the Rift

[JUDGED] It's So Cold In the D

Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers

Finally, some warmth. Too bad there was shitty sand, though. Oh well. Guess it couldn’t be helped.

I huffed down again, folding my legs underneath me even as you fluttered at my side—a delicate little monarch butterfly, your wings etched in a distorted pattern that didn’t quite look enough like the real thing. Still, though, you were soft and gentle, a rare sight in a season that pulled everything in grey and frost. Seeing you flitting about gave one the image of spring and bursting, blooming flowers dotting the landscape in every size, shape, and color.

Fruit, I called you with a sardonic snort. Fruuuuuuit.

I felt a tiny rise in indignation from you—and, with a little sputter of sprkcrack! and a wave of blue, electrical light, you emerged as a fat, shiny hornet, making your way with a furious buzz toward my nearest ear and making yourself a hellish (yet still kind of adorable) nuisance. I grinned and laughed, my ears pinning and my lips pulling back as I snapped at you. Gerroff o’ me, asshole, I thought, and you buzzed away and, in a snap of skrcrack!, you were robin flittering away from me, your breast proud and red in the evening sun.

You’d been doing this for a while—every chance you got, as soon as you figured out you could. It was such an amazing thing, and so sweet that it was starting to hurt my cheeks from smiling so much. And you loved it too—you felt so free after finally succumbing to such a natural urge of yours, the feeling of your body shrinking and growing, of bones snapping and muscle knitting and coming out of all of it as an entirely different creature.

Yeah, I’ll admit. There was some envy somewhere in the painful smile. Bite me.

But anyway, yeah. So here we were in a familiar place where fire burned eternally and the ground was laced with awful, shitty sand. It was warm, though—and with that fact coupled with your new power lifting my heart, I wondered if it would be enough to send me to sleep. I was starting to miss it.

So I laid down and I rolled to my side and I closed my eyes and I breathed as evenly as I could, as monotonous as I could, trying my best to lull myself into some sort of restful hypnosis.

It almost worked, too; the only things I could feel were the steady pounding of heat from the crater and the vague sensation of soaring that came from you as you winged your way away from me, exploring the skies and stretching your wings while you had them. Steadily, something black and velvety lay across my consciousness—and if I could just keep this up, if I could just keep my mind empty, maybe I could…

…maybe I…

clop,clop, clop.


I didn’t even see them but I could hear hoof-steps not too far from me, growing in volume like they were approaching, the harsh note of falling hooves against tough, barren ground rattling in my skull, shattering the velvet and making my head whirl with things--

Clop, clop, clop.

“HEY,” I screamed, my eyes snapping open and my body bending upwards, rolling to my feet and rocking into a standing position. “Yo, piss off I’m tryin’ to sleep!” But I could snarl and growl all I wanted to, and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference; sleep had been there, but it was snatched from me and my heart raced too hard and furious to ever get back to it. I was fucked.

I scream-growled in frustration and, with my blood rising to a boiling point in record speed, I charged for the brownish, feathery smudge in the distance, my horn pointed for the unfortunate bitch or bastard—as though chasing them away would somehow beckon the sleep back to me again.

[WC: 658
PC: 1/3

Location: Helovia's Heart, near the crater. Early evening, sun is just staring to set, dry conditions with some shrubs and loose rocks.

For @[Astrasza]!

Limited Timeline!]

Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Astrasza Posts: N/A
:: :: ::
Astrasza isn't out here for no reason..... ok, yes she is. Truth be told, she's lost. How does a pegasus get lost? Ya that's a damn good question. There's sand all over the place, she figured that she's still in Dragon's Throat territory. Yet no one's around!
She took to a slow, casual pace on the ground; her wings folded neatly against her back and a soft, gentle sigh emptied from her chest. That pretty much sums up Astrasza's day. Slow, quiet, easy going, no motivation to do much at all. Astrasza watches her feet as she walks, each step her foot drove into the sand which gave no resistance to her weight. Astrasza focused on her feet with child-like fascination, occasionally she pushed down harder to watch her front hoof drive the sand into a mount, with an exaggerated abrasion behind it. And occasionally she stepped down with precision, careful to avoid her foot sliding in the sand so when she lifted that foot she left a perfectly shaped crescent stamp where her foot once rest.

This is the effect the day's having on her, not depressed or melancholy, but instead relaxed and mellow. Rare for Astrasza's usual demeanor.
If only things were going to stay this way, haha!


What? Astrasza's peaceful train of thoughts are abruptly interrupted by a freakish screaming.

"Yo, piss off I'm trying to sleep!"

