DESTRY

After my breakdown I did not hesitate to race after Aurelia frantically, screaming her name as I choke on my tears, throat knotting, tightening and closing up as I struggle to fly forward without collapsing, tumbling and falling onto the ground and laying there to wallow in my sorrow. Yseult was off, she had flown away after my breakdown, influenced by my panic and anguish. But at the moment, Yseult was not my main focus. Instead I had to make things right between Aurelia and I. I wanted to walk beside her on our way to the Veins, to tell her I loved her over and over again, to be able to tell her that until I wear away my voice, until it becomes nails dragging against stone, until my sight fails me and my lungs can't take it anymore. I want to be by her side until I'm blind and sad, my only happiness being her touch, her voice and the memories we both share. I'll find solace in running my nose along her body, mapping out every detail until I can close my eyes and see her clearly printed on my eyelids. She will become the focus of my world, she and our lovely child who we've both worked so hard for. We'll raise a child, a beautiful, amazing child. I will not let the recent events with Rhoa keep me from achieving my dreams and raising a lovely little family with Aurelia. I need to tell her, I need to tell her I never want her to go. That I want her to stay with me for as long as we both have two beating hearts, as long as we can wake up to face a new day side by side, as long as our lungs can draw in air. I refuse to let her slip between my fingers, to slide from my grasp with my heart in tow. I will not allow myself to throw our relationship away, it was still young, still fresh and blossoming. We were still in the clouds, careless and free. We're still so young, and we have so much time to spend together. And honestly, I want to spend every second I can with Aurelia. A smile plays out along my lips, dancing and twitching weakly as I angle my head to gaze at the ground, wings outstretched as I glide steadily through the air. I search for her, on both the ground and within the clouds. Her name falls from my lips, a pleading for her to come and see me. We needed to talk, I needed to apologize for my actions, for my stupidity. I needed to set things straight with her. If she doesn't already hate me."talk" @[Aurelia]

art by ducky -- table by wanda

Quite the scene had unfolded moments earlier under the blistering sky of Dragon's Throat. From the heat, I had no doubt gotten a hefty sunburn. My skin felt crisp and dry, somewhat like a french fry. I walked slowly and carefully, as if a quick movement would tear open my dry flesh and crimson liquid would pour from the self-inflicted gash. The grass under my large hooves was healthy and vibrant, but with each step there was still a loud crunch as I squashed the slender blades under my weight. My eyes were focused on the sky, now. The expressions that danced on my face were not ones of happiness, but pain and guilt and hurt and so much more. Somewhere in far back of my mind, a thought continuously replayed itself. Isn't it sad that I've been hurt so much and by so many that I can finally just say 'I'm used to it'? If she came down to talk to me, and asked me 'How're you?' My mind would think sad, broken, hurt, afraid, alone, angry, depressed, pained, cold, dull, lifeless, stressed, all of it, but I would force myself to say "I'm fine" just so you won't worry about me, just so there is no chance for you to pity me, because I hate pity. I hate it more than anything, but losing Destry. It's too late for that, I've already lost her in many ways.

Every second I trailed her, I grew more and more timid. I was truly afraid of being myself. Sure, they'd say 'be yourself', but then when you are yourself, all they do is judge and judge and judge and judge. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of all of it. I'm sick of letting everyone down, crying myself to sleep, being hurt and hurting others, but most of all, I'm sick of being me.

A single, salty, tear ran its way down my cheek, and it was because I couldn't open my mouth and answer her call. The tear was my eyes verbalizing what my mouth cannot. My heart was showing through my watery eyes, but my mouth remained sealed. With every second, my heart broke more and more, shattering over and over. With every step, my muscles ached and protested, as if saying that it would be better to stop following her and lie down, just give the vultures my life because it's clearly not worth living anymore.

I'd always known that I was slowly giving up with each passing day, but today I almost gave up completely. I wanted to run from Helovia and leave all the memories behind. I'd become something horrible and putrid and not even my mate wanted me, no one does. I was grime and dirt that couldn't be washed away, the rash with no ointment, the flu with no flu vaccine. I wouldn't be leaving any time soon, and everyone knew it. But perhaps I had changed my mind? If I was going to leave, it'd be now. If I left Helovia now, it wouldn't be a happy ending, but damn would it be a story.

