It was a panic. Everything was moving too fast. There were too many bodies, too many smells, too many noises. It was just too much. She had started to retreat ears pinned, tears falling as her chest tightened, airways clenching, anxiety overtaking her frame. "Alleo!" she screamed, wishing her voice could ring out over the battles, over the clashing flesh. But she couldn't focus in on anything, too much was happening to identify separate frames, let alone who each of those frames was. She could only sense enough to know where to retreat to- to get away from the commotion.

So she hid, hid in the shadows that were unscathed with blood for the moment and cowered. Ettore curled up in a nest of her hair, chirping anxiously from his position. On occasion, he would flash images of the battle field to her - through their bond, but it did little to help Rasta out. She knew Alleo's colouring - but with so much happening it was hard to focus on that image and match it to the bodies Ettore had flashed toward her.

This was not okay. This was not okay at all. In fact, to try and protect herself and Ettore from pain she created a ball around her from roots and branches - shielding her from the battle, shielding her from being attacked by too many others at once. It was only when she heard the fighting stop - the voice say the Falls had lost, that the roots began to fall, to crawl back into the ground. And then she was stumbling forward. She couldn't stop shaking. So she cried out again. "Alleo!" But it was only a whimper. Everything about her was weak as her mind ran through the worst. She was choking, mind panicking as it still tried to work out each of the unknown frames around her - to place some of them with someone she could recognize.

And then she heard her name - and Ettore flashed an image of the painted stag across her vision, drawing an arrow across her back in the direction the sound had come from. She jumps, Ettore digging his talons in to stay with her jolting frame as she rushes toward him. Physically, she's unscathed, but mentally she's even more confused and scarred then when she had lost her voice. At least then she wasn't being overloaded with all of the senses. She reaches out for him, trying to press her body up against his as she repeats his name over and over again, tears falling from her eyes. She can't tell how badly he's injured. She can't tell if it is even him she just knows that someone is there.

"Please be you, please be Alleo" she chokes out, eyes squeezed shut as if she were wishing on a star from the protectors above. And her maw meets hot flesh, sticky blood, and scratched wounds. She searches, pressing her maw everywhere - coating her maw in his blood by trying to find all of the wounds, apologizing each time she presses against an injury. "You need a healer… God… Who did this… What happened?"

Well… she knew what happened. The Falls had been invaded, taken over, trashed and torn to be ruled by someone else. But… what had happened with him (at least she hoped it was him) she had no clue.

Rasta & Alleo

you're my end and my beginning, even when i lose i'm winning
'cause i give you all of me - and you give me all of you

His normal musk was covered in the scent of a coppery rust. Her mind could only hope that the stag she was fretting over was actually Alleo. But there was a sigh of relief, and as she plead for it to be him she got a response the confirm it. His muzzle pressing firmly against her forehead, grounding her just long enough before she began to run her muzzle across his frame. She was top out of it, everything was so jumbled in her head that the only way she could tell how wounded he was would require her to actually feel all over his frame. She could feel the way his muscles tensed against her maw - the pain he had to be feeling and she continually apologized. Usually she could feel the contours of his frame, the movement and flinches of his muscles - as if he were one with her - but tonight… it was all too much to piece together.

Ettore bounced upon her back, and as Alleo reached for Rasta, he spread his wings and gracefully glided toward the ground. But, as he said that he would be fine - that he had to find her first she felt her ears pin back a little. His maw brushed against hers, covered in his blood, uniting the two of them once more. Still, it was only when he withdrew his own maw that she instantly tried to wipe it off upon her coat - leaving maroon smears across her pallid coat. But she couldn't stand the scent being that close to her nostrils - to always breathe it in, to have it masking the other scents.