Who the fuck would wanna sleep in a place like this?
Astrasza turns her head to see a big hulking thing of a girl charging at her full speed and power. Overcome with shock, Astrasza quickly thought to kneel down on her front legs and fan out her wings over her head to make herself look larger. "Hey, hey, hey take it easy! Take it easy! TAKE IT EASY!" But Astrasza's words were in vain. With the thing's forehead pointing straight at her, it wasn't until the creature got close enough for her perspective to change that she was able to see the point of a horn develop. Astrasza barely had enough time to dart to the side of the little monster to avoid a deadly stab in the chest. But the tip of the girl's horn caught on the underside of her wing and sliced the soft flesh open. Blood splattered to the ground under her left wing and the new wound stung with pain.
You... bitch!

How DARE that whore! Hot, red hot Astrasza saw nothing but instant fury as the monster's stride took it under the shadow of her wing and her blood splattered a trail down its back. Her muscles tensed, her attitude changing instantly and she spun around to the lunged after the tail-end of the girl with all her might and fury. Her wings drop to the cup the ground as she moves. Her mouth opens and her teeth aim to take out the monster's short tail, knowing she risks a kick from those back feet, but Astrasza didn't care!
Bitch gonna fuck with my wing? I'll rip her fucking tail off!

[WC: 510
Attack: 1

Astrasza bites for Ros' tail]

Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers

I felt things tugging at me from all corners of my head—the feeling of feathers tugging and tearing themselves against my horn as it cut right through a curtain of a wing, while you tugged at the back of my consciousness, something fiery and worried working in your breast. I could feel you turning back to where I was, altering your course in the air—like you were gonna hop your little ass in the brawl. I gave a bleary mental snort at you: Stay out of it, stay away goddammit. This was my sloppy altercation and I didn’t wanna have to worry about your tiny haphazard behind getting crushed underneath huge hooves and even huger asses.

I’d told you to hang back before—when you were still stuck as the most adorable lizard thing ever, clinging to my face like you was glued there or some shit. Then, you had been happy to just hang around on a tree and watch me whoop wholesale ass—but you didn’t take it as well this time, though. I could feel something frustratingfrom you, grating against my nerves like something awful and off-key, and even though you listened to me and didn’t approach any closer, you weren’t none too happy about it.

I would’ve felt bad about it. I probably would later, after I dust this bitch. But I was in the middle of the dusting at that moment, and my brain had shut down into something hazy and crimson-tinted.

Your frustration kinda threw me off, though (I ain’t mad, I ain’t mad, I’m just sayin’--). I was preoccupied with you and I was passing the loud chick on her left side and her wings had been thrown up in some weird way that I wasn’t prepared to think about at that moment—I just sorta ran at her, into her left wing, and my horn cut me a path even as she shouted at me to take it easy. Uh, nah bitch, I had already been tryin’a take it easy when you ambled your fat ass into my space like that, disturbin’ my peace ‘n shit. It was too late for redemption; I was tired.

But then you threw a fit and I hesitated and I slowed my roll without realizing, my gait coming sluggish and unsteady in my exhausted confusion--and that was a mistake, because Bigmout Bitch was whirlin’ around and literally coming for my ass.

Before I knew it, I felt the sharp pull of teeth--sinking right into my tail-bone.

I screeched and I’m not sure if I said anything in there (AUGH BITCH, is probably what actually came out), but I think I got the sentiment articulated clearly enough. Immediately, I dug my hooves into the dusty ground, trying to bolt out of the grasp of the chestnut asshole who had the nerve to get mad at me. Her teeth were strong though—or long, or…something, but anyway they stayed fastened to my tail, all painful and pinching and rage-inducing. It wasn’t until I gave a little crow-hop that I was able to shake those teeth from my body; I felt the skin pull a little and that was sickening but I was moving too much and too fast to let it throw me off. I tried to travel a bit more forward so I could give another, stronger buck, this time intending to throw my hooves smack into her full face. I mean, shit. I know I had gotten mad at some kid at making a face shot—but c’mon! What else was I supposed to do? Bitch shoulda run away when I ran at her ass instead of held her ground.

And the more I thought about it the more pissed I got; so when my hooves landed from the buck I dug them into the ground to slow my pace—shifting my ass to the right as soon as I could, pulling a 180 so I could face this trick and knock some sense into her fool head.

[WC: 674
PC: 2/3

Recap: Gets bitten by Astra. Bolts forward out of Astra's hold and attempts to travel forward enough to time a kick towards Astra's face. Whirls around after she lands to face Astra head-on.]

Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Astrasza Posts: N/A
:: :: ::
Thank God these two are alone, Astrasza never claimed to be the smartest horse, but her gamble with fatty's back feet was a mistake. And it's downright embarrassing. She could taste blood, at first it was the metallic taste from the tail of her aggressor. But then it strode forward, at first resisting her bite with a mere hip buck. But as she lost grip of the tail she wanted so badly to rip off, a second kick was given. Astrasza knew it was coming, she knew this was a stupid place to be when she went in for a bite. She watched those back hooves come at her face, anticipating the kick, she threw her head back. But she's not quick enough.
The sound of bone on bone was heard, a chilling pop as the mare's hooves clocked Astrasza in the jaw. Astrasza felt pain in her jaw, and she tasted blood. Her mouth went numb for a second, and her body hesitated.
Astrasza licks at her gums, her jaw bone hurt more than anything else. She suspected no broken teeth, but damn. That fuckin' hurt.
Glad no one's around to have seen that, no one but this thing. Guess she'll just have to kill it so it don't tell anyone.

Astrasza finds the bitch facing her now, its body ready to move. No more hesitating, she can't let it think that it's won.
Astrasza's wings beat the ground furiously, kicking up dust and flinging sand everywhere. She hoped to cloak herself in the dust, confuse her aggressor. Delay the thing's next move.
As she does this, Astrasza lunges forward again. She hopes that she is quick enough to get her head under the monster's neck to avoid a stab from that sharp horn. In this motion she aims a bite for its left knee, despite the pain in her jaw. Her weakened jaw wouldn't be as effective on this bitch's fat, round hide. But a delicate knee. Bone and soft cartilage, wrapped in small vessels of blood and a thin layer of skin. She was going for forearm, no fuck that. She went straight for the joint. She wanted to force the monster down into a kneel.
Feeling uncomfortable with head-on confrontation from the horn, she wanted to force the bitch down. Put her in a kneel where she could more easily tackle it to the ground and avoid the horn. Or better yet, maybe it won't yield. Maybe she'll just bite into that knee and cripple the bitch instead.

Time the Dice Queen Posts: 144
OOC Account atk: 50 | def: 50 | dam: 50
Mare :: Other :: 5'7 :: 22 HP: 5050 | Buff: DROPKICK
@[Astrasza] -- Please remember to include your word count and post count (x/3) each time you post!

Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers

…Okay yeah, I’ll admit it. It was a dick move, a shitty tactic, but it felt great when my hooves made contact with her fool face; the feeling of something hard cracking against the edge of my hoof sent a thrill coursing through me, a spark of exhilaration that would have shamed me if I thought about it too much. I imagined her teeth clicking like mine had when I had been kicked in the jaw that one time; I wondered if the bitch bit her tongue. Served her right, goddamn.

But exhilaration’s the furthest I got. There was a whole host of shit I wanted to do as I turned to face her; I wanted to run at her, scream at her, flail my hooves at her again and charge my horn right into the fucker’s throat. I wanted to plow my way through her and wreck her shit and sink my teeth into her and wring my neck until she tapped the fuck out. I wanted to cause her pain; I wanted her to hurt and think twice about squaring up against me again. Shoulda just ran. Shoulda just left.

…But that’s all they turned out to be: Urges, wants, impulses. Nothing but desires, y’know, that whole thing. Because I was still tired and I had used a whole lot more energy than what I originally thought by jumping into those bucks, throwing those kicks, getting myself worked up over a mare whose name I didn’t even know. It all came crashing on me almost instantly; I turned to face her and I swear the world tilted, shifting before my eyes even though I wasn’t moving anymore—and I wobbled a little bit, unsteady on my feet with the sudden weakness in my limbs and the pant that was starting to pull at the back of my throat. Fuck. This wasn’t good; I was running out of gas and the fight was barely started. The bite sting on my tail started pulling a little harder and I was feeling it with a whole lot more clarity (which meant a whole lot more ow) and I swear I felt something trickle on my back that confused me, because I didn’t know she had bled all over me yet—I was just paranoid that she had hit me somewhere else that I wasn’t aware of yet.

It was this, more than anything, which forced me into doing some smart shit for once: I didn’t charge. I think this was the first time I had ever made the conscious decision not to charge someone’s ass. Not to throw myself into the fray. And it was weird and it set on my body in an awkward way, this refusal to act on my impulse to run this ho into the ground—but I resisted it, and instead I took a step backwards, watching her, anticipating her next move.

Her wings rose and fell all around her furiously and the dust started billowing and I started appreciating the wisdom of hanging back; I would have gotten an eyeful of the shitty, sandy dirt and it would have fucked up my already-fucked vision, but I was just far enough I could back away before it really affected me. But she was charging for me now, flipping the script in a twist of irony I wasn’t paying attention to, and I wasn’t backing up fast enough to get away from her fast-approaching teeth.