Quietly I murmured under my breath, "you weren't just a star, you where the whole damn galaxy to me." meeting Destry was like listening to a song that I knew would become my favorite, until I heard the lyrics. Now look at us.

If Destry and I were parallel lines, we'd have a lot in common but we would never meet, always side by side but never touching nor connecting, which is sad. But we aren't that. We are all the other pairs of lines, meeting only once and fading away from each other to never meet again.

My body is stilled with a sudden halt, the only thing moving were my sides as they expanded and then shrunk with each intake and exhale of the Birdsong air. Even my heart was still in my chest, afraid to beat, afraid of the pain that would come once it began to work. My heart hurt like a tongue would hurt if you stapled it to a wall. (Metaphorically of course.) My eyelids fluttered for a moment before they shut, shielding my ivory irises from the blinding sun, from the inky dot that was Destry flying in the sky. Once my eyes reopen, my heart breaks again. From where I stand, I see her lips tugged into a smile. A second lowly tear falls from my eyes. Why is she smiling? Is this a game to her? Did she even go get a quest from the God of the Earth? Did she even care? Wasn't her hurt breaking like mine? Then why was she smiling? I felt humiliated a I knew she only thought of me as an easy lay. Of course, who wouldn't think of me like that? I didn't even know her and I still rushed into love. I gave my heart to her and she gave it back broken, smiling as she did so. I felt angry now, angrier than ever before. Within my body, I felt fire threatening to envelope me. My more primal side began taking over as I began thinking about attacking her for breaking my heart. The pained expression that had so clearly been written on my face was wiped away, replaced by a sour look. My tail swatted behind my ass angrily and my nostrils began to flare. She had played with fire, and she was now going to feel the burn.

DESTRY

Something tugs and pulls, a silver string plucked as my body rises from the ground, evading gravity as I work my way above the earth. I felt the gentle tug, something trying to get my attention. It pulls me away from my familiar, dreary mind into one that's still untainted and bright, revealing a golden body in pursuit. Teary eyes widen, a pained smile running across my lips as I dip down, plummeting downwards beneath the clouds. A small, dark and familiar body greets me, electric wings stirring up stardust as Yseult lands upon my withers. A curious ear is turned, head cocked as I attempt to turn. My buckling knees prevent me from doing so, something inside causing me to tremble, stomach upturned as I stand with my hind facing Aurelia. I could already feel the growing tension between us, the bitterness of a broken love. My strained body and mind fight, my legs shaking as I try to turn around and face her. I swear I could feel her hatred for me burning off of her like white flames, threatening to tear me apart with just a look. I feel pressure from her gaze pushing against my shoulders, weak legs almost collapsing as I stand there. I had to turn around, I needed to face her and make things right. But how could I fix something that I'd fucked up so badly? A furious bite to the lip gets me to at least take a step to the side, Yseult waiting patiently for me to approach Aur. A deep inhale, and another, and another. After several moments I finally gather up what little courage I have to turn around and meet Aurelia's furious gaze. My eyes drop, lips sealed shut as I look at my hooves with shame. I open my lips, forcing nothing but a breath out. "Aur—" her name slips from my lips with regret pooling, evident in the tears within my eyes. I had to cough out more than just that, but I didn't know how I would manage it. I was terrified, afraid that I had just wasted a god's time for nothing. Or maybe this was a lesson.. a part of the quest? I pray that it is, that I haven't just destroyed something beautiful for no absolute reason. The family I dreamed of, it's gone. I feel the hope of it ever happening becoming a fast fading dream, my mind letting it slip away. "Listen I— I meant— I believe we're going to be together for as long as we live. I want us to be together, I'm so determined Aurelia, I want to prove to you that I love you so much." I stumble over my words, trying to find a rhythm that's steady and calm. Instead my words are spilling out faster than I thought possible. Tears are streaming from my eyes as I manage to look up. "I just meant— there's going to be a time.. when we die.. and—" I manage a pitiful wing shrug, looking off to the side with my ears flicked back out of guilt. "I don't know.. I've never really believed in anything after death—" Just a dark, cold void, lacking in anything. I don't know why I believed such things, but I did. A concept of something after death was never brought to me, instead I simply believed we died and that was that. Nothing more than a simple, dark death devoid of a heavenly afterlife or a warm welcoming from your deceased family. I was an idiot for not explaining that sooner.. "I'm so sorry, I— I'm so stupid, I should've explained more—" I manage, throat tightening with each word that passes through my lips. "I couldn't stand to live without you, Aur. I need you, I really do." I feel my heart, grasped within Aurelia's firm grasp as I spill my guts before her. "I wanted.. I wanted to walk proudly beside you to the Veins.. for the Earth God to grant us what we wanted—" I pause, trying to gather myself. "We wanted a family, Aur. A family. How can we take care of a child like this?" I choke up, voice unsteady as I look at her. "After we turn in the quest— we can go back to the Throat, we can have a family—" I'm choking now, lips shut as I can't manage out anymore more than a whimper. I hope Aurelia doesn't think I'm trying to trick her, I hope she knows how terrible my lies are, and not even I can force myself to cry. This was pure emotion, from wherever my emotions came from (My heart? My spirit? My mind?), it was spilling out, an uncontrollable wave wiping out everything calmly drifting on the shore of a beach."talk" @[Aurelia]

