Finally, some warmth. Too bad there was shitty sand, though. Oh well. Guess it couldn’t be helped. I huffed down again, folding my legs underneath me even as you fluttered at my side—a delicate little monarch butterfly, your wings etched in a distorted pattern that didn’t quite look enough like the real thing. Still, though, you were soft and gentle, a rare sight in a season that pulled everything in grey and frost. Seeing you flitting about gave one the image of spring and bursting, blooming flowers dotting the landscape in every size, shape, and color. Fruit, I called you with a sardonic snort. Fruuuuuuit. I felt a tiny rise in indignation from you—and, with a little sputter of sprkcrack! and a wave of blue, electrical light, you emerged as a fat, shiny hornet, making your way with a furious buzz toward my nearest ear and making yourself a hellish (yet still kind of adorable) nuisance. I grinned and laughed, my ears pinning and my lips pulling back as I snapped at you. Gerroff o’ me, asshole, I thought, and you buzzed away and, in a snap of skrcrack!, you were robin flittering away from me, your breast proud and red in the evening sun. You’d been doing this for a while—every chance you got, as soon as you figured out you could. It was such an amazing thing, and so sweet that it was starting to hurt my cheeks from smiling so much. And you loved it too—you felt so free after finally succumbing to such a natural urge of yours, the feeling of your body shrinking and growing, of bones snapping and muscle knitting and coming out of all of it as an entirely different creature. Yeah, I’ll admit. There was some envy somewhere in the painful smile. Bite me. But anyway, yeah. So here we were in a familiar place where fire burned eternally and the ground was laced with awful, shitty sand. It was warm, though—and with that fact coupled with your new power lifting my heart, I wondered if it would be enough to send me to sleep. I was starting to miss it. So I laid down and I rolled to my side and I closed my eyes and I breathed as evenly as I could, as monotonous as I could, trying my best to lull myself into some sort of restful hypnosis. It almost worked, too; the only things I could feel were the steady pounding of heat from the crater and the vague sensation of soaring that came from you as you winged your way away from me, exploring the skies and stretching your wings while you had them. Steadily, something black and velvety lay across my consciousness—and if I could just keep this up, if I could just keep my mind empty, maybe I could… …maybe I… …clop,clop, clop. Motherfuck. I didn’t even see them but I could hear hoof-steps not too far from me, growing in volume like they were approaching, the harsh note of falling hooves against tough, barren ground rattling in my skull, shattering the velvet and making my head whirl with things-- Clop, clop, clop. “HEY,” I screamed, my eyes snapping open and my body bending upwards, rolling to my feet and rocking into a standing position. “Yo, piss off I’m tryin’ to sleep!” But I could snarl and growl all I wanted to, and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference; sleep had been there, but it was snatched from me and my heart raced too hard and furious to ever get back to it. I was fucked. I scream-growled in frustration and, with my blood rising to a boiling point in record speed, I charged for the brownish, feathery smudge in the distance, my horn pointed for the unfortunate bitch or bastard—as though chasing them away would somehow beckon the sleep back to me again. [WC: 658 PC: 1/3 Location: Helovia's Heart, near the crater. Early evening, sun is just staring to set, dry conditions with some shrubs and loose rocks. For @[Astrasza]! Limited Timeline!] |
[JUDGED] It's So Cold In the D
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Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!
05-03-2015, 05:37 PM
Astrasza isn't out here for no reason..... ok, yes she is. Truth be told, she's lost. How does a pegasus get lost? Ya that's a damn good question. There's sand all over the place, she figured that she's still in Dragon's Throat territory. Yet no one's around!
