I felt with the pain and terror I was laying on him so thickly. It could’ve been confusing, all these conflicting feelings sort of having a one-sided brawl in my head—but it wasn’t, not really, because battle was action and I was acting and he was acting too….somehow, and that’s all that mattered and that’s all that was needed for the world to be right for a little while.

He yanked away from me and I tried to hold onto him, to jerk his skin a little like the rabid bitch I wanted him to think I was obviously was—but his panic was stronger than my crazy and he had a big neck too, all broad ‘n shit, so it was hard to keep my teeth clamped as tight as I wanted them to be. He finally snatched himself from my grasp and I tried to reach for him again before he got too far away—

--WHAP!!--

--but suddenly there was this great huge wing flapping down on the side of my head, clipping my right ear and temple with the heaviness of feathers and the force of a frightened chicken kid. I wasn’t expecting it and it came from nowhere so when the wing came down on me—well. Yeah, I’ll admit stars erupted in front of my eyes for some seconds and there was a ringing in my head from getting dome rocked and I stumbled just a little bit—just enough for the bro to squirm his way out of reach of my teeth.

But he wasn’t done; for all the flailing he was doing to get away from my terrifying presence, he was bound to land a few blows, and this guy happened to luck out with landing them all. Because I was too stunned and dazed to keep up with his movements and see the hooves sailing towards me—

--CLACK!!--

--before it was too late.

Still not sure how the bro didn’t hit me square in the teeth, because he was close enough to do it and I wasn’t prepped to defend against it anyway. What he did end up kicking was the right side of my neck, a little ways below my ear—and my cheek that had been turned somewhat away from him, a perfect target to slap the fuck out of.

WHAP, his hoof said against my face, and your laughter died in my mind. It was quick and hard and ugly and it was a good thing I wasn’t braced for impact because my jawline probably would have snapped if there had been any more force applied. What ended up happening was that he hit me and I fell away from him, thrown to my left with the force of the double-hoof kick. Once upon a time I would have fallen over—but my fight-instinct was practiced enough to attempt to keep me on my feet, to dance to the left to absorb the shock of the blow while I waited for all these stars to recede. Ow, ow, fucking ow my face and head were a mess. Maybe the bastard did break my jaw after all—or maybe I’d just have a gnarly bruise there stretched across the whole right side of my head.

Didn’t matter. I wasn’t thinking about that; I wasn’t thinking. Once my eyes stopped whirling they snapped towards the kid’s ass that still faced me, like he was running away. But we were well passed that point; the residual laughter in my breast was burnt to a crisp against a bubbling, frothing mass of stuff spewing up from my stomach, while that one little voice of protest against my tyranny was suddenly silenced, defected and assimilated into the general army of my impulse. It’s all fun and games until someone makes a head shot.

Now I was pissed.

Hit me again, I dare you!! I roared at him—an honest to god roar that was even darker, grittier, and infinitely more fiery than the theatrical bullshit I had spewed before. As if on cue, the sparks began to dance in my eyes and the air sizzled in front of me and from my horn burst a thicker, angrier bolt than the one I had spewed before—aimed straight for the poor bastard’s fleeing asshole.




[W/C: 777
P/C: 3/3]



talk

Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes</style>




Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Rhoa Posts: 175
Deceased atk: 5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6.5
Colt :: Pegasus :: 17hh :: 3 HP: 65 | Buff: ENDURE
Odd
#7

.....


Rhoa

I belong anywhere but inbetween.



I feel my hooves connect with something, and I immediately feel a wash of contradictory emotions. On the surface, high above all the others, is concern. Have I hurt her? One hoof felt like it pushed something, like whatever I hit gave way slightly. I've never bucked at anyone before, other than just playing around (and even then, not really), and so I don't know what body parts feel like when you kick them. Was it her face? As worry percolates inside of me, something darker and uglier begins to form as well. Shame. I am here to win, to please Father and show the herd that I am not just useless. To show the bird-lady that I can be brave. And what do I do, when I land my first real attack? I feel sorry about it. So so far I've got concern and fear, but the duo is about to become a trio, as an emotion which I don't think I've ever felt before in my life blossoms inside of me. Not in my heart, but in my head, and it swamps the other two.