art by ducky -- table by wanda

Ooc: sorry that this is mostly Aurelia talking o-o @[Destry]

The dark lady that I had once called mine joins me on the ground. She calls to me, her voice quiet, soft, passionate. I breath in deeply, my lids fluttering. Her name leaves my lips with the exhale, but her name on my tongue isn't just those emotions, it's more than that, more complex, more confusing. "Des," I say, my voice filled with a tremendous variation of emotions. My mind isn't here, it's gone, distant, closed-off. There is a shield going up, a shield I'd never used with her, but it's here now, sealing my emotions away. It felt both strange and natural for this shield to be up. Destry had been my mate, surely if we aren't together anymore I could be myself and not worry about what she thought, because why would I? Alternatively, I was glad I'd finally decided to put up an indifferent facade and fight through this like a soldier with armor. Now she can't hurt me more. More than she already has.

I want to forgive her, but I'm not sure she's really thinking. She's thinking about other things, I don't know what, but I can't help but feel like she's not here, in this moment, at all. Maybe she is. I don't know really. Actually, I don't even know her.

Suddenly, she's talking about dying and afterlife. "We could get immortality." I state plainly. Why would she get immortality? There is no way she'd want to spend forever with me. There is a solution for every problem she is creating, but she continues to list the problems. She hasn't solved on problem with a solution, just spewing more problems. Our relationship had been fine, perfect, fairytale-like, but now? We didn't even have a relationship now.

"Trust me when I say, I did truly want to do that. I wanted my sides to swell with the life we created. I don't, however, want a child when we bicker and fight like old people fighting over their granny smith appes. I wanted a child because I wanted to teach him or her, watch it grow, succeed, do whatever it wants. I wanted to love it unconditionally with endless amounts of adoration and tenderness. I want to teach it to fly and watch it eat its first bite of grass and first drink of water. To raise a child is the ultimate challenge, and the reward is the ability to be proud in the child, no matter what. Is it really a challenge that we can handle? Are we sure of this? I'm a horrible mom, I couldn't do it once, I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I can do any of this again. I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen. What if I die giving birth? What if it dies? Honestly, I'm a shit mom." Another worry popped quickly into my head and it became all I thought about. "What if our child hates that I'm into mares? Not everyone is about that lifestyle..."

"Also, I really hate the Dragon's Throat. Whenever I am there, I am plagued by the bad memories from my childhood. From everything that happened there. I do not wish to go back, Destry." I said softly, worry seeping into my words. "And Destry? This isn't your fault... I'm just really, really, scared of starting another family and fucking it up again."