She took to a slow, casual pace on the ground; her wings folded neatly against her back and a soft, gentle sigh emptied from her chest. That pretty much sums up Astrasza's day. Slow, quiet, easy going, no motivation to do much at all. Astrasza watches her feet as she walks, each step her foot drove into the sand which gave no resistance to her weight. Astrasza focused on her feet with child-like fascination, occasionally she pushed down harder to watch her front hoof drive the sand into a mount, with an exaggerated abrasion behind it. And occasionally she stepped down with precision, careful to avoid her foot sliding in the sand so when she lifted that foot she left a perfectly shaped crescent stamp where her foot once rest. This is the effect the day's having on her, not depressed or melancholy, but instead relaxed and mellow. Rare for Astrasza's usual demeanor. If only things were going to stay this way, haha! "HEY! What? Astrasza's peaceful train of thoughts are abruptly interrupted by a freakish screaming. "Yo, piss off I'm trying to sleep!" Who the fuck would wanna sleep in a place like this? Astrasza turns her head to see a big hulking thing of a girl charging at her full speed and power. Overcome with shock, Astrasza quickly thought to kneel down on her front legs and fan out her wings over her head to make herself look larger. "Hey, hey, hey take it easy! Take it easy! TAKE IT EASY!" But Astrasza's words were in vain. With the thing's forehead pointing straight at her, it wasn't until the creature got close enough for her perspective to change that she was able to see the point of a horn develop. Astrasza barely had enough time to dart to the side of the little monster to avoid a deadly stab in the chest. But the tip of the girl's horn caught on the underside of her wing and sliced the soft flesh open. Blood splattered to the ground under her left wing and the new wound stung with pain. You... bitch! How DARE that whore! Hot, red hot Astrasza saw nothing but instant fury as the monster's stride took it under the shadow of her wing and her blood splattered a trail down its back. Her muscles tensed, her attitude changing instantly and she spun around to the lunged after the tail-end of the girl with all her might and fury. Her wings drop to the cup the ground as she moves. Her mouth opens and her teeth aim to take out the monster's short tail, knowing she risks a kick from those back feet, but Astrasza didn't care! Bitch gonna fuck with my wing? I'll rip her fucking tail off! [WC: 510 Attack: 1 Astrasza bites for Ros' tail]
05-05-2015, 01:40 PM
Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!
05-06-2015, 06:25 PM
Thank God these two are alone, Astrasza never claimed to be the smartest horse, but her gamble with fatty's back feet was a mistake. And it's downright embarrassing. She could taste blood, at first it was the metallic taste from the tail of her aggressor. But then it strode forward, at first resisting her bite with a mere hip buck. But as she lost grip of the tail she wanted so badly to rip off, a second kick was given. Astrasza knew it was coming, she knew this was a stupid place to be when she went in for a bite. She watched those back hooves come at her face, anticipating the kick, she threw her head back. But she's not quick enough.
The sound of bone on bone was heard, a chilling pop as the mare's hooves clocked Astrasza in the jaw. Astrasza felt pain in her jaw, and she tasted blood. Her mouth went numb for a second, and her body hesitated. Astrasza licks at her gums, her jaw bone hurt more than anything else. She suspected no broken teeth, but damn. That fuckin' hurt. Glad no one's around to have seen that, no one but this thing. Guess she'll just have to kill it so it don't tell anyone. Astrasza finds the bitch facing her now, its body ready to move. No more hesitating, she can't let it think that it's won. Astrasza's wings beat the ground furiously, kicking up dust and flinging sand everywhere. She hoped to cloak herself in the dust, confuse her aggressor. Delay the thing's next move. As she does this, Astrasza lunges forward again. She hopes that she is quick enough to get her head under the monster's neck to avoid a stab from that sharp horn. In this motion she aims a bite for its left knee, despite the pain in her jaw. Her weakened jaw wouldn't be as effective on this bitch's fat, round hide. But a delicate knee. Bone and soft cartilage, wrapped in small vessels of blood and a thin layer of skin. She was going for forearm, no fuck that. She went straight for the joint. She wanted to force the monster down into a kneel. Feeling uncomfortable with head-on confrontation from the horn, she wanted to force the bitch down. Put her in a kneel where she could more easily tackle it to the ground and avoid the horn. Or better yet, maybe it won't yield. Maybe she'll just bite into that knee and cripple the bitch instead.
05-06-2015, 07:26 PM
@[Astrasza] -- Please remember to include your word count and post count (x/3) each time you post!
05-07-2015, 11:54 AM
Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!
05-11-2015, 09:00 PM
A mouth full of flesh, that's all Astrasza could think about. Her mind had gone briefly blank after she had moved for the knee, which she'd hit more out of luck than skill.
Now she's getting tired, tired of this crap. The bite down on that delicious knee was a move in her favor, but her jaw still ached. She couldn't tell if the blood dripping down the mare's leg was from Rosk's knee or her gums. Maybe if she's shown up to Ampere's training lessons things wouldn't have gotten this far. This bitch somehow would have decided she was just too badass to fight, or she would have stopped the attack on the first charge. Pop, fap, fap, fap. CRUNCH! But instead, here she is. Laying in the dirt with some mare only slightly bigger--but still tremendously fatter than she is, laying on top of the innocent chestnut. Astrasza felt teeth in the top of her head and she went down. Astrasza is tired, Astrasza is hurt, Astrasza is grumpy, Astrasza is laying in the sand with a fat ass on top of her. And for what? For waking this bitch up? For literally minding her own business? For scouting the boarders of her home? You should tell Gaucho about this bitch. And get labelled a weenie? Fuck that. Astrasza cranes her neck and she bites. Neck, scruff, shoulder, flesh, anything she could get a hold of. Anything her teeth would clamp down on, and each bite was as hard as she could manage. Despite her aching jaw, she knew her strength was dampened. She knew this would make her jaw really hurt later. But like hell is the fight ending with her being this fatty's bitch. Like hell is she going to let this bitch think that just because she's on the ground that she's lost the fight. She couldn't get up, the bitch weighed her down. Her cut wing stung as dirt and sand was getting in the wound. It burned, but Astrasza didn't care. Astrasza knew she couldn't get up. But each second spent on the ground was another chomp on Rosk's neck. And if Ros moved, she's gonna get up, and she's gonna hammer this bitch. WC: 372 PC: 3/3 Astrasza's laying down in the sand with Ros on top. She's chewing on Ros, because Ros is so delicious.