Alleo saying that he had fought against her, against the Falls because of his sister. Her head snapped away, roots carefully pulling from the ground to place Ettore back upon her withers as he complained from his place on the ground. Alleo said he understood if she hated him, but that he would have done the same thing all over if given the chance. Her voice caught in her throat. Would you protect me, or your sister, if we were both being attacked and you could only help one? she wanted to question him, but a strong part of her wanted to live in ignorance - to believe that he cared enough to protect her. Her jaw clenches, before her body jerks at the sound of something messing with the trees (alas, it was only the wind, but as disoriented as she was it took her a moment to realize it). Blind eyes flicker back in the direction he should be before actual words manage to fall from her lips. "You deserve to be happy," she finally decides upon - ears pulling forward to focus on him. "You also deserve to be healed…"


Maybe he'd catch the tinge of pain lingering in her voice, maybe he'd think it was just from the disorientation of so many foreign things in what used to be her home. But, it was different now - it was contaminated with blood, and she wouldn't be able to figure out what she wanted until she could clearly see everything again. "You should have gotten healed first. I can protect myself," she says - this time the hurt of the situation clearly ringing in her voice as the roots wave in front of her bodice - forming the ball she had hid in to prove to him that she had been fine. But, when they disappear she's even more torn than before - heart shattering as she fights back the tears. "But I'm glad you cared enough to find me."

Aye, she tries to stand tall - like it didn't make a difference that he fought against her family. She should have known better. She should have seen how he wasn't happy. She should have seen the pain she was causing him. She should have let him leave. Maybe then this wouldn't have happened.

She almost wants to leave, but she knows if she does that she might sever the only thing that tended to give her joy in this world. She knew she had to give it time. So, she tried to stand there, to be the strong leader she used to be. She tried to regain her picture of the world. She tried to forgive him, for the hurt that the notion caused. And, to be sure that he didn't cling to the worst she offered four more words, "I don't hate you." Ettore bounced, nodding, agreeing. For he could see in her soul that there was still a bright bubble of love for this stag who had done so much for her. He could see it was trying to break past the hurt - the idea that she wasn't as worthy of love in Alleo's eyes. She knew, after all, that him fighting against the Falls wasn't saying anything about their relationship. The only thing it said anything about was about how he felt in the Falls. It was just going to take time for the darkness of the hurt to fade, for the brightness to crack through, and for her mind to accept what had just happened.

Rasta & Alleo

you're my end and my beginning, even when i lose i'm winning
'cause i give you all of me - and you give me all of you

Aye, he caught on sooner than she had expected. He kept apologizing for hurting her, for tearing at her heart. She had thought it had been guarded against these pains. She thought she had been ready to not actually be worth the fight. But, standing here facing it… She wasn't prepared, she wasn't ready. The apologies ricochet in her head and she looks toward the sky - towards the stars that she hopes are present. Taj. He had told her that the past lingered in the stars - that when someone died they took their place as a star to watch over their beloveds. Am what I'm doing right? Do you approve? Are you punishing me for moving on? She cries in her head, a few tears actually falling this time.

Her home ripped from her, not once (when she led in Forma Silvestris), but twice. Each time something tore at the only goodness she had left. She showed him the ball of roots, to prove that she was strong before allowing a few words to slide. Everything she wanted to say she kept locked in her throat. She didn't want to kill this relationship - not when there was a chance to revive it - the chance she'd never had with Taj, with her miscarried children.

Incredulously, he asks how he could not care enough to look for her, and in her head she instantly responds. Because I'm not really family, am I? He says that he loves her, and it keeps her from rewording it, it keeps everything locked up even tighter. Her hurt, her anger, it wasn't logical. He says her name, trying to pull a response from her, and all she can muster for the time being is that she doesn't hate him.

He goes on, saying that she resented him, and it was Ettore who moved this time, trying to speak for the brightness of her love. He could glide just far enough to reach Alleo, to reach the amulet she had given him to keep him safe. And, as he spreads his wings and shoots toward him, he just manages to cling to the amulet. Then, finding strength in trying to prove the point, he manages to flap his wings often enough to float in place - tugging lightly on the amulet while chirping just after Alleo asks what to do. There was a happiness, a tune of caring and love in Ettore's voice as Rasta ducked her head, trying to find words.

"You can get healed." She said, starting off. Her ears flickering around. "I should have known. It's my own stupidity, my own ignorance that caused me to get hurt." she tries to explain. "I saw how much you disliked it here. I saw the lack of interest in the Falls. I should have expected you to turn - especially when blood came into the picture." she chokes out, voice strained before she stops - trying to keep the real hurt out of her words.