DESTRY

My name falls from her alabaster lips, the gentle rose pink that kissed her snout forming just the first three letters of my name. A gentle, almost relieved smile appears on my face. I pray she doesn't hate me, but I know that somewhere deep down she does. I fucked up so bad, there's no way she's not going to hate me just a little. I take a deep breath, looking at her, meeting the cold pearls that once displayed so much. I feel that she's detaching herself, pushing herself away from this situation just as I had done in the past in many instances. I step forward, trying to stay out of her personal space but also close the physical gap between us. At her mention of immortality, a pathetic smile crawls over my face. As if something out of a movie, I bow my head as though bestowed with a high title or crown. "It would be an honor to spend all of eternity beside you, my dear." This is no time for jokes or the like, but I thought it was necessary. I had to lighten the mood somehow, so my awkward head bow would have to do. I think of us now, our bodies in perfect health, our generation long dead as we roost together for another night in our timeless world. I wanted to watch time and my worry of having such a short, pointless life to slip away as quickly as it had come. For all my worries of death to be torn away with the gift of immortality. Living beside Aurelia for eternity sounded so wonderful, like a dream to me. Her words go on, she sounded like this is what she really wanted. Everything she said, all I could think of was doing it with her. We would raise a child together, I was determined. I wanted to share this feeling of pride and unconditional love with Aurelia, to watch our child take their first steps, their first time flying, watch them enjoy the summer running about. I wanted to help Aurelia teach them how to fly, teach them how to talk and about the world around them. I wanted to be a devoted, loving mother beside Aurelia. "I really, truly believe the two of us together can take on the responsibility of a child, I believe in us, in you. We can do this, Aur." I step even closer, trying to press my nose to her cheek in a tender, passionate manner. "Don't say that Aur, you'll be a great mom. You are a great mom. Maybe you just needed someone else to help and— maybe you didn't get that help last time. But— maybe that's why I'm here?" I give her a sweet smile, trying to provide comfort for her as I attempt to press my lips to her pale, gold freckled forehead. "No—" I whisper to her. "That won't happen— you're strong, you can get through it. I know you can. And if it dies— we'll mourn it. We'll learn from it, we can get through it together. And if you don't want to try again, I'll respect your decision. That's what a good lover does, right?" I murmur, my words soft and comforting, moving slowly as I talk to her. "They won't, they can't. I don't think they'll mind, if it's how they were raised, they shouldn't care. If anyone makes fun of them for it, it'll be our job to explain that our relationship is nothing to be ashamed of. That there's nothing wrong with liking mares." I stop, listening as Aurelia tells me of bad memories in the Throat and her dislike for such things. I nod slightly, understanding that some places held foul memories that were best left alone. "That's fine, Aur, we don't have to go back. We can find somewhere else to go—" I pause, looking at her with nearly pleading eyes. I would do anything to have her be mine, I just wanted to hold her close and adore her, to raise a child with her and give the child unconditional love just as she said. We would raise a child filled with joy and appreciation for everything, an independent child who was sweet and delicate yet strong and sturdy. "It's okay, I can help you through this. You won't be alone on this Aurelia," I tell her. "From now on, you'll never be alone." "talk" @[Aurelia]

art by ducky -- table by wanda

She was still here. And for what reason? It was as if my brain was malfunctioning and I didn't know what to do. Ctrl+Alt+Delete? Hold the power button until it turns off? Wait for it to unfreeze? There was no remedy for a malfunctioning brain because brains are different than computers, this I know. So I just stood there, a deer in headlights. My eyes were stuck on hers and I'd forgotten to blink. My eyes stung and I hastily blinked, afraid that if I did, she would be gone when I opened my eyes again. She tried lightening the darkening mood, and her humor would have normally made me laugh, chuckle, anything, but now all that responded to her comment was my lips quivering into a tight smile. This is hard for me. Very hard. She began to arch her neck, chin tucking towards her chest. Suddenly, her horns were pointing towards me, and I knew she wouldn't attack me, but still. I had always been nervous around unicorns, and she was one of them. There is one difference between her and them... I can actually trust her. She won't stab me to death in my sleep because I have wings, and she has them too! I can trust her, I can trust her.

Moments after I announce my fears to this dark lady, she comforts me with sweet words and promises of safety. My previous discomfort about her horns is long forgotten now, maybe because I know I'll be safe with her and she to me. She would never hurt me, and I am angry at myself for previously wanting to attack her for smiling. For smiling! I don't own her, for gods sake! She can smile when she wants, I inwardly scold. Suddenly, I am pulled out of my previous frozen state. I step towards her, hesitantly at first, but then with all the passion, desire, and love that I could muster. I move towards her, desperate for an embrace. I wanted her comfort and also to comfort her. I know she wants a family, I do too! Goddamnit. I've wanted a family, a real one. I had one before, but I had not been a strong enough mom to keep us together, I failed. I don't respond to any of her words directly, but instead state something, something that I've wanted to say forever, that I'd only said once or twice, but this felt real now. I kind of liked it. "Destry, I love you. So. Much. I love you to the moon and back an infinite amount of times, and then some." I sobbed out, tears running once again down my cheeks, but they are happy now. Because I am happy for once. Scared as hell, but happy. I don't know if I've ever been this content. I love her! I do! I love her. And I know she loves me, I do.