Lust. The need to show Father I am not weak. The need to feel my body have a physical effect on Roskuld's, to make it recoil and scream. It's a hot and dark feeling, and it crowds my mind and my senses. I don't know anything about sex yet, but this feeling isn't a sexual lust. It's a blood lust. It has come at a good time too, because as I tried to run away, I hear her scream at me to hit her again. There's clearly no way of running from this (again, the thought to just fly away hasn't crossed my mind), and due to my inexperience I don't actually know how to end something like this. So, the only thing that there's left to do is just face her. And given this new poison rushing through my veins, suddenly that doesn't seem so scary.

I turn inwards, meaning to continue my momentum in a circle as I'm suddenly caught off guard by another of her lightning-attacks. Again, I show my inexperience in the ring as I assumed she would have let me turn around and face her: like a stand off. I didn't realize she was going to try and take me out when my back was turned. I feel pain well up in my right thigh once again, only this time it feels even worse than the first time she did it - likely because she hit me in relatively the same spot. The muscle which was just starting to cease its screaming with every step resumed almost immediately. I heard my breath catch in my throat as tears began to well up in my eyes. I couldn't help it - it stung. Whatever bloodlust I was feeling didn't help to diminish the pain.

All of a sudden I can hear myself screaming, and it's the weirdest thing, almost as though I'm a bystander in my own body. I can feel the pain in my right hind leg and, slightly more distantly, pain in my front left, but it's just that: distant. I'm feeling it, but I'm not really feeling it, if you know what I mean. My lungs burn as I continue to scream, and I don't even care that I can barely see because of the tears, or that snot is dripping down my muzzle. I don't care that her horns could probably slice right into my heart (actually, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind). All I care about is satisfying the dark red feeling that has taken over my head and body. Somewhere deep inside, I know that if I can hit her, it will help.

Still I'm screaming as I race (aka half limp, half run) towards her. Now the pulsing pain in my body has synced up with my heartbeat. I hear the pounding of my own blood in my ears, like a war drum pushing me forward. I want to slam my right shoulder into her own - I am bigger than she is, and right now I feel entitled to this attack. She hit me, and now it's my turn to hit her back.

I know I probably look crazy - all half burning and snotty - but I don't care. I brace for impact with the absurd hope that I will somehow body-check her right out of the clearing. I am bigger after all, it could happen.




WC: 753
Attack: 3/3





TAG: @[Name] | # WC | Notes if needed.

FOXX


Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers
#8

Well, I mean. I dared the bastard to hit me again. And here he was, turning to face me, bolting straight for me like he didn’t even give a fuck anymore. There’s irony in this somewhere but it flew over my head because of…well. Battle rage. Ain’t thinkin’ straight.

So he was running for me (sort of) and I was ready for it, things thumping along inside my head and my chest and everywhere, things that hurt and burned in more ways than one. He was still screaming at me and tears were gushing and there was some snot and that was kinda gross I guess but none of it affected me. Sure, a few seconds ago I probably would have felt a little squirm of guilt—I may have even stopped attacking him at this point, because you can only wax that ass for so long with no contest before it gets dull. But my jaw was throbbing too hard to let me see forgiveness, and you were in the back of my head, the laughter having long-since dried up and gone, and there was tiny rooting chiming in my skull, urging me to wreck it. You wanted to see this bro eat dirt and I was all too happy to oblige you— my cute little asshole, you.

It made it all the better that he was stepping up to the plate I was laying for him. Good. Stop running from me and get some. Something electric ran down my spine, a reverb in my bones, and it was finally starting to feel like a fight all of a sudden instead of some chumpish smackdown. He was coming for me and I felt myself gear up and lock down and I dug into the ground with my hooves and I launched myself at him and we were gonna do glorious battle—

--but I went, like, maybe three steps before a pounding in my body threw me off. I say body because it was everywhere—on my left side, where he had crashed into my chest a lot harder than I expected and there was still this sore spot that was most definitely gonna bruise later—and on my right side, a new, even more brutal pain radiating from just below my ear, right against my cheek, where it jarred my teeth and pulled tears from my right eye before I could even contemplate crying—

--and all this sort of crashed on me as I tried to get some, and the tears poured from my eye in a thick, steady stream of ow and the battle-focus that was honed on this bro suddenly shattered into a million pieces. So what really ended up happening was we were both (sort of) running at each other, him limping, me flinching with every step I took, and it ended up that he was a lot more put together than I was: he was aiming to hit me, and I was just a mess of scrambled brains and a hurting bod running right into it.