I aimed my horn for her face—but she dropped it at the last second in a move that confused me so hard I didn’t react to it fast enough. She was still going for me, but her teeth were aimed for my…knee? I’d never encountered that before; the fuck was a bite to the knee gonna--?

OW OKAY SHIT that’s what it’s gonna do.

I didn’t really anticipate how awful a bite to the knee was gonna be; instantly my balance was gone and my support was broken and I fell towards the ground before I could catch myself, my left foreleg folding underneath me to escape the harsh pull of those teeth. It was a split-second reaction; I was falling and her head was right there near my leg and as I tumbled to the ground, I aimed my own teeth at the poll of her neck, the force of my teeth and my neck raining down toward her—to bite her, drag the chestnut asshole down along with me, since I was gonna hit dirt. And—hey, maybe if I latched on fast enough, I’d smother her ass with all the weight of my neck and chest, falling on top of her since she wanted me to eat dirt so bad. Well then, bitch. Tell me how it tastes.

[WC: 800
PC: 3/3

Recap: Backs away fast enough to avoid dust cloud; gets bitten in the left knee by Astra. Loses her support and drops straight down toward the ground. Attempts to bite Astra's poll as she falls to try and drag Astra down with her.]

Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Astrasza Posts: N/A
:: :: ::
A mouth full of flesh, that's all Astrasza could think about. Her mind had gone briefly blank after she had moved for the knee, which she'd hit more out of luck than skill.

Now she's getting tired, tired of this crap. The bite down on that delicious knee was a move in her favor, but her jaw still ached. She couldn't tell if the blood dripping down the mare's leg was from Rosk's knee or her gums. Maybe if she's shown up to Ampere's training lessons things wouldn't have gotten this far. This bitch somehow would have decided she was just too badass to fight, or she would have stopped the attack on the first charge.

Pop, fap, fap, fap. CRUNCH!

But instead, here she is. Laying in the dirt with some mare only slightly bigger--but still tremendously fatter than she is, laying on top of the innocent chestnut.
Astrasza felt teeth in the top of her head and she went down.

Astrasza is tired, Astrasza is hurt, Astrasza is grumpy, Astrasza is laying in the sand with a fat ass on top of her. And for what? For waking this bitch up? For literally minding her own business? For scouting the boarders of her home?

You should tell Gaucho about this bitch.
And get labelled a weenie? Fuck that.
Astrasza cranes her neck and she bites. Neck, scruff, shoulder, flesh, anything she could get a hold of. Anything her teeth would clamp down on, and each bite was as hard as she could manage. Despite her aching jaw, she knew her strength was dampened. She knew this would make her jaw really hurt later.
But like hell is the fight ending with her being this fatty's bitch. Like hell is she going to let this bitch think that just because she's on the ground that she's lost the fight.

She couldn't get up, the bitch weighed her down. Her cut wing stung as dirt and sand was getting in the wound. It burned, but Astrasza didn't care. Astrasza knew she couldn't get up. But each second spent on the ground was another chomp on Rosk's neck. And if Ros moved, she's gonna get up, and she's gonna hammer this bitch.

WC: 372
PC: 3/3
Astrasza's laying down in the sand with Ros on top. She's chewing on Ros, because Ros is so delicious.

Roskuld the Sparklight Posts: 424
World's Edge General atk: 7.5 | def: 9.5 | dam: 6
Mare :: Tribrid :: 15.3 :: 6 HP: 82 | Buff: ENDURE
Zchiraxicon :: Royal Rougarou :: Electric Smithers

And there we fell, straight into the dirt.

It felt good to sink my teeth into her—well. I wouldn't say it taste good though, what with her hair and her sweat and all her shit getting in my mouth all swirled around—yeah, that part was gross, but it felt good to return the favor and chomp down on her skull, causing the same kind of pain on her as she had caused on me.

I had no balance, though—and yeah, I was still super tired, my whole body nothing but a weight I couldn’t lift and we hit the ground and I lost my grip with my teeth and there was a bunch of flailing underneath me and I tried to scramble my legs underneath me again but that knee was throbbing and fucking with me because who knew a bite to the knee could be so painful--

--and even when I found a grip I could stand from, there was teeth again—but this time it was from beneath me. It caught me off-guard because the bitch was on the ground--I mean, surely that had to meant a huge white-flag, right? You had to stop the fight at some point, right? But no, oh no, she was still swinging even when her ass was half-way under the ground and all the way covered in dust.