ooc: sorry if this post sounds a little weird, I'm not really used to writing Aurelia happy xD

DESTRY

Nothing is said for a long time. We instead stand facing one another in silence, letting it veil our existence from the world around us, hiding us away for this intimate moment. I don't know how to feel, how to react. I was so happy, yet so afraid. I had just promised her something that I didn't know the outcome of. I didn't know if she would die giving birth, or if our child wouldn't hate us for loving each other. This world has a strange way of fucking everything up for you when you think it's going to be okay. Like what happened now, when Aurelia misinterpreted my words and everything I'd put my heart and soul into teetered on the edge of destruction. It was a miracle I managed to even get her to look at me, she seemed so angry at me before. But I suppose that's what being in such a devoted relationship means? Having to overcome things together, whether they're big or small, so that in the end, you're still together with the person you love. Aurelia steps forward quickly, embracing me with something indescribable. I could feel her passion, her love, all of it, wrapping over me in a comforting blanket. I reach forward to burrow my nose in her pale shoulder, giving into the temptation of taking her sweet, unique scent in. I smile, feeling at home wrapped up in her familiar embrace. I swear I could feel tears gathering into my eyes as I stumble closer to her embrace. I reached my wings forward, trying to take her within my grasp and show that she was mine. "I love you more than you’ll ever know," I tell her, my words honey sweet and slow. I raise my head, gently nibbling along her neck in an attempt at affection, smiling as I remain careless to the rest of the world. "Shall we go turn in the quest together?" I whisper to her, stepping forward to nudge at her shoulder very gently. I wanted to walk proudly to the Earth god, to prove to him that my quest had been completed and that Aurelia and I were both ever so greatful for his gift of granting us such and opportunity."talk"

art by ducky -- table by wanda @[Aurelia]

It's an embrace, a simple gesture, but Destry and I have feeling that makes it more. It's an accepted apology, a glimpse into how it'll be in the future, it's even a sort of promise. In this embrace, she pulls all my pieces together and I can feel myself become whole again, not remains of shattered glass but a beautiful and intricate whole vase. Her desert-y scent is plastered all over my gold body, and I love it. I'm Destry's and she's mine. It's weird, actually. I never thought I'd find someone to love and adore nor did I ever think it'd be a mare, but it is and I couldn't be happier. I feel her wings cage the warm in, a comforting feel. I'd always been scared of being tied down by a relationship, but not now. Now, I am flying. Flying with Destry and our hopes, dreams, everything. Maybe we both have baggage, but who doesn't? I've got a shitload of baggage and it seems my reality scarily fitted with Destry's nightmares. I'd abandoned my children and to me, it seems that's exactly what she's scared off. Yet despite our pasts, we are still able to miraculously love each other with something that appears unbreakable. Yes, we may have just had a bad fight but we've recovered. Maybe somewhere deep down I knew she'd never leave me and I'd never leave her. It'd be shattered if she left me.

"I love you more than you'll ever know." A smile played with my lips, tugging the corners skyward into an attractive curve. Her teeth dance around my wither and neck and spine and oh! it's marvelous. She's marvelous. She brings up our quest and my smile grows larger, a beam. "Yes, we shall" My answer is simple, true, but I don't need to say anything else. Have we successfully finished the quest? I wondered if the Earth God would deny us a family for the fact that when we tried to help a child, the foundation of our relationship and everything we had threatened to deteriorate. We had made a bridge between us, but it seemed that bridge crumbled away when we were faced with a small issue. How would we react to a large one? I know that deep down we'll stick together forever. Destry is my first real love, she'll always have that part of me no matter what. She could leave me, shatter me, break me, but surely if she said "I'm sorry" that piece she has always had will force me to forgive her. In some weird way, she's filling the void in my mind created when Shilva died at the hands of an incompetent mare.

Ooc: do u wanna go ahead and make the veins thread?