WHAM!! Again. Except now it was the right side of my chest this time, so now my whole chest was throbbing with varying degrees of ow. And since the rest of my body was going ow and I wasn’t prepped for his big ass to come crashing against me again (No, seriously, what does this kid even eat?), I was…kinda… thrown. Like, my forehooves left the ground for a second, such was the force of my weight being slammed away from him. It was all I could do to not bust my ass wholly and completely all over the ground; my legs sorta scrambled beneath me and I side-stepped away from him as fast as my body traveled, keeping up with the momentum before I lost balance. Which was harder than it sounded, because ow, ow, fucking ow everywhere it hurt to move everything but my ass at that moment.

It was like he knocked the brains out my ear, too. Because all that fire and fury I was feeling bubbling along inside my body—yeah. All that vanished. “Okay, okay, shit,” I shouted at him, and even my words sounded rattled as I spewed them. “Okay, you hit me, I’ll lay off,” I said, still side-stepping away from him, trying to get far enough away from him to get my point across. I learned that lesson a long time ago. You gotta know when to stop—you had to know how to smother the flames of battle rage— and at that point, enough was enough.





[W/C: 767
P/C: 3/3 1/1

GOOD FIGHT BRUH]



talk

Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes</style>




Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#9
By my verdict: RHOA is the winner!

ROSKULD
Realism [+2.5]
Great eye for fight mechanics with well timed and realistic attacks and defenses. I was looking for some more injury description in her third post as to just what all happened and was damaged when he kicked her - not just the area, which you described well, but the effects (bruising, fracture, torn skin, etc.) and you took a bit too much damage in your fourth post considering you said he actually lifted you off the ground, but you only rolled a 2 damage. Some mentions of breed reference, particularly to Rhoa’s height and girth, but no attention paid to terrain or your stats differences.


Emotion [+2.5]
I loved her emotion all throughout your posts, but especially in your second one. She’s a delight to read because she draws you in and you just feel everything with her.


Prose [+3]
You have lovely prose and it all flows well, but some sentence structure is sacrificed for it.


Readability [+2]
All posts were readable and easy to understand. Just a few typos and a lack of description regarding her starting position in comparison to Rhoa (head on, behind, from the side…). A couple typos and a habit of run-on sentences, but nothing major. Please try and add an ooc note of the record’s description for your magic if you use it (referring to her lightning bolt magic for her 2 attacks).

P2:
“...straightened my out my legs…” (remove first my)
“...still moving passed me…” (past)
“...range, a was roaring…” (I)

P3:
“...well passed that point…” (past)


Finally tally: 36.5+(10*2)= 56.5 HP

*******************************************

RHOA
Realism [+2.5]
Very realistic responses to attacks and defenses with good timing, although I would have liked more explanation for why Rhoa charged her in his first attack, given how scared you made him out to be. I loved his intimidation attempts. Good damage was always taken, but sometimes the descriptions for the injuries were lacking - I know it was all pretty low damage, but I wanted more clarification on if we’re dealing with bruises, swelling, sore muscles etc. Some mentioned of height difference in your last post, but otherwise their height and stat differences were mostly ignored (except in your first post you said he wasn’t fast enough, despite his speed being higher than hers). Terrain was also barely touched upon, if at all.


Emotion [+3]
Really great emotion all throughout the fight. I enjoyed the terror and inexperience with this being his first fight.


Prose [+3]
Excellent prose within each post. Some sentence structure was sacrificed for style, but mostly correct.


Readability [+2.5]
Posts very readable and easy to understand. You used directional words well, and had minor typos and a little tense switching. Please try and add an occ note of the record’s description for your magic if you use it (referring to his passive magic when he was using his burning wings to distract her).

P1:
“...pulsed and glowered like burning embers…” (glowed)

P2:
“And that meant making her stop long enough to get away.” (And not necessary, makes it seem like a fragment)


Finally tally: 39+(11*2)= 61 HP


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