A little piece of me admired that, to be honest.

But it was such a small, small piece in the surge of exhaustion and bitter anger that she still had the audacity to attack me—and succeeding, because those teeth flew from nowhere (from below me, jeez) and clamped down on my tender throat-latch and even though I had been just about to stand on my feet, those teeth dragged me back down on top of her.

Blagh-bleghg-Bleghghg,” I kinda…choked, because teeth on your throat feels weird when there’s teeth chomping down on it. So I was stuck on the ground for a moment; I had wanted the bitch to eat dirt but now she was chowing down on my own flesh and I was trapped awkwardly flailing on the ground right down there with her and you flew above us, searching for me, keeping an eye and making sure I was okay—

--and when you saw my ass on the ground—well. The laughter in my head rang loud and clear.


[WC: 402
PC: 3/3, 1/1

Recap: Is bitten in the throat-latch by Astra. Falls back on top of her.

Good fight!]

Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!

Official Posts: 847
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
By my verdict: ROSKULD is the winner!

Realism [+2]
You have a good grip on realism with the attacks and dodges, and I really liked seeing the reaction you had to the knee bite, which definitely seemed like a real horse fight to me. I was disappointed to see you end your post just on the ground though, and with what felt like not enough injury given a damage roll of 5 - better closure would have helped, as that final post felt like they could have continued for several more rounds. I was also hoping for more usage and mention of the surroundings and breed/stat differences, even with them being pretty closely matched. Otherwise though, good responses and hits!

Emotion [+2]
I definitely felt like I was with Roskuld each time some feeling flared up for her, although I found it a bit difficult to believe she wanted to kill Astrasza just for waking her up from a nap.

Prose [+4]
Really excellent flow and wording all throughout your posts. Roskuld has a definitive style, but it’s not distracting from the body of the post.

Readability [+3]
Very readable and no grammar or spelling issues. Try to avoid using but/and to start sentences though, those are supposed to be transition words.

Finally tally: 49.5+(11*2)= 71.5 HP


Realism [+2]
You had some good moments of realism, but areas for improvement as well. For instance, I like the idea behind her trying to look bigger in your first post, but I don’t understand how her kneeling down would add to that effect? I also wanted more explanation of how she got up and dodged so fast, though I think taking the hit to the wind the way you did suited her damage roll and was realistic enough. However in your second post, a kikc to the face, at least the way you described it, seemed way more damaging than the 4 you rolled. Sometimes just a change in wording can make a difference though, like saying Roskuld just barely clipped her in the jaw, but it still hurt and so on and so forth, but your wording made it seem like she was kicked square in the jaw which is a huge deal - horses are very protective of their faces because they’re so sensitive.

“...fury as the monster's stride took it under the shadow of her wing and her blood splattered a trail down its back.” (mild PP, you can’t say for sure that blood dripped on Roskuld, only she can).

I liked that you brought up her hurt jaw again though multiple times, and how it would make her knee bite for Roskuld have less power. Also good use of the dust with your wings, though I wanted to see more mention and use of the surroundings and their breed/stat differences, especially since you did have the word count to fit it in. You finished the fight not standing, essentially pinned by Roskuld, which isn’t great, though i think it was realistic and your attacks in that position worked - this is the type of fight, with the way it ended at least, where I wish there was another post to see how they really finish it off.

Emotion [+1.5]
I definitely got hints of Astrasza in each post, but I also felt like I still didn’t understand all her motives and what she was feeling during the whole fight. I wanted more, but you were off to a good start!

Prose [+1]
Overall your posts felt very choppy and lacked a smooth flow between paragraphs or themes. Your imagery and detail was also lacking, making me crave for a lot more than was delivered.

Readability [-1]
I really struggled with each of your posts because they were littered with grammatical issues. You had lots of tense changes, improper comma usage, fragments, and just overall weird wording which made me have to re-read things multiple times. Similarly, but and and are supposed to be transition words, but you frequently use them to begin sentences, continuing the broken up feeling of the sentences. Try reading these posts aloud to see how your commas and periods and wording all fits together and whether it’s creating the pauses and breaks it should be.

There were too many to grammar issues to grab them all, but some typos are below.

“Astrasza watches her feet as she walks, each step her foot drove into the sand which gave no resistance to her weight.” (should be broken up into sentences, last bit is worded a bit weird)
“ the sand into a mount…” (mound?)
“...she spun around to the lunged…” (to lunge)

“But a delicate knee.” (fragment)

“Maybe if she's shown…” (she’d)

Finally tally: 43+(3.5*2)= 50 HP

Forum Jump:

RPGfix Equi-venture