05-13-2015, 12:12 PM
Please tag ROSKULD in every reply!
05-26-2015, 01:26 PM
By my verdict: ROSKULD is the winner!
ROSKULD Realism [+2] You have a good grip on realism with the attacks and dodges, and I really liked seeing the reaction you had to the knee bite, which definitely seemed like a real horse fight to me. I was disappointed to see you end your post just on the ground though, and with what felt like not enough injury given a damage roll of 5 - better closure would have helped, as that final post felt like they could have continued for several more rounds. I was also hoping for more usage and mention of the surroundings and breed/stat differences, even with them being pretty closely matched. Otherwise though, good responses and hits! Emotion [+2] I definitely felt like I was with Roskuld each time some feeling flared up for her, although I found it a bit difficult to believe she wanted to kill Astrasza just for waking her up from a nap. Prose [+4] Really excellent flow and wording all throughout your posts. Roskuld has a definitive style, but it’s not distracting from the body of the post. Readability [+3] Very readable and no grammar or spelling issues. Try to avoid using but/and to start sentences though, those are supposed to be transition words. Finally tally: 49.5+(11*2)= 71.5 HP *******************************************
ASTRASZA Realism [+2] You had some good moments of realism, but areas for improvement as well. For instance, I like the idea behind her trying to look bigger in your first post, but I don’t understand how her kneeling down would add to that effect? I also wanted more explanation of how she got up and dodged so fast, though I think taking the hit to the wind the way you did suited her damage roll and was realistic enough. However in your second post, a kikc to the face, at least the way you described it, seemed way more damaging than the 4 you rolled. Sometimes just a change in wording can make a difference though, like saying Roskuld just barely clipped her in the jaw, but it still hurt and so on and so forth, but your wording made it seem like she was kicked square in the jaw which is a huge deal - horses are very protective of their faces because they’re so sensitive. “...fury as the monster's stride took it under the shadow of her wing and her blood splattered a trail down its back.” (mild PP, you can’t say for sure that blood dripped on Roskuld, only she can). I liked that you brought up her hurt jaw again though multiple times, and how it would make her knee bite for Roskuld have less power. Also good use of the dust with your wings, though I wanted to see more mention and use of the surroundings and their breed/stat differences, especially since you did have the word count to fit it in. You finished the fight not standing, essentially pinned by Roskuld, which isn’t great, though i think it was realistic and your attacks in that position worked - this is the type of fight, with the way it ended at least, where I wish there was another post to see how they really finish it off. Emotion [+1.5] I definitely got hints of Astrasza in each post, but I also felt like I still didn’t understand all her motives and what she was feeling during the whole fight. I wanted more, but you were off to a good start! Prose [+1] Overall your posts felt very choppy and lacked a smooth flow between paragraphs or themes. Your imagery and detail was also lacking, making me crave for a lot more than was delivered. Readability [-1] I really struggled with each of your posts because they were littered with grammatical issues. You had lots of tense changes, improper comma usage, fragments, and just overall weird wording which made me have to re-read things multiple times. Similarly, but and and are supposed to be transition words, but you frequently use them to begin sentences, continuing the broken up feeling of the sentences. Try reading these posts aloud to see how your commas and periods and wording all fits together and whether it’s creating the pauses and breaks it should be. There were too many to grammar issues to grab them all, but some typos are below. P1: “Astrasza watches her feet as she walks, each step her foot drove into the sand which gave no resistance to her weight.” (should be broken up into sentences, last bit is worded a bit weird) “...drive the sand into a mount…” (mound?) “...she spun around to the lunged…” (to lunge) P2: “But a delicate knee.” (fragment) P3: “Maybe if she's shown…” (she’d) Finally tally: 43+(3.5*2)= 50 HP | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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