There was a line, though, that caused Ettore to stop his floating and perch upon Alleo's withers. He would not leave until Alleo got the message that she still loved him, deep down, below the hurt. "I don't have anywhere to go, so regardless of the fact that my family just got beaten I'm here." she tries to explain. "But, hey, blood's always been thicker than water, no?" A few more tears. "I love you too, Alleo. I just want you to be happy. I'd hoped I was a part of that - but maybe I'm not. I don't know anymore." she's choking, fighting back the sobs. "I still don't even know if this is definitely you. I don't know who is around us. I just feel forms and smell copper and mixing scents. There's too much happening and I don't know what I should feel, what I should be thinking." Her head shakes in embarrassment that she doesn't even know what's going on around her. "I don't resent your actions. I resent the idea of us being invaded. And you would have resented me if I kept you here any longer - away from your blood. Maybe it's for the best." She's dying. Dying on the inside as she wars with these emotions.

"All I wanted to do, when I heard it die down…" she whispers, head ducked low, "was to make sure you were fine. And in a way… I'm glad you found your happiness…. You've deserved it since I met you." She keeps her head down - avoiding allowing her blind gaze to go his direction. She still refuses to move though, as she lets out the last words, "I want to stay with you - if that's part of the happiness you want… otherwise…" her voice cracks, "I'll leave - because you've deserved better. And if I can't make you happy… maybe someone else can."

Rasta & Alleo

you're my end and my beginning, even when i lose i'm winning
'cause i give you all of me - and you give me all of you

His words struck her like a knife. He hadn't left, not once when she had been kidnapped? He had stayed there the entire time? Part of her had wished it to be true, but most of her had accepted that he had gone to his family for a time, that she had caught him when he had returned - that it had been a cosmic fluke, even a sign from Taj to stay with Alleo while he watched her from the stars. She could feel the anger in the way his voice seemed to meld with the air. And then he went on to say that he wouldn't always do what she wanted or agreed with. She almost scoffed. "You're not a mindless drone. I don't expect you to drop to your knees at my command!" She whispers, insulted that he could even think she expected that out of him. But the other words, the ones specifically about being a killer - they hurt her. They hurt her that he thought that was all he was. "But you're… you're so much more Alleo…" she tries to say, her body beginning to give up on the idea of fighting. No, all she wanted to do was wrap up against him, to have him tell her everything was alright - that they'd get past this, that they'd be fine

He told her that she knew it was him and more tears fell. She choked, mind too much of a mess to clearly understand anything right now. "He would…" she sniffled, ears flopping to the side as she gave up on being strong. "It's just all too much… I need the blood gone. All I smell is blood and it messes with my head. I have to fight to get back to anyone's scent, to get to your scent…" - his wooded, misted, pure scent.

From there, giving in, being weak she offered a way out that ensured he'd be happy. At least then she knew he would be happy. But, the response she got was exasperated. She had no words left, because she understood all of it - she really did. She just… she was struggling to place where she was on this spectrum of love, of who mattered. She moved forward - burrowing her maw against his mane, pressing her forehead against his neck in the place Ettore had flashed to her that had no blood. So she could soak in his musk, she could fight away the hurt, and she could start over. "I love you too," she said, eyes squeezed shut, still breathing in his scent - forcing her mind to stop playing games with her, to keep her centered in the moment. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry I made you think I didn't understand… I'm sorry I made you think I didn't believe you. I do, I really do. I just…" she stopped - keeping herself from asking who mattered more, "It doesn't matter, all that matters is that you're alive… You're alive and I'll stay wherever makes you happy… I'm yours, after all…" There was a small pause as Ettore bounced and chirped, accidentally hitting Rasta on the head with his wing, "And I'll always be, for as long as you love me…" Awkward? Maybe. True? Most definitely.

Good job, Rasta. A plus. But, hopefully it worked. Because, really, if she had to say something else, she didn't know what else to say.

Rasta & Alleo

you're my end and my beginning, even when i lose i'm winning
'cause i give you all of me - and you give me all of you